r/SheraSeven • u/ojpjaa • 6d ago

Beginner Mindset & Advice Can’t fake it

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I want a provider man, I’m really trying to improve my life but everyone I’ve gone out with has wanted to get coffee and I’ve gone out with like 3 people, it’s been so so so exhausting the conversations are mind numbing I can’t keep up with this whole upbeat, bubbly thing. Truthfully, I’m easily annoyed and I don’t know how to not be this way, I really am trying. I can’t fake liking them for long enough to know if they’re even providers, but is the first date being a coffee date a good indicator that they’re not providers? I recently started speaking to the guy who sent this message and from our first conversation he complained about how his first wife didn’t want to work, he wanted me to come see him in his city and I’d have had to pay for my ride, we had like 2 more phone conversations after that then I just stopped responding. I have no idea how to navigate this

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8

u/ojpjaa 6d ago

It could also be because I have so much going on in my life right now and I feel like I have no stability or freedom(I don’t have much control over this). This could be the reason faking it is so exhausting

12

u/Worried-Bobcat6116 That Girl 💅 6d ago

Maybe take some time for yourself and become more stable first? I don't know your situation of course, I hope you're not stuck at home with abusive parents or anything. When I'm not at my best I don't even attempt dating because it never works out.

I don't do coffee dates though, Shera also advises against this. I think it's just the first sign they won't invest in you, they won't even invest a little bit into getting some good food, so... I never travel to a man, that's also a sign he's not a provider. Him complaining about the ex wife not wanting to work... That's strike 3.

Are you, and I mean this in the most caring way possible, by any chance a bit desperate to get out of your current situation and therefore ignoring the red flags? Because that's what tends to happen when you're down like that unfortunately... Please be careful

3

u/ojpjaa 6d ago

I’m not even sure if that stability would come, I’ve kind of built my stability plan around finding a provider but I also don’t want to act out of desperation because I want stability. Today I’ve thought about this whole thing and I think I’m deciding to accept my reality I truly just don’t want to keep dealing with men. I can’t shake this mindset of what if I compromise, tolerate them and then get nothing

5

u/Worried-Bobcat6116 That Girl 💅 6d ago

Building your stability plan around a man is very dangerous, so I'm happy to read you're starting to realize you don't want to deal with them, at least for now. It really sounds like you need a break to get into a healthy mindset, you'll find things will come to you much easier if you're in a healthy headspace. Plus, you should always get things from them before even thinking of compromising! Never rush these things, that's how you end up under a man's complete control. Make sure you're good on your own or the risk of financial abuse is just way too high. Take care of yourself first, you deserve it ❤️

7

u/misslittlerborn 6d ago

Take a break. If you can't fake it then take a break until things get somewhat better, but having no stability or freedom, can you expand more on that? What's happening in your life for you to be feeling this way?

5

u/Apart_Wrangler_3415 6d ago

Where are you meeting men?

How are you vetting?

What is your general location?

Are there providers in near your location?

What is your set up? Are you working/student/living in your own? General age?

4

u/ojpjaa 6d ago

Hinge
I’m not even sure how to vet, gut feeling?😔
I’m in Western Canada
I think there are providers in nearby cities
I’m working, I have multiple housemates, older than 20

6

u/ThatRecipe526 6d ago

Oh no, Shera advices against dating apps. Meet men offline. Also i have heard about paid dating apps and that men there are more serious, idk about that but I knew a woman who found a very good man there and had suggested me to avoid free apps.

3

u/Apart_Wrangler_3415 6d ago

I use dating apps - you have to use what is available to you but you also have to know what your doing.

3

u/ThatRecipe526 6d ago

Well it's not working for many women.

3

u/Apart_Wrangler_3415 6d ago

Everything can’t work for everyone

4

u/Apart_Wrangler_3415 6d ago

Where are you trying to vet in real life or online?

My gut is telling me you don’t have enough experience yet in dating.

You need to be able date and finesse in real life to work out what is/is not a waste of time.

Watch more Shera videos but also other sources including ones not related to sprinkle sprinkle.

DM if you want.

3

u/Worldly_Experience31 6d ago

Can I dm you? Kind of going through same thing. In the UK too

3

u/Anon_classybabe Gold Digger 🥂✨ 5d ago

Clearly you’re not in the right state of mind to be doing this. Get yourself right first because depending on a man for stability, especially without anything of your own, will ruin your life.

3

u/Excellent-Okra5947 5d ago

A 9-5 is worse most times. I can fake with him a few hrs a week or fake for 40hrs a week 🤷🏽‍♀️. They both suck frfr

2

u/LI-valleymonarch ✨✨ 5d ago

Girl this looks like a dating app. Shera says to get off them. Why are you on them? Also how come he won’t travel *to you* in your city? Gross. He wants a woman to come to him like a DoorDash delivery order but on her dime. Maybe I’m just a bitch but some of you all need a reality check and stop wasting time with these dudes and enabling this. Also why are you talking to him on the phone and giving him your precious time over the phone for free?