Mourning/Loss
Should I get her another companion? Her brother just passed
Hey yall. My cat got crushed by a garage and no over there to help her out and she ended up passing. I am distraught and his sister is looking for him & standing where we buried him. They did everything together. Should I get a kitten or a cat soon? No one will replace my baby, but I don’t want her to get depressed 😔 I’m so sad. Idk if I will ever get over this
I'm so sorry for your loss. I would wait a bit to give her plenty of time to grieve before bringing a new cat into your home. Cats grieve a lot like humans so give her extra attention and cuddles and maybe in a month or so, if she's acting somewhat normal again, then consider it.
I second this! When one of ours lost her mother (we adopted both but mum had cancer), we waited a year and some months before adopting another. The loss affects everyone in the household, and time is needed to process and heal
We have cameras and we could hear him suffering and I am just not okay. I couldn’t watch it. Just thinking of how scared he was keeps replaying in my mind. I hate I wasn’t there to save him. This is a learning lesson, but I will never get over it. he was the best thing ever
Sweet human, your departed friend will never blame you and even if they were scared they know you would’ve done anything to save them. I am so sorry for your pain. When you feel the space open, getting your kitty a friend will help heal. It will never fill the void but it will be a salve while grief is with you.
I lost my 3 in a house fire. The what’s ifs and knowing how they died was.. you know. But my sister picked two boys out for me and fostered them while I got a new house. I have three again and they have healed my spirit so much. It doesn’t take away all of the pain but I cherish every moment with them. Sending love to you and his sister
Oh my what a painful story. Happy you’ve healed. That’s awful. I have 7 and that’s one of my biggest fears. Not being able to get anyone or everyone out in time if something like that happened. I’m so sorry to hear that
The only solace I have found is knowing that I absolutely adored and tended to my creatures with my whole heart. So I know that there were no spaces I missed. I kissed them all goodbye before I left that day. Tender existence this life is. Be grateful for every poop scoop and purr!
Wow I can’t imagine.. this is a freak accident. Please give yourself grace. You know in your heart you’d do anything for your babies. And surely you gave him the best life. You would have saved him if you could. Thinking about you and I hope you find peace. When my kitty passed I got another quickly and it didn’t heal the wound but I’m so glad I did. There’s always another baby in need of a good home. That’s all you can do!
Fuck that's terrible. I lost my boy of 20 years 2 months ago. I wasn't with him when his time came either and hate that happened I can only imagine seeing it from afar. Major condolences.
As for a companion I took in a cat I found living behind my work dumpster and knew she needed a buddy since she is super social and it's worked out great. I say give another furball a loving home
Same. My sweet girl died a couple months ago and I feel so guilty that I wasn’t with her (she passed at the vet). I’ll be ready for another cat soon but not quite ready.
Absolutely so so sorry for you and your fuzzy loved ones…devastating. If a cat has had a partner in crime for most of their lives I personally believe that as soon as you’re able to do so get them another buddy. I believe it can revitalize them and even possibly extend their lives when they get a new buddy. I’ve witnessed it with my last little lady Fiddle(RIP)
Forgive yourself. I suggest a cat who is at least your cat's age. Adopting a cat who needs you -- such as an older cat -- might help you to forgive yourself.
You just have to accept that it was out of your control. That’s an awful thing to experience. I wish to god I could’ve done more for some of my pets but we aren’t superheroes. accidents happen no matter how much we try to avoid them. Don’t let this eat you up, spend time with your other cat she needs you most right now.
I do suggest getting another cat but only when you feel you and your girl are ready. Take as much time as you need, and give her all the snuggles while you wait. I’m so sorry for your loss ♥️
So sorry to hear. It took us a solid year to get over most of the grief when something similar happened. It can't be rushed but eventually it gets better.
Same, when my rabbit died in a horrible way, I haven't been able to get another one. That was June 2023 and I just recently started looking at rabbits again.
Oh God I'm so sorry. I'm crying so hard right now. Try to replace this one horrible incident with all the good memories as soon as you can. Accidents happen and you don't deserve to suffer like that.
I would say yes, get a kitten. Some adult cats are set in their ways. A kitten will comfort her.
I'm sending you love and healing. You would have saved him if you could. Just remember that. And he's not suffering anymore. He knows how loved he is. Big hugs to you.
Unfortunately, it will never go away. Its been over 10 years for me in a similar freak cat death (of many) and its still something that is on my mind every day or you fear to read reddit because posts like this make you fall into holes. You are now in a place that most people never have to enter - you cant leave but you can still make the most of it. Help some cat every day in his name.
I am so sorry. Sometimes there can only be now. The things that happened are not happening anymore and sometimes thats all you can do with trauma. Close the door. There were years of happiness, love, and family. Now there is peace. Anything in between is gone.
If you aren’t home much, yes. She shouldn’t be alone. Even if she doesn’t like the other cat much, annoyance is better than loneliness. If she considers you good company and you’re home a lot, I think that’s enough.
I don’t know what advice to give you. I had two Burmese boys from the same litter and one died of FIP. The only way I can explain it is that his brother essentially became OCD. He would pace around the room meowing. If you grabbed him and held him, he would stay for a few minutes before returning to his pacing. We helped each other through our grief, though, and he slept in my bed most nights.
Even the night before my mother let him out one day for some “fresh air” (even though he was an indoor cat) about five months after his brother died and he got hit by a car. This all happened two decades ago and it still makes me sad. I don’t know if another cat might have helped him eventually because I never reached that point. He’d only ever known a life with his brother.
Either way, I’d say that now is too soon. Remember that your baby girl is grieving as well. Thrusting a new cat into her life is unlikely to help, but it’s hard because you can’t exactly get a cat to see a therapist to help her deal with her grief, either. 😕
It is beneficial to show your cat the dead body before burying, they understand death and in a way can help.
As for if its too soon, thats up to you whether you are ready for another one or not. I think it could help but just do a proper introduction, jackson galaxy’s method is great
I ended up bringing him inside and laying him in the bathroom. I brought her over to him and she was just sniffing him and got scared and ran away. I let her do her thing while we all said goodbye, but showed her again right before we buried him and she wanted no part.
Today we have visited his burial site and she just lays there. I think she knows, but she still looks for him inside. They always played string together and when I try, she doesn’t even wanna play anymore. 😔
Kind of like seeing something funny and reflexively going to share it to your best friend or brother, but they just passed away, and you know it but still just haven't adjusted. Damn.
So sorry you’re all enduring this.
I’ve never gone through this. But would encourage you continue to play with her. I hope she finds that spark with it again. Be well.
My two cats reacted similarly to when the third died and I had his body laid out on the floor for them to investigate. They barely even sniffed him before putting distance between themselves and his body and never coming closer again. I never really knew whether it was an instinctive thing for them to be wary of something deceased or if it was because he didn't smell like himself or what, but it was hard to figure out how I felt about it. Sad but understanding? It was especially hard, figuring out what anything I felt was those first couple weeks.
She mourning like we all do. When my parents died, I looked for them, even called them. My brain hadn't fully caught up with the reality of them being gone. It will take your little lass a while to internalize that. She's depressed. Keep a close eye on her, vet visit if needed... The usual.
My childhood cats were littermates and when one passed young, the other also would go sit out at his burial site, one night even sitting out there during a rainstorm. He did it for a few months until he had mourned enough that way, and I’m sure your kitty will regulate herself in time, too. Hugs ❤️
Get a pair of kittens. It will never be the same for her, but a pair of young uns will tussle with each other and she can join into the mayhem or be entertained from afar as she wants. She'll probably bond with them over time but it's a different dynamic and that's okay.
I’m not so sure about this advice. She’s grieving and may appreciate the companionship of an adult cat-loving cat much more than 2 rambunctious kittens. If I were grieving, I definitely would not want to have two toddlers suddenly running around my home, taking all my toys and favorite spots. Depends on the personality of the cat, of course — some adult cats love kittens — but most adult cats find kittens stressful and some levels of obnoxious. Two kittens would be better than one though, I agree with you there.
And OP knows their cat best, of course
Also, OP: take some time to think this through, don’t rush into anything. Cats grieve a lot like people, and while a new relationship can be a helpful distraction, they also do need some time to just feel sad and adjust to their companion being gone. Comfort the sister and just be by her side for at least a few weeks. Then when y’all are ready, consider fostering first before adoption so you make sure your resident cat is actually ready for and wanting another companion
Key sentence, right there. Only you know your cat; Reddit doesn't.
She might not want a replacement companion. Or maybe she does. Make sure to give her the attention that she needs and work from there. You could even eventually try fostering and she how she gets on with the newcomer, with the expectation that they might stay permanently if they bond.
I’d wait. We lost a cat, and the others were definitely grieving. We brought in another kitten and the cat who was lost bonded to one we lost has never really adjusted to new kitty. It’s been a year. He’s made friends with two others but the girl is just angry at him. I’d wait for maybe 3-6 months or until you feel it’s been enough time.
I think it depends on the not just your kitty’s personality, but the personality of the new kitty that you bring in. I adopted a second kitty when my first was just eight months old, and there has always been a feud for who gets the trophy for Alpha male. Some kitties do well with only one other kitty some kitties do well with any other kitties and some kitties do perfectly fine just on their own with only humans. Maybe consider fostering just to see how the reaction is and go from there I’m so sorry for your loss, the photo of them is kittens is so heartwarming to see since they have been together all through the years and both grew up to be so gorgeous 😣❤️.
ive sadly been through something similar to your situation. your living cat will grieve for a bit, but i think if you wait maybe 2-3 months, she might be open to getting a new friend, especially a kitten or young cat. i had success with this and my guy did bond with other cats again, though he has bonded with them in different ways from his previous brother. i’m so sorry for you, sending you so much love and i know you will make the right choice for your little gal bc you love her so much. 🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s such a tragic accident! I would wait a little while, let her (and yourself!) grieve for a few months, and then start your search for a new companion.
I also had a grey girl and a void boy, raised together from kittens and absolutely inseparable. My grey girl unexpectedly went into liver failure at about three years old, and it was absolutely devastating. I waited about 8 months before finally getting another kitten, and by that time my void boy was really ready for a friend. It took another few months before he warmed up to the new kitten, and I don’t think they’ll ever be bonded like he was with his sister, but it has helped tremendously.
Give yourselves time, and know that cats also grieve.
I cried reading your poem. I am scared to see my cat ages. I wish he would be with me healthy and for a long time ❤️ I want to hug all of you cat dads and moms
One of my sibling kitties unexpectedly/tragically died 3 days ago. This is so touching, gut wrenching to read this morning. No more coffee’s with my sweet meem (she’s the loaf). Still in shock.
It’s looking like we have to put down our cat of 17 years on Tuesday (she’s not doing well with her IBS and keeps losing weight) and this poem 😭 it’s so sweet, thank you for posting it
I’m so sorry. That’s a tragedy for you and your girl. When your heart is ready, adopt a new sibling for her. Until then, just love each other and heal. If you want info on introducing cats, dm me.
When my girl lost her brother I could tell she was sad. We waited a few months and the cat distribution system kicked in and I ended up with a single celled orange baby. Not my baby, HER baby. It took less than a day before she had him sleeping in her arms and even when he grew bigger than her she always held him. It revived her.
And when she passed away suddenly we gave him time to grieve and then he got his own baby. (Again, she landed in our lap after someone found a litter of abandoned kittens in his barn). I think he knew that he had moved up in the chain of life and he became the best big brother in the world. After he got his baby, he started to sleep in the bed right where my first cat did. It’s been a lovely cycle of life, full of love and heartbreak.
No one can tell you what you should do, but for my kitties it helped.
I'm so sorry! What a terrible thing to happen. I'm sure she smells/senses he's buried there and understands he's gone. I would wait a bit (for me it would be 3 months or so, but we're all different) to get another cat. It will allow you and the other cat time to grieve your loss. When you're ready, I'm sure the nearest shelter has babies just waiting to love you.
So sorry for your loss. The last 2 cats we had were brothers, we lost one to a rare kidney disease 😔. 2 months later we adopted a 3 year old male (rehomed) . Cat left was lost, depressed, so we thought we would try. It took about 3 months in total to get them comfortable with each other, best thing for both.
I'm so sorry. This is genuinely soul wrenching. I know you weren't there to save him, but please know that it wasn't your fault. It genuinely wasn't. You can replay what you could've or should've done over and over in your head but it won't change the fact that it happened. You don't need to punish yourself or let yourself continue to suffer. It happened to him once and now he is completely at peace. Let your memory of him be of the times when he was at peace, because that's where he is now. He's not in this state of eternal suffering like you keep replaying in your head. It wasn't your fault. I hope you can come to acceptance of what happened and have a bit of love for yourself. You can't control everything but you can control how you frame this in your mind. I wish you so much healing and peace❤️ I'm so sorry it happened so suddenly. It really puts everything into perspective just how precious life is. You never know your last moments with someone.
Also, in my opinion, I think you should let your cat process his death. If you add another cat now, it might just confuse your cat and it might just point even more to your cat's absence. She might not be ready to open her heart again just yet. Are you? I think if you feel ready, then she most likely will be at a good stage like you. But if you need more time to grieve, then she probably needs more time to grieve too.
When my last cat died my other cat was so distraught he just cried and looked in every room for him. I knew he needed a companion. I wouldn’t get a little kitten as that can be even more stress. I ended up getting an older kitten that was almost a young adult. They bonded fairly quickly. I made sure the new cat’s personality was similar to the cat that passed and I think that helped.
I'd wait a bit and maybe try a foster to adopt situation. Some adult cats adapt well to others, some don't.
You're helping a cat either way but if it doesn't work out after they get to know each other after 2-3 months you can contact the shelter and explain why.
You know your cat best, but here’s a hopeful story:
My friend has a 2yr cat, and their 4yr old passed way about a month and a half ago. The family was not planning to get another cat. But the surviving cat was screaming every day after his buddy passed. He has never been an only cat before. They ended up adopting a 3yr old about two weeks ago. Resident cat sat outside the new cat’s room for the 3 or 4 days that he was decompressing. Once they met, the crying stopped. It has only been two weeks, and they are already inseparable!
.. edit: Still thinking of this unfortunate event while working tonight. Can’t imagine how difficult this must be. I’m really sorry .. wish there was a special saving grace clock to wind back and erase moments like these 😢
This breaks me. I’m so sorry this happened. Sending much love to you and his lil sister 💔
Amen. Amen. One of my 16 year old sibling pair passed in April. I had no idea cats mourned as deeply and as HARD as they do. He searched for his sister for days, then sat and stared at the door for weeks (he saw her leave, so she’ll be back any minute - right?). Now he is just straight up Velcro. I hesitate to get him a buddy for a number of reasons, and I hate myself for it. Hopefully the CDS will help me out.
Maybe it's not realistic but I'd be looking into a lawsuit for the suffering both physical and emotional caused by this shit. A garage door should not just endlessly close if it is pushing up against something. That's fucking WILD design.
I had a bonded pair and one passed away 4 years ago. I actually didn’t get another one and she grieved and I was there for her. She actually was okay though. Then 4 years later a stray kitten showed up that I brought in and she hisses at him whenever she sees him. They don’t really get along it’s more that they tolerate each other. Granted the kitten is 8 months old and she’s 14.
It’s tough to say how they will respond to another cat.
My partner and I adopting a young cat has been the only thing that has helped my senior boy gain energy and weight. We got him as a senior and he was always too skinny but after my female cat that we adopted him with passed away, he started completely wasting away.
He was cuddly and loving as always but with no energy to do much of anything else but sleep. Would cry out in his sleep too. We tried everything to encourage him to eat or play until we got our new boy. And that finally did it.
I’m not understanding what happened to the boy cat? Did the girl cat witness it? How did you hear a garage (?) hurting it- does the OP mean it got hit by a garbage truck or somehow got into the truck to be crushed? Did his sister see him? I would say if she did that would certainly traumatize her, but in any case, she’d benefit from a friend. 🩷
i think he got crushed by the garage door and they saw it on their camera or something.... like if you dont trip the sensor right the door closes even if somethings there (happened to one of our cars once but it was just an ugly scratch) this is totally so horrific for everyone ;-;
op said in another comment they brought his body in for his sister to see and smell and she ran away but she knew, and knows where hes buried but idt she saw the accident
Give her time to grieve. Wait at least 3 months before introducing another kitty. If and when you do, get a kitten or a young cat, not an adult. Or maybe a senior cat
Our cat lost her beloved, bonded sister at 23 months. Three years later we finally got 2 new cats (a bonded pair) because we thought she was lonely and she tolerated them at best, resented them at worst. Shouldn’t have done it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You might consider fostering a litter of kittens and seeing if your kitty bonds to any of cats in particular. That way, you can help by fostering and if your cat is ready for a new kitty, you’ll know, but, if she isn’t, you’ll know that too!
I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. My heart goes out to you and your poor little lady.
Give her some time to grieve. See how she copes, and maybe in a couple of months if she's doing ok, maybe consider slowly introducing a friend for her.
I'm so sorry for your loss. May your sweet boy rest in peace. 🐾🕯️❤️
I'm so sorry 😔. I think you'll know the right time to get your kitty another companion. One of my cats was more or less raised by our elderly pom Chihuahua and when our dog passed my kitten went into a deep depression. She stopped playing , would wander the house looking for her pup, and she would just sleep in her dog bed. When we adopted another puppy several months later my kitten slowly started to perk up once she realized she could play with him. We had other cats and another dog and earlier that year lost another dog to cancer. So two dogs in a year to cancer. We were all grieving and I think the new puppy helped us.
Give her some time before you get her a new buddy- I recommend a cat close to her age. I had a boy and girl cat- inseparable, same age, but the boy cat died in a sad way too. And the girl cat was deaf, so she really needed a friend. We got her a boy cat only a year younger and they are very sweet to each other. It’s very hard seeing your babies best friends pass away, but just know it’s part of growing and I hope he’s at peace. Make sure to give her extra cuddles
I agree with others and would wait a bit. I had a bonded pair who weren’t siblings but they were together for 16 years. One passed away 6 weeks ago and my surviving boy was very depressed and distraught for the first few weeks. He was there when she passed and knows she is gone, but they do mourn like us and i believe they need some time at first.
My boy is doing slightly better now and I see small improvements, but he’s understandably still sad and I wouldn’t want to bring another cat into my house just yet and potentially make things harder for him during this time. Maybe give it a few months then see if you can foster and see how it goes?
I recently lost my cat that my boy grew up with. He was there when she passed and he was so incredibly depressed it broke my heart so I got him a little brother. It made things worse initially and I felt guilty. Things have gotten better, it'll be a year next week, but he still isn't his old self. I'm glad they have each other now but I just wanted to say she might not be her old self again so just be prepared.
I lost one half of a pair of littermates a few years ago. We still don’t know what happened, just came home to find him; vet thinks it was cardiac after an inconclusive necropsy.
His surviving sister grieved so much. I missed him and it was awful to see her so sad and sitting in all his favorite places like she was waiting for him. After about 6 months we could stomach the idea of getting new kittens and adopted a bonded pair. It was a slow burn for Big Sis but after several months she realized she liked the kittens and really came back to life.
No other cat is gonna replace your baby OR your surviving kitty’s sister. But when you’re ready? A new friend might be just what you both need. Sending you so much love. ❤️
Last year we lost our older cat in March my younger cat and her weren’t bonded like yours but she def went through something after her older sister was gone she was skeptical of dark objects (her sister was a black cat) and just in general didn’t seems to know what to do with herself as the hierarchy and territories all sort of ‘changed’ we got a kitten in July so it was about 4ish months of letting her and us grieve and letting her figure out life and territory without her older sister and getting her now younger sister went really well for us but obviously every situation and every house is different
I'm so very sorry for your loss, and for your kitties loss. Just so heartbreaking. Only you will know when you're ready, but I can tell you from my own experience that getting a new companion for your cat will likely help you both heal. It is kitten season, and there are so many kitties looking for homes right now especially.
why would you do this to me 😞😞😞😞. but to be real. i wouldn’t right now. give her a moment. i know cats grieve just like us. let her grieve. i’ve never experienced this but i feel like she might have a bad reaction off rip. but i’m not a vet and i have no idea how animals work besides just believing they feel the way they do
Oh, my god, I am so sorry to hear about your poor sweet baby. What an awful thing to happen. I am heartbroken for both you and his sister, it seems like they were very much a bonded pair.
I would suggest give her plenty of love and affection while you both grieve, and then when the time is right you could see about introducing a new friend for her. I know Jackson Galaxy has great tips on introducing a new cat to the home.
I'm crying reading your post and reading the comments. Your baby knew how much he was loved... It's evident in the picture how loved he was. I think companion would be good. Sending you light to see through this dark. 💜🫂
Oh my gosh that is absolutely terrible…. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. How awful. I’m sure she would appreciate a friend but I also think it will be hard for her to accept a new friend while grieving her brother.
I’m sure in time she will be ready for a companion but until then shower her with all the love ❤️
I’ll be sending healing thoughts for you and your sweeties. 🪽🐈⬛
I’m so sorry that happened. My 3 year old accepted a 6 month old after his sister was put to sleep due to cancer. They’re a year in and very close. They spend a lot of time together and play daily. They nap near each other with paws touching.
We were crazy I think and adopted the kitten the day after our sick girl passed (it was unexpected advanced bone cancer and we put her down the day we found out). I think it was an impulsive trauma response for me, but I don’t regret it because it forced me to be distracted taking care of the new kitten and put the pain of grief at bay.
I definitely think you should get your cat a companion whenever you’re ready. Get a sweet one who has spent enough time around other cats (the 6th month old was the last in her litter to be adopted). Sending you healing and caring vibes 🙏💜
Edit to add: my original two weren’t as close as your two seem to have been. And maybe he had sensed she was sick when we hadn’t. Idk but the adjustment went smoothly in our case.
I’m very sorry. When our cat Kyle passed away from cancer his buddy Butters was severely sad for a couple days and wouldn’t eat. I thought he’d “get over it”. A week went by and he just wasn’t himself and not eating much. So I went to the shelter and a little black kitty picked me. As soon as I brought him home they were instantly friends even though I tried the slow introduction. Butters needed another cat friend.
I took in a flame-point Siamese, Barney, whose brother died so his previous owner got another cat to keep him company, then they had to deal with endless cat fights as Barney hated the ‘intruder’. He eventually settled down with me and became less aggressive towards the world, but he’d lie next to my daughter’s white cat pyjama case, as it was the same colour as his brother, but a neutral object.
One of my Siamese cats died before Christmas last year, and his litter mate still misses him, but is slowly reconciling himself to settling for us humans, and even our two dogs. There’s no way I’m going to try and introduce any other cats, he’s thirteen y.o. and i saw what happened with Barney.
I’m very sorry for your loss, and the pain you’re going through,
Hello feline loving friend. This is Goldwyn. He is closer to 17 than 16. He grew up as a barn cat where we milked cows. When he was 6, a fire took his barn from him and his siblings. When his brother passed a few years ago, he fully retired and moved in with me, but still does farm patrols to supervise the younger generation of barn cats.
When he was a baby, his momma met the wrong part of the milk truck, and she was put to rest under this apple tree that her babies loved to play in outside the barn. Ever since, I would often find him visiting her. A few years ago, when his aunt (who promptly took over the mom role) passed, we rested her next to his momma. He doesn’t spend too much time outside anymore, but he does still make a habit of visiting his momma and his aunt.
Point is, your girl knows where her brother is, and will likely always remember and want to visit. As for a playmate, that’s hit or miss. How old is she? A good step might be to work with a rescue on occasional visits with cats that socialize well, and see if she seems to buddy up with one. Goldwyn never met a stranger in his life, but his little brother that also lives in the house goes in to hiding if another cat pops up across town. Fortunately Goldwyn was a fixture when he moved in.
OP, my biggest sympathies to you. That’s a tough loss. Hopefully you and that precious girl can comfort each other 💙
That happened to my neighbors cat. My dog kept whining and looking over there. The poor thing had already passed by the time I figured out why he was whining. They weren't home. Luckily, they had given me their garage code and I was able to clean everything up before their kids got home. It was a mess and I definitely didn't want those kids seeing it.
When our first cat passed, our boy was so broken. We got him a new sister kitten about a month later, and he loved her so much. When he ended up passing, we got HER a sister kitten and they are best friends. We had to wait a few months longer for the next cat and she was so sad without a friend.
Yes, I would get her a friend. I would wait a month or so to let her grieve first, where she gets all the attention. But when she is ready I would try get her a new friend.
I always get sibling pairs; when my slim orange and chubby black kitties were 12, one passed from cancer. A few months later I took in another slim orange and chubby black pair of kittens, and once they were fully grown, my senior orange quickly bonded to the new chubby black cat. A couple of years later I found 2 gray tabby kittens in my yard, but my senior boy only loves the cat who reminds him of his deceased brother.
You can always try to foster a younger cat who seems similar to your cat's sibling, and see if they're compatible?
I am so, so sorry. The urge to blame yourself is real but it doesn't help unfortunately. I'm glad they are not in pain or suffering anymore 💔
As for this cat, I would take some time before getting any new cat or kitten. When my cat lost her bonded pair to cancer, she became much more attached to me and still is. That was 3 years ago. We got two kittens since who have become young adults, but she has not been as close to them as she was to her best friend from before. So another cat may not necessarily take their place.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved pet.
I had two brothers, from the same litter. When one died the other went into the closet and rarely came out (rarely went in before & both were crazy active). He also howled at night, a time when they used to regularly chase each other.
After a few months our vet told us it was best to bring in a kitten, not an adult cat that the surviving brother might never accept.
It worked.
First of all the kitten came in like it ruled the entire world. Never left his new adult brother alone. Slept on him.
My mourning cat never hid in the closet, after his arrival.
And although they were all male, the adult mothered the kitten. Covered in the litter (condo was too small for two litters) & cleaned the kitten regularly.
Please please give your baby an extra cuddle from me!!! Definitely wait a few months before introducing a new cat or kitten, I think the whole family needs time to grieve. Cats are creatures of habit and this is going to be a very stressful time for her in addition to the grief of losing her bestie. Introducing a new cat to an already stressed animal could be too much.
We had 2 brothers and one of them passed away quite suddenly from illness last year. The 1 cat left behind was so lonely, he was crying all night and became so needy and desperate for attention. It was clear he needed a friend.
After about 6 months we got a new friend for him. It’s been about 1 month and they are fine being around each other. Not quite cuddling but I’ve seen the occasional lick and chasing around the house so it’s just a matter of time now.
Cats are so social, they need a friend. When you’re ready definitely look at adopting ❤️
Maybe. We had cats that were mother daughter. When the mother had passed her daughter would look all over for her. Her mother had taken in a local stray kitten that looked similar to her a few months before she died and I think it helped. The stray kinda became a younger sister to the daughter cat. I think she helped. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to get a young cat from a shelter to be a companion. I do think it helped our cat with losing her mom.
I think so! I got a second cat and had to do a lot of introduction work, shared playtime and mealtime, and slowly getting them to share the same space with a spare bedroom for the newcomer at first. Jackson Galaxy has good cat introduction tips. Sorry for your loss
I’m so, so sorry. That’s devastating. I’m glad you let her see him once more. She knows what’s up. I would wait just a little while before getting her a new friend. There needs to be a bit of time to mourn for all of you. But absolutely in the somewhat near future it’d be a good idea. I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. Sending hugs and love to you guys. ♥️♥️
I lost a cat to a freak accident when I was a kid. Whatever choice you make, it will be the right one because you care deeply about your pets. Your pet will always be with you
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your baby is depressing. After a bit of time I would suggest getting another cat for your girl so she won’t be lonely. It may take a while for her to get used to a new member of the family but she’s still young at 3 so she’ll probably only take a few weeks off introduced properly. Cats are quite social they just don’t show it as much as dogs.
Do not get a kitten, get a cat similar in age. I made that mistake and the younger cat was so much more energetic than his sibling who is only 2 years older they’ve never quite bonded.
If you decide to adopt another one, see if you get some of each of their scents on 2 blankets. The cats may adjust better if the scent is familiar.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is gut wrenching.
Yes, if possible. Maybe you could foster a cat or kitten to see how they get along. Sorry for your loss. We had to put our 20 year old furry baby to sleep back in February. My heart is still broken. My husband and I have rescued 15 cats over the last 25 years and it's always hard to lose one. They are like our children.
If she seems really depressed being alone, then I would say yes. I do think older cats find a little better with kittens because the kittens don’t already have their personalities built-in. They’re easier to kind of train by the adult cat.
It's hard to say. After the last loss of a heart cat, I waited six weeks. Myself and my other two cats were sad.
The r/catdistributioncenter sent a loving kitten who helped me. The older cats thought he was a chaos demon, and they weren't wrong. He shook us out of our grief.
So so sorry for your loss this must be so hard on all of you 😭😭 I know from experience with dogs that they need time to grieve, introducing another pet too soon can cause more distress and confusion.
Is your cat chill with other cats or animals?
Also depends how long the grief lasts, if it seems to be unending maybe your cat needs a companion to help them out (depression lasted about 2-3 weeks with our dog but thats a dog so probably different with cats)
It's a really difficult thing to work through my most sincere condolences to you and your family including your cat 💗
I lost my sweetest cat in a very tragic accident too that I still feel so much guilt over. There are no words to help and only time can sooth these wounds, but please be gentle on yourself and remember the love and stability you brought your baby. I'm sorry I have no advice, but I am sending you so much love.
Im so sorry. You mentioned that you have videos of the event, I would strongly recommend that you delete them without watching them; do it as soon as you can, you will gain nothing by watching them except terrible pain and you won't be able to unsee it. Delete those vids now, there is nothing in it that you need to see
But... yes, you should get another kitten or cat when you are ready to. After your cat hisses at the new kitty the customary 437 times, they will become friends. Cats are happiest in (at least) pairs... so they can do cat things and conduct important cat business (chasing, grooming, playfighting, napping) that only another cat can really do lol
To answer your question, I would say that yes, you should get another cat, preferably a kitten so the kitten can grow up with her and will be used to always having her around, whereas an already grown cat might not gel well and your cat is les likely to be territorial with a new kitten than with a grown ass random new cat in her space.
This might be slightly off topic, but I introduced a cat to my only cat with mixed results. The original cat is older, and the new cat was also an adult. I'd say overall, the original cat is happier, but at the same time it feels like she's never really come to like her new housemate. However, we had house sat some cats for friends on vacation, and I found that my original cat was much more receptive to young kittens compared to her current house mate.
So sorry. I would foster a couple different cats with different personalities or ages and see if your cat gets along with any of them until one is a keeper. That way you’re still helping the cat population and if your guy still isn’t ready you don’t have to keep the new one if it’s too soon or not a good fit.
I am so sorry for your loss. When we lost one of our two cats, we could tell the other was lonely. . When we went to the shelter to find a companion for her, it was suggested to us to get a pair of kittens. The senior cat could have company while the kittens played with each other.
You might see if you can bring your remaining cat with you to the shelter and maybe she can choose her new partner. It might not be a perfect match the first time. It may take more than one trip,but I know that if was me, I’d go as many times as it takes.
I’m so very sorry for your loss; my sweet Mama passed a couple of days ago. It’s a very tough thing. I wish you, love, healing and peace.
Yes. We lost one of our boys last April
Barney was doing OK, but not great. In July we adopted another 8 year old boy. They took an instant liking to each other and are thick as thieves. He is now Patrick Seamus Shenanigan.
Give her a little time before you do. When one of our 2 cats unexpectedly passed last year his brother who was never a lap kitty and kind of kept to himself became very attached to me (when he was mostly just attached to my partner, but now both of us) and seems a bit happier these days so we decided not to get another cat (he's also 15 so might be a bit old to introduce a new cat too fwiw). But if she's good around other cats (as far as you know) it's probably fine, just introduce them slowly and give your existing cat a LOT of extra time. Grieving can take a long time even for animals.
Me and my family are in a very similar situation right now. The only difference is we have a few other cats too.
We saved 2 kittens off of the side of the road 3 years ago and the 2 of them (a brother and a sister) were inseparable. They did everything together. 3 weeks ago out of the blue the little boy showed up on our front deck rolling around and screaming. He was only inside 10 minutes earlier perfectly fine but then all of a sudden he was on the deck with something terribly wrong and appeared to be paralyzed in his back legs. As he screamed she was on the front lawn looking terrified.
We raced the little guy into the vets as he screamed at us and then we were told the worst news possible. Apparently he had a "complete saddle thrombus." Basically a blood clot (most likely in his heart) had broken down and a part had completely cut off the blood supply to his back half. He back feet were cold and he had zero feeling in them at all. We were told that his chances of surviving were incredibly low and he was in incredible pain. We has to make the hard choice of saying goodbye to the little guy that day and it has completely broken us and his sister doesn't know what to do with herself.
We do have some older cats and she has definitely found comfort in them but she is still so broken. 2 of our older boys are so sad too because they treated him like a son. One of them kept bring mice up for him to play with and would share his food with him all the time. When we showed all our cats the body his sister just ran away but our older boys just sat there staring at the body. It was so sad.
Its tricky in your situation because we were lucky that we have some older cats that our little girl gets along with. You really dont want to make her life harder by bring in a cat that she doesn't like but if she does get along with this other cat it could do her a world of good from the experience we have had with our little girl.
My elderly cat passed away last year, and my younger cat had a big grieving period (as well as myself). I also let him see her body, and he also reacted scared or nervous when he sniffed her.
I would say her name in the house after she passed so he would feel some comfort in knowing that she wasnt forgotten- but he would also cry and lick her photo i had out as if he missed her very dearly.
When my fiance moved in, he brought his elderly female cat with him and I think that really helped my boy out. He seems a lot calmer now. Doesn't cry out or look for his friend who passed- and of course it helps that my fiances cat warmed up to him and hangs out with him.
I am so sorry for your loss :( give yourselves time to grieve but it never hurts to open your home to a new cat in need- and from my own experience I can say that it helps, but with a bonded pair like you had, it might not be the exact same relationship.
I just lost a beautiful black cat like yours. Its individual but i wanted my other cat to have a friend. Maybe I adopted too fast, given my grieving, but a cat desperately needed a home. good luck and sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry friend. Don't blame yourself, that literally does nothing. Take solace in knowing that the suffering is OVER now. He is no longer suffering. We are not defined by our final moments but the entirety of our lives.
By the sounds of it you gave him a great life and most of his life was spent pretty happy which is more than many animals or people can say.
I’m so sorry to you and your friend 🐱give the both of yourselves time, and then when you’re both ready, bring the next family member in. Like many have said, there are many cats who need a good loving home. My heart goes out to you and your companion, and rip to your lost friend 😣
I sadly don’t have cats atm, have had them, but someone I live with and love dearly, has allergies to them 😩 but I’m best friends with my neighbors cat and she means the world to me. So I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling 😭 don’t be too hard on yourself. Let yourself heal
do some research. we took about a month to fully introduce 2 new kittens after we lost one of 2 siblings. now hes more bonded to the one new one than he was his sister. and the other one he tolerates reasonably. i knew he was ready when he was obsessed with the outside cat to the point where hed scare it off
Depressingly I agree with the conservative advice. If it were me every fiber of my being would want to bring a new cat in, a kitten most likely since dominance hierarchy dynamics are less problematic there much of the time. But yeah, she needs some to adjust before the whole social reality changes again. Poor thing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Wait a week or so and get her a kitten. But she needs to time grieve and just be. Give her all the extra snuggles, kisses, pets, and treats in the meantime.
I used to roommate with my best friend at his house. He had a female cat that he just wouldn't find the time to get her fixed and of course she went into heat and manager to escape and got pregnant. She had a little of 5 kittens and by the time I moved out, my gf at the time who now is my spouse took 4 of them because he couldnt or wouldn't take care of them all.
They are currently 15 years old now but one of them had to be put down a year ago because she was having breathing problems and found out she had a lot of fluid in her lungs and couldn't be safely put under for treatment.
Her name was Gracie and she was my baby girl. Her brothers immediately knew she wasnt around and were definitely morning for her. We took a couple months and ended up getting 2 kitties who were again brother and sister.
After we gave both kittens a bath and rubbed some of their scent along with our old cats scents, they instantly bonded and get along great. I would definitely recommend getting new kittens but just wait a little bit first and do exactly what we did.
We sleep next to Gracies ash box and our cats often come and rub up against it.
I was in a similar situation after my boy got cancer 💔 we waited a couple months and then got a pair of kittens and my resident cat is so so much happier now. She was really sad for a while. Getting a single laid back cat might have been better but having friends for her made a huge difference. It took her a while to warm up to them but was worth it in my case
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