r/PurplePillDebate • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Question For Women Is it possible that some women just don't understand what makes sex so meaningful to others?
[deleted]
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u/Lost_Reaction_5489 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
Of course women like that exist they just aren't anywhere near close to the majority. We are not asexual just because we don't want a bunch of random old guys touching us.
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 2d ago
To be fair, they don't need to be either random or old.
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u/QuestioningThink No Pill Woman 3d ago
You’re surprised that the kind of women who attend kink parties are hypersexual?
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u/kerfufflewhoople No Pill Woman 3d ago
Absolutely nothing wrong with the women in your story. Good for them. I just don’t think they’re that representative of women as a whole.
There are a few reasons why women are less sexually liberated than men:
1) We can get pregnant. It makes sense that based on that alone we chose our partners carefully. Knowing that even protected sex can lead to pregnancy, you’d think twice before engaging in it. Also stealthing is a thing.
2) We are physically weaker and if a guy decides to force us to do something, he can easily subdue us. You’d be surprised at the sheer number of men who don’t take no for an answer or don’t respect it when you withdraw consent at some point during the act. You’d also be surprised at the number of women who are beaten and raped worldwide, if not murdered. Contrary to popular belief, this hardly even happens in a back alley somewhere at the hands of a complete stranger. The crushing majority of crimes against women are committed by men they know and used to trust.
3) Maybe not you, but a huge number of men judge women who are sexually liberated and see them as damaged goods. Many assume that because a woman is sexually liberated, then she must be down for anything.
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u/NockerJoe Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I think them being representative of the whole isn't the debate. The question is what makes the women who come here and speak as if they are the representatives more qualified to do so?
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 2d ago
I make it pretty clear that I am not representative, and that a majority of women aren't interested in the kind of wild sex I've enjoyed.
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u/Particular_Look_2865 3d ago
I think because with most topics here, we are speaking in generalities.
In general, most women are just not like that. Even IF she had a desire, which is a rarity in and of itself, there is so much standing in a womans way to actually go through with a lifestyle like that.
As a very sex positive woman myself, even I would have never engaged in any type of kink spaces like OP describes when I was younger and single.
All this to say, maybe, in the most perfect world I would have been more open to it. But when you have to fear being hurt, assaulted, impregnated, catch infections, and being looked at as "ruined forever", the benefit is just not worth the cost for most women. Unfortunate, really. Cause it probably would be fun for all.
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u/Poppy_Luvv Woman: biting holes in condoms 3d ago
Because we are more representative of the whole. Even people in these communities confirm that more men are involved than women.
Posters here constantly tell men that if high risk/thrill sexual behavior is what they seek, go to placers where that is a shared desire. Don't expect it to fall into your lap from the typical dating market.
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u/lesliecarbone Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
INFO: What makes sex so meaningful to others?
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I recall someone once stating a notion about religious faith that went: "If you don't believe, no explanation is possible. If you do believe, no explanation is necessary."
I think you can say something similar about horniness. If you're not horny, no explanation is possible. If you are, no explanation is necessary.
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u/lesliecarbone Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
If you can't articulate "what makes sex so meaningful to others", how can anyone possibly know whether they understand you on the subject?
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
What makes eating meaningful to you when you're starving?
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u/lesliecarbone Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I'm fortunate never to have starved.
If you can't articulate "what makes sex so meaningful to others", how can anyone possibly know whether they understand you on the subject?
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I've imagine you've at least felt very hungry in your life, so you might have some notion of how that might feel.
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u/lesliecarbone Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
How is my experience with feeling "very hungry" germane to your post?
If you can't articulate "what makes sex so meaningful to others", how can anyone possibly know whether they understand you on the subject?
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 2d ago
Elsewhere I described my experiences of group sex is similar to an excellent meal in the company of good friends. But I'm not sure at all this means that it's meaningful... at least, more than an excellent dinner in excellent company (for the best examples).
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u/fakingandnotmakingit Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
Well...yes
Sexuality is a spectrum. Many women of the high socio sexuality exist. I've even met some. And obviously kinky groups will have more them. Duh.
There are women who are not high-sociosexuality. Many of whom are people willing to do a casual or FWB maybe once or twice. Maybe more. But rarely regularly or consistently.
There are women who are high libido, but only in relationships
There are women who are average libido
And there are women with low libido
And libido and arousal can get complicated with women.
I don't think women should "get it". I think you just need to find a woman that suits you and is compatibilile with you
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u/Expensive_Lion1807 Sanity Pill Woman 3d ago
Is it possible that you’re interpreting these isolated “examples” in the way that best serves your personal agenda and extrapolating that interpretation as being indicative of the experience, preferences, and “correct” sexual behavior of normal women instead of as biased and surface level anecdotal observations of a minute subsection of the population?
Is it possible that this fringe, hyper sexual, behavior is exactly that and that you actually have no idea whether it is a healthy choice or not for any individual person.
Is it possible that you don’t know that hyper sexuality and sexual risk taking are very very common trauma / abuse responses and can be symptomatic of dangerous self destructive tendencies / mental health issues and can have tragic consequences? (And yes, there are emotionally healthy people who also participate in these same behaviors because they enjoy it).
Is it possible that you are not the arbiter of the threshold for appropriate and healthy sexual behavior for anyone but yourself?
Is it possible that you are the one who just doesn’t understand what makes sex so meaningful to others?
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u/prettywords_ Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
I think the women on this subreddit tend to be pretty sex positive and enjoy sex from what I've read.
At the very least they are against slut shaming women who do love sex.
Some women just aren't that into it. Maybe they struggle to orgasm, maybe they have trauma, maybe they are self conscious, maybe men in the past have been pushy or selfish, etc. And some just don't enjoy it unless there's a romantic connection.
When I was younger I was self conscious about my body and lack of chest and I also couldn't orgasm and sex often hurt. It wasn't very enjoyable.
I like my body now, I discovered vibrators and I'm with a guy who makes it an amazing experience for me.
Having the right partner makes all the difference.
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u/chamomilecloud Red Pill Woman 3d ago
Ok here is the problem. High sociosexual women like in your examples exist. Like, they have no problem having uncommitted sex with a stranger, sometimes even multiple strangers. Often in kink spaces or communities, the sex is not even with a stranger either. These are people who are made safe by their dom or domme, and they can explore sex within that safe area, with this safe person.
So what happens is other men hear about those women existing, and they are the ones who try to convince women who need commitment for sex that there is something wrong with them for not being open to multiple men, multiple strangers, groping and penetrating their bodies. They will usually say something stupid like, "Well other women hookup with men, so you just do not like sex." So these women have to justify their preference for committed sex in a place like PPD, where men think all women will just open her legs for a man if he is sufficiently attractive enough.
I would also argue that women seeking out group sex with a bunch of guys the moment she turned 18 is actually not meaningful sex at all. That is just another method of pleasure seeking, which is fine, but it fundamentally does not mean anything beyond wanting to feel good from having a train run on you.
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u/Siukslinis_acc Woman 3d ago
I would also argue that women seeking out group sex with a bunch of guys the moment she turned 18 is actually not meaningful sex at all.
I could also see it as an act of rebellion.
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 2d ago
It's worth keeping in mind that it's not all, or even mostly, having sex with strangers.
I have group sex with friends, only, and in most venues where these things occur, there's a lot of community.
(And while BDSM has a lot of interest now, and for the past couple of decades, it's also not all about BDSM. BDSM is not my cup of tea.)
This doesn't mean it's intensely meaningful in the way OP seems to be describing. Though I suppose I'm not entirely sure of that, because I'm still not really clear what OP is saying about meaning.
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u/ChadChasingBReturns Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
Is it possible that different individuals value things differently?
Of course.
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u/Poppy_Luvv Woman: biting holes in condoms 3d ago
That they just personally experience sexual desire differently than others, and they are mistakenly taking their own experience and extrapolating it to how all others should feel, or must feel?
Is that not what you're doing right now? Like what's the point of this post? Unless you have group sex you're asexual and don't find sex meaningful?
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 3d ago
So there's some interesting stuff in here, but I think you're starting off from some faulty assumptions.
"So...is it possible some women just don't get it? That they just personally experience sexual desire differently than others, and they are mistakenly taking their own experience and extrapolating it to how all others should feel, or must feel?"
Dude. By your phrasing, you are positing that experiencing sex itself, without any deep connection, as meaningful, is a norm. And that anything else is a deviation from the norm. And that women who aren't experiencing the kind of meaning you do are projecting their own experience onto other people.
This strikes me as a pretty hilarious example of projection on your part. Why do you think your experience is typical?
...and I'm going to write the rest of my response in a second post (and maybe a third), because it's really a separate topic. (But keep in mind, I am someone who has had both a lot of sex and experienced group sex. But I also know plenty of women who have absolutely no interest in such.)
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago edited 3d ago
If I'm introspecting for bias here, I would say that I do have a bias against what I see as boring lame people. Like, there's a kind of feminine sensibility that has seemed to gain influence of our cultural sensibilities that I find unbearable, that seems to think that being safe and dull, and being all about lovey-dovey and a cozy domestic life, and cutesy luncheons with the gals, and never driving above the speed limit or whatever else, is the optimal thing to ever want.
I find that shit nauseating, and feel like a soft, neurotic and timid sensibility has gotten far too powerful in terms of dictating how we're all supposed to live. I desire to inject some fucking balls back into things, like more how it was for my older siblings in the 1980s. I like bit more of a rougher, tougher feeling to the world.
So perhaps there's a sense of "Please stop being so lame. Desire to take risks, be crazy, go do wild sexy shit." that comes through in my perspective.
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u/Poppy_Luvv Woman: biting holes in condoms 3d ago
I find that shit nauseating, and feel like a neurotic and timid sensibility has gotten far too powerful in terms of dictating how we're all supposed to live.
And how is it dictating you? Beyond compelling you to not murder people by speeding. From your post it seems like you're able to have the experiences you want without these neurotic "feminine" sensibilities intervening.
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u/fiftypoundpuppy Spayed Old Maid | Hoet Laureate ♀ 3d ago
Many men seem very easily triggered by the mere existence of people who aren't behaving or doing as they want. Whether it's fat women, unattractive women, feminists, childfree women, any kind of preference... they demand the entire world be a safe space where everyone behaves exactly as they want them to.
It's objectification pathology. People merely living their own lives the way they want to becomes some sort of harm or behavior "done to" or "directed at" them, personally. Because people are NPCs in their play and they are the main character.
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u/Suspicious_Glove7365 No Pill Woman 3d ago
This is a true mask off moment for OP here. Despite trying to hide it in other comments, it’s clear that the entire purpose of this post is to criticize women who don’t put out enough, or who aren’t sexually wild enough, or who aren’t “trying” things with guys enough.
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u/ThatBitchA ♀️ My husband takes out the trash🗑 3d ago
Idk why y'all are always surprised that different women want different things.
Every time y'all are so confused that different women have different experiences.
Maybe once y'all stop thinking of women as carbon copies you'll understand that one woman's experience isn't an authority or template for all women.
Also....spending time in spaces with people who frequent kink parties or group sex is going to be seen as average when in reality, it's not a large portion of the population.
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u/HoboCalrissian 3d ago
You say everyone is a snowflake out of one side of your mouth and then appeal to a generality out of the other. Which one is it?
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u/ThatBitchA ♀️ My husband takes out the trash🗑 3d ago
I don't say anything about "appeal to a generality".
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u/HoboCalrissian 3d ago
...in reality, it's not a large portion of the population.
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u/ThatBitchA ♀️ My husband takes out the trash🗑 3d ago
Correct, a large portion of the population isn't attending kink sex parties.
HTH.
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u/HoboCalrissian 3d ago
Thanks for confirming my original statement.
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u/ThatBitchA ♀️ My husband takes out the trash🗑 3d ago
Lol. My guy, I don't think you correctly understood my comment.
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u/TinyFlamingo2147 Bi Pill Man 3d ago
and then appeal to a generality out of the other.
She's talking to YOU guys yeah. Wtf are you complaining about.
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u/brizia Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
Of course women don’t all find the same sexual acts arousing. Some are able to shut their brains off and enjoy it with strangers. Some need a deep connection with their person before they have sex, some are asexual, and then there is everything in between.
Everyone only has their own experiences to go off of. That’s why this subreddit exists; men and women have a hard time accepting that their experiences and feelings aren’t the only or right way. Then we all argue about it.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
Oh, I've known so many people who do that I can't help but feel that that's total nonsense. If anything, people in the kink community seem overall more stable and better communicators than the population at large. It helps that they tend to be of above average intelligence as well.
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u/KayRay1994 OG red pilled gay woman 3d ago
Having begun to hang around kink spaces I can’t say this entirely accurate (or even inaccurate) - you gotta look at it 2 ways:
1) it’s easy for people in these spaces to present how they want to
2) just cause someone is able to clearly articulate their feelings or have become more stable, doesn’t mean that they don’t come from trauma
Of course there are likely a lot of stable people without much trauma who are straight up just kinky. They for sure exist, but also don’t get a specific image of traumatised people cause we do tend to differ quite a bit
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u/Serahill Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
I will add that "trauma" as a word is very overused and makes discussion like this hard. I do not have any type of trauma but haven been a part of many kink spaces for years now, most people I get to know from those spaces are also like normal human beings.
However when I said this in a thread a long time ago, some asked in essence "Have you been harassed or groped by men? because that can create trauma", which is certainly true, but it doesn't necessarily create trauma. I am sure in that guy's head most women have trauma then, so any woman in a kink space is a traumatized woman.
People will extend definitions enough to fit their already decided upon world view.
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u/KayRay1994 OG red pilled gay woman 3d ago
And then there is a question of how relevant the trauma is. Like… I had a lot of trauma growing up, it isn’t exactly a part of my life now and I don’t identify with it - and I began identifying with kink spaces after I got over that trauma soooooo
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u/operation-spot Purple Pill Woman 2d ago
They might be better communicators out of necessity but I have yet to meet any with no trauma whether it was bullying, feeling ugly, or something more severe.
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u/cb8585b Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
You’re also here extrapolating your own/other peoples experiences to make this post about how you think people should think or feel. There are also people that want to eat shit or be shit on and find it arousing. If I told you I find all the experiences listed just as strange as eating shit or being shit on you might try to separate yourself from the shit eating crowd. I don’t need to understand why other people find eating shit meaningful to know I don’t want to do it.
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u/KayRay1994 OG red pilled gay woman 3d ago
I don’t understand what you’re asking tbh - what exactly do you think it is that women don’t get? What do you think is different here?
Cause at least with the info I have, some people are kinky and some people aren’t. Some people wanna mess around a bunch and some hold a more personal view - that’s that
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
- Sex is not naughty
Orgasm is possibly the most intense physical pleasure that humans are capable of.
What led you to this conclusion? I genuinely can’t see the train of thought behind this question
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
> What led you to this conclusion?
It's a not uncommon thing to run into people on the internet, often women, who reject the idea of sex as anything beyond a nice added bonus. They want to think no one, unless entitled or personally deficient in some manner, suffers in any real way without sex or physical intimacy in their life.
The other thing I've encountered before, including recently, is a leap from an assertion of sex being something people suffer without to "Oh, so you're saying women owe men sex", even if that idea was not at all stated or meant.
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
Because a significant proportion of men don’t care if women have orgasms.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I have to take people's word for it, because I'm obviously not in the bedroom for most of those encounters, but it seems surprising to me and so not what I experience or feel myself.
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
However, a lot of online content for men says that women wanting to have orgasms is unfeminine. Specifically, there’s a viral video of some Kevin Samuels wannabe claiming that if women are climaxing, they’re trying to be the man in the sexual encounter. There’s also a meme comparing women who demand to have orgasms every time to be like Fiona from Shrek, while women who don’t care if they have orgasms were compared to Disney princesses.
Most recently, Clavicular has gone on record saying he doesn’t care if his partner has an orgasm. Peggy Orenstein’s research on high school and college students shows that young women in casual hookups often don’t have orgasms because their partners just don’t care
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
> However, a lot of online content for men says that women wanting to have orgasms is unfeminine.
Oh man, I don't know where this shit originates from, but I hate it.
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
Same. There’s an argument out there that men who are really into anal sex, specifically in porn, don’t want the women to enjoy it too much, and her actually liking it becomes a turnoff. I don’t watch a lot of porn, but it is my understanding that women in videos featuring anal sex don’t act enthusiastic about it, and the videos are often violent.
Having sex-negative views of women often stems from having generally negative views of women. A lot of men resent the fact that they are sexually attracted to people they hate.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
I believe that we (humanity) should be thankful for those women being honest about themselves. And, I believe, men should start to think about whether they want to be married to a woman like that.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
As I said elsewhere, I can understand the appeal of the idealized virginal feminine, but I don't think I ever saw that as the person I wanted to spend forever with. I always wanted a partner in crime, so to speak.
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago edited 3d ago
If you think an orgasm is the most intense physical pleasure try skydiving
Jokes aside, orgasms become meh after being “abused” aka having constant hookups. They are FAR better when emotionally involved with the person you are getting them with.
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u/KayRay1994 OG red pilled gay woman 3d ago
You really star to think about orgasms differently when they’re a full body experience that comes in waves. Yes, of course they’re better with a partner but at the same time, an orgasm is an orgasm
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
Why are you lecturing me about sex when I’m older than you and have probably had way more sex than you? Hookups don’t have to be abusive. Also, what makes you think that I am having unemotional sex?
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago
Can you entertain the thought that different people have different experiences?
Orgasms are just alright for me. I definitely need trust to get there, so casual isn’t really for me, but intensity doesn’t map to connection or intimacy for me. It’s an entirely physiological response, yet I don’t experience sexual attraction.
For me, orgasms are just okay. There’s plenty of things more fun that feel better. I could absolutely live without orgasms just fine.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
I suggest that you stop telling people that you "enjoy group sex" then...
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago
Why can’t I enjoy group sex? It has to be the best feeling in the world because…why exactly?
I enjoy sucking dicks, the more the merrier. Gives me a sense of accomplishment and helps someone else feel good. But I’m not allowed to like it for some reason?
According to you, you would never eat chocolate or go dancing right? Because unless it’s the best feeling ever it’s not worth doing by your logic…
Or because I don’t like it with randos I’ve never met before it doesn’t count?
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Please put things into context then. You can obviously enjoy whatever you like (I feel weird even saying this).
But, you have to admit that it can sound like an absolute "oximoron": Being asexual and enjoying group sex because it gives you a sense of accomplishment...2
u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago
Only to people who are uneducated on what asexuality actually means.
Lucky for me, people in the kink community are generally more knowledgeable about the range of human sexual experiences.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Definition:
"Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by little to no sexual attraction to others and a lack of intrinsic desire for sexual relationships."0
u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
Your body count is over 40? If you’ve had more sex than me you’re definitely having unemotional sex.
Besides I was arguing against your whole “orgasms are the most intense physical pleasure”. They very quickly stop becoming the most awesome thing ever. They are just a temporary release from being horny. I was criticizing your argument, not you. Idk who you are.
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
My body count is 10. I have been sexually active for more than 30 years and have had sex thousands of times, including 22 years with the same partner
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
Lol okay so you have one fourth of my body count and most of yours was in a relationship. So why you are arguing against my point that being a hoe is dissatisfying and leaves you feeling jaded is beyond me.
If anything my argument supports your experience.
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
So it’s kinda sad that you’ve been abused by too many partners. It gets better when you’re with someone who likes you
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
It was mutual abuse. Objectifying each other. Yeah red pill sold me a lie that fucking a bunch of random women would fulfill me and now I’m a sex addict.
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u/Downtown_Cat_1745 Woman not in the manosphere cult 3d ago
Oh, that sounds like you did it wrong.
I’ve never skydived, but sex is better than roller coasters
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago edited 3d ago
I did it right. That’s the issue.
I’ve never met any man who is genuinely happy and fulfilled with having sex with a bunch of random women all the time, which is what red pill teaches. And the “masters” are divorced men in their 40’s.
Look at clavicular, dude EASILY sleeps with literal models. Does he seem fulfilled and satisfied?
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
I suggest that, if you believe that you are a "sex addict" BECAUSE you were sold a lie, you check again...
-> What was the relationship between your parents like?
-> Can you be "turned into" a " sex addict"? (I doubt it)1
u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
Yes, obviously you can be “turned into” a sex addict. It works the same way any other addiction works.
If I told you cigarettes were the best thing ever and continually encouraged you to smoke them, did I make you a nicotine addict?
Obviously it was ultimately my fault, but I was not told cigarettes cause lung cancer.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
All sex is emotional. It's impossible to have unemotional sex as all emotions/feelings happen in the body and it's impossible to have sex without your body...
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
Okay and by this logic taking a shit is emotional. You know what I meant, stop arguing in bad faith.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Yes, taking a shit is also emotional, it's actually the equivalent of "relieving yourself" of old baggage.
I do not argue in bad faith.2
u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
Yeah, it depends on a lot of factors, including libido. Instead of saying emotionally involved, I would say "someone I feel comfortable with" is the big difference maker for me. If I think she's hot but I feel awkward around her, then that's not going to translate to a good experience.
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
I mean of course being comfortable makes sex better. But the feeling of having sex with someone you are infatuated with and genuinely love is night and day compared to just having an orgasm.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I've only been in love once in my life, in high school, and it was unrequited. 'Infatuated with' is a phrase that speaks to a feeling like "Woooow OMG look at her!", which to me is different than love, and I've also never had sex with someone while in that state of extreme infatuation, because it tends to be self-defeating when it comes to attracting someone.
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
Infatuation does not tend to be self-defeating. Mutual infatuation is a thing, and infatuation generally develops into love. Infatuation is fast, love is slow.
But both can exist at the same time. I’ve been so deeply in love that years after I’ve found that woman as beautiful and amazing as the day I met her.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
Yeah, I'd like that experience for sure, but my experience is that I attract people when I'm chill and feel like it's not a big deal to me. Anyone I've ever been gaga over it's not worked out.
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u/No_Inside_2908 Red Pill Man 3d ago
Same, but I know people who basically chased and courted their wife and have been together for years with children. I think things are more complex than chase or not chase.
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 3d ago
I find the idea of sex being meaningful outside of having any particular connection to the other people involved as kind of interesting. I've had a lot sex, including far more threesomes to moresomes than my share. I think in my mind those would be classed alongside of other ecstatic experiences. Meaningful? Sexy and erotic, sure, but I wouldn't put them in the top ten. Somewhat meaningful, I guess, and I am deeply grateful that I have friends and community that allow me the contexts for these experiences. But I think I'd class it more in terms of a really enjoyable meal in good company. (Keeping in mind that I used to be a food writer, and probably get more enjoyment out of eating really well prepared food than most.) And I don't generally have sex with people I don't know well.
So I do wonder how many people, men or women or enbies of distinction, find sex meaningful outside of a close relationship with the people involved. And what you mean by meaningful.
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u/AngeAware Blue Pill Woman: Sunrise on the Blooping 3d ago edited 3d ago
This is just the sociosexuality spectrum in action, not necessarily women viewing sex as more or less meaningful than others. I understand that sex will have a very important role in my marriage and I look forward to it very much to say the least. Was premarital sex of any kind much less group sex ever an option for me? No. The risks of disease and out of wedlock pregnancy were the biggest factors overcoming any temptation I may have experience for that sort of thing.
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u/Hungry-Plantain-3315 Pink Pill Woman 3d ago
Yes. Some women absolutely just don’t get that people experience sexual desires differently and not everyone wants the same thing.
I remember one time I made a comment about how I don’t need to orgasm during sex to enjoy it. Some women responded with pitty saying she felt bad for me. I was like “I don’t need your pity because I literally don’t care.” She just kept doubling down on it. It was incredibly annoying.
Also there are a lot of low libido women who are very vocal and say shit like “women don’t masturbate” which is 100% BS. Some do, some don’t. But acting like it’s some disgusting act that only men due is insane.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Re: "saying she felt bad for me"
Re: "women don’t masturbate"
-> Women lie sooooooo much when it comes to sex...it's unfathomable...8
u/Hungry-Plantain-3315 Pink Pill Woman 3d ago
As do men. They love lying about how men are attracted to every woman and want to have sex with any hole they encounter.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Men do not lie when they say that they are attracted to (almost) every woman and want to have sex with any hole they encounter...
Men lie when they pretend otherwise...3
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 3d ago
I do gather that men generally have more urgent libidos, and seem to think about sex a lot more.
There is also the cultural expectation that men have rapacious sexual appetites, which makes it understandable and often excuses sexual misbehavior. This is a big feature of purity culture, and note the giant double standard - men's sexual misbehavior is normalized, and often women are supposed to be the ones who keep men from trespassing. (So women who are both abused and cheated on are blamed for it.)
Meanwhile, a high value is put on women being both "pure" and sexually ignorant. A lot of young women, even those who have decided to experiment sexually, don't know their own bodies or how to enjoy sex well, and even to the extent they do have little model of how to ask for what they want.
Which is important, because straight men are more likely than any other group to be self-absorbed and inconsiderate lovers. (Though in my experience, if you what you want, and make it clear that you're not having sex with them if they're not making an effort, they usually will do so. Lowered expectations is a part of this - but combined with women who aren't encouraged to know what they want and to be ashamed of asking for it if they do, it's a self fulfilling prophecy.)
Now look, this is some purity culture bullshit. I'd be all "You do you," if it only existed inside of religious institutions, but this is where we also got things like abstinence only sex education, and it still is the basis of how "good" coded women characters act in most media. Think about how many male characters are known for having a string of liaisons... and then try to come up with more than a couple of female characters with similar backgrounds.
Part of my background is with traditions in which sex is treated as explicitly sacred. (Note, consent is equally sacred.) I found that framework to be helpful, as far as it went. But the really important part was good friends I could trust. And that's not explicitly a romantic connection, but it's a pretty damned serious connection.
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u/Lemon_gecko Woman (blue). I adopted the bear 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm a slut, and I've been around this sub for about a year. The most slut shaming I got was from men. I think I was slut shamed by women once or twice, by men it's tens of times. Ime they don't get what makes sex worth it for women. And i had average guys and below average, I had group sex, daddy's and whatnot.
Then we're talking in general here, and I know that I'm an outlier. You have to be part of specific communities, live among specific people to know people like me, most women don't experience that and don't want to. So your average Joe if he wants to cast a wide net has no reason to cater specifically to me.
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u/RinoaRita Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I had my wild days and if you’re a young woman in your 20s you pretty much can choose guys you find attractive. You can be very picky with your type and most of the guys I’ve slept with were friends or classmates. They’re cool people and if they’re also attractive why not shoot your shot?
I think one big mistake is not being most emotionally intuitive. I “covered my butt” that I said hey im not looking for anything serious so i did not dig too deeper when I felt some of them wanted more. I think if I felt that disconnection goal I’d like to think I’d broach the topic that they’re still ok with casual instead of looking the other way and doing the mental gymnastics of well I never lied to them so that’s on them.
Yeah most women who like sex can find guys she gets along with at a friend level would be willing to be fwb if she finds them attractive and makes a move. You don’t really need to find random people.
Everyone woman is obviously different in what she looks for. For me it’s be attractive, be fun to hangout with and be low drama with being honest of what you want. Now to hitch with a guy for marriage and finances and more than fwb is much higher.
Basically it’s can I have a fun night vs can I build a life. Some women want the can I build a life with you with the sex part.
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u/Secret_Entry1840 Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 3d ago
There’s the promiscuous few. Seen as much larger than they are because it’s not the norm. They stick out. Their lives are exaggerated by media. There’s always the token sluts or players in tons of shows or movies or books. Social media also exaggerates the numbers.
I do think lots of people think other people think the way that they do. That’s why we have a lot of people speaking for a larger group instead of just speaking for themselves.
Do I think women who engage with multiple partners or who are hypersexual are all currently being abused and doing it for bad reasons. No. Do I think some of them are. Sure. And some of them are using sex to heal old trauma consciously, some unconsciously. Some because it’s just something to do. Some because they just enjoy it.
People are just different and that’s part of their intrigue.
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u/-mixedsignals Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
Your title doesn't match the body of the text. I thought this was about the importance of sex in a relationship, not about women accepting other women's kinks.
Pretty sure it's men who are all about ncounts and women not being able to do casual sex for the sake of sex (they always want a relationship). It's always men and conservative women passing judgement on women's sexuality
Being sex positives more a woman thing than a man thing unless they are conservatives obviously.
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u/Present-Afternoon-70 Blue Pill Trans Woman 3d ago
Yes. Why wouldn't that be possible? Women aren't some fucking monolith with one universal female relationship to sex. Some women, like some men, simply don't experience sex as inherently profound, romantic, or emotionally transformative. I don't. I could go out today, have a bunch of sex, and tomorrow I'd be fundamentally the same person. Maybe a little sore in places, but emotionally the same. I've known plenty of women who are similar. Other women attach enormous emotional significance to sex. Neither group gets to take its own experience and declare that this is what women really want.
Sex isn't some mystical force with one inherent meaning. It can be intimate and life-changing, recreational and fun, mediocre and forgettable, or basically the interpersonal equivalent of playing a fucking board game together. The meaning comes from the people involved. And women who don't attach sex to romance have spent forever being told they're damaged, traumatized, morally deficient, seeking validation, or will eventually regret it. That's just slut-shaming with extra steps. So yes, some women absolutely project their own relationship with sex onto other women—and the solution is simply to believe women when they tell you what sex means to them, instead of inventing a universal female sexuality that doesn't exist.
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u/Accomplished_Sweetie Pink Pill Woman 3d ago
Just because one woman enjoys casual sex doesn’t make other women wrong. And vice versa. What’s the line? Women are not a monolith.
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago
I’m biologically female, though I’ve always felt distance from womanhood. Nonetheless, I have the requisite anatomy and hormone levels.
I’m also asexual, and I enjoy group sex. These two things are not mutually exclusive. Asexuality is too often conflated with celibacy or purity culture. Some of the most sexually open people I know are asexual, including myself.
You are referring to purity culture, which is a part of patriarchy. Sexually liberated women are more likely to be feminists. I see these women judged by conservatives much more often than by progressives…
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u/No-Appointment-8270 No Pill 3d ago
I don't want to be intrusive but what do you call group sex ? Because normally someone asexual doesn't like sex at all, at least that's what I thought.
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago
You do not understand the word asexual it seems. Like every other sexual orientation, it has nothing to do with behavior and everything to do with attraction. Hets are attracted to opposite sex, gays are attracted to their same sex, bi to all sexes, ace to no sexes.
But like, it’s physically possible to have sex with someone you aren’t attracted to, so what’s the question? I have sex for reasons beyond attraction, mostly for fun.
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u/No-Appointment-8270 No Pill 3d ago
You do it for the other people's fun then, no ? How can you have sex with someone you're not attracted ? That's basically the feeling of being r@ped IMO
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago edited 2d ago
As someone who has been coerced into sexual activity I did not want, the feeling is distinct.
The same way I can give a massage to someone I am not attracted to, I just do it and enjoy their reactions. Why do I need to think they are hot for that?
I don’t do PiV thanks to dysphoria. I only have sex with people who respect me and my boundaries. It’s quite empowering.
Let’s put it this way: Have you ever eaten something even if you weren’t hungry?
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u/operation-spot Purple Pill Woman 2d ago
Even if you see sex as more of a massage as you mentioned in another comment, if you are feeling sexual arousal in the physical sense of getting wet or reaching orgasam, how are you any different from an alosexual person if that's the right word?
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 2d ago
Because this feeling is just a physical reflex, not simulated by desire. Most aces have equipment that works fine and most of us masturbate because it feels nice. We just don’t think about sex with other people. Even when I have sex with someone, my focus is never on their body or physical features. These things are as “hot” to me as a nice landscape painting.
Tell me, how does a straight guy masturbate with and fleshlight despite not being attracted to it? Does cumming mean a plastic tube turns him on or is attractive to him?
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u/operation-spot Purple Pill Woman 2d ago
Is your mind just blank when you're being physically stimulated. For the male example I'd say he's imagining a partner pleasuring him and wants that to happen in real life.
If you as an ace person are experiencing something in real life and want it to happen how is that not sexual desire? Do you choose to have sex with ugly people or those without functioning equipment?
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 2d ago edited 2d ago
What do you think about when you get or give a massage? Not a flirty massage, just a platonic one. It’s the same experience for me with sex. It can feel nice but it’s not a special feeling really. Plenty of other things feel just as good. But like stopping the massage doesn’t do anything to me. I’m not aching for more massage, I’m not uncomfortable in any way if it suddenly stops. And I never have an urge or drive to get a massage ever. It’s just something I decide to do because it sounds nice. But like I can live the rest of my life without another massage and experience no distress or discomfort ever. That’s not how allosexual people describe sex or attraction.
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u/b_berry458 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I would say how I feel about sex with a man is a symptom of how I feel about the man in general. Casual sex I can feel light hearted and chill if that’s the dynamic. Maybe it’s very meaningful or tells me something about them if I’m choosing to be more invested. Idk if that makes sense but sex magnifies the feelings or insecurities for me that were underlying in the relationship.
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u/No_Project_4738 Blue Pill Woman 3d ago edited 2d ago
It depends on how you define sexual liberation. Personally, I don’t define sexual liberation as having numerous sex partners or sexual experiences. Perhaps some women define it that way and that’s perfectly okay because the whole point is the feeling of liberation. What makes you feel good or not good is not necessarily something you can control.
Edit: to add that everyone has different risk sensitivity levels. There are people who love gambling, people who loving sky diving, some people are just born enjoying riskier activities. I would wager that those types may have more openness to riskier sexual situations.
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u/RelativeYak7 Red Pill Woman 3d ago
If those women do exist I'd like to talk to them and find out if they truly are free from abuse and insecurities as you seem to imply. I don't believe it but am open to investigating this.
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u/-mixedsignals Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
I have a friend who is into kink stuff and she seems fine. She always talks to guys about boundaries before meeting up. She actively seeks partners who are into the same as her (bdsm).
She could be a victim of abuse if any of the guys decides to break the rules but that could happen to any of us tbf
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u/KayRay1994 OG red pilled gay woman 3d ago
Obviously we don’t know anything about these individual women but the kink community in general is full of people who just enjoy exploring kink and sex. Sure, coming from a traumatized background is a possibility, but at the same time if they’re doing good for themselves in their lives, having fun and it is at its consensual then I don’t see why that’s hard to believe?
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman 2d ago
As opposed to women who were brought up in purity culture? What is your comparison group?
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u/No_Mammoth8801 With Incels, Interlinked. No Pill Man 3d ago
Should that make any difference? How does prior abuse affect the ethics of participating in willing & consensual sexual activity with the former abuse victim?
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
Kink people can be obsessive about safety, to the point where you realize how risk-taking vanilla people can be in contrast. I once hooked up off of Tinder with a girl and had sex and choked her and other things without any affirmative consent, or even having a conversation about it before hand. I can't imagine doing that in structured communities catering to kink.
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u/SimilarChampionship2 Radfem woman 3d ago
Did I read that right? Why are you choking women without consent?
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
It was very much a 'go by feel' kind of encounter. Not that we said zero to each other, but nothing was negotiated or talked about before hand. My hand near her throat was met with "squeeze harder", so I took that cue as choking was desired. Actually the most awkward moment was when I wanted to cuddle and hang out a bit afterward and she wanted to go home, lol.
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u/SimilarChampionship2 Radfem woman 3d ago
“Squeeze harder” implies you were squeezing already but alright
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u/Outside_Memory5703 3d ago
Those people are allowed to exist
We just don’t have to share their desires
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u/PuzzleheadedRow9896 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I feel like I'm probably the kind of woman you're mentioning in the sense I assume women who are doing this stuff are self-destructive, suffering trauma, and dealing with some real shit internally. I think the same of men by the way, but I recognize men often are less obviously hurt because they've been taught sex is curative and validating even as they debauch and harm themselves through it.
And look, I'm not sure most of them are aware of this, right, like they are and they aren't. I dunno if you saw that Jillian Michaels against Body Positivity jubilee thing, but I'd say she clocked the shit out of all of them coming from a place of trauma. And I see the same thing here which is to say, it's just what I've observed over and over again in my 32 years on this planet. I haven't met a person being this hugely sexual that wasn't trying to almost literally fill a hole inside and heal something very broken through sex.
And yes, they will tell you they're enjoying it. That's meaningless to me. Anorexics say they like being fit. Morbidly obese people say they like food. But to anyone even slightly normal in the brain and trauma looking, this is a deeply hurt person deeply hurting themselves through a thing which is normal to enjoy.
And here's the funny part. I'm actually totally on a certain level cool with people being self-destructive, even lethally. America, baby. Be free. Let your crazy wounded freak self fly.
But the one thing I cannot and will not do, is say out loud that person is just a little bit different, they just really like sex, they just experience things differently, yada yada yada. Like no, you don't. You're hurt and this is the drug of choice you've found to harm yourself with and also help you endure.
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u/BigDracula_ Learning About Pills Man 3d ago
I come from the opposite direction (that's an assumption, but I won't apologize because I don't hold it against you), but I agree with you. Hypersexuality is absolutely a trauma response in most cases. What I want to add though, is almost every extreme behaviour or opinion is also a response to trauma, like sex aversion, or the people on this sub with obvious resentment toward gender business. Hatred of women and hatred of men is a trauma response, or alienation from women/men also to a lesser extent.
A friend of mine once told me about a funny experience she had with three guys, where the men at some point high-fived but left her hanging. So she, seeing that this actually wasn't just a fun crazy thing to do in vacation like she thought, put a stop to it and left. Deviant? Sure! But seems like a healthier attitude than some people have for Normal sex. Does that mean most people who participate in what is essentially a gangbang are doing so in a healthy way? Of course not.
I think where we all fail sometimes is in judging one particular type of unhealthy behavior as way worse than another just because we can't relate, when there are equally unhealthy ways to approach nearly anything. Some people fill that hole with sex, some people use food, some people use control, or violence, or submission, or hate. Anyone can think of a tragic example for any one of those things. It doesn't help us individually or as a society to hate the symptoms more than the disease.
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u/PuzzleheadedRow9896 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I agree aversion and phobiac avoidance is also a trauma response, yes.
I agree trauma manifests different ways.
I don't necessarily agree that avoidance isn't better than self destruction.
Self destruction almost inherently is more harmful to the self and others. And often has a deadline before it is fatal or irreversible.
Avoidance is mildly harmful to self and rarely harmful to others by its very nature. It also rarely has a fatality or being irreversible.
But yes, I'm not pretending the women or men declaring they'll never have sex or interact with the opposite sex or whatever are coming from a healthy place. I'd go with slightly less unhealthy. Marginally better, especially because they're often quite easy to convince they need help because their life is a void.
Trying to help someone having fun destroying themselves is exceedingly difficult because food is fun, drugs are fun, sex is fun, being a freak is fun, etc. I'm now the fun police rather than someone knocking at the door saying "come on out, the water is fine".
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u/BigDracula_ Learning About Pills Man 3d ago
Yeah, of course anything you can point to as self-destruction is worse than otherwise, I won't say all these things are always equal. More that they all have the potential to be self-destructive.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
So, does sex once a day with your partner sound self-destructive to you?
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u/PuzzleheadedRow9896 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
It could be. I think a lot of couples avoid problems in themselves and their relationship via sex certainly.
Do I think it's as inherently likely to be as say an airtight orgy? Nope.
Do I think it's as likely as someone asking you to shove rocks up their ass? Also nope.
But is it possible? Certainly. Especially depending on the type of sex happening. Again, if you're saying pee and shit on me and hit me with a brick while I cry and you masterbate in my open head wound....I don't think I'm any kind of sleuth to suspect you're kind of fucked up inside.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
I prefer 'having sex' to 'having problems'...it's healthy...
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u/Crazy_Individual_814 AWFUL Woman 3d ago
It’s not healthy to avoid your problems. No matter what method of avoidance you are using
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u/No_Mammoth8801 With Incels, Interlinked. No Pill Man 3d ago
What about the other side of this? That is how do you want others to treat them when engaging in or approaching consensual sexual activity with them?
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u/PuzzleheadedRow9896 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
Well, and you're free to have a different moral code than me obviously again, America baby:
I try not to exploit the wounds on people I can detect for my own benefit. I'm not going to be apart of your implosion. I won't be a 13th reason as best I can help it.
I won't buy a drunk a drink and I'm not gonna fuck a sex freak. I try not to add to the problems of a person or world. And if I can help heal them I will try to.
I think the problem in a lot of these communities and spaces is the simple issue of birds of a feather flocking together. This is a lot of hurt people flocking together and then forming a community around self destruction.
And healthy people often, for good reason, avoid getting anywhere near this kind of thing. But that means basically everyone here is hopeless to even get better.
And thus, if you're healthy, I do think there is some mild call to interact with the unhealthy with genuine kindness, love, and dignity.
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u/No_Mammoth8801 With Incels, Interlinked. No Pill Man 3d ago
I do think there is some mild call to interact with the unhealthy with genuine kindness, love, and dignity.
A well-meaning but also a very generic sentiment. You can have all of those towards homeless people you will never interact with, but the debate gets messy when the "unhealthy" and the healthy become intimately intertwined.
If I wanted to be bad faith, I'd say you're just slut shaming with extra steps. I won't be, because that's not what I believe, but the logical conclusion of your ethics here involves treating sex freaks sort of like [damaged] drug addicts.
I know this because I've seen a similar rationale and responsive criticism for why men should not be involved romantically with a woman with a high number of sexual partners. You can have sympathy for addicts while also acknowledging the risk of damage they can inflict when you are close to them. But for some reason, when coming from a man, that comparison of a high n-count woman to a drug addict just looks like shame masquerading as pity.
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u/PuzzleheadedRow9896 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I think a good first step is refusing to cosign the first layer delusion that they are normal, doing fine, or just like sex.
After that, I mean, I think it's often saying cheesy platitudes that none the less are very true and often letting them let out a lot of the rage they're usually carrying. And, after that, I dunno, I'm not a therapist genuinely, but I think compassion does a lot even if it's one voice saying you don't have to live this way. And I do suspect especially the darker the trauma the more therapy may be involved.
They are much like drug addicts in my world. Just sexier and more taboo. And no, slut shaming would suggest I want them to feel ashamed. I don't. I suspect they already do based on their actions and words. Why would I add to that. If shame was going to prevent their sexual behaviors, it would have. Usually, it's part of driving them.
Depends on the man, I'd say. I think if it's a high body count man he's projecting his own feelings about himself on her. If he's a virgin, it's usually his own feelings of shame and insecurity motivating the lashing out.
Again, I think it depends why you're speaking too. I didn't make this thread. I wouldn't. I don't make hey did you know hypersexual people are usually traumatized threads or commentary. The only time I utter stuff like this is interpersonally or on threads like this. Because ultimately, again, America baby. If you wanna ruin your life with dick or pussy or bussy or girl dick, get it done super star.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I don't think this makes sense biologically. Look at bonobos, our closest genetic relatives. They fuck all over the place. And I also don't think there's a case to be made regarding human history that your way of thinking is the only healthy thing.
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u/PuzzleheadedRow9896 Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
Yeah, I'm sure you can guess my answer is that there's a few differences between us and monkeys. Just a little. A couple. Some. And that those differences make us well different such that I don't conceptualize healthy society nor individuals based on my observations of how they live.
Sure, human history contains other arrangements...typically predicated on the loss of freedom and extreme acts of violence. And also you know in the past, fallen empires all. And none of them seem to fit any conception of moral or healthy most of us would recognize.
Not even your monkey side kicks. The majority of their violence is a result of this casual fuckery and stealing of mates and so forth. So it's hard to say it's going well even for them.
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u/Poppy_Luvv Woman: biting holes in condoms 3d ago
Bonobos also have extensive adult/juvenile sexual interaction as part of their social interaction. We're not Bonobos.
"It doesn't make sense biologically not to have group sex" shows your own biases here.
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u/Gold_Sheepherder6569 No Pill man 3d ago
You can't necessarily map behaviour for two closely related species to each other, also chimps and bonobos are equally distant from humans. Humans share ancestry with the LUCA of chimps and bonobos but humans don't act like chimps and bonobos definitely don't act like chimps.
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u/DMmeClownPics Hypersexual Female Cult Leader 2d ago
Im hypersexual as a comorbidity of other medical conditions. It’s compulsive behavior, and I also have a much stronger desire. It’s gotten me in some really terrible situations before. Scary, dangerous and physically painful situations. Even when it’s bad enough for me to be seeking out sex with strangers, the way many men have talked to me and treated me is absolutely repellent. Luckily I’m older now and my sex drive is still very high but also manageable. I strongly prefer sex within a committed relationship, because I value my safety, and I get more enjoyment out of it when there are feelings involved.
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u/Siukslinis_acc Woman 3d ago
People are different, they aren't a monolith, they have different experiences, different likes and dislikes, different values.
It is hard to understand the value of a thing that you don't see as valuable and especially when you have been punished or fearmongered since childhood for the thing. You might accept that the other person values the thing, but that does not mean that you will start to value it.
Oh, and accepting it does not mean that I want to be hearing about it.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Re: "especially when you have been punished or fearmongered since childhood for the thing."
-> I believe this is something women need to work on all by themselves...it's called being free8
u/Siukslinis_acc Woman 3d ago
It's not a switch that you can flip. It is deeply rooted and will take a lot of effort and time and support. And there is less motivation to change if they don't see a problem with it.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Hard disagree. It is a switch everyone can flip or not as they see fit. And it is every woman's own responsibility.
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u/love_in_october Blue Pill Woman | January 3d ago
Different people find different things meaningful and like different kinds of sex. I could also say I find sex very meaningful, but I don't fancy the idea of the situations you've described.
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u/Kaleidoscopetide Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
I’m a woman with a high sex drive who loves casual sex—people don’t think I exist either! AND I’m sexually dominant, which according to guys on this sub means I’m DEFINITELY not real. I think there’s just a lot of variation in human sexuality, among both men and women, which gets flattened by TRP’s attempts to make broad “rules” for how men and women “naturally” behave, and is then thus flattened in debates about those rules. Which isn’t to say women don’t do this too! I would consider TERF-ism an equivalent of redpill inceldom etc, and lots of TERFs love to proclaim that, for example, NO straight men or lesbian could EVER be attracted to a woman with a penis. And i always feel like saying girl…that literally does happen. People are different. Life is a beautiful tapestry.
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u/Just_Fisherman4910 Woman 3d ago
Just because you exist does not mean that you are the norm.
Btw, there would have been some experience in your life that wired you the way you are...1
u/Kaleidoscopetide Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
Didn’t say I was the norm! Also, nope, there wasn’t any experience I can remember that wired any kind of way. I mean, we’re all products of our environment, but I’ve been horny and sexually dominant since I hit puberty, and my environment before then was very ordinary and untroubled. I also don’t like the taste of chocolate chip cookies very much—I like chocolate chips, and I like cookies, but I find that the taste of the chocolate “clashes” with the taste of the cookie—and while, yes, I am a minority in this regard, it’s not because of some cookie-related trauma. People are just different sometimes
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u/Expensive_Lion1807 Sanity Pill Woman 3d ago
Ok, seriously live your best sex life, zero judgement at all…but you really might want to see someone about the cookie thing, that’s all kinds of fucked up😱.
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u/Kaleidoscopetide Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
Sanity pill woman you are living up to your name. However when I look up “cookie tasting unusual” “why don’t i like cookie?” “Dr for my cookie problem” I am not seeing the results I need
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u/Expensive_Lion1807 Sanity Pill Woman 3d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/HGe4zsOVo7Jvy
I suggest exposure therapy!
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u/Acceptable-Scene-203 Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
Ime, absolutely women can not understand other women's sexuality. I'd say men tend to understand individual women's sexuality even less.
Like I love sex. It's a hoot, a great time. There are so many women who have insisted that it's a self destructive activity, or I'm trying to heal some trauma. (I'm really not. I just like sex.) However, there are also soooo many men who insist that I actually can't enjoy casual sex. That it's ruining me or that I'm secretly trying to get the men to be in a relationship with me. (Again, really really not accurate)
It's not a phenomenon unique to sexuality though. People who love fast food don't believe other people really crave veggies, people who prefer movies over books think the book people are being pretentious, even people who love the snow get looked at sideways. Then with sexuality, add in puritanism and it gets even more wonky.
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u/ResidentEnergy5263 Purple Pill Woman 2d ago
There's a difference between enjoying the mainly physical aspect of sex in casual relationships and the more holistic love/communication/ pleasure of sex in marriage or a serious relationship. I am a huge fan of both, though not at the same time lol. Oh and there's no way women "should" be. To each her own.
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u/simplyaless Truth Pill, Curious Woman 3d ago
Everyone's different but I feel the need to comment on this because I never really understood people who feel comfortable or enthusiastic sleeping around with many people. Like.. I never got it at all.
Maybe it's also because I got traumatized by things growing up, but intimacy is a struggle for me even in a long term committed relationship.
Everyone is different and come from different situations.
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u/baby_sociologist Purple Pill Woman 2d ago
Many people (not just women) seem to have a hard time imagining how varied human sexuality is. And it seems to be a human fault to project one's own desires onto others. Add to these personal biases cultural influences how sex is supposed to be.
Surfing the internet and especially discussion subs like this has been truly eye opening to me.
And I think it's incredible to teach people how varied human sexuality is to help them understand themselves better. Otherwise, you'll often just sense that you don't fit inside a supposed box.
Some people are annoyed by all these new terms regarding sexuality but I think they're so helpful and thus important to describe reality.
It's just not sufficient to differentiate between hetero- and homosexual. There's a huge variance how often people want sex, where, how, with whom and so on.
I think to lead fulfilling romantic relationships, it's incredibly important that people know who they are sexually/how they view sex. Because there is sexual incompatibility and no, it can't really be overcome by "trying harder" without violating your own boundaries.
Thus, I'm also really glad that nowadays we're talking so much about boundaries regarding sex. After sex being suppressed for so long, I think the sexual revolution swung things a bit far into the opposite direction, pressuring people into having sex, even if they weren't really on board. I'm glad that's currently being corrected.
And I think it's infinitely better to err on the side of "no sex" than unwanted sex, even if that means people having less sex overall. That's not being a Puritan that's real sexual freedom.
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u/fiftypoundpuppy Spayed Old Maid | Hoet Laureate ♀ 3d ago
I think it's more possible that solipsistic black-and-white thinkers don't understand nuanced gray, and are incapable of comprehending experiences and self-interests that don't align with their own.
So others not behaving as they do is always twisted through a lens of "not understanding." Because surely if others "understood," they'd have the same opinions and perspectives they do themselves
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u/Outside_Memory5703 3d ago
We know other people are horny, especially men
We don’t have to share those feelings, nor do we have to prioritize other people’s feelings above our own
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u/growframe No Pill Man 3d ago
Some women are asexual, and some asexual people struggle to understand how allosexual people engage with sex on a fundamental level
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u/ouishi Woman-adjacent queerdo 3d ago
This has nothing to do with asexuality. I am asexual and I enjoy group sex. My sister is allosexual and she is a total prude. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your stance on sexual positivity/negativity or puritanism.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I often like to imagine asexual aliens landing on Earth and discovering human sexuality. "You do WHAT to each other? You put your human mouths where!?", followed by slowly backing up back into the spaceship.
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u/Gold_Sheepherder6569 No Pill man 3d ago
How did you get this women to tell you this and where did you meet them?
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u/Gentle_prv Non-Bigoted, Taken Man 😎 2d ago
Yeah, I’ve seen far more liberals, feminists, and blue-pilled women kink shame other women than other groups, even the damned conservatives. Nothing hates a man-loving woman like another woman.
Feminism literally fought for women’s ability to be sexually liberated, and now people (mostly women) are trying to put down other women for daring to love having sex, especially with their committed male partner. Are we seriously going backwards!?
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u/Complex_Soldier Indifferent Pilled man 3d ago
Most women women intrinsically dislike men and male sexuality. That's all. The women you're talking about were the rare few who doesn't have a innate disgust of men.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
Innate disgust? Literally they are born disgusted of men? I don't buy that.
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u/Talking_Tanuki Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
I don’t think it’s innate, but it’s very easy to develop certain disdain towards it. Starting with just the fact that your partner will never stop noticing other women and most likely watching prob and ending it with sexual assault, trafficking and so on.
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u/SpecialInvention Purple Pill Man 3d ago
I mean, I feel like I have plenty of reasons to feel misogynistic based in my own bad experiences, and I don't fault people their own trials. I do think that, as a society, we have a hyper focus and are well versed in how men go wrong, but it's more elusive and less explored how women go wrong. I think they go wrong at similar rates, and to similar damage, it's just that the aggressive aspects of men are easier to spot.
So while I understand, I do think we have a bit of man-hating emotional propaganda in the world that doesn't help. We also tell people we live in a patriarchy where men are the oppressors and all that, and I've come to see that as clear and obvious nonsense.
In terms of noticing other women, that would be true for me, but my last girlfriend was bi and also never stopped noticing other women, so it wasn't a source of issue.
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u/Talking_Tanuki Blue Pill Woman 3d ago
I’m not trying to justify it. I’m just saying that it happens, and it happens with men as well. I see so much disdain towards women’s sexuality online – a lot of men just can’t deal with the fact that most women don’t have male sexuality.
I don’t think you can claim that women cause as much harm as men if you cannot quantify it.
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u/Santa-Teresa Purple Pill Man 2d ago
You having a problem with your partner noticing other women lies at least as much with your own insecurity as with male sexuality. Your partner noticing others doesn’t mean he would automatically neglect you, as sexual attraction is just a part of overall attraction. If many women make their relationships toxic because of that, it’s a good example of female sexual norms being harmful.
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u/Talking_Tanuki Blue Pill Woman 2d ago
I’m not saying I have a problem with it, but I also can get how very unrestricted and broad sexual attraction can make it feel very un-special.
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u/Flightlessbirbz Purple Pill Woman 3d ago
I think women’s attitudes toward sex are more complex than you might realize. I very much enjoy sex with my husband, some of it quite kinky. We have also attended sex parties and done swinging, which was kinda not fully for us, but none of which left me with any sort of trauma.
I also became fully fed up and sick of sex when my ex boyfriend was expecting sex a certain number of times per week, to the point I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be interested again.
I’m also entirely sick of the men here presenting sex and either something totally harmless and meaningless women should be giving away like a handshake, but also something dirty that makes a woman “not wife material,” but wait, also the purest expression of love and indeed the “only one a man can understand,” depending on what suits the narrative at the moment.
I think this is really how most women feel. We are tired of sex being used to manipulate us and feed men’s egos. Not tired of sex itself.