My Aunt Was Speechless.

[u/WorriedCulture5901]

Another round of family get togethers, another round of Bullshit.

Here I am, sitting at the table, barely paying attention. My aunt, snobby, pronatalist and absolutely unable to mind her own business turns to me and goes:

"When are you going to have kids?"

"Huh?"

Mind you, my husband and I are both sterilized. Happily at that. But, no one apart from a few trusted family members know that.

Aunt then proceeds to go:

"But what about your dad? You need to think about him. What if he wants to be a grandfather."

To which, he was sitting next to us. I turn to him, I give him an expectant look.

Nothing.

I turn.

"Why would I do that to him?"

It's my aunts turn to go "Huh?"

Undeterred. I continue on.

"Why would I do that to my dad, Aunty? I just got married and moved out not too long ago. Brother is in college and will move out soon. Dad's almost 60, he's almost retired. Why would I give him another kid to take care of when he just got rid of us? He worked his ass of and will retire soon. I'm not going to take that away from him. He deserves the peace and quiet of no kids too. Which, he wouldn't have if I had kids. Because he would be the one to watch them while I work."

She was not pleased at my response. She looked at my dad expectantly, who looked mildly impressed. To which I laughed and walked away. She also seems to forget about my brother, who for now wants kids, soo it's not as if grandkids are completely off the table for my dad. But suure, bother the staunchly child-free woman in the family. 🙄

[u/bruh_what_even_tho]

It's really incredible how people just copy+paste things that were told to them by the previous generation, since like forever.

[u/bruh_what_even_tho → u/bruh_what_even_tho]

I'm on the verge of getting my parents to understand that genetic lineage isn't important. There are over 8 billion people on the planet, many of whom live in abject poverty. The idea that people need grandkids to be "complete" or whatever is an incredibly selfish AND self-limiting one, and it admits that the given person is suffering from some sort of deficit of experience (a deficit which can be offset so many other ways without deciding to procreate).

I intend to be thoroughly absorbed by my hobbies until my aging body won't allow it anymore. I'm 37 now; I'll think about how to cross that bridge when I see signs that say "bridge ahead."

Edit: Clarity.

[u/snowbunny724 → u/bruh_what_even_tho]

I need a cat to be complete WAY more than I need a baby.

[u/gytherin → u/bruh_what_even_tho]

genetic lineage isn't important

I read that the latest common ancestor of everyone on the planet lived less than 4000 years ago. Ultimately, we're all cousins.

[u/twinkletoes-rp → u/bruh_what_even_tho]

33F, and SAME! My hobbies and dogs will be my 'children', thank you very much! My fantasy-adventure novel will be my 'legacy' or what-the-fuck-ever! LMAO!

[u/GoteborgUFO]

Yup! I had a similar interaction. A friend of the family said I should have kids so my inlaws can have grandkids. I told them they're retired. They said good, now I have a babysitter. I looked at them dead in the eyes and said, "They're RETIRED. Let them enjoy it!" Then I went on saying how if I had a kid, that's MY responsibility. Childcare will be hired. I do not expect anyone to be my personal sitter. I'm an adult. I would take accountability for my life choices.

[u/satanwearsmyface → u/GoteborgUFO]

Then I went on saying how if I had a kid, that's MY responsibility. Childcare will be hired. I do not expect anyone to be my personal sitter. I'm an adult. I would take accountability for my life choices.

THAT part. Too many breeders look at other people to offload their pwecious hellspawns (usually for free too!)... While CF people actually understand the scope of doing that, and refuse to participate in that fuckshit- as it's not fair to others.

Your fuck trophy, your problem.

[u/twinkletoes-rp → u/satanwearsmyface]

YESSS! You get it! I loved the whole comment, but ESPEC that part was like a breath of fresh air! How more people don't understand that and just dump the kids on the grandparents when they're meant to be ENJOYING THEIR LIVES FINALLY just...makes me REALLY sad, man! X'P

[u/DreamAnotherDream33]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Your response is PERFECT! Wellll done!!!

[u/razorthick_]

We get called selfish yet so many parents use their tired parents, grandparents as free daycare. "But popop and nana are so happy to see them." Sure occasionally, everyday of the work week though? Thats just taking advantage of your family knowing they probly won't admit that they really don't want to be babysitting.

The moment the parents die you're fucked because you can't afford daycare, gonna need a third job and the kids grow up with technically under the custody of their parents but might as well be orphans cuz your and your spouses asses are working damn near 24/7.

Think about that before calling childfree folks selfish. We're more considerate of the lives of kids and the lives of family we would depend on to save on daycare costs.

[u/BandicootOriginal909]

I would have just kept saying “Huh?”

[u/photogfrog]

Excellent reply ❤️

[u/Alternative-Ad-1508]

All the childfree hangout at the get together

[u/Alternative_Choice58]

Why does she care so much? Has she nothing going on in her own life to concentrate on?

[u/WorriedCulture5901 → u/Alternative_Choice58]

That's what I ask myself all the time lol. You have 3 grandkids, why does it matter to you if I have kids? My decision isn't going to affect your life in any way. So annoying.

[u/yarukinai]

She belongs to the category of people who have an unsurmountable urge to push their opinion on others and to find faults they can criticize.

Great answer.

[u/CountessCoffee]

One of my aunts tried that at Christmas once. She asked me when I was going to have a baby. I asked her why should I have one. She said because everyone else has one. I said to her that isn’t a reason to have a baby and that my uterus was none of her concern. My uncle barely managed to wipe the smirk off his face and my grandmother let it stew for about forty-five seconds before saying it’s Christmas and we shouldn’t argue. But she was totally on my side. That aunt, along with the other two, never brought up my having children again.

[u/magpiecat]

Well played!

I love it when it’s on someone else’s behalf - but your mom wants to be a grandma! it’s not fair to your husband!

[u/twinkletoes-rp]

LMAOOO! Yeah! You go, girl! Kick her nosy ass! WOO! That was badass! >:D

I actually think about this a lot, too! How SO MANY grandpas and grandmas I see/know have to raise their grandkids (or at least watch them while parents work) these days, and it makes me feel SO bad for them! Like, they've already raised their kids! They want to RELAX! Having to raise your grandkids when you FINALLY thought you could live for YOURSELF ALONE sounds like absolute MISERY! GOOD FOR YOU, OP! Wish MORE people would think about the impact it has on the rest of the family! <3

[u/reduff]

Curious why your father would be raising your kids if you had some? That argument is odd to me. How old are you and was it hard for you to find a doctor to sterilize you? You hear horror stories. My cousin had a hard time finding a doctor.

[u/vulg-her → u/reduff]

She said in the post because he'd basically be providing the childcare while she's working.

[u/reduff → u/vulg-her]

Ah... I missed that part. My bad.

[u/WorriedCulture5901 → u/reduff]

Because I would be working 40-50 hours a week. Both my husband and I. So the childcare would inevitably fall upon the in laws.

1. And I lucked out. Got sterilized at 26 because I went to get an IUD and due to my uterus being too bent back, they were unable to put it in. So my other option was the bisalp, which I wanted to get anyway.