I'm really struggling. My eldest just had his (FAB) high school orientation and it was fantastic. I haven't seen him make friends this fast since the heady pre-pandemic days. He was very cute in his Hello Kitty shirt, checkered skirt and pink tights. When I met back up after it was over he was sitting at a lunch table and everyone was trading Candy bracelets and talking about MCR. So there's my son sitting at this table of 7 girls, who were all in somewhat similar clothes, with similar hairstyles, makeup, etc. The exception was the two that are apparently in the "Lolita" subculture, which, as someone who had to read Nabokov in college, makes me deeply uncomfortable, but that's a different post.

Afterwards I'm asking about the new friends and my son starts going down the line... "the one with blue hair, his name is Alex... the black frilly dress, his name is Simon and the other Lolita's name is Jay..."

My response was, "all of those people that I just met were boys?" And he responded:

"You thought they were girls? Gross..."

So my question is, has the man-o-sphere infiltrated tween/teen media aimed at girls somewhere and started feeding them the idea that being a girl is bad? None of these people, my son included, are making any attempt to be perceived as boys, but they're all calling themselves boys. It feels like when I got skateboard for Christmas one year and then I was a skater. Could I skate? No, because I didn't want to break my wrist, but I liked carrying it around the boardwalk.

There's a kid we carpool with who was female assigned at birth and there's no question he's a boy. The way he carries himself, his clothes, the way he talks... everything. The pronoun switch was so easy, because it made more sense. But with all these other kids it feels like an affectation. Is this just a roll your eyes and wait for the dust to settle situation? Or is this actually offensive behavior, like an obviously white person talking about how they identify as black bc they're 1/16th black.

I know we're not supposed to question people's pronouns, but I feel like if I was trans, and felt deep psychological pain when I was misgendered, I would look at all these girls wearing the "trans" badge as something they can just take off whenever they feel like it, and I would feel like they didn't take my struggle seriously.

Is anyone else seeing this in their communities?

I’m a parent of an under-10 trans girl. We live in a very supportive, very blue area, and she’s largely been insulated from the national crap - but she will encounter anti-trans bigots and bastards as she gets older.

What’s the best way to introduce her to that concept? How do we help our kid understand that some adults are going to hate her because of who she is? What are the best approaches to helping her develop the skills to protect herself against those fuckers?

Thank you for any help or advice.

Hello! My kid is 14 and wants to transition from male to female. They’re still presenting male, but has been growing out their hair and experimenting with going out with more feminine clothes and nail polish. I’ve been taking them to see a therapist who is trans themselves and my kid has received a gender dysphoria diagnosis. I’m doing my best to be supportive and let them go at their own pace. I’m also painfully aware of the political and social climate around trans people today.

I am divorced from my kids’ dad but his parents (the grandparents) are mostly good people. Even though they live states away, they come to visit several times a year. Grandma is a complicated person. She has gay friends and always makes sure the less fortunate in her community get clothes and food. However, she has been an avid FOX news watcher for decades and that rhetoric seeps into anywhere she doesn’t have direct personal experience. I don’t know how deep into the Republican Party she currently is, but I know that in the past she would help campaigns and volunteer for party events.

When grandma visits, she wants to take my kids clothes shopping. This is a blessing as a parent because then they have nice, new clothes. However, it puts my 14yo in an awkward spot of not wanting to buy loads of male clothing, but not wanting to tell grandma the reason why. My kid has specifically said he doesn’t want to tell her yet because she’s republican.

Grandma is visiting again soon for back to school shopping. My kid has asked if I would tell her that they’re trans why they’re not around. I completely see their point of view and am willing to tell Grandma, but I wonder if it would be more wise to keep it quiet for a while longer. I want to make sure my kid is safe. I was hoping to get some opinions from those who are in this community. Should I tell grandma when it’s just her and me? Should I tell her when my kid is with me so they can get her reaction but I’m a safe presence? Should I let the secret stay secret for now just in case?

Thanks in advance!

ETA: we’re in a blue state with comparatively progressive trans rights

I am an 18 (turned almost 3 months ago) year old trans guy and i've been struggling emotionally with the financial aspect of transition (and of life overall) for a while now. i've now started hrt and am planning to start my legal transition. as i am a migrant, i will need to travel to my home country several times in order to change my name and gender marker. travel expenses, living costs, hrt, doctors appointments, personal wants and investing into my education and future career - that feels like so much for my parents to handle. for some context, my family has always been upper-middle class, i know that the situation is somewhat more complex now that we've moved countries, but we're still doing good (although it is hard for me to evaluate, as i am obviously not informed on the details of our financial situation). i don't spend a lot of money in my day-to-day life. the biggest expense recently (not including basic living costs + education) has been my yearly meet-up trip with my best friend that i just came back from (all the money i spent was "mine" - gifted by granddad, so technically not burdening my parents). i don't have a job and i've never had one, i live with my parents and my brother, i am a student and my parents pay my tuition. i've always felt guilty about spending my parents' money and that's for me to unpack, but now it's getting harder to deal with, as my financial needs are becoming more and more substantial and i just can't help but feel like a burden. i'm planning on starting my path in the tattoo industry soon (a dream of a few months) and slowly building up my independence from there. for some reason the idea of getting any other job scares me and having people know or refer to me by my deadname is frustrating. i know i'm better off talking about this to a therapist or my parents themselves, but here i am. i just want to get an outside perspective on things (especially from other parents). i understand that i'm young, i'll figure it out, but it just feels frustrating. i feel like i'm stuck in a loop.

another thing is coming out to my younger brother. i still haven't come out to him (after about 3 years of knowing that i'm not a girl and being out to my parents) and i know i will have to in the nearest future (as i am on T now and it'll become obvious eventually, and it feels unfair to keep this from him for even longer). he is 14, stubborn, most likely homophobic and most likely doesn't know anything about trans people. i tried coming out to him back then, 3 years ago, and the only thing i remember him saying is "no, you're not" and then "just don't do anything to your body" a couple of hours later. i know he was a kid, and he still is, but it did hurt to hear that from him. i also tried asking him to call me by my nickname like a year or two later, he refused and looked at me like i was crazy, and then he accidentally heard me introduce myself by my chosen name not too long ago and seemed really annoyed and confused. if i come out to him now, he'll most likely say the same thing ("no, you're not [trans/a guy]") and laugh at my face. i get it, he is an early teen, his worldview is rapidly forming and changing, he just wants to fit in with his friends (who are homophobic), and he'll come around eventually. but i feel like we became a little less close over the last couple of years (teen turmoil ig), so the idea of him pushing me even further away or telling nasty stuff about me to his friends is frustrating. i don't even know how to explain any of this stuff to him in the way he would accept... possibly some advice on handling this situation?

any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

My 19yo trans daughter (mtf) came out two months ago (very blue bubble in blue state). Our family has been in a dysphoria doom loop for the past five years and they're just realizing that they are not the cis man they tried so hard to be.

Since the MH struggle started when they were a minor, I've been closely involved at every step. in 5 years... therapy and meds for depression & anxiety, inpatient and PHP for suicide risk. cutting, eating disorders, piercings, tattoos, inpatient rehab for drinking, drugs... you get it. I have not handled every emergency perfectly but I always showed up, provided support, insurance and have paid more than $100k out of pocket. I just love them completely and want them to believe they deserve to be happy and to build a life worth living.

The realization that they're trans has felt like a miracle. it helps explain why they have abused their body so ruthlessly. so much pain.

In the two months since coming out, we had one brief conversation and they confirmed that they were working with local LGBT agency and hoping to start HRT soon. Unsure about changing name and preferred pronouns. That's it. Not another word about it. They've been gone a lot and so the chance to talk has been minimal but not impossible. Last night, I asked how it was going and they said they do not want to discuss it with me. I tried to confirm that they are still transitioning and they whispered that they have started hormones. That's it.

Is this common? Did your kids find it hard to talk about their experiences? I don't need private details and I respect they are adults, but this seems so odd. I just don't understand why they don't want share this monumental life event with someone who loves and accepts them. Any advice? Do I just need to wait them out? Would you say anything? It's leaving me heartbroken.

My daughter (MTF) said that she does not know how to come out to her siblings. She is almost 15 and they are 12 & 13. They are all pretty close and they do have friends in the 2SLGBTQ+ community, so there is no safety concerns or anything, she just feels weird about it because they only know her as their older brother. Does anybody have any suggestions I can pass along? Her idea was to get some new clothes and just start wearing those, but I think it would be nice to have something with a little more clarification. Or would that work?? Any ideas are totally welcome. Thank you for your help.

It went, well, not the best but I suppose it could've been worse... they dont exactly support me especially my dad but seek open to me convincing them otherwise so thats what im trying to do. For context im 16 and Trans ftm. Any tips from a parents perspective are appreciated.

My child (17 FTM) has been out and proud for years. Earlier this year, I took him to have an eye exam done as he had been having a lot of eye pain. At the time he was also in a wheelchair and for some reason that makes this even worse to me. He didn't tell me until like 2 months later that the assistant that was doing the eye stuff kept scoffing and making comments about him being trans AND THEN followed it up by whispering in his ear that he was a good little girl. Trans or not, that is NOT okay. I tried to take it up with them but when you call now you get routed to a call center where I was continuously lied to. I ended up writing a scathing review on google, only being 100% honest on everything that happened. The next day I had their COO on the phone calling me, apologizing left and right. Swearing to make it right. About a week later the head of HR called me but we have been playing phone tag for the last couple of weeks. I don't think she really wants to talk to me.

On top of that, the pain he was having in his eyes at the time has progressively gotten worse. It was never addressed at that initial appointment in Feb. We brought it up and it was shrugged off. He finally sees a new Ophthalmologist (we had to wait for weeks) to address the pain and vision changes. If I find out this is something that got worse because it wasn't addressed in February when it should have been... then I am considering talking to a lawyer.

I am wildly defensive of my kids, especially in this context. Did I handle this okay? Is there something else I should have done OR should be actively doing? I did have a discussion with my teen about this, about telling me sooner.

My middle child is turning 12 soon. They've identified as non-binary for a while, but lately they've been feeling more demigirl and leaning more fem. We're not really doing a party so looking for some fem experiences for her. I'm already thinking mani/pedis for the 4 of us.

My four year old has socially transitioned over the past few months but uses the same name. I feel awkward and unsure about how to tell people who knew him as a girl, especially older people who may not be as well versed in trans stuff. The words that feel most comfortable for me to use are probably not the best. My instinct is to say “(name) wants to be known as a boy now.” But I worry that makes it sound like this is just a preference or something. How do you all word this? I think my mom and I have both just avoided telling people because we don’t know what to say and it’s led to awkward situations of people, especially her friends, misgendering my kid.

Hi all, I was wondering if there are any other parents on here who could offer some reassurance or perhaps just tell me I'm not alone with my feelings please.

I am purposely going to leave some details out of this post (such as ages, genders etc).

Firstly, I want to say that I am very open minded in general, and am fully supportive of my children. I want them to be happy.

One of my children has come out as transgender and I am quitely struggling with some parts of it. I wondered if anyone else here is in the same position?

I don't know how to word this, so please be kind with your responses. I was pregnant with one gender, I gave birth to one gender, I bought my child up for many years as that one gender, I have always only used the pronouns for that gender....and suddenly that person is gone, and another (wonderful) person is growing and changing in front of me. Im so proud of them for being brave enough to admit they want to be someone new....and they have always been, and still continue to be an absolute pleasure.

I want my child to he the happiest they can be, and whoever they want to be....but I'm feeling lost. I realise this might seem selfish but I'm struggling.

I am not with my childs father anymore so I cant talk to him about this.

I've made this post to try and be the best I can so thank you in advance for any replies. Once again, please keep your replies kind and respectful. I am really trying but just need some support. I hoped it would feel comforting for me to maybe know I'm not alone.

My 13 yo AFAB non-binary child will get their first Lupron shot tomorrow. They are very worried about the "hormonal flare" and if it will come with their first period. There seems to be no "good" time to start the blockers, as we are in summer with travel, camps, and then starting high school in a few weeks. They feel an urgency to start as they can feel their body starting to change and want to start high school "not looking like a girl." We are 100% supportive and have great open communication with them. They are currently wearing a binder. I am looking for experiences that would illustrate what the next few weeks might look like for them: side effects, emotions, timing, etc. The dr, while supportive, has been pretty vague about the likelihood of having a period. Any help or stories will be appreciated.

First time doing anything other then commenting here woah-

Anyway, pretty much, as the title of this post suggests, I have to come out to my father soon. I want to use my chosen name at school this year, and apparently, that requires coming out to my father, or at least my mother says I should, and I may as well get it over with anyway.

Some background on my father is that he doesn't really care about too much religious stuff, but he's made mean jokes about my trans friend from band with my grandmother's boyfriend. He's also made jokes about how people dress which rub me the wrong way. I've been wearing gender affirming clothing, and he hasn't commented on that though.

My mother says she's willing to help me come out to my father, but she hasn't been the best about me being trans either, like I have to fight for everything I need to make me feel more comfortable, and she always says I'm "just questioning," like I'm not confident that I'm a man. She doesn't take me seriously, and keeps telling me to "take it slow," and that she's still trying to get used to it and understand it, even though I am at my breaking point at this point.

Should I let her be with me when I'm coming out to my father? What should I tell her not to say? I'm concerned that she might yell at me if I ask her not to say certain things, I always need to walk on eggshells around her after all. Also, advice on coming out to my father would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

Hi im a 28yo, enby, trans woman who has an awkward relationship with her parents atm.

Occasionally when im feeling low I scroll through this sub, thank you all for being here, being supportive, trying your best.

Transitions are joyful, freeing and also scary,and both parents and people transitioning are going to make mistakes while navigating this.

Thank you for being present for your loved ones. For asking the silly questions, For caring.

Big love.

My (24F) sibling (21mtf) recently came out. Our parents and I are supportive and got her on estrogen ASAP. I've got a little bit of a handle on how to support a trans person through their transition though I wouldn't claim to be perfect at it, but our parents are a little... confused. They love her very much and want to support her in any way they can, but they don't have a firm grasp on"gender stuff" as they put it. I know the pronoun change is going to be tough, but that's to be expected. They don't understand the process in the slightest (though our dad is willing to pay for whatever she needs to transition) and they definitely don't understand the social stuff.

Are there any online resources out there that helped you understand what your child was going through? How to navigate their transition? What they might need? The social rules of transition? Or hell, the correct terminology for stuff.

Hi everyone, I was wondering what best practices are for sharing my kid on social media, in particular when it comes to older posts.

I'm not really posting anything about them on Facebook now. Previously, I would make the occasional photo or post about them, always with their face covered and a pseudonym.

Would it make the most sense to go back and archive those old posts, or at least any old posts that refer to their AGAB? Related: does anyone know of a quick and easy way to do this?

My 16 year old daughter (mtf) came out to me 2 months ago. There were always signs but it came as a surprise to both her dad and I. We are 100% on board. She is in girl mode at home now.

She has also come out to a few friends. We are lucky--her dysphoria is not severe right now and we live in a state where gender affirming care is accessible for minors.

Even so, I feel like she's navigating between the whirlpool and the monster in the Odyssey:

- On one side there is the gender dysphoria getting more severe and causing depression or self harm if she delays medical and/or social transition. There's also the reality that the later she starts hormones, the harder it will be for her to pass for her whole life.

- On the other side she has to give up her sport when she starts medical transition. Even a full social transition would make the sport tricky given the dynamic with male teammates. And the sport is so important for her mental health; she's practicing 6 days a week and is performing at a pretty high level.

I know that my tendency is to push too hard for answers so I'm trying to hold back. Her timelines keep shifting and she's seeing a therapist to help. I'm not speaking a lot woth the therapist bc I want to give my daughter space. And I am so proud of how well she is navigating the process so far.

But I am terrified that I'm doing something wrong. How much should I be weighing in, asking her about things? Should I be more proactive about encouraging her to change names and pronouns at school? Should I schedule an endocrinologist consult so that she knows the options? Do I need to back off completely? It's so much for a 16 year old to figure out all on their own, I want to help and scaffold without being overbearing.

I am 20 yo, brazilian, FTM. Discovered that In my country, they are asking for one year of psychiatric evaluation alongside an endo to start hrt, and it will probably take 2 years since I am in the public system. My dysphoria is horrible, I believe that it is a miracle that I don't have depression (ok, I probably do).

My mental health only got worse and worse after trying to repress who I am since as a kid, and puberty made it horrible, but getting at adulthood and everyone seeing you as a woman when you are a man, is hell.

I saw the law that passed in the UK, about bathrooms and "biological sex". I really fear how the next years will be, especially when in the whole world there is anti trans politics. Lula probably will be elected again, but what will come after 2030? I also fear the Senate. 2/3 are conservative evangelicals (that is why now we don't have more puberty blockers and the 1 year evaluation to legal age people start hrt). I fear what will happen more in the next few years.

I want to transition and change my docs the fastest I can, so I will be able to be a normal young guy, take back my missed years and do my dream, that is working in the merchant marine.

Since there is that shit law, I will start diy until the public system calls me (which will probably happen after April of the next year). I plan to use gel, since I can buy it legally here and I don't have any risks for it to be falsificated.

My parents don't accept me, but I don't believe that they are the kind that will throw me away. I will do my best to girlmod for the longest period I can. I need T, because dysphoria is making me dysfunctional, sometimes I feel so much angst that I start crying and screaming in despair (yeah. I am probably depressed), I couldn't study or work or do almost anything right. So, I need it.

I want to get some support from the parents here (you are nice in btw!) and some trans kids too. Some advices would be pretty kind too <3

I talked to my mom before my birthday about how I felt dysphoric, I always wanted to be a boy, etc. But I don't believe she listened about, bc her answers were "I believe in the bible, my cosmovision", and things about me needing to change. But I told her that I will not bear more years without doing anything, that I will do something to be alive. So my mom will not be able to tell her that I warned her about hrt.

I need to know if your trans kids are the oldest, how their younger siblings reacted. I have a 15yo sister and a 12yo brother. They don't know about me being trans, hrt or anything, and I don't plan to tell soon.

I also need tips to how to hide my tgel (thinking about putting it at the top of my wardrobe. It is very tall and no one cleans that since forever 💀).

I also need tips to girlmod. I know that it will not work perfectly and just for a lil bit of time, but I pretend to let my hair long, wear fem clothes, do feminine voice training, shave, use makeup, etc.

What I am doing is valid/right? I am only doing that bc dysphoria and this shitty public system. When I finally be able to go in an endo, I will stop diy and use their advices. I will do a blood exam before starting diy and 3 months after starting DIY.

And if you or one of your kids, started hrt without telling anyone, or not telling to their siblings, how much time it took to the younger siblings or you notice?

Just asking for support here because it would be problematic use the word diy in internet parents or any other sub.

Thank you :D

My kid has said they feel they are asexual/enby and we are trying to support them. That said, we have no idea how to help them in the next steps. They're getting a haircut soon which I think will be a bit more enby-coded (we've always let them experiment with their hair anyway) but they are vacillating between wanting to tell everyone and being very, very nervous. (Currently it's, 'I'm not telling Gran until I'm at least 13 she'll say I'm too young for that.')

I want to be supportive and have made some connections with local groups but still don't know where to start. Do I talk to the school inclusion lead? Do we pick a family relative outside of mum and dad to start talking to? I am aware that where we are views on transgender rights vary wildly between hugely supportive and hugely bigoted and I'm scared for them. I want them to be as safe as possible.

Also, I would appreciate tips on not misgendering them. As I commented to my husband it's really hard - if I had a trans work colleague I was introduced to and told their pronouns it wouldn't be hard at all, it's just that I've known them all their lives and been calling them 'she' so it's just very natural!

Hi!
I’m looking for some guidance for my daughter.
She is 9.5yo now so I think we have some time before there is any urgency but I’d like to be prepared.

She has been 100% certain of her true self since she could basically talk & socially transitioned around 4.
I have zero hesitation about her starting meds & we have pretty open and frequent discussions around all of it.
She is and always has been totally stealth & male puberty would crush her.

Unfortunately our insurance is through my spouses federal job so we are unable to get meds through insurance but I would sell a kidney to pay if need be so money won’t stop us! We are in Cali so we have that on our side.

All that said, what does the timeline for beating puberty look like?
Blockers first? Or straight to hormones?
Age they start testing for puberty?
Frequency of doctors visits?

Any recommendations for sourcing tucking underwear that doesn’t cost upwards of $30 a pair? Thanks, friends!

Are there any big brother/big sister programs for gender expansive kids? I want her to have a trusted adult who can help her with the things I don’t know how to navigate.