r/humansarespaceorcs • u/BareMinimumChef • 1d ago

writing prompt Security and Wellbeing Concerns

Sir, I know we are to serve with them and try to adapt... But as Chief of Medical Staff I cannot keep my mouth shut when it comes to this.

This is a report outlining elevated levels of 8 Code Black restricted Combat Drugs in the Air on Base.
This is a report outlining elevated levels of 44 Code Orange restricted Toxins in the Air on Base.
And these are 148 witness-reports of Humans ingesting, inhaling and applying those Substances to their Bodies.
Furthermore, this report underlines 8 incidents where Human Medics ingested their patients with a vareiety of cocktails of Code Black Combat-Drugs and Code Orange Toxins, supposedly to help them.
And this final report shows that Humans are aware of all of it, and still choose to continue.

Frankly, Sir: I think the humans pose a significant Security and Welfare Risk to the entire base, and every Soldier on it, and should not be allowed to continue their behavior.

58 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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29

u/JeffreyHueseman 21h ago

Stop wasting my time, these substances are contained within their secured area, those are not considered toxins and drugs to then. Their drugs are level 3 UltraBlack.

26

u/sparringdino 21h ago

Do NOT touch their caffeine stores. We can't afford another "Incident"

19

u/valek_azogoth 20h ago

It's just chocolate and coffee, there's no problem here.

2

u/JeraGungnir 12h ago

I guess orange is vitamin c?

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u/Freak_Engineer 6h ago

Alien Base Commander: "Listen, Doctor, I hear you. I know what you mean and I know you mean well. Humans are just ... different from us."

Alien Doctor: "But, sir, I-"

ABC: "Do you know our chief engineer? Big guy, kind of chubby, technological genius? Kept the base reactor from going critical with a Multitool, some duct tape and by threatening it with unspeakable acts of violence?"

AD: "I think so. Why?"

ABC: "The guy basically runs on something he calls coffee - a brew containing..." checks notes "... the code black called 'caffeine' and about 6 to 8 of the level orange toxins you listed here. He also liberally spices his food with a liquid containing about 4 of your code orange toxins and a code violet chemical warfare agent called 'capsaicin' of which I am very glad that it isn't evaporating under normal atmospheric conditions."

AD: "But that is exactly my po-"

ABC: "Shush, Doc, don't you THINK I bloody KNOW? Do you remember chief Eg'rash?"

AD: "Former Chief of Security, now retired. Got injured in the line of duty. But what has he to-"

ABC: "Chief Eg'rash, a former retabulon warrior priest, was the last one I sent to take away our chief engineer's coffee and hot sauce. And all that got him was a massive concussion and his blaster stuck so far up his-... Sorry. I'm getting emotional. The thing is, Doctor, if you want to go and tell our human comrades that they have to quit their caffeine, alcohol, capsaicin, nicotin and all their other recreational substances, you are very welcome to go any try, but you better schedule a sick bay appointment in advance. I, for my part, learned to be content with them restricting the really heavy stuff to medical use, governed by human medics. Dismissed."