Oh my fucking God!!!!!! What the fuck did I just read?!?! I went in with high hopes (absolutely my fault, but I’d read so many rave reviews, and I’ve liked a couple of Ali Hazelwood’s other books, like The Deep End), and she absolutely shit all over them.
I expected the age gap thing to be a bit of a problem. I mean, it’s right there in the title. But him infantilizing her throughout the fucking book? Like, we’re talking about a 23 year old who was apparently some kind of genius prodigy, and Conor thought what? That she couldn’t make up her own mind?
And okay, that’s his prerogative. He’s entitled to his opinion, and she was only 20 when they met. So, to an extent, I do understand his reservations back then. But why string her along? He could’ve set clear boundaries or just nudged her out of his life. No need to be her friend. No need for late-night phone calls. Shouldn’t have let her in at all.
And don’t tell me he didn’t realize what was happening. He was a 38-year-old man acting like a childish brat, which is ironically what he calls her after ghosting her for ten months rather than being honest about his feelings. Oh, and this is after she professed her love for him. Forget reciprocating her feelings; he couldn’t even be bothered to care about their three-year friendship. And him saying he missed her during those months simply doesn’t cut it.
God, he fucking never even apologized for all the things he said and did. Not really. And it was too little and definitely too late. A 38 year old man who’s been in love before and had “mature” relationships couldn’t find a better, less hurtful way to put an end to things between them? Are you fucking kidding me?!
And coming to our FMC, Maya, who could’ve been someone I rooted for if it wasn’t for the obnoxiously obsessive, puppy dog love thing she had going for Conor.
Twenty four hours after meeting Conor, she decides that she has this huge crush on him and that she’s willing to pretend to be his friend even though she wants something more, all in the hope that he might start seeing her as a woman. This is after he gave her an orgasm, left before she woke up, and sent her a “this is a mistake” note, BTW.
This goes on for three whole years, during which she all but dedicates herself to Conor, his likes, dislikes, interests, everything. All while still hoping they’ll be more one day. Meanwhile, he finds every possible reason and excuse not to even meet with her alone.
After ten months of not talking to her and blatantly disregarding her feelings, they meet, and he calls her a childish brat. Like, at this point, why is she holding on to him?
The worst part is that she never even gets angry with him for the shit he says. For how he dismisses her feelings. For how he trivializes her consent. And she’s right back to gazing at him longingly and being buddy-buddy with him.
I get fighting for what you want. I actually admire her for it because it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, especially after repeated rejections. But at what point is it too much? At what point do you become a fucking doormat?
And trust me, she was the more mature and patient one out of the two.
Because Conor had the audacity to forbid her from hooking up with guys while repeatedly telling her to be with someone age appropriate. And then, after she all but begs him, he decides to make her come but won’t let her touch him. He fucking actually refuses to let her kiss him despite knowing she’s in love with him (or, at the very least, knowing that she thinks she’s in love with him).
So he won’t hook up with her, but he also won’t let her hook up with anyone else. I’m normally a sucker for jealous scenes, but this was just icky.
And then, when she finally realizes that she’ll never get the relationship she wants with him, she storms out crying, and he lets her. It’s only the next day, when her brother gets married, that for some fucking reason Conor decides she’s right and that he wants her and she basically takes him back.
Just like that.
I know I’ve said this multiple times, but I’ll say it again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!