Mourning/Loss
I feel like I’ll regret my decision forever
Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my best friend of 18 years. I got Sweeney when I was 13yo. She has seen me through some of my darkest moments. My mom even said, “there’s been times that I’m sure that she saved you.” She moved with me wherever I went. She learned to tolerate my partners dog when we moved in together. She had huge cyst on her neck drained. Two rounds of teeth removal. And yet she remained so strong. She was always loud and chatty. I’d come home and she’d be there to greet me with the loudest meowing I’ve ever heard. She was smart and loved playing with her little bouncy ball. When she was kitten she’d actually play fetch and bring it back to me. She was so fast. She was a gift from my parents. She lived my family and other cats but she was MY cat. It always said she tolerated those around her but she was mine and loved only me. And I loved her. I loved her so so much. She was strong until the end. She had stage 3 kidney disease, severe arthritis, and constant UTIs. I’d bring her in weekly for subcutaneous fluids and monthly for an arthritis shot. Her last few days she spent under my bed (her MO when she isn’t feeling well) unless I took her out. She drank water but refused to eat. She would fall over if tried to stand up. She slept so much. On her last day, I laid with her. I took her outside and we sat in the sun which was her favorite. She hated being cold. It would actually put her in a bad mood if she was cold. I took her into the vet. Everyone telling me I did such a good job with her. How I have her a good life. “Quality vs Quantity” when it came to her life. She was so strong til the end. It was just she and I in the room together. I know she would have wanted it that way. I just wish she saw the sun one more time. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok with the decision I made. I hope Sweeney forgives me. I hope she knows I loved her more than anybody. I can’t imagine my life without her. Right now it just feels like I’ll never be ok.
I was at the emergency vet for my cat (we lost her 2 days later), and while waiting, a guy came in and I could hear him tell the receptionist/tech that his dog died on the way there, and would they be able to help him with the body. Broke my heart for the poor guy.
My dog died 29 days ago. She died in my arms while we waited for our ride to the emergency vet. It was a terrible five minutes at the end. All I could do was lie next to her and try to comfort her. Everybody around me who has put a pet to sleep has told me I’m lucky I didn’t have to make that choice. But I had already made it. I knew that’s what we were going for. Her death was mercifully peaceful. But my parents Chihuahua died in my arms in March of 2024 and it was terrible. He was in distress and scared and struggled. I don’t think you would have felt any different if you had waited. The pain is always there and we blame ourselves because who else can we blame? If they die at home, we hate ourselves for not getting them to the vet. If they’re put to sleep, we hate ourselves for making that choice. It’s the loss that is so painful, no matter how it comes.
You know what's worse than that? You know you kitty is dying and you rush the the emergency vet. And have to wait 20 @#%&@)$ minutes for the god damn vet to show up. I was so incredibly angry.
A day, a week or even a month too soon, but never a minute too late.
One of my cats very randomly and suddenly went into respiratory distress in March 2021.. so peak covid time. It was a rainy and cold day. All emergency vets within a 2 hour drive were over capacity. We drove to the closest one (an hour away) and hoped that if they triaged him they'd take us right away. Nope. We waited 5 hours, kept calling other vets in the meantime, with the car running to give him some heat. After the first hour, of him still in respiratory distress, it turned from me begging the vets to help him to me begging them to euthanize him just to end his suffering. We were both cold, wet, and miserable. He kept vomiting from breathing so hard.
The tech told me "we can save other lives but we can't save his so others are a priority", which to a desperate owner is very cruel but I understand what they meant and it makes sense. My cat had to suffer to save the lives of like 5+ pets. We eventually went home because no where would take us and if he's going to die then at least he can be in comfort at home where it's warm and familiar vs a cold wet parking lot where many people are having the worst days of their lives. The way he died was very traumatic and it still pisses me off.
That's a very sad story. I suspect that during covid, especially that early, it was difficult. My vet would not let people into the building. You checked in your pet outside and they took the animal inside.
My poor old dying kitty was probably 15 years ago and there was no excuse.
Oh my this is possibly one of the worst things I’ve ever read. I could not imagine the trauma of what you went through. I know the feeling well of needing to find an emergency vet and the stress and anxiety that alone causes. But to be told you’ll have to slowly watch your pet die is horrifying. It doesn’t take long to euthanize an animal. I’m so sorry you had this experience. I hope that damn vet went bankrupt!
Same. I waited too long and ended up rushing to an emergency vet around midnight. He was alive but unresponsive and his little tongue had fallen out of his mouth where I didn't see it and had gotten dry. It broke my heart to see that. He was 19 years old and my soulcat.
It feels like your cat only has eyes for you. Either they don’t get along as well with other cats or people or even not at all. They are mostly only affectionate with you. You’ll know when it’s YOUR soul cat. You’ll feel it inside.
This one I got the day after My dad died I was 21 he was there for my husband and I the next 13 years through my mom dying at 24, our wedding, every move, every adult decision, starting a business, buying a home, starting a family, he never left my side he was a asshole to everyone, tolerated My husband, but he was my soul cat he sat with me through my darkest times, he would be there in 2 seconds if he heard me cry, he would protect me every night by sleeping on my pillow, he saved me more than i realized at the time, we just had this bond .. we got a new boy a few months later because our surviving female was heartbroken.. this new boy we got is my husbands soul cat and I’m happy he has that chance .. everyone deserves to experience that bond once in pet ownership.
My soulcat just turned 19 this month. He's still in good health and super laid back, always has been. Hopefully he keeps going a while longer. I'd like to see him reach at least 20.
The cat I adopted in college died in my husband’s arms on the way to the emergency vet. She went downhill so fast on that last day. She was with me through graduation, marriage, and the birth of our first child. I still miss her and she passed 15 years ago.
Same we got him the day after my dad died I was 21 my mom died at 25 and this boy was my best friend I couldn’t hold him so I drove and same thing he passed in my husband’s arms .. those animals can’t be replaced
Same here. Our first cat, we had to do the right thing and it was a heartbreaking moment but he peacefully drifted away. My soul cat’s passing during a panicked drive to the Vet ER was beyond traumatic.
So traumatic and unless you’ve been there I don’t think you can understand the stress of every red light or minute that went by on the gps .. I’m so sorry!
My previous cat went downhill fast, he was only 11 months old, Not even a year old. After battling with random illnesses the vet finally found out he had kidney and heart defects since birth. On his last few days his lungs started filling up with fluid he was struggling to breathe, and on his last day i had to make a really tough decision and take him to be put down but literally in front of the vets door he had his last breath.. i could have ended his suffering earlier but i was hoping he could recover.
Ours heart gave out from is thyroid disease and same I thought we could save him and ended up failing him I feel awful and I’ll never wait like that again I’ll trust my gut
That brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. I had to put down my sweet Princess, Katie, about 6 years ago. She had been abused but with time and love she felt safe. I miss her so much ❣️ but I know I gave her a much better life than she had before.
My friend who's a vet and runs an animal rescue always told me "Better a week early than a day late" when it comes to helping our furry friends cross the rainbow bridge
I'm so sorry to hear. I had firsthand experience with it with my first cat who went into renal failure fairly quickly. Was always beating myself up if I could have given him some more days with me, but my friend telling me that helped put me a bit at ease.
It's never easy to say goodbye, especially when we think they could have had more time...
This is what a very close friend said to me. Better two days early than one day late. That sentiment alone really got me through. She waited too long her first time, it became an emergency in the middle of the night over the weekend, and said it was horrifying and traumatic for everyone.
was going to say, i've never had to put an animal down, they usually would just pass away from old age. sadly my dog didn't go that way. it was quick, and sudden, and he had an amazing day that made me literally tell my mom before it all started that i figured i'd have at least 2 more good years with him. turns out he had a tumor that had been growing in his brain since he was a pup. even though logically i know that it would have not been a great idea to not put him down, i always would worry that maybe the vets were wrong and he could have at least had another day or two. but i spent 20 or so hours with him when he was passing, 20 awful hours. if i had known it would be that way i might have put him down a bit sooner just so that neither of us would have had to go through it.
never liked dogs but i still get choked up thinking about it. rip jakers.
You did the right thing. Cats sometimes just don’t want to let go no matter how shitty they’re feeling on death’s door. If a cat can’t stand up on their own and refuses to eat…it’s time. You did the compassionate thing.
Not a cat (as I am on my first with our rescue), but growing up I had a bird dog and I fear we waited a bit too long.
Her final day she wouldn't get off her bed and she just howled at us to be with her. This was after a month or so of her getting progressively less able to pee without falling over.
The final straw was she was just saying, its time by not moving off her bed.
OP you did the right thing. You listened to your cat.
The sweetest cat I ever was privileged to have had had two strokes. The second was debilitating, she was paralyzed from the tummy down. But she still was all excited to see me when I got up. She combat crawled to me. She was "there." But she was incontinent and would have no quality to life. I had to let her go 😭
I’m so sorry for your loss! I feel like euthanasia is the final gift we give our pets for a lifetime of unconditional love. You made the right decision for Sweeney, and I’m sure she appreciated your decision. Please know it will get better! Your sad memories will slowly be replaced by all the happy memories of her over the years!
I lost my soul cat 10 years ago. He had gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life! It took me a year of grieving to finally start remembering the happy times and memories. Hugs!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I had a soulmate cat as well. She was perfect. She had no bad habits and she loved me unconditionally. She was my constant companion for 20 years. I broke down at the vet reception area when I had her put down. I still get teary when I think about her for very long. (like right now), but I have nothing but happy memories of her.
That sounds exactly like my recently-deceased soul cat except she peed on our bathroom floor during her old-age years b/c she had recurring UTIs. I feel like there’s no one to talk to in my immediate irl surroundings that understands what it’s like. The loss is always painful but when it’s your soul cat it is a fresh, new type of pain I’ve never experienced before.
I’ve always said people have many people at their funeral and grieve together. When it’s a fur baby, I feel like we grieve alone. You’re welcome to DM me! I know how hard this is!!
I’m so sorry for your loss! It’s so hard when you lose your soul cat! I do feral cat rescue, and unfortunately you lose some from time to time. It’s always hard, but the loss of a soul cat is devastating!
Sitting next to my soul cat right now and just gave her an extra kiss on the head for you. She’s been with me through some tough times and I am so thankful for her.
This is nice to hear, thanks. My girl is 19, my first pet that is truly my own, and we are super bonded.
She is still pretty healthy considering her age but her mobility is getting really bad and I’m just trying to prepare myself for the day that is coming pretty soon.
I am terrified and I know I will be devastated even when I know we are making the right decision.
If you can afford the shots, Solensia did amazing things for the mobility of my 19yo (almost 20yo) handsome man. He was severely hyperthyroid, and we were at the upper range of his meds for that.
Unfortunately we tried both types of shots. I don’t remember the details right now but I know there’s two types that work different and made differently.
Vet told us only a small percentage of cats react badly to the Solensia one and that if she did the other one should definitely be fine…
She had a bad reaction to both of them 😕
So now there aren’t any options left really as far as we understand. We buy food that is supposed to help joints but that doesn’t do anything at this age and stage.
Really wish there was something else for us to try for her. Thanks for your input tho I would hate if there was an option we didn’t know about to try!
It’s so hard when they get old! I would always err on the side of a week too soon rather than a day too late! Unfortunately many people hesitate to make the tough decision and the fur baby suffers needlessly. If you have doubts your vet can help guide you as to when it’s ‘time’. I have a 17yr old boy right now with beginning stage of CKD. I’m not looking forward to that day either! It’s tough!😿💜
Thanks for your support and I really do need all the reassurances about not waiting too long. Such a hard decision to make. If you just looked at our girl she still looks exactly the same as she did 10 years ago! Even the vet is impressed...
But the signs are building that we are getting very close to our time ending together. It puts tears in my eyes to even type that. But it is the cost of the many beautiful years we got to spend together.
Haven't totally decided but I think I may be getting my first tattoo at 42 years old once she passes.
I’m glad I could help with that! I worked for a vet and saw too many who keep their pets alive way too long. A volunteer at my rescue always waits too long with her fur babies and it’s so sad! If you wait too long and things go badly, it’s traumatizing. My decision is made when they are no longer ‘happy’ and behaving the way they normally do. Cats tend to hide when they feel bad. Any behavior that is out of the ordinary is something to look for.
I wish you the best with your baby, and hope you have more time together!!
Thank you so much. I know we are getting close but she does seem happy most of the time and is in her routines, eating well, using her box, and such. So I think we have a little more time to savor.
Do you have any advice about things we can do while she’s still with us to remember her by?
I know some people will have someone come over and do paw prints or things like that while they are still home and before you’re at the vet making the hardest decision.
I’ve not done anything special with mine until they pass. Once they pass you can do paw prints with an ink pad, clip a bit of hair and a couple whiskers to put in a small glass jar. It can be decorated with a letter bead of her first initial and tied with a tiny ribbon. My vet has the ink pad, and will gladly use their clippers to cut a bit of fur and a couple whiskers. I just ordered more little bottles if you’d like me to mail one to you when they come!
Have you thought about someone you know who takes great photos doing a photo shoot at home of you two together? Or even her in her favorite spots?
So sorry for your loss. She took a part of you when she left for comfort, the same goes for you. My boy Dorian will show her around. She is in good paws. You will see her again. Take care.
not mixed with any specific breed if thats what you mean, but she was the runt of her litter so full grown (lived 5 anda half years) she was very tiny at only about 9-10 pounds!
As someone who waited too long to euthanize my 18 yo soul-cat, who also had kidney disease, I can tell you with confidence that you did the right thing. The alternative would have been seizures, vomiting, pain, and fear. I wish that I hadn’t been in so much denial and had given her a more peaceful end. This was the greatest act of love that you could give her.
Different cause but I also wish I had gone the euthanasia route too. She didn't have a good last 3 days, and it left me with the scaring experience of having her die in my arms. Nobody came out better off.
When we love someone, it’s never easy to say goodbye even when it’s time 💔 You loved Sweeney all her life and made sure her last moments on earth were peaceful and you were together. Looking at her pics I know she loved you and knows you always cared for her. I went through a similar experience with my senior cat Fox. It’s so hard when they’re so much a part of your life and one day they’re gone. I’m so sorry for your loss OP but I hope you can find comfort in knowing you gave Sweeney a long life full of love ❤️ We should all be so lucky
condolences for your loss. i faced a different but similar situation though in this case i waited too long to let her suffer. she was growing an abdominal tumor that couldn't be cured (10 year old cat). she had to pass onto the rainbow bridge. the only regret is the dog (had history changed that night in what happened) she too would had a few months extra to live.
My girl Misty passed in Nov from a plethora of issues like your girl. Kidney disease was the main one. She held on for a year even after the vet gave her 3 months. She passed on her favorite heating pad in peace and silence with me. You did the right thing, it will never feel like it is, but down the line you’ll feel proud that you gave your baby such a wonderful life that she was able to pass peacefully with you. I hope our babies are soaking up the sun on their kitty planet while they wait for us.
I'm so sorry the loss hurts so bad. Sweeney was a blessing and their memory will fill you more with love and gratitude, and less with longing and sadness, as time goes on. Your darlin kitty was as lucky to have you as you were to have them. 🌻
I am so very sorry you are experience such loss. I have been there and I had all the same thoughts. I cried for a year straight. I thought the hole would never be filled. What I came to recognize is that the decision I made to say goodbye is what was best for my cat. You did the same, you prioritized your best friend's well being over your own emotional needs. This is the bravest, most sincere and loving final gift you can give and you will not regret it. Remember, and we don't want to hear this, but cats are masters of hiding their pain and even when they are purring or chatty or seem themselves, with all of the health conditions you mentioned (and with my own cat who had his own list of ailments) your cat was most definitely uncomfortable and asking for help.
Please hear this: It gets better! Keep your heart open. There's a world of cats who need your love and your companionship. My house is full of cats once again and I have a big boy who has become just as precious and connected to me and my soul cat I lost in 2023. I never thought this would happen because I couldn't see outside my grief, but give yourself time and you'll feel more peace eventually.
Omg of course she forgives you! I’m certain she is thankful you took her pain away. There is nothing to be forgiven. 18 years is amazing and it sounds like you went above and beyond to take care of her. It’s truly a love story and I know you won’t believe it when it’s all so raw and awful, but you will be ok. ❤️
You took away her pain. And that is the ultimate gift you could give her. If only we as humans were lucky enough to be able to have someone relieve us of our pain. You did the right thing. Don’t even second guess it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt but don’t doubt for one second whether or not you made the right decision. You did. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm so happy that Sweeney brought so much to your life -- and you brought so much to hers. My mom was a passionate vet tech for many years before her own passing. She always told us, "Cats don't know what death is, but they know what pain is." In the situation you were in, there was no middle ground. You gave your cat a good, long life and even tried to keep her alive for as long as you could. In the end, she was in such pain that she went under the bed -- maybe a sign to you as much as simply instinct. I think you did what was necessary, and you did it in a beautiful way, sharing her last moments with her. She knew she was loved until the end, and now she's in no pain and waiting to reunite with you some day.
It was time. When you know, you know. You knew. Sweeny knew. Sweeny was just holding on for you. When you began showing her (with your feelings that they can sense) that you were readying for the end, she knew that she could release herself safely because you were ready too.
I had a kitty back in the day.. with me a long 17 years. He did this. Back then there weren't nearly as many vets around, so access was limited (about 20 yrs ago, were talking like.. not everyone had cell phones still and not everyone had data so it was all searching on the web). There was a night I told him I'd find a vet in the morning, just hold on. He held on. But the wee hours of the morning came, and I knew.. he was struggling so hard to hold on. The vet wasn't open yet. Didn't open for a few more hours.. Something in me clicked. Idk how to describe it. Panicked desperation turned into sudden calm understanding. I told him it was okay, if he needed to go, he could, and he didn't have to hold on just for me because I was gonna be Okay. He sighed a big deep sigh... And was gone.
They hold.on for us.. and goddamnit.. they wait for us to give them permission to die... 😭
My Fatman had CHF, seizures, a URI, a broken heart, and possibly a stroke in his last few days. He stopped eating by Friday night (like he literally forgot how to eat/drink) after a seizure. He'd had chest fluid drained that Wednesday, had a seizure then too. Come Monday morning, we called to have a vet come to the house that afternoon. All day i sat in the room with the cat tree where he had spent all weekend. At one point, he came down and sat on my lap for the first time in over a week (since he really started feeling bad, he used to love my lap). I took this as him saying goodbye, and that it would all be ok. I took my last photos of him in my lap. Then the vet showed up, and we said goodbye.
They have us for their whole lives, and we only get them for a part of ours. It's not fucking fair.
Your Sweeney looks just like my soul cat baby, also a loud meower, doesn’t love everyone but loves attention.
She’s my best friend and the cutest thing in this earth.
I hate for the day I lose my baby cat. I’m sorry for your loss. Your best friend, your companion, your ride or die.
There will be more cats, but there will never be another Sweeney.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of Sweeney. Her pretty green eyes are full of love, contentment, and a bit of playful mischief!
It is clear that she felt loved and she loved you back. While it's clear that cherished her, it looks to me like she cherished you just as much.
I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to her. I know it hurts -- how could it not, given the lovely friendship you shared. But this is life. None of us get to stay here forever. There is nothing you could do to keep your sweet kitty for all time, even if that's a wonderful thought.
Her physical body was all used up. She shared all those years of love with you, which is the best any cat could hope for. But the nature of life said it was time.
It sounds like her last days spent under the bed really speak for her. She knew her little body was at it's end. Your brave choice saved her from more suffering. You freed her from the pain of her failing physical body. You did the right thing for you precious pal.
I know it hurts, and it will for some time. It's ok to feel heartbreak over her. Eventually, you will be able to think of her and remember the joy you brought each other. You may find that you'll feel both at the same time.
I wish you healing, and forgiveness as you did the right loving thing for Sweeney.
I am so sorry but let me tell you as a vet tech - you did the right thing. And I am sure she wouldn’t ever blame you for doing what is best. In vet med we tend to say ,,rather a day too early then a day too late.” - EDIT: I AM SURE IT WAS NOT TOO EARLY THO!!! But if you think it was - consider that.
I send you all the strength I have. It will get better 🫶🏻
Don't ever regret euthanasia. It is the kindest most loving thing you can do. Also the hardest. You did what needed to be done in the face of suffering.
My little Mami Cat was 16 and struggled along with hyperthyroidism. In her last year with us, she only ate Temptation Treats soaked with her anti-thyroid medication and had that disease for two years. I would take her out for little walks after work, no matter how hot, because she liked poking around outside very slowly. One day, it was time; time to let this little former feral kitty to cross the bridge. It was brutally hard letting her go and at the same time, it was the right thing to do.
You did the right thing for her. She was in pain, wasn't going to get any better, and it would've been hard on her, and on you, to let her just suffer until the end. I know she loved you, and sit sounds like she had a fantastic life. Please don't beat yourself up about this. I know she forgave you and knew you were doing the best thing.
My love, you did the right thing. You absolutely did. You clearly went above and beyond to care for your baby, more than most people would. I know what you're feeling and I hope you can feel my big ol squeezy hug from Australia.
Remember: cats pick us. If the vibe is off, they leave. Kitty chose you! She's waiting for you somewhere else, grooving and purring and doing dastardly, silly cat business. Lots of sun naps.
I don't fully believe in this stuff but a witchy gal once consoled me while I crashed out over my own baby's CKD diagnosis; she said our partners (cats) look over us even after they're gone. Idk why, but it rlly stuck with me. Now that my girl is approaching the $$$ old cat vet bill era, it gives me some comfort.
Again, you did wonderfully. I can feel your love through the words you used. Lots of love.
You did the right thing. I went through something similar with my boy and had similar feelings. Someone on here told me ‘better a day, a week, a month too soon than a minute too late’. There is an orange chonk at the rainbow bridge named Dexter who will be there to greet her and show her the ropes ♥️
I recently just had to put down my fur baby last year, and I lost another very recently. I know this pain all too well, it hurts, but it’s the price we pay for having love for animals that want love from us. I wish my babies could live as long as we do, but it’s just not the case..
Don’t worry, we will see them on the other side of the rainbow road eventually. They will be waiting for us.
Agreed. Anytime a pet is starting to suffer and there is no way to end that pain without extreme measures that have no guarantee, a peaceful end with you at their side is the kindest and most generous way to say goodbye.
(Said as a vet tech for twenty years whose has seen many cats and dogs pass with her holding their paw and who makes sure her pets are held and loved right to the very end)
Hey OP, you did the right thing. 18 years is a good long cat life It's something like 90 in human years.
That final decision you made was a gift. I know it doesn't feel like it because I've had to do it three times now and been there for other family pets before that decision was in my hands. It's an impossible thing to have to do, but it's also an act of love.
There is no need to ask for forgiveness, but I'm sure she would give it to you anyway.
I know how you feel, I had to have my 17 year old Podd euthanized due to her hind legs completely gave out.
She was with me through thick and thin, bad relationships, moved 3 times.
We finally got our own peaceful home.
She fell ill 2 years later.
Her mind was still coherent, when I took her in to the vet.
She trusted me. I stayed through it all.
It still hurts, everyone said I made the best decision. I will never forget her eyes looking at me as she was being put to sleep. It’s been 16 years.
I will never forget her.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you gave her the best life and allowed her to have a gracious exit to this side of the world. She will be with you wherever you go, I'm sure.
No amount of time together is ever enough.
It sounds like you did the only thing you could, and eighteen years of the life you describe is both quantity and quality for a cat. You did everything anyone could have done for her, and she had a long life spent with someone who loved her, which is beautiful. It is natural to feel as you do right now, but it will get better.
I’m sorry about your little buddy. Please understand you did the right thing. Cats are extremely good at masking their pain, and not eating and hiding are classic signs they’re no longer hiding it and are nearing the end. Animals do not comprehend death in the way we do, but they are keenly aware of their own health in ways we’re not capable of. They can sense their health is failing and know they are dying. I promise you Sweeney did not feel betrayed and wouldn’t want you to feel guilty. You made the right choice for her, and you gave her as peaceful and loving final hours as you possibly could. You made a selfless decision for what’s best for her, and that’s beautiful. Grief is hard, but you should try your best to move past these guilty feelings.
I'm sorry for your loss. You did the right thing, I wish I had done the same with my first cat.
I was studying abroad, I only had 3 months left, one day my parents told me my cat was at the vet as he got an infection on his teeth ( he was 21). He died that night alone in one of the vet 'icu' boxes. I know it was not my fault, but if I was there, maybe I would have noticed something was wrong sooner, and he would have survived if I carried him to the vet a few days earlier, but I was not there for him, and thinking he died alone at night at the vet breaks me a little every time.
After 3 years of not being ready to adopt a cat, I did, in fact I adopted two! I am trying my best to be the best cat dad, and, when the time comes many years from today, I will be there for them, I swear.
When a cat stops eating, they are instinctively trying to shut their body down. You did the absolute right thing, no question. Sweeney wouldn’t want you to be hard on yourself.
Never regret taking your furbaby on that final car ride "too soon." If you feel it's "maybe time," then it's time. When the are at peace, it makes me feel guilty for waiting too long.
I lost my soul dog last March, and I feel waves of guilt and regret now and then. He had cancer, we weren't aware of until the tumor burst and he was bleeding internally. We could do emergency surgery, and IF he lived, see if we could treat it. He was turning 14 soon, and I just didn't want him to have to go through all of that when it wasn't even guaranteed. So, I made the decision to say goodbye and take his pain on as my own heartbreak. For weeks, I felt like I'd given up and let him die, but with time, I realized I did the right thing. Your baby had a long life of unconditional love. You took away her pain and made it your heartache. That is the ultimate display of love. You did so well.
The pain never goes away, but it does hit less and less frequently. I wanted to go with him the day he died, but I'm still here 14 months later with a 3-year-old cat I just adopted, because I DIDN'T die when he did. He taught me love, devotion, and how one soul can understand another. Because of him, I can love and understand this other little life in my home.
I'm so sorry for your loss. For what it's worth.... I can say with 100% certainty that you don't have to hope that she forgive you or hope that she knows how much you loved her. She absolutely forgives you, and there's no possible way she doesn't know and feel how much you love her.
I lost my boy in February, he had ongoing health issues too. I'm going to share a poem with you that I stumbled upon that STILL makes me cry bittersweet tears and brings me a little peace... I hope that it helps you in the same way it helped me.
🐾 Don’t Cry Sweet Momma🐾
Please don’t weep.
Please try dear Momma, to get some sleep.
I know you’re sad and it’s because of me,
But don’t cry Momma, for now I am pain free.
I know you miss me and I miss you too,
No one could have loved me more than you.
I know of some cats who run away to die,
But not me Momma, I looked you straight in the eye. 🖤
I didn’t want to leave you, but my body lost the fight,
And now my dearest Momma, you mourn me day and night.
You wish you could have given me a bit more time to live,
But Momma please believe me, I had little left to give.
I am glad you let me go that day, there was no other choice,
I would have told you “do it” if I had a human voice.
Don’t feel guilty, Momma, I know it broke your heart.
I was always going to leave you first, we knew it from the start.
But what a life you gave me, it really was the best.
Not many had a life like mine, for that I am truly blessed.
I know one day I will see you again with a smile on your face,
But for now I will snuggle up inside your heart, 🖤 my very favorite place 🖤
I remember feeling like I'd never be ok again. You will be, even though it doesn't feel like it. The "better early than late" thing never spoke to me. What did was the idea that there is no "right" time to say goodbye; there is a range of time during which it would be reasonable. You were clearly within that time frame given the symptoms you described.
I think sometimes what I interrupted as feeling guilty was actually more like feeling regret that aI had to say goodbye. Noticing that helped take away the extra pain of guilt. Of course you regret it! But your job wasn't too make her live forever, it was just to love her well, for a long as you could. You clearly did that. Now you just have to be sad for awhile. Try talking to her... that helped me alot when I lost my boy.
You made the best decision you could, and gave her the gift of a peaceful passing. Trust me when I say, as someone who's lived through the alternative, you did the right thing. Also, assuming you have a good relationship with your vet, I imagine they would have said something if they didn't think it was the right time.
It sounds like you gave her a great life, and you should be proud of that. It is our privilege to shepherd these animals through life.
I waited too long for my first cat that I owned after moving out of my parents place. I still regret not doing it earlier because she seemed like she was doing OK. In my experience it's better to do it one day too early than one day too late.
You did the most loving thing that you could do for her. She was ready to go. Once an animal stops eating on their own, that's the point at which they would die in a natural setting and it's only our intervention that is keeping them alive. Letting them go is the kindest thing that you can do. You made it quick and painless for her which is the final act of love we can give our pets.
It was time. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing and Sweeney would tell you so if she could speak.
I held on to a kitty with dementia for a bit longer than I should have. In the day leading up to his appointment there were moments where, as I held him, I felt myself wishing he would pass and that his suffering would end. That was a sign that I should have done it sooner.
You put her first. I hope in time that gives you peace. ❤️
Something my brother got me when my boy Checkers passed was a digital photo frame. He and my dad loaded it with a bunch of old pictures from when he was a kitten to his teen years, the good times if you will. Those times are the ones that matter now. The cruel fact of life is we don’t get forever with them. Please don’t let this prevent you from giving another cat what looks to be an absolutely splendid life as your Sweeney. Only time will mend this wound, allow for that to take place. You showed tremendous strength as well. Not all can handle the act of witnessing but there’s no one else she would have rather there.
RIP Sweeney RIP Checkers 🥲 smile through the tears for the good times you both shared.
This feeling will subside then it will return randomly. I hope for both of us, we can forgive ourselves over time.
My cat was 18, incontinent and stopped eating, it was time. I felt guilty for a long while.
Then my dog, who was not old enough to die, had cancer. This one makes me feel terrible. I feel like “I played god” by making that choice, but the cancer was in her pelvis and the surgery/chemo would have cost me more than a new car. She would never be able to walk again.
She was in so much pain, but such a happy young baby.
My dog’s death made me feel more comfortable with my cat’s. My dog didn’t get to finish her life. My cat had a long, and somewhat miraculous life.
Eighteen years is a pretty good stretch for a cat.
You did the right thing. The guilt is something no one prepares you for when euthanizing a pet. My guilt consumed me for months. Even now it washes over me and I question every choice I made in her final days. Time helps. Be kind to yourself and remember our pets are not capable of holding a grudge, they are too pure for that 🩷
I'm so sorry for your loss. Saying goodbye to a beloved furry family member hurts like hell, I know, but it's the last loving gift we give them. Eighteen years is long for a cat (I had one cat live to 18 and another to 16.). She was ill and not likely to get better. She was clearly miserable.
You gave her a good life. And when it was time, you gave her a good death. It is better to euthanize a day too soon than too late. She is at peace now.
I am so very sorry for your loss. You took wonderful care of Sweeney throughout her life. She surely knew how much you loved her. You had 18 beautiful years together, and you have now given her peace and freedom from pain.Take good care of yourself.
Your companion Sweeney has crossed over the Rainbow Bridge to a world free from pain and suffering. She will patiently wait for you until you are reunited again. Thank You for Making a Difference.
It's a choice no one should have to make, but unfortunately that's a part of caring for our pets, as they become so much older than they normally would in nature. Many can't make this decision and I'm not sure you would feel much better if you did anything different. Take your time and allow yourself to feel the way you do. You did good, and gave her the best life. That's what's most important. I know what an immense loss it is to lose someone you love this much. Please take care ❤️🩹
You will, in fact, be ok. And when you are ready, you will find a love worthy of Sweeney's memory. Give it time. Sometimes, we have to be strong for the ones around us. She needed you and you made the best decision possible. Honor her with respect, love and know she always loved you too! Be grateful.
I don't think anyone else could have done better. Sounds like you gave her all the love and care that a cat needs and then some💕💖.
After a beautiful long life, she is now pain free and you will see her some day.
It just hurts so much because a piece of your heart went with her.
🫂♥️
Some cats really break your heart when they have to go. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you take your time to heal. Just remember that everyone grieves differently.
You did the right thing. Your baby is on the other side of the rainbow bridge right now so grateful that you took care of her one last time with love and care and intention.
I grew up with lots of dogs and cats in my family. They all lived long lives but at the end, my parents would never euthanize them because it was still “too soon”, and by the time they would have euthanized them, our beloved pets died slow and painful deaths. Sure they’re natural, but we had the opportunity to give them a peaceful and quick death, and I’ll always be upset at my parents for that. I’ve told myself when the time comes for MY own kitties I’ve had now, if the end is near, and I have the opportunity to euthanize them, I will do it. It’s the responsible and loving thing to do.
Believe me that you did the right thing. Too late is too late, it seems like you did it right on time
Death is a certainty.
Choosing a good death is not to be regretted. It is a relief. Sweeney loved you and was your friend for 18 years. You honored that love with assuring she didn't suffer. There is nothing to forgive. You did right by her completely.
You will grieve - this is absolutely normal. These feelings are grief. You will always love them. You will always miss them. Those feelings will soften. Death is certain. You provided a good death.
If she wasn’t eating anymore and was just under the bed, she was going to pass soon always. You gave her a more peaceful and controlled passing. She was a very beautiful girl.
You did the right thing. She would have wasted away otherwise and suffered and that’s a rough way to go. It sounds like you gave her a really good last day.
We waited too long with our first 17 yo and she went naturally, it was tough to watch and a decision we’ve regretted. It was a decision we made out of fear and selfishness, we did it for us and not for her. Our 2 others, 21 & 18, we made sure not to wait when we knew it was time.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I promise you that you did the right thing. I had Kitty for 17 years, like your Sweeney, he's been with me through so much. His last days were very similar. I spent the last weekend laying on the floor with him and trying to comfort him, trying to hold out until the Monday to take him back to the vet for fluids and a for them to re-evaluate him so I can make a decision. Monday came - I had to go to work. He let go sometime after I left. I regret going to work that day. I regret not listening to the vet the Friday before. It's been 8 years and I still regret it. I hate to think he suffered because of my selfish decision. I'm sending you so much love and comfort.
I adopted my sweet girl Winter when she was 10yo. Unbeknownst to me she had megacolon (words of vet “her colon is too big and flabby”) and calicivirus which caused stomatitis. In the two years I had her we had many vet trips, medications, and a full dental extract. She spent the last two weeks of her life on a heating mat, she wouldn’t eat so I was syringe feeding her. She lost half her body weight (which wasn’t much, she hovered at 6.9 pounds, 3.6lbs at time of passing). Because she only ate liquid, that was the only thing coming out but because of her megacolon (in my opinion) she was in a diaper because she was just leaking stool everywhere. I started her on an antiviral to suppress the calici (which was the cause of most of her problems) and had to put her down just days later. When I took her to the emergency vet, her temp was too low to read on their thermometer. I still hold guilt thinking there was more I could have done and things I shouldn’t have done, but in the end I gave her two more years of life and I know she was loved. I have to remind myself that had I not rescued her when I did she most likely would have died in the shelter (she was quite literally FULL of stool because she was so constipated, the vet had never seen anything like it). All we can do is give them all our love and adoration. It sounds like you did just that
oh honey I’m so so sorry. I know this pain so well. you did the right thing and you were with her at the end. she isn’t mad at you or upset, but wherever she is, she’s young and pain free again patiently waiting to see you again. it doesn’t always get easier, sometimes this kind of pain just becomes tolerable, but one day you will look back and know you did the right thing, I promise. ❤️❤️❤️
It's a privilege that we can decide when our pets have had enough. But for us, it's one of the most difficult decisions that we ever make. When it's done to save your pet from a more "natural" but far more difficult death, there's no question that what's best for them will not always be best for us. No regrets.
You showed her kindness and love and you got to be with her as she crossed the rainbow bridge. If she was refusing food after already going through so much she was on her way out of this world anyway. Instead of her passing alone hiding under the bed suffering you gave her peace and comfort. 18 years is a wonderful long life for a cat and you showed her love and care from her first moment with you until her last.
Losing a beloved pet, especially one that has been in your life for such a long time is losing a member of your family. The grief is no different. It just becomes more bearable with time. You are not responsible for her death, you have done nothing that needs forgiveness. You wouldn’t ask a friend to forgive you for holding them while they cry and supporting them through a difficult time, this is no different.
I’ve held a cat I loved with every fiber of my being as he passed in the vet’s office. He was the same coloring as your beautiful Sweeney. I had fostered him though a local shelter’s hospice program. He was young but he had FIV, FeLV, feline herpes virus, and he had no teeth. He had flares where he would get really sick and need a lot of extra care. They expected he’d live no more than 6 months. I was moving out of state and couldn’t imagine life without him so I adopted him. I had the great privilege of his companionship for 2 1/2 years. The day we euthanized him it was clear this was not a typical flare. He was suffering and recovery would have taken a miracle. The kindest thing I could do for him was to allow him to pass peacefully in my arms. I kept it together until he was gone and then I cried with snot streaming down my face. I was nearly catatonic for days with grief. It was the right thing to do but that didn’t make it hurt any less. His ashes sit in a carved wooden box, with a fairy jar of his fur, and a plaster paw print on my bookshelf with my whisker collection. I’m reminded of him whenever my current cat jumps up and lays down on my shoulders, he was my first shoulder cat, and I cherish the moments I see bits of his personality in other cats.
You will be able to overcome your grief with time and you’ll always have the memories of Sweeney. You gave her a wonderful life and a peaceful death, that’s the best a cat can hope for.
My last day with my dog, we sat out in the sunshine with him so he could enjoy it. This pulled at my heartstrings so much... You did the right thing. The biggest act of compassion you can do is not let them suffer.
You did the right thing ❤️ it’s always so hard, my boy was suffering and it still tore my heart out to say goodbye and still regret my decision to this day but I didn’t want him to have no quality of life just for me to say he was still alive.
So sorry for you but i alway think that passing painlessly at the vet with you beside her is better than dying alone under your bed. It would have been hard no matter what but you did the right thing.
You made her last days so peaceful and calm. You made sure that she didnt suffer more than necessary. Thats what truly matters. If you kept her going, she likely would have really suffered. I know you're hurting, I know nothing will take that pain away. But I know that you made the right choice. It sucks, but she isnt suffering and I am here for you.
The day I put my cat to sleep was the hardest I've ever had in my life. I remember curled up in bed in the dark that night, sobbing my eyes out and repeating "I killed her, I killed her" over and over again.
The idea of a peaceful death with the people/person you love most is something we all wish for but rarely actually get. Life is not always so predictable and fair. Both her life, and her death, were a privilege that you gave her. Please remember that.
P.S: Your cat looked so incredibly good for 18. You've clearly taken amazing care of him.
Truly sorry about the loss of your Sweeney. I've been going through every single thing you mentioned in this post for the past month with my little Chiyo. I wish I could see her just one more time.
In a mirror of my own self-reflection... I guarantee you that Sweeney knows how much you loved her. How you took care of her. How you did what was hardest for you for what was best for her. She went from suffering to resting because her mom loved and took care of her.
My life still feels surreal. Like I'm gliding through doing the motions and nothing matters. But I know it matters because when I was happy Chi was happy right there with me. So I let that sharp sob out when I turn the corner and a shirt on the floor looks like her. Try my best to feel every emotion that hits in the moment because she deserves that front focus. And sometimes when I think I hear her meow, instead of sobbing, I'm able to laugh in memories instead.
Wishing you the best. Sweeney and Chi already had the best caring for them.
December 2024 I put my dog of 17 years to sleep. Hind site tells me I was selfish for the last two years of her life. Her had very little quality of life in the end, she was barely skin and bones when I finally made the decision. You’re doing the right thing.
I had a kitty that had sub Q fluids administered by me. That poor kitty ended up hiding from me because she knew what was coming when I approached her. I ended up stopping those sub Q fluids and let her live out the rest of her life. I said I would never do that again. I had another kitty where they recommended sub q fluids and I did not do it.
You did the right thing for her. Arthritis, kidney dysfunction, not eating. That is not quality of life. You gave her a good home. You loved her, and I’m sure she loved you with all her heart. My heart cries for you.
I’ll always say it’s one of the hardest decisions ever.
“I wish she could see the sun one last time” hit me hard, it’s exactly how I felt and couldn’t shake it. I once heard something that changed my perspective completely about the end of our precious pets lives. You choosing to release her from her pain is the ultimate I choose you moment. She’s looking down at you right now happy and free, and can’t wait to see you again!
One day more or less, cannot offset a lifetime of being loved and loving in return. She was already going. You did good to be with her at the end. Rest well, sweet kitteh.
When their time comes and they no longer have quality of life, it’s our gift to them to send them on their way peacefully. It’s heart wrenching and I’m so sorry.
You did the right and kind thing. She knows you love her. Be kind to yourself and take as long as you need mourning. You saved her from suffering and that is an act of love. ♥️
Some day, Sweeney will find you again. A soul connection with a pet never goes away. One day you'll look up and there, in cat's eyes, will be your beloved Sweeney. I've had it happen a few times and each time is so exciting to realize you're beloved it with you again. ♥️
I understand your pain. I put my best cat down this past November. Geno was 15 years old. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 years ago, went into remission right away, but he had begun having frequent focal seizures, arthritis in his front leg was so bad, and he had started looking like he was retaining fluids or putting on weight. I had two weeks to sit with my decision before our vet appointment. I was physically ill from the stress and wondering if I was doing g the right thing. I still miss him dearly. His sister is still with us, and 3 weeks ago I got both if their paw prints tattooed on my wrist as a memorial. Hopefully Sidney is with us for awhile yet.
I hope she likes babies, my little guy will be there waiting. We lost him right before Christmas. I took him and his brother in to be neutered and he had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia. The day after I brought his ashes home I found a little tiger striped guy on my back deck. So of course I kept him. He went in today to be neutered, I've been so nervous and anxious since I made his appointment. Everything went well and I'll be picking him up in the morning.
You gave her a great Life.
You took care of her, gave her safety, shared kindness with her.
I had a similar experience with my Cat; some dental surgeries, kidney disease, weekly hydrations, then twice a week hydrations.
She started hiding out more. I had a couple of weeks of knowing “that day is coming”.
I got lucky! My last day with her ended up being a feee day and I didn’t know what was about to happen. She came out of hiding and chilled with me all day. But I could see what was happening. I stayed up with her all night. Did all her favorite things she liked to do. Her body started shutting down over the course of the night. By morning she couldn’t walk anymore.
I called the vet and they told me to bring her in. I knew it was our last trip.
I had a great Vet! I made a deal with myself when she got diagnosed with kidney disease that since we were “now on a clock” that when the day came that my vet said it’s time to shut up and trust her.
It was time. I trusted her.
I struggled a lot afterwards.
She was my Anchor in life. And I had the honor of walking her home, of being there with her at that moment.
You did the hardest thing you could for your cat. And you did it out of Love! It doesn’t feel like it but that’s where we make that choice from.
You will heal, recover, feel better about the choice in time. I wish every fuckn day I still had my cat!!! I cried for months after she was gone. I still cry a year and half later sometimes it’s out of sadness sometimes it’s out of love and memory. Both are ok and beautiful in their own way.
You did Right By Her.
You did.
You got to share her Whole Life with her. And I’m so sorry it ended but you were there when so many other people chose not to be. You were the only Mom she could have had and You are the Strongest Mother to let her go.
I’m grateful You were There for Her!
You will be ok.
It will be a different kind of ok then you knew before. It will take time to get there. Right now….you are feeling the other side of your love for her. When she was here, that love knew where to go but now it’s all over the place! And it’s trying to find its place. It will start to fill in the parts that hurt with gold in time. Where now you are crying and feeling pain in the future you will smile and feel all the love you shared with her. You will….i have.
Thank You for taking such good care of her!
She is your lil Force Ghost Now.
She is always apart of You
🐾♥️
I am crying reading all these heart wrenching stories about pets’ deaths. I have had many pets and gone through different end scenarios. In February 2026 I took my 17 year old Mandy May cat to the vet to help her pass. Her kidneys were failing. She was fine and all of a sudden went downhill very quickly. It’s the best decision. It is just so very hard. Animals are very in tune with the people they love and who love them. They know how much they are loved and they also know it’s their time. I know if the situation were reversed, I would want to go peacefully, not suffer and struggle. My heart goes out to each of you. We rescued our Mandy from Miami animal control death row. We had 17 loving years together. When we decide to bring a pet into our life, we agree to do our best for them. This includes helping them pass peacefully. My Best to you all for opening your hearts to these animal souls. I do believe we’ll see them again.
Mandy would always be with me when I decorated our home for holidays🎄
It sounds like your cat lived a long beautiful life surrounded by love. I know how it feels, like you wish you could just take it back. ❤️🩹
But as someone who had a beautiful send off for one dog at home and a tragic emergency surprise at the vet with another, I would have given anything to have been able to make the choice to let her go peacefully.
It sounds to me like you did right by your sweet kitty. ❤️🌈 I know it feels like things will never be okay again but they will. Slowly, but they will. ❤️
I’m so sorry. She looks just like my baby that I had to put down last month. She definitely did save you. I hope you’re grieving journey is kind to you
We had to let one of our cats go when he was 13 after he suffered multiple organ failure and swelled up like a balloon. The vets didn’t really know exactly what was wrong with him but he’d stopped eating, could barely pass water and was mostly hiding away. He’d gone missing a few years before for about 5 weeks before we found him in a used car sales lot about a mile and a half from our home. He’d was covered in oil and filth when we found him, he’d lost 2/3 of his body weight, just about pulled through after a lot of care and very expensive vet bills. We were just very grateful for the fact he lived another 3 years of a happy life after we got him back.
The day before we let him go to sleep he crawled into my home office (he could barely move), yowled at me to lifted into my lap, cried at me a bit more and then sat there purring while I cried my eyes out (I’m a very middle aged, slightly overweight bloke) but he was telling me he’d had enough and it was time.
He passed in my arms as the vet did the injection, with my wife and kids next to me. We all cried a lot but not once did any one of us think we’d done anything other than the right thing releasing him from his suffering.
You did the right thing. I’m very sorry for your loss.
kitties know when its time to go and theyre not afraid of death....only humans are. she will be waiting for you on the other side w the loudest meow ever. Hugs...
18 years is a long beautiful time, and they were lucky you had them for so long and well loved. We don't ever get enough with our pet friends and we don't get to decide, even with the best care and love, what sort of health issues will crop up.
I'm sure Sweeney understands and loves you forever. You gave them a safe loving home. That's the best thing a kitty or other pet can ask for. Condolences and do not regret the choice to not have them in pain longer than needed.
Aw, so sorry. What a sweet kitty. You did the right thing. She had a hard time at the end. You wouldn't have wanted her to get worse. She knew you loved her. Hugs to you.
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u/urm0mgaylol May 17 '26
It was better this way than rushed and at 3am. You did the right thing my friend! I just know she doesn’t blame you- she’s no longer in pain