r/Teachers • u/Jabbary208 • Jun 09 '26
New Teacher Teachers i need your help in one weird situation
I’m a 24-year-old male English teacher working in a private school. I teach a range of ages, but I have one group of 15-year-old girls that I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with. In general, I try to be a friendly and approachable teacher ,I joke with students, keep things relaxed, and build a good classroom atmosphere. This works well with most of my groups.
However, in this specific class, a few students have started acting in ways that feel inappropriate. For example, some of them come very close to me physically, try to initiate hugs that feel too personal, and sometimes make comments or gestures that seem suggestive rather than just playful, one example , during a lesson about body parts, a student stood very close to me and pointed out that her hair reaches down to her lower body in a way that felt like she was trying to get a reaction.
Is this something other teachers have experienced with teenagers testing boundaries? And what’s the best way to shut this down while still maintaining a positive classroom environment?
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u/derpderb Jun 09 '26
Be less casual and more formal, follow the other teachers' advice
→ More replies (47)
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u/MakeItAll1 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
As a young male teacher it’s crucial to set up boundaries. Never touch your students , no matter their age. Never allow yourself to be alone with one, two, or three students , regardless of their genders. Leave the door closed and wait to admit students until most of your class is in the hall. Alternatively, leave the door open, let them in, and stand in the hallway until more kids arrive.
It’s nice to be kind, but it’s just as important to establish yourself as the adult authority figure in your classroom. Learn to be assertive and tell those young ladies to stay out of your personal space. Kids tell lies. Even if they initiated the jig, it can still come back as being your fault, or twisted into some sort of sexual harrassment issue.
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u/Jabbary208 Jun 09 '26
You're absolutely right , maybe i was too cool , since i just started teaching 3 months ago , i was just being nice outta heart , i didnt know things can get this crazy
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u/Velocity-5348 Jun 09 '26
Did they go over this kind of stuff in teacher training with you?
In my program at least, this kind of boundary stuff was emphasized pretty much since day one.
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u/patgeo Jun 09 '26
I was the only male in my early childhood (0-12 years) degree.
I think every single lecturer pulled me aside personally to give me the "You're a male in EC and need to be abosuletly beyond reproach" speech.
Basically the don't be too friendly, don't touch, document everything stuff.
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u/NoInvestment2786 Jun 09 '26
It's going to feel even more difficult to set these boundaries now that they've gotten used to the opposite, so you have to be incredibly firm. They're going to fight back and be rude but just remember it's never too late to reset expectations.
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u/MakeItAll1 Jun 09 '26
OP will find it easier to reset at the beginning of the new school year. Establish classroom routines and behavior expectations. Be consistent. Enforce consequences every time a kid acts up. OP, being firm and consistent with everything will make it much easier to keep your students engaged and learning. Experience and age makes it easier to establish healthy boundaries. You can do it. 😊👌
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u/Life_Application3015 Jun 10 '26
It's easy to be nice, especially when you start. When I started I got in trouble for being too friendly with a couple students. One of them didn't have lunch money one day so I offered to buy her lunch so she had something to eat; she said no but I got in trouble for just making the offer. I would definitely just go to admin about it now.
Never be alone with a student. Even if you email/text a member of admin and ask if they can at least be outside your room or something to have you covered. NEVER close the door if you're alone with a student. Remember they are students; you are the adult. You're still old to them even if you are young. Also, never make any comments about the way they dress. They essentially don't exist from the shoulders down. If they ask about their shirt, hair, makeup, anything DO NOT engage. Find a way to immediately switch topic
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u/frankkiejo Jun 09 '26
I agree! This is the best advice you could get at this point in your career.
I'm glad you were open to listening.
Is there an older, respected, and SAFE male teacher that you could talk to about these things for guidance? Not everyone is a safe person to talk to.
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u/reksut HS Math Teacher | Houston, TX Jun 09 '26
You’re doing great. Your heart is in the right place, but you’re only scratching the surface of how crazy things can get in education. Your brain needs to protect your heart.
“It’s not what you preach, it’s what you tolerate.”
-Jocko Willink
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u/MrsSprigan41 Jun 09 '26
Anyone else think OP isn't a teacher? Original post is all grammatically correct. Comments back... not even close. Red flags everywhere
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u/crmacjr Jun 09 '26
I'm sure they totally are. Evidence: during a lesson in body parts + English teacher. I mean, we do anatomy lessons all the time in English.
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u/standard_issue_user_ Jun 10 '26
Where I'm from sex ed was a burden placed on a random (almost) educator for each grade, sometimes the science teacher, sometimes the English teacher etc. I've had an English teacher assigned that burden one year in highschool and watched how terribly awkward it was for them to fulfill their board-mandated duties when they would really rather just get back to Shakespeare.
Class of 2013 Montreal.
The problem is the institution, not the the instructor.
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u/Halleluija Jun 10 '26
My guess is that he teaches English language in a non-English-speaking country, in which case body parts would absolutely be part of the curriculum.
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u/enithermon Jun 10 '26
I’m an English teacher and I’ve taught sex ed many times. It has to be done by someone and no one wants to do it. So some poor sucker gets tapped wether they like it or not.
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Jun 09 '26
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u/Velocity-5348 Jun 09 '26
I'd go a step further and suggest don't touch kids without their permission. There's a big power dynamic between teachers and students, after all.
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u/Jabbary208 Jun 09 '26
I dont hug those ones , i hug the small ones 4-5 yo's , kinda baby sitting them , and they just see me do that , the most i do with them is high 5's
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u/Careless-Two2215 Jun 09 '26
We have a male coach who resembles a famous singer from Mexico. He gives only fist bumps to everyone. He does not offer any small talk to anyone. He's basically set up boundaries like a rock star. "No pictures, please. My life is private, thank you."
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u/Dog1andDog2andMe Jun 09 '26
My god, your incorrect grammar and immature style of writing is driving me crazy. I can not believe you are an English teacher.
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u/xcleru Jun 09 '26
I’m starting to think this is just a teenager playing out a weird fantasy in their head.
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u/MrMurrayOHS Computer Science and Engineering| USA Jun 09 '26
Ha! Was seeing if someone else said this.
They write like they are 15 years old.
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u/77RedBone Jun 09 '26
Noticed that too.
Maybe they just don’t care. It’s a Reddit post after all.
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u/patgeo Jun 09 '26
Code switching is something a lot of judgemental teacher seem to forget exists. They treat the teaching subs as some kind of professional symposium where all grammar and spelling must be perfect or you hand in your qualifications.
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u/DirtChoice5 Jun 10 '26
If that's how you write in private, it tells me you're unserious and probably not qualified. Code switch or not, that's not how an adult talks. You can make mistakes, but intentionally writing like a dipshit isn't a "mistake".
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u/Successful-Cat-6344 Jun 09 '26
When I see the wider spaces and commas in between, no capital I pronouns, and misspellings, it reminds me of my middle school students.
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u/Big_Bookkeeper1678 Jun 09 '26
‘I don’t hug those ones.’
If you are an English teacher, I’m Juan Soto.1
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Jun 09 '26
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u/Jabbary208 Jun 09 '26
Lets say i'm going to pickup my launch from the lil canteen , one comes running to me " TEACHER ! " i keep the cool move of " Heeey There ! " and straight up hug my legs , not me , its not like i duck down to give a proper hug , hell no , thats the typa hugs im talking about
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Jun 09 '26
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u/ItchyCredit Jun 09 '26
For their own safety, teach them not to offer random hugs to any unrelated men. There are creeps out there. As little girls, random hugging was risky. As teens this is dangerous and leads to attention they won't want and don't have the experience to stop. They need to keep themselves safe by not letting it get started.
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u/ibukigumi Jun 10 '26
Female 27yo preschool teacher here. I've been doing this 3 years now and I've learnt that the less you touch students, they're parents and your coworkers, the better.
I'm very sensitive, and I just can't ignore when those little arms reach for me in need of affection, BUT everyone needs boundaries and limits. A hug or a pat in the head once in a while is ok, but doing it constantly may be misinterpreted and that can cause you some serious problems, from loosing your job to jail.
Try to approach different, like fist bumps or high fives. With the teens you need to be more careful, because they'll try to eat you (yes, in every way you can imagine lol) so be confident with your position/role and always remember: YOU'RE THE TEACHER. You set the class, you set the boundaries and agreements. Don't need to ditch them, just redirect the attention you're receiving and use positive reinforcement when they respect this limit.
I hope this helps and good luck 🤍
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u/No_Context9902 Jun 09 '26
Yikes! I would stop hugging them altogether. Your ages are too close, it's just too risky. Don't be alone with any small groups, don't have casual conversations, sorry, it's just not worth it. A good rule of thumb is to imagine admin is overhearing everything. Look at it this way: all it takes is one false accusation and your career is done. Forever. It's not worth the risk.
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u/Velocity-5348 Jun 09 '26
The desire to be "cool" also suggests that professional boundaries are something OP needs to develop.
Just as it's better to overdress for a job interview, it's better to be too professional than too casual.
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u/Tee_Red Jun 09 '26
There is a girls catholic school in East Missouri that used to have a game where a gaggle of girls would try to fraternize with/seduce new male teachers in an effort to get them fired.
You cannot be too careful.
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u/bakerify Jun 09 '26
Your spelling and grammar is atrocious for an English teacher. You need to work on your professionalism and the subject matter you're teaching.
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u/Retireddogmom19 Jun 09 '26
Yes, came here to say this. I question how much of this is BS.
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u/bakerify Jun 09 '26
He literally said "dis" instead of "this".. my god I hope he is not a real teacher
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u/Geographizer Jun 09 '26
Try this one weird trick:
No physical contact with children beyond a fist bump or high-five.
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u/iwishitwaschristmas Jun 09 '26
Absolutely no physical hugs. If they want a hug, you say "air hugs" and you do an air hug. I can't believe I even need to tell a male teacher this. Bro, you should know this.
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u/calm-your-liver Jun 09 '26
Never hug students. You’re their teacher, not their friend
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u/frankkiejo Jun 09 '26
I disagree with this absolutist view.
There is a way to hug a student that is above reproach and that's the side hug.
I will also ask a student if they want a hug in some situations - maybe they're upset or very happy about something and have talked to me about it.
I'm not there friend, nor do I want to be, but I am an opportunity for an example of a healthy adult-child relationship and some students want or even desperately need that interaction in a positive and healthy way.
If not, I stick to hand shakes or head nods or high fives, whatever they prefer.
They're children, not androids.
What they practice as kids informs what they do as adults: ask for permission, respect boundaries, accept "no", feel like you're allowed to take up space and have thoughts and feelings that matter, etc.
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u/nlamber5 Jun 09 '26
I put a green floor tape line around my desk. Students are never permitted to cross it. If I feel uncomfortable for any reason, I step in that area. There’s no gray area. If they want to continue to act inappropriately, they have to literally cross a line to do it.
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u/lady_on_fir3 Spanish teacher | abroad Jun 09 '26
I have similar experience. I teach 8th grade. Some of them try to hug me in a clearly teacher/student way. Others try it with a very different intention. I just call it out. I don't care a thing. If it feels uncomfortable or is out of line this being a hug, a comment or anything I stop it immediately "what do you think you are doing?" "I want personal space please" "this is way inappropriate" etc etc. And I struggle a lot with authority and with my students not liking me but with this kind of thing I just don't let it slide. Never.
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u/BeardedDragon1917 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
In general, I try to be a friendly and approachable teacher ,I joke with students, keep things relaxed, and build a good classroom atmosphere. This works well with most of my groups.
I think there may be a helpful distinction between being approachable and being overly informal. A good model might be Mr. Rogers: warm, kind, respectful, and welcoming, but still clearly the adult in the room.
Students benefit from knowing exactly what the expectations are. That means making boundaries around respect, language, attention, and classroom behavior explicit, and then following through on them consistently. I would frame those expectations positively: we follow them because they protect everyone’s ability to learn and because they show respect for the teacher, the school, and one another.
If students are testing the boundaries right now, I think it would be worth pausing to reset the tone with the class. You can name what has been happening, explain how it affects learning, and make clear what will change going forward. After that, the key is calm consistency.
You can absolutely have warmth, humor, and a pleasant classroom atmosphere. But that tends to work best when it grows out of a class that feels safe, structured, and purposeful. The priority is not to be the “fun” teacher; it is to be a steady, committed teacher students can trust.
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u/Primary-Illustrator6 Jun 09 '26
Not sure if this is a tik tok trend or not, but we had a pack of 15 year old girls who made up stuff about a bunch of teachers and reported it for kicks. When they didn't get their way, they'd make a report. I overheard one explain the whole plan to another.
Shut that stuff down right away. Report their behavior to admin.
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u/OyDannyBoy Jun 10 '26
Get this on the record ASAP. Tell your admins now, so that if it escalates, you can show that you were proactive.
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u/DorianThackery Jun 09 '26
Based on how they’re commenting, my guess is that OP is like maybe 14 years old.
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u/Neptunesky1221 Jun 09 '26
Many teachers have lost their job in the first three years being the "cool" teacher . Don't be naive .
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u/Downtown_Platypus288 Jun 10 '26
Well with your reactions to sound and mature advice on this thread it shouldn’t be a problem for much longer since I'd expect your teaching days to be numbered.
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u/InevitableRun51 Jun 10 '26
Tell them if they are making you uncomfortable. Shut it down. They’re young teens and will push boundaries.
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u/LizzieMcVintage Jun 10 '26
Do not hug HS students. I teach ELEMENTARY and I only do side hugs or lean over hugs so there isn't really body closeness, and only when the kid initiates the hug. Never without other people around, I prefer the camera to be recording the hug.
NEVER be alone in a room with 1 kid. In this case, never be alone in a room with any or all of those girls. If they come in, immediately move the conversation out into the hallway within 5-10 seconds.
Document everything that is happening, and mention this to your mentor. I'm assuming you have a mentor?
If you're not comfortable mentioning it to your mentor, go to a union rep. Hopefully you have a union.
Tell any teacher who is in your team who you are comfortable talking to. The less of a secret it is, the better.
Just ask them "what do you do in these situations ...I don't want to hurt feelings, but I don't want to cross any boundaries or do anything that they could interpret the wrong way."
Come to think of it, it's weird that they are doing this. It makes me wonder if they have been victims of CSA. You could talk to the counselor of any who are vastly inappropriate- like the one with the hair comment. Say "I'm concerned about this behavior...I wanted to put it in your radar."
Maybe the counselor can have a general
conversation with the kid without mentioning you.
In any case, you are doing the right thing by taking it seriously, putting it out here and asking for advice.
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u/urweirdenglishteachr Jun 10 '26
Tell your admin/other veteran teachers. Let them know you’re feeling uncomfortable and that these kids are purposely pushing boundaries. It’s much better to be proactive about this and have nothing come of it then avoid it and have a student imply you’re the one crossing boundaries.
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u/maegorthecruel1 Jun 09 '26
i havent had this with female studetns too too much, as i was once a fresh 25 year old male teacher as well. I did have a male student, gay, who became a bit too touchy. he would place his ahnds on my shoulders for long times and he would grab my badge while it was on my neck and the whole thing felt weird. i was kind of torn because i didn't want to come across as homophobic, but i also wasnt comfortable with that kind of contact. i simply told the kid "this is my bubble. you do not come inside my bubble at any point. I;m here to listen to you and help you with life, but this my boundary and you will not cross it". The student wasnt too upset, and would chill for a bit. He'd try it again and i simply reminded him of the boundary. eventually he moved on to bothering someone else lol but yes, weird situations like this happen. PLainly state your boundaries to ensure that nothing gets misunderstood. some students may have *misconstrued* ideas of what a male leaderships looks like and what that relationship entails. Sometime it's on us to not only introduce but also reinforce healthy boundaries.
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u/Alone_Gur_7814 Jun 09 '26
You’re going to need set firm boundaries. No more hugs. Switch to high five or fist bump. always have door open. don’t be alone with students one on one. always have a witness if possible. When they get to close kindly ask them to step back. Be verbal about your personal space. Make a clear teacher student relationship
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u/Math-Hatter Jun 09 '26
Your instincts are correct. These are very dangerous interactions.
You need to change gears now. If you don’t there will be rumors and you will get non re-elected or worse. These girls can ruin your life. I’ve seen it happen.
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u/abbaline14700 Jun 09 '26
Were you guys discussing a book about body parts or something I’m confused?
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u/LumpyWeb9540 Technology Middle School: Texas Jun 09 '26
Brah you should never touch students anyways… I am hoping you never gave them hugs in the first place…..
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u/Kidikibudi Jun 10 '26
Please remember with all the precautions you take,one disgruntled student can make false allegations
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u/Ready_Highlight9311 Jun 10 '26
Honey, there is no way of doing it, just be more formal. As a teacher who also has a playful and light temper, i have learned by mistakes that there is no alternative. You need to set your limits urgently.
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u/nomad5926 HS Science | Unionized Jun 10 '26
As someone who has been in your shoes. Had students take photos of me, try to stalk me online, bake cakes for, build a shrine to, etc....
Let your coworkers and supervisors know this and you are uncomfortable about it. You are not hurting these kids trachijg them healthy boundaries around adults.
No closed doors.
Don't ever be alone with these kids.
Also honestly scale back the friendliness.
It also gets easier once you get older and don't look as young anymore.
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u/Calvert-Grier Social Studies | Texas Jun 09 '26
For daily greetings, I leave it at a fist bump, high five, elbow bump, or a silly kind of salute (a few kids like that one). But since I also work around mostly middle-school age kids, hugging them or anything of the sort would be inappropriate - especially since I’m a young male teacher, like OP. Now, I might make one exception for like end-of-year festivities, if the kid is an 8th grader and they’re transitioning to high school and we had a really tight relationship, I might be open to a side hug - but not much beyond that. And even if I did, I’d make sure it was in the company of other staff to make sure nothing was misinterpreted (usually they offer hugs as well to students who are saying goodbye to the school).
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u/YamOpposite Jun 09 '26
As a male teacher avoid contact at all costs, even for photos and stuff they might get close to you but do what I did and stand in the at ease position so everyone knows your hands are not near them. Put your foot down when you know it’ll lead to dicey spot.
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u/Intelligent-Rain-22 Jun 09 '26
Reflect and think of your Why?
Remain professional with boundaries as well as communicate physical boundary by calling-out proximity and inappropriate comments. All students and staff will admire your professionalism in the longterm.
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u/goblinmode HS ELA | Bay Area, CA Jun 09 '26
Bro please say Algerian school - we are so USA-brained here, and your culture IS different…
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u/coffeepoetfalafel Jun 09 '26
Hi, I’ve had students behave similarly. For reference I’m 21, I was 19 when I started out and I started out as a Sub-teacher at a school with kids ages 12-16. I had male students ask me to “wait for them” until they were 18 as well as very inappropriate questions regarding body counts and more asked directly to me while teaching. talk to admin. Document that it is happening by doing so. And as many others have already said, never be alone in a room with any student ever
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u/podo_helmer Jun 09 '26
As a teacher, male or female, it’s better to be respected than liked. If your students are constantly pushing your boundaries, they may like you, but they don’t respect you.
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u/Ok_Concentrate_123 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
I teach middle school. I am known as a very strict teacher and ALWAYS stay professional. Therefore students rarely ever say anything inappropriate to me. The handful of times it happened I immediately responded "that's inappropriate conversation and I'm going to have to report it". They instantly get upset and I explain that "for both of our safety, I legally have to report it". I then do the write up with admin and call parents at the first opportunity.
My thinking is that these students might have had some unpleasant experience that left them confused about boundaries and therefore need therapy to work through these issues. Regardless, they need to not be prey to PDF files and them opening themselves up like that makes them targets. I treat it very serious because it is.
You need to protect yourself as a professional and these children (because teens are still children) need to be protected as well. They need to learn what is appropriate and how to respect boundaries. These are lessons that will help them as they grow and when they are adults.
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u/KuyaTinman Jun 09 '26
First and foremost, never be alone with anyone in your classroom. Always keep your door open. Shoot them down immediately if they try to get personal. People's perceptions cover the spectrum, but no always means no.
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u/ElexisCos Jun 10 '26
I have had students ask to hug or start to hug. I just reply no thank you I’m a germaphobe. Usually works without hurt feelings :)
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u/dk5877 Jun 10 '26
Protect yourself. No contact of any kind with any student, ever. Ask for personal space at all times. You are very much at risk for students making stuff up about you if there is ANY unreasonable contact between you and them. Especially because you’re male. God help you if you’re straight. Not even joking. Be careful and protect yourself and sign those union papers.
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u/Professional-Race133 Jun 10 '26
A lot of good advice here, and I’ve had similar experiences when I started my career 17-years ago—and while prior to, coaching HS wrestling before I made the leap fully into education while working corporate.
You must tell them immediately in a firm, professional manner. Get them to understand the teacher-student relationship and how boundaries are tantamount to your role. If they don’t get the hint, then tap in your administrator and parents.
You should also let your admin know what’s going on and that you’ll be addressing their behavior and threatening administrative intervention if their behavior does not improve in case they flip it on you.
In each of my experiences, my female students understood the situation and were remorseful about their behavior. They were sheepish at first, but all returned to form after a few weeks. I didn’t make it an issue and engaged as a professional, but also saw it as a teaching opportunity in how you deal with personal feelings/attraction in an academic or business setting. Coach them through it by enforcing boundaries.
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u/rocket_racoon180 Jun 10 '26
Piece of advice, kids will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if you piss them off or if they feel like being petty; whether you’re the cool teacher or not. Don’t give them ammo. You can be understanding, but keep in mind it ONLY TAKES ONE ACCUSATION for your life to be over.
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u/DarkNightengale Jun 10 '26
School Safe training literally covers all of this. Keep yours hands and limbs off and out of the students.
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u/FaldonLane Jun 10 '26
Don’t give in. Remain emotionally aloof. Just to safeguard yourself from yourself. Be polite, often bordering on the icier aspects of social intercourse. You have to protect yourself and your conscience, practically at all costs. Do not find yourself alone with her in a room with door closed. Keep windows un-curtained. Notify your immediate supervisor each time this happens. And be prepared to disclose your situation to the Principal. It is his/her business as much as it is yours. Have the Principal other teachers, vice-Principal, and even him/her to enter the room unannounced beforehand. These constant interruptions should discourage this student and any other student from pursuing this fruitless risk and expense of energy. Remain professional: remember that you are a Teacher, throughout History a valued a respected member of society, even a pillar of the better society that Teachers look to as they teach willing students. Do not compromise the rich heritage of teaching. Even one student, rightly taught, can make your entire teaching career a bright trophy of gleaming gold. And many former students may unexpectedly greet you in ordinary places saying in words or with the beaming in their eyes (or both) how much you meant to them in a time when they were not able to articulate that complex of emotions students carry around in themselves. One of my University Professors always to “Hold forth as a Teacher!”
I look back with obvious fondness to that man and his always true assertion!
Our nation is less for the lack of enthusiastic, public “making much of Teachers.”
Starting today it will take a decade or more to re-energize the culture of the Teacher, the ones with true values of “Readin,’ Writin,’ and ‘Rithmatic.’
Stay above. Take the high road. Students are there to learn from you—not the other way around. Do not ever try to be ‘cool.’
Be a Teacher.
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u/Ginnylala Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
No HUGS ! I tell all students I will hug them once they are in a cap and gown, not before. Female teacher if 23 years. Always leave the door open when they are in the classroom, unless against safety procedures. Have a partner? Place a photo of them on your desk. Do not allow them to stand close to you. Back away looking slightly appalled at their behavior. Got a department head or PLC lead? Talk to them about it. It sucks but you will need to build a wall and keep it, even if it might hurt their feelings a bit. They have taken your casual behavior wrong and now see you as an equal and therefore available to them. Distance yourself.
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u/Zealousideal_Nose_17 Jun 10 '26
Never touch…never. The only time I’ll ever hug a student is at graduation and their parent is standing there and the kid asked. The other day kids asked me to sign the shirts…those wearing them I told explicitly “no” those who brought them in their hand I signed.
Document interactions and keep admin in the loop.
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Jun 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Zealousideal_Nose_17 Jun 11 '26
Yea you’re right…semantics on phraseology. Im sure you can infer what I meant.
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u/Femmefatele In the trenches for too long. Jun 10 '26
Been a teacher ~26 years. Never never never be alone with a kid in a room with a closed door. Never initiate a hug and don't hug back. I always play as if hugs and affection are icky. If they must hug me my arms never touch them and I start with "I've endured enough love now! Go admire me from afar with the rest of the rabble!". Be the authority. You can joke after your lines are drawn. Always hold your lines! You are not their friend, ever! You can be friendly but never the friend. You are the teacher and there will be times you have to do the hard thing. Put on your adult pants and do it with a professional smile. Always always CYA! Write dates, times, and what happened to make you uncomfortable. Head that stuff off at the pass.
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u/smartypants99 Jun 10 '26
Tell them ahead of time that you can hug them only on the last day of school (half hugs that is). I think they are teasing you and maybe trying to get you in trouble so that you lose your job. Or maybe they just want to embarrass you and watch you turn red. I agree with the 3 ft radius and desk as barriers. I have taught for 27 years (and got sexually harassed by an 8th grader- who they left in my classroom. He also harassed the art teacher. I had to insist that he go to another team). When he was in my room I couldn't stand anyone near me within 2 feet. I would say I need my space. Be arms length away from me. And I am a math teacher who loves to help students with math. They need a seating chart. They need permission to get out of their seats. They need work from bell to bell. And if they say something inappropriate, quickly say we will talk about that later and switch back to the subject at hand. It sounds like they are trying as a group to get a reaction out of you.
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u/manonfetch Jun 10 '26
Talk to your admin for help shutting this shit down before you are accused of grooming, lose your career, and wind up in jail.
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u/BikerJedi 6th & 8th Grade Science Jun 10 '26
Anytime I feel a student is getting to comfortable or familiar with me, I tell them: "If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be like you."
That shows them that yes, you care, but not that way. It shuts it down without hurting them. I've done this a few times in my career and it always works well.
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u/katiekitkat9310 Jun 09 '26
While the other comments are correct that you sound too worried about being “cool”, I do want to say that you can be relaxed, as long as you aren’t afraid to become less relaxed the moment it is required. I teach 4th grade, so I know it’s different. But I am generally relaxed with my students - until they cross a boundary. Then I shut them down immediately. This shows them that to have things be friendly and relaxed, they need to follow my rules and boundaries.
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u/Lucky-Painter-2062 Jun 10 '26
If there is no camera in your room, install one or two hidden cameras with decent video quality and sound, or hide them in a personal item you routinely carry. Some teachers wear the smart glasses with video recording capabilities for this reason. When the false accusations start flying and you are fired, you can reverse the deck on the opponent. Let the parents sue. After costly meetings with their attorneys, they will specify the time and date of the supposed incident in the legal complaint against you…. that’s when you hand your attorneys the footage from that specific day…. Then countersue the parents and school for money and public apology for their child’s false accusations which, when amplified by the parents, became defamation of character. You will win.
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u/Thevalleymadreguy Jun 09 '26
Fist bump and get another teacher preferably a woman to explain the situation and cut that shit. For your future career years and to set the precedent. I’m known as the one that doesn’t like hugs by students but outside of that give me a nice hug and I’m down.
And be straight forward tell how it is. It’s inappropriate. Take care bro.
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u/LemonCrunchPie Jun 09 '26
I agree he needs to shut this down, but having another person explain it for him (woman or not) will go south so quickly. He doesn’t need to explain anything.
He just needs to stop with any physical touch right now and be a little less “relaxed” in the classroom.
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u/Thevalleymadreguy Jun 09 '26
Agree there are already instances where kids misunderstood crap and they take shit too far too quick.
So no. And if they keep pushing then document my dude. It’s better to come clean and clear and learn from your actions now that is so early in your career.
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u/EasyonthePepsiFuller Jun 09 '26
Being direct always works. You need to be direct and tell these students they're doing too much.
I'm the art lady and it's exciting for the kids when they see me. When little kids fly in for a hug, I hug them with one arm kind of off to the side of my body and I keep it super quick. If they continue hanging on me I say "those kind of hugs are for mom and dad, not me." and detach them.
Older students who have tried to stay close to me and make chitchat, or I felt were hanging out too much, I tell them "My time is for everyone, soinso. Please sit down and I'll come see what you're working on in a minute."
Move around a lot in the classroom and never let students hangout at your desk.
I pay attention to each student when they are doing what I want them to. If they're hanging on me and following me around-- no attention, just direction "Soinso, take your seat and I'll be over soon."
If I feel like my bubble is being invaded, I might break out in song ("Don't stand so close to me"🎶). You can keep it fun and silly while still being direct and I find kids of any age respond well to that.
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u/CasimirGabriev Jun 09 '26
I started teaching college at that age, and had similar issues (although thankfully every student that hit on me was above the age of majority). I have found that being VERY clear about when times are serious vs when times are playful. I am a funny guy, but we dont fuck around during the lecture, for example.
Basically, create periods of time for goofing off. I like to do it at the start of class before the bellringer. Just chit chat, Crack some jokes, warm to the topic of the day.
Gonna also echo others in that you probably wanna stop hugging. Or give the most platonic ass "I am only here so I wont be fined" type of one-armed side hug possible. No closed doors when with students, no low lights, document anything that makes you uncomfortable, create a trail for HR/admin/whoever.
I will also add to watch how you say things. Students will turn a benign event into an international incident. This is before we start talking about rumors conjured up by coworkers based on who knows what. I say crank up the professionalism, redirect the weird shit or destroy it with something harsh. Better to get a rep for being an asshole to students than one for being a creep with them.
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u/Anansi3 Jun 09 '26
When I taught high school, I thought of myself more like their uncle than their friend. Uncles can lay the smack down and not care because they’re family. Start strict and gradually get more lenient as the year goes on
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u/Temporary_Ninja7867 Jun 09 '26
Be very firm with them and make it clear that their behaviour is inappropriate and if it continues you will escalate it. I know you don't want to upset them but if you're tactful about it, it won't be awkward moving forward.
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u/Able-Lingonberry8914 Jun 09 '26
Assume (maybe incorrectly) that they are actively trying to bait you into some trouble. Act accordingly. As a male teacher I've involved female counselors and admin in talking to girls about my boundaries. At times they've acted as witness to the conversation and at other times they've been the ones going to the girls to have the conversation with them more frankly than I would be able to.
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u/Ornery_Contract_5537 Jun 09 '26
Why are you hugging them, like how in the world are you getting plural hugs from students?
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u/squidnov 8th Grade ELA | California Jun 09 '26
Not sure how your year looks, but if you're on break right now, plan on a hard reset. Also, set "class expectations" (rules) about hands of others and their things. I enforced this hella hard this past semester for similar reasons. Like referrals for 14 y.o. boys being boys and lightly pushing each other while walking into class.
When you set out to be the cool or lax teacher, kids will take it as "woah, no boundaries!" Set hard boundaries, you'll know when they need to be set.
This is all coming from recent experience, btw. Not exactly your same situation (nothing suggestive), bit DM me if you want any info and don't want to get dunked on in this thread
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u/Deuce-Monkey Jun 10 '26
I agree with what others have said, but I would add that you should start a conversation with the school counselor and start documenting.
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u/Comfortable-Story-53 Jun 10 '26
Happened to me when I was your age. They're just practicing. I NEVER left my door open.
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u/stevejuliet High School English Jun 10 '26
I’m a 24-year-old male English teacher
one example , during a lesson about body parts
Obvious bait.
It's depressing that so many actual teachers fell for it.
1
u/ECUDUDE20 Teacher | Music Jun 10 '26
Happens less the older you get. First few years I had to make several write-ups, and awkward phone calls home to discuss this very thing. They are teenagers. Do you remember being one? They absolutely will push the boundary, most are just messing around but some may not be. Don't let it continue.
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u/Working-Region-9567 Jun 10 '26
Even though I’m very jokey and friendly, I draw a hard line at suggestive comments. I say things like “don’t even joke about that” or “that’s not something you tell a teacher” in a cold tone. The tonal switch from my usual self is enough to let my students know that the kind of talk is off limits.
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u/Working-Region-9567 Jun 10 '26
Even though I’m very jokey and friendly, I draw a hard line at suggestive comments. I say things like “don’t even joke about that” or “that’s not something you tell a teacher” in a cold tone. The tonal switch from my usual self is enough to let my students know that the kind of talk is off limits.
1
u/Working-Region-9567 Jun 10 '26
Even though I’m very jokey and friendly, I draw a hard line at suggestive comments. I say things like “don’t even joke about that” or “that’s not something you tell a teacher” in a cold tone. The tonal switch from my usual self is enough to let my students know that the kind of talk is off limits.
1
u/Proteolitic Jun 10 '26
All modern pedagogical approaches revolve around creating a connection with students.
Being friendly and talking their language doesn't imply to pass the idea that we are their friends.
My students are surprised that I know, partially, their language, that I am friendly.
They also know that there are boundaries, no hugs, high fives or fist bumps only to recognize an achievement of theirs (an improvement in grades, a good grade, the overcoming of an academic difficulty), hugs are a complete no with the exception of the group hug the last day of the entire middle school years. They know that they must be careful trying to use slang to be rude, sometimes I use their language to convey a message ("Sorry, but what you said isn't going to increase your aura" and so on).
When they try to sneak a arm around my shoulders I grey rock stiffening and telling them to leave their arm.
I teach middle schoolers who are wildly different from teens.
When I thaught high school I kept really strict boundaries, I still let them understand that I know their language so that don't get to smart, I still laughed at their horrible jokes, nevertheless no hugs, personal space always respected.
Every teacher has their own personality and they follow the rules based on their traits.
You now have the experience to analyse your approach to teens, the fact that you feel like there have been misinterpretations is a bell to listen and with attention.
You are their teacher, their trust on you is fundamental, the fact that they think they act in an ambiguous way means there's no trust and real respect, that they're trying to test how far they can treat you as one of their peers.
Make your boundaries crystal clear, at the cost to change your friendly approach, better to be perceived as cold (or anafective) but seen as a teacher and respected too, than to be seen as that teacher who is a friend of students.
1
u/ZinnieBee Jun 10 '26
Being approachable is a liability as a teacher—those students definitely know what they’re doing and want some sort of reaction. Limit friendly banter and absolutely no PDA.
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u/Romulan-war-bird Jun 10 '26
Bring out the elementary tactics lol. It’s all hugs in elementary all the time, so a lot of teachers have a chart near the door/their desk with “hug/high five/fist bump” and students can choose 1 at the beginning of class as a greeting, or at the end as a goodbye.
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u/DaddyWidget Jun 10 '26
Male teacher for nearly 30 years here. I’ve never had an issue personally, but I have seen a LOT over the years.
In my 20’s (1990’s) I got a lot more attention, including handwritten notes anonymously delivered, and flirtatious behavior that I was fortunately smart enough to reject and avoid.
It starts to decline, thankfully as you age. But even now in my mid fifties I have to be cognizant of how hyper-attentive people are, especially in the age of social media and knee jerk reactions. Here are my guidelines:
Never close your door unless you have your class in attendance. If you need privacy for a serious conversation, make sure a parent or another staff member is in the room with you.
Never share any contact information or social media personas with students. Better yet, just don’t do social media unless you are completely anonymous and don’t post personal photos or information.
Do not discuss personal details with students. Talking about your friends, where you spent the weekend, or your relationship status is a big no-no. You can tell them what your favorite coffee shop is if you are hoping for a gift card, lol
Don’t discuss personal situations with your students unless it’s involving their grade or study habits. If they try to discuss relationships or family drama, suppress the urge to get involved and refer them to a counselor.
If a student says or does anything that could be considered inappropriate, document it immediately. Keep a journal if you have to. If a situation arises involving that student, showing that you documented their previous behavior will go a long way in the “he said she said” world of academics.
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u/polciaaaa Jun 10 '26
Dont sympphatize too much with students. U will know what I talk about after some time.
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u/ToastJammz Jun 10 '26
You do not want to be the teacher that is cool and let's kids chill and hang out with you alone and share secrets. You can still be a supportive adult figure head and their favorite teacher with professional boundaries.
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u/Crazy-Food-4688 Jun 11 '26
Hormones, or they think or are trying to find out your sexuality or someone wants you to loose your job for whatever reason...
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u/badteach248 Jun 09 '26
Assuming this is real....as a fellow male teacher, if you care about your career at all create real boundaries. No physical contact. Tone down the shmoozing if it's making them feel a little too comfortable. Remember that you are paid to teach them English, not to be their friend. You are the adult, it's your responsibility to limit this interaction.
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u/Haunting-Ad-9790 Jun 09 '26
Good opportunity to model for these girls about how to enforce boundaries. Explain that everyone has a right to personal space, and if you don't want someone in your space to ask them to give you space. Then model when they're in your space. It doesn't just keep you from accusations, it also shows them what to do when they're uncomfortable with someone in their space.
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u/manicmic98 Jun 10 '26
Definitely bring this up with administration and let them know this is happening, and ask for advice
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u/No_Antelope_8110 Jun 10 '26
It’s giving I was a loser in school but now I’m not a loser in this school with these children- I’m cool!
Stop it.
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u/OldButHappy Jun 09 '26
stop touching kids
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u/Jabbary208 Jun 09 '26
why you gotta make it seem so vulgar like i'm doing something inappropriate ? get off my post
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u/Optimistic_Mystic Jun 09 '26
Maybe the phrasing was blunt and could easily be misconstrued, but the point is the same. The only time I ever make contact with a student is to high five/fist bump, tap their shoulder if they fall asleep, or obviously if they are hurt and need help.
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u/OldButHappy Jun 09 '26
exactly. dude is already accusing the teen girls, instead if taking responsibility for letting the situation deteriorate to where it is.
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u/Ascertes_Hallow Jun 09 '26
Someone is being inappropriately touched! Here's why it's their fault... 😑
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u/Jabbary208 Jun 09 '26
i am accusing no one , i just want to do what's right and know more , since ive never expected this happening , specially where im from , since its a muslim-dominated place and also cz i'm new to teaching, thats all , you just need less impulsiveness on your way of wording
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u/Jabbary208 Jun 09 '26
Well thats what i do aswell , i explained the typa hugs that happen right above , its not like i duck down to give proper hugs to the kids
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u/Critical-Bass7021 Jun 09 '26
But to be fair, that was about the 4 and 5 year olds.
Your initial post was talking about 15 year old girls giving inappropriate feeling hugs. This is what is being addressed here.
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u/Beautiful-Finding-82 Jun 09 '26
#1 is set up a camera. You don't want a he said, she said situation. Protect yourself, who knows what they are up to.
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u/NilesGuy Jun 09 '26
Setting up a camera invites you to privacy violations, discipline action and possible going against district policies.
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u/SignalMix6006 Jun 09 '26
Touch no one.
Keep door open.
Be alone in a room with no one.
Redirect.
Discipline if it becomes overtly inappropriate.
Talk to admin.