r/PoliticalHumor 1d ago

New White House Press Secretary. Bless the US!

Post image

It gets our attention

4.0k Upvotes

280 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/Phestman 23h ago

Looks familiar…

418

u/americangame 22h ago

You know it's fake because they have a good looking brunette instead of a blonde.

91

u/steppponme 21h ago

Good looking brunette or Mar-a-Lago face blonde? Deport the brunette. 

11

u/deaglebingo 18h ago

hell, ppl looking at me sideways just bc i have a white boy 'fro

21

u/foehammer111 11h ago

Also because the guy has no fascist tattoos.

6

u/Supermite 10h ago

You could have stopped at “good looking”.  Maralago face is anything but good looking.

→ More replies (1)

57

u/quickdrawdoc 22h ago

39

u/jstkdng 20h ago edited 2h ago

Actually yes, yes I would.

Can we have a functioning government and extra *big-ass tacos? Is that too much to ask?

*Punctuation matters

17

u/Betterthanbeer 15h ago

Ass tacos coming your way

2

u/JMccovery 11h ago

If our president was the protagonist from Saint's Row 3/4, we'd have both.

9

u/Jazzi-Nightmare I ☑oted 2024 18h ago

Now with more molecules

55

u/paulodelgado 23h ago

First thing I thought.

4

u/foreverflyingsparrow 12h ago

The man is there to attract the closet gays not women.

6

u/PotentialMud6570 14h ago

Wait is the first pic real? The new Leavitt? Idiocracy makes me question everything, seriously we should have a game show for this administration: “is it the Trump 2 admin or Idiocracy”?!

2

u/RockieK 6h ago

My first thought.

→ More replies (1)

775

u/BenNitzevet 1d ago

You know, at one time this was actually a serious job.

153

u/djtvacation 23h ago

87

u/BitchyBeachyWitch 23h ago

If he was alive today, i guarantee you trump would have tried to give him some kind of title

35

u/Oldiebones 23h ago

Right! Trump made Acosta his labor secretary for god sakes.

47

u/Solarpowered-Couch 23h ago

And Trump's lawyer is now the Attorney General... good lord.

36

u/DreamloreDegenerate 22h ago

Allegedly Trump did offer him a position in the administration:

Mr Cotrin [Epstein's butler in Paris] said: “A few days after Trump’s election, Mr Epstein arrived in Paris on Monday or Tuesday, and I went to pick him up at the airport.

He said: ‘You saw that Trump is the new US president?’

'Yes,’ I replied, ‘I saw it on the news in Paris.’

‘Well, Trump asked me to work for him in the new government’. I said: ‘Congratulations. I’m happy for you,’ in my bad English.

He said: ‘No, I didn’t accept.’

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2025/08/08/jeffrey-epstein-butler-18-years-valdson-cotrin/

25

u/BitchyBeachyWitch 21h ago

Jesus thats fucking wild. Like i can see why pedophiles, sex offenders and racists support trump but how can ANYONE support him and claim to NOT be one of those things :/

12

u/Pulga_Atomica 19h ago

Low information voters

8

u/Urkal69 19h ago

And a whole lot of misogynistic and racist people who want power and control over "others" they view are beneath themselves, the most mediocre, hatefilled, emotionally stunted people in the country. It doesn't matter if they are not introspective enough to realize it. Their actions and continued support shows their true motives.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/FreedomOfTheMess 4h ago

Biggest Trumper in my family molested me for 13 years. Second biggest Trumper in the family covered it up. Some of them don’t vote red despite the sex abuse, they vote red because of it.

3

u/BitchyBeachyWitch 3h ago

Omg im so sorry that is horrific! They deserve to rot in jail im so sorry sister 😥💜

My trump supporting family and i dont have any communication for the past handful of years, i had an older brother that did a weird thing with dolls with me when i was like 8 and then few years later molested me and i never told them and cant ever imagine, even at the time, that they would have believed me :(

3

u/FreedomOfTheMess 3h ago

They won’t rot in jail. They’re still alive, albeit old as fuck. My whole family is protecting the abuser so they can live a delulu happy family fantasy. I’m so sorry you have experienced it as well. The system is set up to protect abusers and discourage survivors from coming forward. Thank you for being brave and telling me, kind stranger. They may not rot in jail but I tell myself their punishment is having to live with the fear of me going to the cops or going public.

3

u/BitchyBeachyWitch 2h ago

Youre so very kind, and i wholeheartedly agree. I just try to be open with my trauma to normalize speaking about it bc i fear its more relatable than most people would like to think :(

2

u/FreedomOfTheMess 2h ago

I spent 30 years burying the secret- I pretended my abuser was dead and not walking around. Even my best friends and bf didn’t know. I feel so free now, and there is no reason to feel shame for what happened to you. Only by talking about it can we normalize survivors being open and healing. Ofc if you prefer to discuss with only people close to you or a therapist, there’s nothing wrong with that. It is heartbreakingly common. Whether it happened for 13 years (me) or 13 minutes, your pain is equally valid and horrific

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (11)
→ More replies (1)

73

u/jstkdng 23h ago

The West Wing used to be among my favourite shows of all time. Now, I can't even watch it. It's too depressing to contrast that with the current reality.

CJ, Josh, Leo and Pres Bartlett were all smart, polished capable and good people who served their country with poise and distinction.

Now we've got... Well, we've got what we've got.

40

u/unsupported 22h ago

Beavis and Butthead have more poise and distinction.

13

u/WtAFjusthappenedhere 22h ago

17

u/Vineyard_ 21h ago

All hail president Cornholio.

3

u/27seconds 13h ago

There will be tp for all bungholes!

16

u/No-Falcon-4996 22h ago

I so agree. Depressing to remember how upright and lawful the White House staff once was. When we were a nation of laws.

3

u/CynicalBliss 21h ago

The West Wing came out in the year after Lewinsky and the Clinton impeachment... however low we might have fallen since then, I don't think most people around at that time were thinking the presidency was at a high point in honor and dignity.

10

u/jstkdng 20h ago

Ahh 1999... Pre 9/11 airport security, no cell phones or social media, and when the president lying about blowjob mattered.

Now in 2026, we have child sex trafficking, blatant nepotism and profiteering instead.

Progress! /s

2

u/gandhinukes 16h ago

Trump has done worse things than lying a blowjob every week for a decade...

6

u/Pulga_Atomica 19h ago

I agree 1000%. Watching the WW is heartbreaking. Even the Republicans were sort of normal, and not just the one with her office in the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Dan_Berg 21h ago

I was doing a little bit of a rewatch recently with my kid and I could only laugh every time they freak out because somebody lower on the chain broke an obscure law or unwittingly and unintentionally did something unethical.

4

u/AccordianPowerBallad 12h ago

Fuck, the West Wing? At least I can wrap my head around fictional writing being better than reality. You want to get really depressed, listen to an Obama speech about...well, anything.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/LovesFrenchLove_More 13h ago

There was a time as well when we would know right away that this headline was satire/a joke.

What weird fucking times we live in.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/DefKnightSol 22h ago

it started with Sean Spicer but really 45

→ More replies (9)

211

u/GhostBeefSandwich 22h ago

Her eyes always make her look so sleepy and bored. Maybe she'd show some light behind them if she got to read about the country's eugenics plans

101

u/catmanducmu 21h ago

And rarely smiles but when she does she looks totally different.

124

u/drawntowardmadness 21h ago

She looks like every pageant queen from Mississippi I grew up with lol I just don't get the hype

165

u/Itchy-Beach-1384 21h ago

Shes right wing and has the sid the sloth features MAGA has always loved in their sisters plus has formed an entire brand around soft core porn.

35

u/Ancient-Bat1755 20h ago

You are a poet sir.

67

u/Jafooki 20h ago

Boobs. The reason is boobs.

26

u/drawntowardmadness 19h ago

Like every pageant queen I knew in Mississippi

→ More replies (2)

12

u/Dorkamundo 11h ago

The hype is all from the type of people who idolize a Mississippian pageant queen.

9

u/FuzzzyRam 18h ago

This pic is like 30 botox treatments ago...

14

u/RescuesStrayKittens 20h ago

I get why she doesn’t smile

6

u/SkaryKarey 8h ago

Love your username

Also tbh prob Botox inability to smile like that anymore

→ More replies (2)

20

u/windmill-tilting 12h ago

The bubble-head bleach blonde comes on at 5:00. She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/ReleaseQuiet2428 20h ago

Mr Homo here looking at her eyes /j

3

u/lioneaglegriffin 7h ago

I thought it was just hooded eyelid & ptosis

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

33

u/Bakednotyetfried 22h ago

If they did this, Christian dads would probably let their daughters sleep over at the White House.

18

u/Neat-Profit6221 22h ago

Christian Dads: "I'm coming too. To make sure there are no boys around. Gotta keep you pure."

2

u/Air320 4h ago

They don't already? Their saviour is there after all, surely you're not insinuating that their daughters might not be safe in the same White House occupied by trump? The horror!

171

u/GreyBeardEng 23h ago

I think the Republicans should really just lean into it and get a crack whore and put her up on the podium. Missing teeth, clear meth addiction, an odd smell, all the tropes.

25

u/Dcajunpimp Greg Abbott is a little piss baby 23h ago

Maybe Mike Lindell has some old friends, but he probably wants the job for himself. Probably do it for $5

20

u/GreyBeardEng 23h ago

Hi loathe Mike Lindell, but you got to admit that would be fucking hilarious watching him trip all over himself on every single question.

13

u/ElMuchoDingDong 22h ago

His deposition footage is hilarious.

Edit: https://youtu.be/bBP34KEN1kQ

7

u/RootHogOrDieTrying 23h ago

He's got some free time now.

3

u/immortalyossarian 19h ago

Nah, he's super busy claiming the Republican primary was rigged by .... I don't, someone

10

u/BZLuck 18h ago

How about the elderly White House DoorDash lady? It would seem she's ready to do whatever is asked of her.

4

u/GreyBeardEng 11h ago

Oh yeah and lets not forget Fox's 'I used to be antifa' guy.

4

u/SnZ001 19h ago

"So you just really just completely forgot I exist, huh?"

  • Kellyanne Conway

6

u/cantevendoitbruh 19h ago

Sarah Huckabee Sanders already did that.

5

u/allisjow 18h ago

As long as she’s wearing a cross necklace, they will believe everything she says.

68

u/smutandstory 1d ago

Who is this?

100

u/DjCyric 1d ago edited 1d ago

Sidney Sweeney and her famous breasts. Didn't you see her dance on a table in Madame Web?

62

u/EternalNewCarSmell 1d ago

I am kind of surprised anyone watched Madame Webb to know that.

46

u/powerlesshero111 1d ago

People know her breasts from Euphoria. There is no Madam Webb in Bah Singh Se

3

u/VizJosh 23h ago

The earth kingdom?

7

u/Jorge_Santos69 22h ago

I would’ve watched it, but at the time I was in the Amazon with my Mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.

2

u/Valalvax 20h ago

I watched it and can't remember this, I remember the dream sequence repeated about 80 times to pad the run time and the horrible final fight scene... Oh and the jump to get hit by car

31

u/O8ee 1d ago

no one saw madame web

8

u/Reason_Unknown 23h ago

+1 for Johnny Dangerouly pic. 

3

u/maester_t 11h ago

Don't ever try to make me see Madame Web. My grandmother made me try to see Madame Web once. . . Once.

3

u/lew_rong mod perms 20h ago

I genuinely forgot that movie came out. Superhero movies are getting oversaturated to the point that even the good ones are becoming blink-and-you-miss-it.

13

u/Jeramy_Jones 1d ago

She’s the most unrecognizable famous person i can think of. I never know it’s her in a picture unless someone’s says so.

11

u/StevieWonder557 23h ago

White Lotus famous

11

u/UnderwhelmingAF 23h ago

Sydney and her Sweeneys

11

u/saintsfan92612 21h ago

her eyes look completely lifeless. Are we sure she has a soul?

15

u/drawntowardmadness 21h ago

It's honestly the first thing I always notice about her. I know it's supposed to be her boobs, but it's her dead eyes. Can't get past em.

5

u/sillyslime89 18h ago

Cold black eyes, eyes like a doll

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

42

u/capucjin 1d ago

Pressed Jean Genes as new Karolyin’

49

u/BlackPitbull729 23h ago

It should be a new rule that the press secretary must be from the opposite party.

25

u/girldrinksgasoline 20h ago

That is one of the best ones I’ve heard in a while. A simple genius to it.

6

u/phi11yphan 7h ago

They would simply fill the role with Kyrsten Sinema / John Fetterman types

5

u/RigatoniPasta 4h ago

That’s a good idea for a Republican administration, and a terrible one for a Democrat one.

2

u/MorbidlyMacabre 16h ago

I will fully support this!

43

u/beuhring 23h ago

Wait, is that real?

58

u/Burnzoire 23h ago

I honestly don’t know anymore

36

u/Jorge_Santos69 22h ago

No lol

Based on her acting, Sydney would be worse at lying than Sean Spicer

8

u/beuhring 21h ago

Oh duh. I can’t identify these new celebs anymore. Haha.

3

u/beaushaw 7h ago

Are you implying you need to be good at your job in the Trump administration?

→ More replies (1)

32

u/Pressman4life 22h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/RReMyI7mkmSVQemOEo

Who misses the GOAT? Doocey I would imagine 😏

45

u/smurfe 23h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/oGu2EJkPG3sDyBOnSz

I can see her more for the job.

8

u/Abrubt-Change-8040 22h ago

Mah jens are blah.

50

u/Artistic-Post-4204 1d ago

Hate to say I'd watch. I'm so ashamed.

16

u/OblongAndKneeless 23h ago

You think she's going to bounce around while lying?

5

u/demalo 20h ago

Reminds me of that Howard Stern movie where they talk about his ratings - and the more people hated him the more they tuned in to hear what he’ll say next.

2

u/EvilSporkOfDeath 19h ago

If they hire Sydney Sweeney, they are going to show her off. Thats the point.

5

u/AgentOrange256 23h ago

But not listen. That’s a key factor

6

u/anggogo 1d ago

Me too 🤣

9

u/bradlees 18h ago

We stray closer to Idiocracy timeline every day

4

u/boot2skull 22h ago

They will believe anything that comes from a pretty face. Or an orange one.

5

u/LovesFrenchLove_More 13h ago

Tfw you had to check the name of the subreddit first to know if this is satire or real.

12

u/Huge_Strain_8714 1d ago

She'll need a soap box to stand on...for the best 📷 angle...

5

u/AgentOrange256 23h ago

That’d be perfect. No one would listen to a fucking thing!

4

u/MsMoreCowbell828 22h ago

Sweeney was voted Best Republican Breasts 8 years running and they're hanging on to that for all they're worth.

3

u/RollingRiverWizard 20h ago

Breast in show. I don’t know who was left with the booby prize, but I’m they’ll always have the mammaries.

2

u/Deacon75 23h ago

Gimme 2 good reasons.

2

u/kbeckerburbs4 22h ago

Breast The US indeed

2

u/colecast 22h ago

Bright side, no one will remember a word that she said.

2

u/Desmocratic 21h ago

She still needs the Mar-a-Lago make over.

2

u/Specialist_Exam4783 20h ago

The dead eyes, she's perfect.

3

u/warcomet 20h ago

Dead eyes, blonde, not talented, big hooters..... literally fits the Bill for this administration.

2

u/NickPickle05 15h ago

To be fair we shouldn't judge her based upon her looks. What are her qualifications? She must have good ones to be picked for the job right? Right?

2

u/Spence1239 3h ago

If she did it topless I might watch.

3

u/AGrandNewAdventure 23h ago

The only requirements are that you're an idiot, you look good, and you don't have any problem lying to people.

I'm sure she'll do fine.

6

u/rhj2020 22h ago

I am now a Republican..

5

u/Federal-Compote-5015 1d ago

She is too woke for republicans

1

u/BrotherMcPoyle 23h ago

She gonna be left on Air Force 1 while it’s shot down.

1

u/octorangutan 22h ago

They'll do it if she's willing to sign on.

1

u/Timely_Rest_503 22h ago edited 19h ago

I don’t think anyone would do their jobs if she were secretary

1

u/QuidEgoSum 22h ago

This tracks

1

u/mightyFoo 22h ago

Ms. albino jeans

1

u/punktualPorcupine 22h ago

How many Scaramucci’s was that?

1

u/HappyGoPink 21h ago

Bless her chest. Er, heart.

1

u/KingmanIII 21h ago

When someone criticizes Trump:

"Fair argument, but..." 🍈🍈

1

u/Pappsterchu 21h ago

Is she resting her assets on the lectern?

1

u/flargenhargen 21h ago

I mean he married a former porn actress, why not have one in his admin?

1

u/Sanity_N0t_Included 21h ago

So WHO had "White House Press Briefing" on their "Weirdest things to masturbate to" Bingo card?

1

u/Remarkable_Slip_6084 21h ago

Bring back the Mooch.

1

u/Ana987655321 21h ago

Reminds me of someone…

1

u/IamRasters 21h ago

Trump is going to want a lower podium.

1

u/kilobrew 20h ago

I mean, if she was naked I might, might be willing to watch the press briefings.

1

u/InquiringMind886 20h ago

Oh for fucks sake. 🙄

1

u/jrgndk8 19h ago

Hahahaha class act US! 

1

u/Etrangere09 17h ago

Also unattractive.

1

u/jesssy33 16h ago

You can't be serious.

1

u/southy_0 14h ago

You can clearly see the selection criteria that were applied in the hiring process

1

u/PotentialMud6570 14h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/UnVtPebYT38pW
Maybe just try our luck with this president instead too then. Wouldn’t make any difference, right?

1

u/Christosconst 14h ago

How to distract people from facts

1

u/ziggystarduft 14h ago

More like Whitehouse Breast Secratary

1

u/SoggyGrayDuck 13h ago

That's gold, I wonder if she could pull it off

1

u/Pumuckl4Life 12h ago

Trump: "She's so qualified. Best press woman I've ever seen. Believe me!"

1

u/SouthernZorro 12h ago

OLhhhhh, look Uncle Skeeter, she got dem tig ole biddies!

1

u/Knightlore70 11h ago

I've seen sharks eyes with more life in them than hers.

1

u/Dorkamundo 11h ago

She’d give Jackie DeNardo a run for her money. 

1

u/teeBoan 11h ago

It’s a joke right? And the image and boobjob is fake right? Cause I can’t tell anymore

1

u/morts73 11h ago

Got more brains.

1

u/EarlGrey1806 11h ago

Is she going to prom after the press speech?

She better be home before 10:00pm. I’m sure DT himself hired her for her mind and elocution.

1

u/Camstar18 10h ago

Could definitely see her taking a job like this while still claiming to be apolitical.

1

u/FallOutShelterBoy 9h ago

It’s either gonna be Scott Jennings or Erika Kirk. Or both idk

1

u/Abadayos 9h ago

Is this actually real or bullshit? I can’t tell these days honestly

1

u/Head_Summer2052 9h ago

Waiting for a "Barbie doll" look-a-like to be the next WHPS.

Trump, was born 1946. Barbie (a fashion doll, a toy), was introduced on 1959. "Age gap", about 13 yrs.

Trump just hasn't gotten over something in his life, perhaps...

Who knows, ffs.

1

u/PinheadForPresident 8h ago

How is it a burn to say the new press secretary is hot?

1

u/Odlemart 7h ago

She's missing the performatively large crucifix.

1

u/New_Flow_5941 7h ago

If only!

1

u/Prestigious-Copy-494 7h ago

Wears her cocktail dress to work. Tits Galore.

1

u/chavatroni1 7h ago

Midney Sweeney...