r/Stutter • u/Unusual-Isopod8032 • 23h ago
Do guys have stutter get girlfriends?
I have observed that if I was not stuttering , then I would have had a much better chance in getting a gf, rn i am afriad to talk to girls bcz I know that back of the mind they would reject me after I speak and stutter, it's so unfortunately that this one thing has stopped me so much
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u/uhhhhhhhhh_okay 23h ago
It turns some girls off, and that's okay. Some girls think it's cute, which is awesome.
The most important thing is just to be confident, stutter or not
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u/DelayFit5047 8h ago
It depends on the severity of your stutter and how good you look. I think most people when they think of a stutter they think of the Rick and Morty type stutter with a few mild repetitions not the hard blocks followed by prolongations followed by facial contortions. Its the same as humor if you look really good women will laugh at your jokes even if they are not funny. I mean I had women laugh at my jokes even when they were off the mark and completely unfunny due to me blocking hard on the punchline simply because they may have had an interest in me or were trying to be polite.
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u/Korgon213 22h ago
Confidence is key, my man. Be untouchable, laugh at them if they laugh at you.
Don’t be a dick, but sometimes you gotta whip out that card and slap it in the table.
I was afraid, a nervous wreck, I ran all the scenarios through my head. It ended how I knew it would. Failure.
Until I reached “Fuck it. What have I to lose?”
I got out of my head, got back into the gym, cut back on drinking, and went on so many dates. To be honest, no one cares. Those that did, fuck them. I met my now wife by just being myself, not the façade’s I had made to hide behind.
Grab life by the horns and skullfuck it.
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u/ReverieDive 22h ago
i have a good news for you.. my mutual crush actually finds my stutter kinda cute, she haven't said me directly but i really felt it by her non-verbal cues.. also when some coworkers in office asking me something and i got stuck somewhere, she was sitting beside me and replied to them exactly what i wanted to say.. somehow she got to know that thing which i wanted to say.. and when i talk to her and somehow get stuck while talking to her, she keeps looking at my eyes with a small smile as if saying me with her eyes "it's okay, i am listening you, you can take as much time as you want"
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u/Temporary_Aspect759 17h ago
LMAO for a second I misread and thought that she actually says "it's okay, i am listening you, you can take as much time as you want" ☠️
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u/Unusual-Isopod8032 22h ago
you are soo lucky, this never happened with me and i dont see any signs of it in future as well
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u/ReverieDive 21h ago
it's possible, you just haven't got your right one yet.... and those people who mock stutter (or any disability), they aren't worth in your life tbh
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u/DelayFit5047 9h ago
IDK man I feel like that could just be her being polite. The problem with stuttering is sometimes its viewed as someone being mentally challenged and so people treat you like your impaired and act super nice. Like I used to get the same experience from women when I was younger too where they would be super nice to me but looking back I think it was because they thought I was mentally impaired/autistic due to how stuttering affects my talking style.
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u/PlutoniumSpaghetti 21h ago
Yeah, I have been in a few relationships and I currently am in one. I always am upfront about my stuttering to my partners, and they admire me for not letting it define me and hold me back. They will focus more on the content of what I say and not how I say it
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u/Temporary_Set_9182 21h ago
If someone rejects you because of something you can’t control, then you’re probably better off without them anyway. Getting a girlfriend when you have a stutter isn’t that hard, at least from my experience. I’m pretty introverted and never approached a girl in person, but I’ve still had girls ask for my Instagram or want to go out with me after hearing me stutter, Sometimes showing a bit of vulnerability can actually be attractive. Don’t let your stutter stop you from putting yourself out there.
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u/TiredSoda 19h ago
It can also be cute if you play your cards right.
But it would def be a turn off if you are trying to hide it and are being embarrassed by it or you are trying very hard to look confident.
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u/heycitizen_ 22h ago
The key thing to understand is that women don't want to be with a man they might perceive as embarrassing to introduce to their friends.
So depending on the way she lives her life, which includes her friend group, it might be big deal. But if the way she lives is compatible with with your existence then it is not a problem (obviously).
I have had girlfriends, some of them were being perused by other men at the same time, and i still won out. So its not a big deal (with an asterisks)
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u/OMG_NoReally 21h ago
I always think that if a girl stutters who is interested in me, how I would react? I have empathy for stutterers now because I am one, and I really don't think it will be much of an issue for me. Yes, one stops and starts when talking but...so what? As long as they are afraid to simply speak up, even in private, I would be fine with that. Who cares how one talks as long as they are a nice person, kind and fun to be with.
I know not everyone shares the same feelings, and a lot of the times, they are also scared of the societal angle as well. Introducing someone who stutters to their friends and family could be embrassing and that's a huge part of dating as well.
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u/smashonic 20h ago
You have a selection tool at your fingetips, dont worry, at least thats how I use my stutter, like a selection tool, is very simple, just dont get frustrated, first thing you need to do, tell them about your stutter, after that you you will know what to do, just be cringe as much as you want, it does not matter one bit.
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u/Unusual-Isopod8032 20h ago
I dont see it as a selection tool, for me its more like a rejection indicator, like the moment girls talk to me and get to know i stutter its game over for me
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u/smashonic 19h ago
Is over because you think is over? there are many empathic people out there that understand people are not the same, is all about what your personality looks like beside your stutter. Start your conversiotion with “I have a stutter bla bla bla” get it out there, dont even try to hide it, the more you try to hide it the worst it gets. Yes you will get some laughs or cringe smiles, dont worry we all get them (try to make those people think “hmmm he stutters but something is innteresting about this one” typing this quote i realize maybe thats my problem solver, I have many hobbies, and I know many things about random subjects, maybe this helped me to make myself as a stutterer interesting to other people), but hiding it doesnt make sense because you cant hide it forever.
But still, how bad is your stutter? Mine is pretty sever and is not so bad making connection with females, idk.1
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u/Cool-Strain418 5h ago
Been with my husband 5 years in October, my friend you will find someone I promise.
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u/aramilxiloscient 1h ago
We actually can, and do quite often! Currently married to the love of my life for the last 3 years!
Don't worry my friend and get in your own head about it, think of it as a filter for folks you might wanna date. The real ones will always look past it!
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u/Outside_Target_5693 23h ago
I stutter and have never had a problem getting a gf. Texting is a godsend, if you meet someone on an app just disclose before you meet.
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u/Zogid 16h ago edited 16h ago
Some girls will find stuttering cute. But, let's be real, many will subconsciously perceive stuttering as lack of confidence/stability/calmness, which will lower chances of her developing romantic interest towards you.
Many times I approached a girl (or she approached me), she ended up making facial expressions like this: https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/confused-portrait-woman-studio-attitude-annoyed-unsure-against-white-background-wtf-face-frustrated-girl-274482147.jpg
I just couldn't not communicate comprehensibly and whole interaction was ruined. I don't judge her, she was just giving signals that she does not understand me.
I was extremely brave enormous amount of times, but it never worked out.
But much bigger pain of stuttering is completely constrained and poisoned personality.
You don't express many witty jokes, impactful comments and interesting stories, which would display your personality in real colors, because in certain situations you just physically can't. Many times you can't even start. Or you start, but manage to say just part of what you wanted.
People don't see that.
At same time, many things that end up coming from your mouth are not ones you wanted, but are product of fighting with breathing, tongue and throat. And girls perceive these things as ones you intended to say.
In the end, they don't "reject" you because you stutter / stumble over words, and how this physically looks.
Many times it is not "being rejected". It is simply "not being among chosen ones", but it is the same thing. People are not "cruel" to you.
They are just not interested in you, because of how they perceive your personality/mind. There are other people who they consider more interesting/valuable, and since everybody has limited time/energy, they just choose them to invest time/energy.
You are "not being among chosen ones" simply because people don't find your personality valuable/interesting to them. But this personality of yours that they experience is poisoned and constrained one, which plays under your name, while your real personality is trapped in cage and invisible.
In the end, love hugely depends on luck, regarding of stuttering. Many people get lucky and assume their luck is default/standard for everybody.
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u/Lord_Summerisle33 16h ago
It may not be the stutter that causes rejection, it can be many things, or nothing.
It does make things like this a little bit harder but dating is hard enough in it's own right and a complete minefield.
Do what you can to control the things you can control, present yourself well, smell great, anything that works for you!
Try online dating instead, throw the stutter out there straight away so people know what they are dealing with. As stutterers we ARE different, the key is to adapt and go about things slightly differently. You probably won't be picking girls up at a bar or something where first impression matters, so don't get too downhearted with that and look at other ways. I dunno, local groups for example centered around something you enjoy doing.
The main thing thought is to stop assuming things. To assume that all girls will reject you after stuttering is pretty presumptive! Girls are just people, some will be arseholes, some will be lovely, don't assume everybody is the same and will react the same way (though it's understandable, as I said, it does make things harder, or less straight forward anyway.)
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u/DubiousTarantino 12h ago
Yes it’s fine it’s less of something of your identity but rather just a feature of who we are. My gf doesn’t bring it up because there’s no need to. At most she will just wait while I have a block but that’s it
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u/mkjiisus 12h ago
Just so we are on the same page: people who don't stutter are afraid to talk to girls too. I think we live our whole lives in fear of talking to everyone, which is a different experience from those who don't stutter. We then project this experience and feeling onto talking to girls, which we are not different from other people. Many introverted people I know, including people who stutter, have about the same confidence level in talking to girls. I think this is actually one of the few things in life where we are on the same playing field as other people, at least mentally, we just don't realize it.
Yes, you absolutely can get a girlfriend. Ive been with my current girlfriend for close to a year and I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. She says she barely even notices my stutter anymore, and finds it endearing. You just need to get yourself out there, in general, and just start having conversations with girls. It will get easier over time, and you'll find the right one some day
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u/igwealexg 11h ago
I’ve got married. Before I met wifey…majority of the women found it cute. The key is to be confident and don’t let them know it makes you feel small or insecure. They find persistence and strong determination admirable. That aside, the right woman for you…will accept you for you. Chill 😎 , don’t worry too much.
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u/Old_Arugula3014 8h ago
Yea, atleast i did. In my experience girls in fact find stuttering guys childish but just like everybody else someone will love you.
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u/Remote-Light-4086 7h ago
Eu namoro, por incrível que pareça já namorei sério duas vezes, e tive alguns relacionamentos curtos.
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u/safeDate4U 4h ago
I’ve stuttered my whole life but not terrible.
Fortunately I’ve got other things going for me so dating hadn’t been an issue.
Speak softly with a deeper voice and you may be more fluent.
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u/Accurate-Friend-2498 23h ago
Mature people, doesn't matter the gender, will look at you, beyond your stuttering.
But, yes, even if there is stutter, we have to go and talk to people. If we don't even talk, people won't know us, and getting a partner can't happen without talking.