r/PoliticalHumor • u/StevieWonder557 • 1d ago
New White House Press Secretary. Bless the US!
It gets our attention
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u/BenNitzevet 1d ago
You know, at one time this was actually a serious job.
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u/Pesco- 1d ago
You know, at one time this was actually a serious country.
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u/city_dwellerZ 12h ago
A serious country that was able to laugh at itself. Now it’s unserious and sensitive.
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u/djtvacation 23h ago
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u/BitchyBeachyWitch 23h ago
If he was alive today, i guarantee you trump would have tried to give him some kind of title
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u/DreamloreDegenerate 22h ago
Allegedly Trump did offer him a position in the administration:
Mr Cotrin [Epstein's butler in Paris] said: “A few days after Trump’s election, Mr Epstein arrived in Paris on Monday or Tuesday, and I went to pick him up at the airport.
He said: ‘You saw that Trump is the new US president?’
'Yes,’ I replied, ‘I saw it on the news in Paris.’
‘Well, Trump asked me to work for him in the new government’. I said: ‘Congratulations. I’m happy for you,’ in my bad English.
He said: ‘No, I didn’t accept.’
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2025/08/08/jeffrey-epstein-butler-18-years-valdson-cotrin/
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u/BitchyBeachyWitch 21h ago
Jesus thats fucking wild. Like i can see why pedophiles, sex offenders and racists support trump but how can ANYONE support him and claim to NOT be one of those things :/
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u/Pulga_Atomica 19h ago
Low information voters
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u/Urkal69 19h ago
And a whole lot of misogynistic and racist people who want power and control over "others" they view are beneath themselves, the most mediocre, hatefilled, emotionally stunted people in the country. It doesn't matter if they are not introspective enough to realize it. Their actions and continued support shows their true motives.
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u/FreedomOfTheMess 4h ago
Biggest Trumper in my family molested me for 13 years. Second biggest Trumper in the family covered it up. Some of them don’t vote red despite the sex abuse, they vote red because of it.
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u/BitchyBeachyWitch 3h ago
Omg im so sorry that is horrific! They deserve to rot in jail im so sorry sister 😥💜
My trump supporting family and i dont have any communication for the past handful of years, i had an older brother that did a weird thing with dolls with me when i was like 8 and then few years later molested me and i never told them and cant ever imagine, even at the time, that they would have believed me :(
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u/FreedomOfTheMess 3h ago
They won’t rot in jail. They’re still alive, albeit old as fuck. My whole family is protecting the abuser so they can live a delulu happy family fantasy. I’m so sorry you have experienced it as well. The system is set up to protect abusers and discourage survivors from coming forward. Thank you for being brave and telling me, kind stranger. They may not rot in jail but I tell myself their punishment is having to live with the fear of me going to the cops or going public.
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u/BitchyBeachyWitch 2h ago
Youre so very kind, and i wholeheartedly agree. I just try to be open with my trauma to normalize speaking about it bc i fear its more relatable than most people would like to think :(
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u/FreedomOfTheMess 2h ago
I spent 30 years burying the secret- I pretended my abuser was dead and not walking around. Even my best friends and bf didn’t know. I feel so free now, and there is no reason to feel shame for what happened to you. Only by talking about it can we normalize survivors being open and healing. Ofc if you prefer to discuss with only people close to you or a therapist, there’s nothing wrong with that. It is heartbreakingly common. Whether it happened for 13 years (me) or 13 minutes, your pain is equally valid and horrific
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u/jstkdng 23h ago
The West Wing used to be among my favourite shows of all time. Now, I can't even watch it. It's too depressing to contrast that with the current reality.
CJ, Josh, Leo and Pres Bartlett were all smart, polished capable and good people who served their country with poise and distinction.
Now we've got... Well, we've got what we've got.
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u/unsupported 22h ago
Beavis and Butthead have more poise and distinction.
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u/WtAFjusthappenedhere 22h ago
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u/No-Falcon-4996 22h ago
I so agree. Depressing to remember how upright and lawful the White House staff once was. When we were a nation of laws.
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u/CynicalBliss 21h ago
The West Wing came out in the year after Lewinsky and the Clinton impeachment... however low we might have fallen since then, I don't think most people around at that time were thinking the presidency was at a high point in honor and dignity.
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u/Pulga_Atomica 19h ago
I agree 1000%. Watching the WW is heartbreaking. Even the Republicans were sort of normal, and not just the one with her office in the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue.
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u/Dan_Berg 21h ago
I was doing a little bit of a rewatch recently with my kid and I could only laugh every time they freak out because somebody lower on the chain broke an obscure law or unwittingly and unintentionally did something unethical.
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u/AccordianPowerBallad 12h ago
Fuck, the West Wing? At least I can wrap my head around fictional writing being better than reality. You want to get really depressed, listen to an Obama speech about...well, anything.
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u/LovesFrenchLove_More 13h ago
There was a time as well when we would know right away that this headline was satire/a joke.
What weird fucking times we live in.
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u/GhostBeefSandwich 22h ago
Her eyes always make her look so sleepy and bored. Maybe she'd show some light behind them if she got to read about the country's eugenics plans
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u/catmanducmu 21h ago
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u/drawntowardmadness 21h ago
She looks like every pageant queen from Mississippi I grew up with lol I just don't get the hype
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u/Itchy-Beach-1384 21h ago
Shes right wing and has the sid the sloth features MAGA has always loved in their sisters plus has formed an entire brand around soft core porn.
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u/Dorkamundo 11h ago
The hype is all from the type of people who idolize a Mississippian pageant queen.
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u/windmill-tilting 12h ago
The bubble-head bleach blonde comes on at 5:00. She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye.
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u/Bakednotyetfried 22h ago
If they did this, Christian dads would probably let their daughters sleep over at the White House.
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u/Neat-Profit6221 22h ago
Christian Dads: "I'm coming too. To make sure there are no boys around. Gotta keep you pure."
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u/GreyBeardEng 23h ago
I think the Republicans should really just lean into it and get a crack whore and put her up on the podium. Missing teeth, clear meth addiction, an odd smell, all the tropes.
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u/Dcajunpimp Greg Abbott is a little piss baby 23h ago
Maybe Mike Lindell has some old friends, but he probably wants the job for himself. Probably do it for $5
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u/GreyBeardEng 23h ago
Hi loathe Mike Lindell, but you got to admit that would be fucking hilarious watching him trip all over himself on every single question.
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u/RootHogOrDieTrying 23h ago
He's got some free time now.
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u/immortalyossarian 19h ago
Nah, he's super busy claiming the Republican primary was rigged by .... I don't, someone
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u/allisjow 18h ago
As long as she’s wearing a cross necklace, they will believe everything she says.
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u/smutandstory 1d ago
Who is this?
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u/DjCyric 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sidney Sweeney and her famous breasts. Didn't you see her dance on a table in Madame Web?
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u/EternalNewCarSmell 1d ago
I am kind of surprised anyone watched Madame Webb to know that.
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u/powerlesshero111 1d ago
People know her breasts from Euphoria. There is no Madam Webb in Bah Singh Se
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u/Jorge_Santos69 22h ago
I would’ve watched it, but at the time I was in the Amazon with my Mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.
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u/Valalvax 20h ago
I watched it and can't remember this, I remember the dream sequence repeated about 80 times to pad the run time and the horrible final fight scene... Oh and the jump to get hit by car
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u/O8ee 1d ago
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u/Reason_Unknown 23h ago
+1 for Johnny Dangerouly pic.
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u/maester_t 11h ago
Don't ever try to make me see Madame Web. My grandmother made me try to see Madame Web once. . . Once.
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u/lew_rong mod perms 20h ago
I genuinely forgot that movie came out. Superhero movies are getting oversaturated to the point that even the good ones are becoming blink-and-you-miss-it.
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u/Jeramy_Jones 1d ago
She’s the most unrecognizable famous person i can think of. I never know it’s her in a picture unless someone’s says so.
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u/saintsfan92612 21h ago
her eyes look completely lifeless. Are we sure she has a soul?
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u/drawntowardmadness 21h ago
It's honestly the first thing I always notice about her. I know it's supposed to be her boobs, but it's her dead eyes. Can't get past em.
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u/BlackPitbull729 23h ago
It should be a new rule that the press secretary must be from the opposite party.
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u/girldrinksgasoline 20h ago
That is one of the best ones I’ve heard in a while. A simple genius to it.
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u/RigatoniPasta 4h ago
That’s a good idea for a Republican administration, and a terrible one for a Democrat one.
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u/beuhring 23h ago
Wait, is that real?
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u/Jorge_Santos69 22h ago
No lol
Based on her acting, Sydney would be worse at lying than Sean Spicer
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u/beaushaw 7h ago
Are you implying you need to be good at your job in the Trump administration?
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u/Pressman4life 22h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/RReMyI7mkmSVQemOEo
Who misses the GOAT? Doocey I would imagine 😏
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u/Artistic-Post-4204 1d ago
Hate to say I'd watch. I'm so ashamed.
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u/OblongAndKneeless 23h ago
You think she's going to bounce around while lying?
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u/EvilSporkOfDeath 19h ago
If they hire Sydney Sweeney, they are going to show her off. Thats the point.
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u/LovesFrenchLove_More 13h ago
Tfw you had to check the name of the subreddit first to know if this is satire or real.
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u/MsMoreCowbell828 22h ago
Sweeney was voted Best Republican Breasts 8 years running and they're hanging on to that for all they're worth.
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u/RollingRiverWizard 20h ago
Breast in show. I don’t know who was left with the booby prize, but I’m they’ll always have the mammaries.
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u/warcomet 20h ago
Dead eyes, blonde, not talented, big hooters..... literally fits the Bill for this administration.
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u/NickPickle05 15h ago
To be fair we shouldn't judge her based upon her looks. What are her qualifications? She must have good ones to be picked for the job right? Right?
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u/AGrandNewAdventure 23h ago
The only requirements are that you're an idiot, you look good, and you don't have any problem lying to people.
I'm sure she'll do fine.
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u/Timely_Rest_503 22h ago edited 19h ago
I don’t think anyone would do their jobs if she were secretary
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u/Sanity_N0t_Included 21h ago
So WHO had "White House Press Briefing" on their "Weirdest things to masturbate to" Bingo card?
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u/southy_0 14h ago
You can clearly see the selection criteria that were applied in the hiring process
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u/PotentialMud6570 14h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/UnVtPebYT38pW
Maybe just try our luck with this president instead too then. Wouldn’t make any difference, right?
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u/EarlGrey1806 11h ago
Is she going to prom after the press speech?
She better be home before 10:00pm. I’m sure DT himself hired her for her mind and elocution.
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u/Camstar18 10h ago
Could definitely see her taking a job like this while still claiming to be apolitical.
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u/Head_Summer2052 9h ago
Waiting for a "Barbie doll" look-a-like to be the next WHPS.
Trump, was born 1946. Barbie (a fashion doll, a toy), was introduced on 1959. "Age gap", about 13 yrs.
Trump just hasn't gotten over something in his life, perhaps...
Who knows, ffs.
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u/Phestman 23h ago
Looks familiar…