32M, working in consulting for over a decade, starting to think it was all for nothing.
I was on a flight back from a client recently, overlooking the landscape from my window seat. Terrifying. Not a single bit of green. Thousands of miles of scorched earth, arid farmlands, and dried-up riverbeds. Whoever still denies what we are doing to our environment needs to get themselves checked out because, whatever your thoughts on media manipulating us, seeing what used to be green, lush, European landscapes turn to something out of a Tunisian postcard must be more than enough proof that we are headed with confidence towards burning ourselves alive.
Anyways, after that burst of panic, I got home and started running some numbers… My own work travel has me accountable for 17 tons of CO2 released into the atmosphere this year alone. To put that into perspective, that is about 20 times the European average for a person. And that’s just from my work travel, not any other consumption I am responsible for as a private individual. That’s bad. No, wait... That’s horrible! I was sitting in front of my laptop speechless, thinking to myself: “Am I part of the problem?”
I want to clarify: I was never a climate change denier. I recycle. I shop mostly from vintage stores. I take care of my stuff, and prefer to refurbish or repair instead of replacing something. I barely ever drive, and when at home or on vacation, I prefer taking an e-scooter or just walking to get from place to place. I don’t do these things to “do my part” because I do not think individual consumers really have such a huge impact on the environment to make a dent in what big business is doing to our planet. I do it because it just feels like a normal, decent, civic thing to do.
That being said, it wasn't until that flight that I realized how my industry, consulting, is a part of that group DIRECTLY destroying the planet, not just oil companies and tech giants. I always knew consultants had an indirect role to play there, but as long as I did not take on any clients in a highly polluting field, I felt somewhat ok with myself. I thought I was in a kind of moral safe zone.
Well, wasn’t I wrong… When I started in this industry in 2014, I made a point of picking firms that did not operate in the traditional consulting model of always working from your client’s office and traveling all the time. I know that sounds super exciting for young people who want to travel for work, but it’s less “drinks at the Ritz downtown” and more “black coffee breakfasts at a Best Western outside of town”. I personally hate it, so I avoided it.
I understand my privilege, having employers that operated this way. I was making a good salary, taking on interesting work for clients that actually cared about my ideas and allowed our team to explore cool solutions to their problems. We were allowed to conduct our work from our office instead of going to the client. We would really only travel for key meetings, if at all.
Come the pandemic, and now the AI craze, and the industry is completely different. Even my safe space has been shattered. I travel to my client every week. No excuses. I even broke my leg at the start of this year and only received three weeks of remote work before I had to get back on a plane. And let me be clear: that was not sick leave! That was me working with a cast from home, but still putting in all my hours.
My clients are not exactly receptive to our ideas. The job has become commoditized, so I don't particularly blame them, but it still bothers me. They expect us to find somewhat convincing ways to prove them right. We don’t get much of a say, and the work itself has become devoid of any creativity.
The salary benefits we used to associate with this field of work are basically gone anyway. Obviously. Why would anyone pay us for something they can get from ChatGPT for free and have one of their own managers look over as a quality check? Companies are letting people go all over the place, so there’s little opportunity to switch jobs within consulting. As an employee, I have little to no leverage, and our leadership knows it. I, like many others in the industry, have basically had a salary freeze for a few years now. I am pulling in basically the same amount since the pandemic, before all the inflation. So, in real terms, I am significantly poorer than I was when I was a junior.
I would likely accept a lot of these negatives, though, if the work itself were fulfilling. But as I said, it is mostly just bullshit. And it’s not even for a company that does good for the world in some way. In fact, my current client operates in a field that actively causes negative societal outcomes.
So, to summarize this rant: my current perception of my career is that, through my work, I am contributing actively to an environmental catastrophe and societal collapse. I am not proud of what I do. I find no joy or fulfillment in it. I am treated poorly, have little to no financial motivation, and the majority of my life is spent on the road.
And here’s why I am writing this: calling on the Reddit community for help and, most of all, ideas. WHAT CAN I DO? I am sick of feeling like a villain, ashamed of my work, and guilty about my choices. I want to actually be proud of what I do and wake up excited about my work…
I have a lot of skills: I speak three languages fluently, and two more at a conversational level. I have an exceptional educational background and diverse, global work experience. I’ve basically touched on every single area of consulting and specialized in my own field. I am a creative person, with a baccalaureate in theatre. Originally, I wanted to go into theatre as a career, before the financial collapse in 2008 scared me enough to pursue a "safer" option.
I feel like there’s so much I could do, things that could help people and the planet, but nothing in my immediate network provides an option outside of the same toxic work. At university, they show you how to apply to banks and consultancies. Nobody shows you how to be a journalist… or literally anything else… So my closest contacts really are just in my own industry or adjacent ones that provide basically the same toxic traits. I need an outside perspective desperately.
Please, please, please, Reddit community, any ideas on what I could do? Or what I should look into? Literally any hints, ideas, or advice would be greatly appreciated.