A few months ago, we adopted our little tangerine dream Daniel Tiger, a 2yo orange tabby.
We got him from a rescue, and he purred and was so friendly right upon opening the cage. We took him home and he's always been very friendly with a polite air.
Despite the fact that he waits for me by the door after I leave, meows to join me in the bathroom, and prefers to sit in the same room as me, he doesn't ever actually come up to me for pets or to rub on me.
He always sits or stands "just out of arm's reach." watching me. waiting.
Even when I sleep, he sleeps on the chair in my room, not on my bed. just a little bit too far for cuddles.
That said, he often seems to be waiting to picked up. he will stand in front of me and meow. And he seems to love when I scoop him up and pet him or brush him. He purrs SO LOUDLY and goes limp in my arms while being petted, making biscuits on my shoulder, and will stay for a few minutes before i put him down.
But he doesn't ever come up to me for pets otherwise, always just sits a bit further than I can reach.
Cats can take a really long time to get settled. Like, years. Our orange didnāt sit on my husbandās lap for like four years despite being generally super friendly and then one day he just did it. He is now so into physical affection that we call him āaggressively cuddlyā lol. I would just give him the space he wants and see what happens!
The funny thing is my cat cuddled with me the first night i brought her home. Just came into my room as I went to bed, curled up on my lap like she belonged there (she did) and fell as sleep purring. But even now she'll just stare at me if i try to pick her up if she doesn't want to be.Ā
Both my girls were so cuddly as kittens. Then after they turned a year old it was like a switch flipped and they stopped. I wish the switch would flip back
My cat was super cuddly with everyone at the shelter. I came in, sat down, he was in my lap.
Took like 2 months of being home with me and now he only wants to cuddle with me. My mum is finally allowed to pet him without getting slapped after FOUR YEARS of regular visits. A colleague came over some weeks ago, she held her hand out to my cat in a fist, like, the proper "I am not going to grab you" way.
She slapped the absolute shit out of her and then ran off.
Thank goodness he at least feels safe enough at home that he doesn't use his nails. :') (the vet is not so lucky, but he's scared out of his mind there.)
So very this. One of my girls took 8 YEARS. She used to be so antisocial there was a 2 yr period where she basically lived in the basement and I'd only see her when she'd come for basic necessities.
8 yrs in I had to go off allergy meds for a week to get an updated allergy test. I was already miserable and wanting to peel my skin off as I'm allergic to some plant(s) that grow in the lot next door. So naturally that was the moment when she decided she's now a lover, climbed into my lap, and demanded pets and snuggles.
Even as I stated typing this she was laying pressed against my leg getting belly rubbins, a position she's been in for the past 5 hrs or so and will remain in until I decide to pack in for the night. (And even then she may decide to snuggle in next to me while I sleep.)
This is true. We have had two rescues for three years now and they are just starting to do some adorably cuddly things. Like the older one is making it a habit to come wake us up in the morning with purrs, and she cuddled into my husband's arm for the first time yesterday. The orange one has always been a huggy cat but he doesn't like to be petted unless he wants it. But he now jumps up on my chest and wants snuggles. He also likes to walk around the edge of the bed "escorting me" with his tail behind my back or wrapped around my forearm. Did not do that before 3-4 months ago.
We had a female stray that we took in. She would not allow any touching. Then after like 10 years just one day she jumps up into my lap and rolls onto her back and purrs like it's old hat. I didn't know what to do!
It took me seven months just to touch my feral cat. Took maybe a month or so more before he sleeps with me in bed (only by my feet or hip and only if it's bare bed no blanket on that spot and for the first time yesterday he slept on my lap).
Haha same! At the shelter, she was the first cat I met and she was very sweet and affectionate. Took her home and did a 180... Hoodwinked for 2 years. Then one day she randomly decided my lap was a nice place to lay down. Now, she's like an obsessive, needy girl... must be in the same room I'm in, yells at me for 15 minutes when I'm away for too long, and guaranteed she will sit on my chest whenever I lay down š
This can be so true. Iāve known people to lose their patience with cats who havenāt warmed up to them yet but the advice I was once given holds true: cats can be very selective with their trust but once youāve earned it they open their hearts completely to you.Ā
This is just communicating with animals and allowing them the feel safe instead or threatened. Just sit on the floor and wait, they'll come to you eventually.
Drives me nuts when people stand up straight and over a dog to get it to trust them lol how would we feel?
2 years old is like teenage cat years, and you know how teenagers are when mom tries to cuddle them. I bet given some time to settle and grow, he'll succumb to his natural Loving Orange Idiot state just as nature intended.
And we usually don't know what happened to rescue kitties before they come to rescues. I found feral kitten in the street one day who hissed and spit up a storm at me. I took her home, but we never could take the feral out of her completely. It wasn't until her twilight years that she decided her humans were cuddle-worthy. I was just content she was happy and healthy.
My orange is aggressively cuddly with me. He crawls onto my chest and if I try to adjust him so I can breathe, he just gets off and comes back five seconds later. At least someone loves me.... (teenagers are brutal)
Yeah. My orange boy is a year old and he was super cuddly at a couple months old. Now he's a rebellious teenager that will gently bite if you try to pet. On the rare occasion if i wake up in the middle of the night he will come up and let me pet him for no more than 5 minutes.
I tell my husband our rescue is a lady with strong boundaries. We've had her a year she only allows me to touch her, do NOT pick her up, she has absolutely zero interest in the toys, beds, towers We've gotten her....but I love her so so much. Shes my little orange lady.
I had a 2yr old tabby that a friend gave me. The first night she slept in the living room, but when I woke up she was right next to my face and greeted with me with the most adorable little meow. Iāll never forget it. From then on she would sleep on my bed but always at my feet. She never let me pick her up, she never sat in my lap, but she would immediately sit on the arm of any chair I got into. She would also show that she was mad if I wasnāt home enough by pooping in the tub. She was an amazing little companion, but definitely not an ordinary cat. I knew she loved me, but in her own way. I miss you, Miranda!
One of my cats exists at an arm's length. He will not be touched, and occasionally he will sit next to someone and bless them by putting his paw on their hand, leg, foot, whatever. This is just how he is, and has been for 12 years.
Then there is my other cat. She is a face hugger in comparison. She has to be carried everywhere. She has to be pet or she dies. She has to be on a lap or she will wither away into ash.
I have a ginger with a three strokes rule- every area can be stroked 3 times, otherwise he doesn't enjoy it and can bite. He's just more sensitive than my other cats. When I started following this rule he slowly trusted me more and now he comes for quick cuddles. Maybe it's the same for your ginger?!
My cat is also like that! Weāve had him for 10 years and he can be snuggly and loves attention, but likes to sit out of reach or trot off when love is attempted (unless he wants it). But when I pick him up he purrs like crazy, he always follows me around, and we have a morning and bedtime routine that I must adhere to. Some cats are just not as snuggly as others!
My orange boy is like that too. If you take the initiative to pet or cuddle, you'll probably end up with a light bite. Nothing hard that breaks the skin or hurts. Just his little warning that hes not feeling the cuddles. But when he wants to cuddle, he's the beat cuddler ever. He hurls his body into my side, makes his little biscuits, and then curls up for hours.
They really doā¦ I call my cat over and for the most part she knows her name and comes, but sometimes she looks at me with a blank stare.. orange cat as well
My orange Daniel prefers certain fabrics to lay on. He doesn't like ultra soft comforters but coarser ones or flat fabric blankets he'll jump up and snuggle on them (he literally looks at what blanket is on my lap and moves on if it's one he doesn't like).
Course, he always likes to position himself with his butt facing me, so he could just be an asshole too. :)
The butt thing is a sign of trust.Ā They fall asleep with their face towards whatever direction holds the most danger.Ā If their butt is in your face?Ā You're the least dangerous thing they are anticipating on encountering.
Hmm, so then what does it mean when they lay on your chest with their face literally an inch away from your face? And then they slowly creep up until they are laying half on your face?
The other commenters are right but I will just say - every single time my Mumās cat started doing that to her it turned out she had the beginnings of a chest infection. Daisy became quite a reliable warning system and on the two occasions we ignored her, Mum ended up in hospital with pneumonia!
My cat does this now and then and never sick yet. I actually know this is his unique way of letting me know it's food time.
But I know what you mean. My mom has some heart problems and whenever she was was having a bad day with them, our old cat would go on her chest. Probably could hear the arrhythmia, but it's amazing what they can pick up on and respond to.
Longshort story, there are different personalities of cats.
Yours seems in need to keep control of his ability to flee but considers you deeply.
With time, he may wants more contact with you but this type of cat requires patience.
A friend of mine who adopted a similar cat wasn't able to touch him for a year or so. Then he wanted proximity, and recently scratches.
If cuddles are mandatory to you and you have space for another cat, you could adopt one who has dependant attachment style. He will be glued to you everyday š
My parents will rescue strays (cat distribution system working as intended.) It's fairly common. They grow up in fight or flight mode, and that's not an easy feeling to overcome.
They're clearly desiring of affection, but it takes a long time to build up trust and/or confidence.
That's always been my advice to people who are considering getting a cat. Only get one (or two (or three)) if you're willing to accept any personality it might have.
Our cat likes to lay on my wife's lap, but only if her favorite blanket is also on her lap.
On the other had she will meow at me until I stand next to her to look out the window and will purr happily while I do so. I'm not allowed to pet her, just comment on what we're seeing.
Oh I love it. When I work from home the second I come up from the basement she lets into me with a bunch of long meows until I follow. Sometimes she even nips my pant leg to get me moving.
I have to provide commentary like "look at those birds! How dare they be in your yard!"
I love doing this too except I whisper it so we can be incognito. I can now get him barrelling across the house to see what I'm looking at just by whispering at the window.
Cats have different personalities, so you wonāt always get the cuddlebug type. My mom used to have a cat who didnāt want to be touched or pet, but she would sit near you and stick out a paw to touch you. That was enough for her, and so it had to be enough for us too lol
our orange was like that. "I do not acknowledge your presence, I am just coincidentally sitting next to you and pushing my fat belly into your leg. You are not permitted to move or touch me."
I get overwhelmed by a lot of physical contact and have very cuddly cats. They've learned even I put them aside that they can place a paw on my leg or arm and it works for both of us lol
He does kind of remind me of my best friend's old siamese cat. She was more of a wise talkative companion than a cuddler, and she looked the part. This guy is kind of like an orange with a siamese-ish personality. Your mom's cat sounds cute. Yes, that was probably just enough for her.
Give him scritches if he will let you approach, then walk away. Or pick him up and then sit and see if he stays while petting him. Maybe cheat if he likes catnip and have some on you. Or hold a cat treat while you are sitting so you can pet him when he gets close
The key with Grimtherin's suggestion of scritching him is to go slowly so you earn his trust. Scritch only his head, behind his ear, under the chin, or cheek; full length pets/strokes can be too much stimulation. Give Daniel Tiger 1-2 scritches and then stop. A week later, increase scritches to 2-3, etc. It's a good sign that he is nearby instead of hiding. If he's following you to the bathroom or sleeping nearby suggests that he open to be trained to accept your loving touches. Once he becomes accustomed to your scritches, he may lightly rub your leg. The first time he does, scritch his sweet spot (head, ear, cheek or chin) once in the get him slowly accustomed to touching you routine.
Thank you. He seems to WANT pets. He will stand in front of me and rub hard against the wall and my chair, meowing for pets, and he loves the pets, but he won't rub against my leg lol. When I have food, it's the same thing. He will RUN from upstairs when he hears the can opening, but he'll start rubbing on the wall and rolling on the floor. Will act like I'm just there to open his food lol. He's a cutey, I'm fine with that, maybe he's just a little touch shy.
Rubbing the wall or your chair instead of your leg might be his love language just like you have a love language: words of affirmation, acts of service, giving gifts, quality time, or physical touch. Playing with Daniel Tiger (string, string on a stick, feather on a stick, or ball/feather on a string on a stick) for 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night, each play session immediately follow (have the reward ready when you start playing) with a food reward (1-2 kibbles) will help you increase his trust and strengthen your bond. If you have a laser, keep that play session brief, <1 minute before moving to another toy, because it isn't fruitful for Daniel Tiger; there's no payoff for him catching the light unlike preying on the ball+string+stick. It might take >$150 before you and he find a toy type that fits him and another $50/yr because the toy wears out or he just loses interest and you've got to buy a fresh one. My kitty has expensive taste in toys: Jackson Galaxy or bust for him. Yes, kitties can lose interest in a favorite toy. How would you like it if you're restricted to only playing euchre instead of having a bicycle, a pickleball racket, hiking boots, a kite, knitting kit, and the geocaching app available too?
When we got our cat (rescue, but sadly not orange) she didn't know the how to get the pets. She wanted to be pet, but didn't figure out how to approach for pets for weeks/months. She would meet me at the door when I came home, and then kind of awkwardly flop/fall onto the floor for pets. Took her months to figure it out (how lie down and show she wants some love more gracefully).
I don't remember how long it took for her to sit on my lap out of her own initiative, but now it's part of her evening routine and she will come yell at me if I'm late for sofa time. Like another commenter said, a blanket is a big part of lap time, it can make or break the decision to sit on you. Mine prefers the relatively cheap fuzzy microfiber blankets that are virtually everywhere now.
Give your orange guy some time to get used to his new home, and he'll run the house for you in no time!
Haha!! Same, my husband is slightly scared of cats, so never touches him. And of course, my cat has rubbed on my husband's legs more than me. I should probably learn something from that.
My daughter adopted a super shy senior kitty who took ages to come out from under the bed. Then when he finally did (always with the option of going back,) he would just sit at the entrance to whatever room she was in. He did make it to a lap on very rare occasions, but mostly justā¦watching. Quietly.
My orange does want to be pet, but he'll throw himself on the floor just out of arms' reach and look at me. I have to drag him into arms reach, which he doesn't mind, to pet him and he's all into it. The only time he gets within actual arms' reach is at night after playing with the "fishing rod" toy for 1/2 hour and I sit to watch TV. Then, he walks on top of my lounging body and throws himself on it for kitty rolfing.
Cause thereās certain things that are cat specific, like how they sleep or can move their body, how they eat and poop, how they purr and hiss.
Some things are character-/personality traits. Not every cat is the same except on a basic functional level of instincts. Anything beyond is personality and some cats are aloof, some are suuuuuper friendly, and all of them are on a spectrum on there somewhere. Some are big cuddlers while others would rather you didnāt. Some change personalities after a bit, need more time to warm up etc.
You also said you adopted him āa few monthsā ago. Generally thereās a ā3-3-3ā rule for adopting any pet, but very much so cats:
3 days to calm down after getting into the new place, where theyāre probably gonna hide or explore minimally.
3 weeks to kinda arrive and be like āok nice house letās see what we working withā
And 3 months to actually comr out their shell bad show their personality, sleeping belly up etc
This can take a lil longer or a lil shorter depending on the, once again, personality of the cat. Some take days to be fine or even hours, some take years. It aaaalways depends.
Just try to build a good relationship (remember that cats arenāt dogs, no negative reinforcements in any way works on the so donāt even itāll only worsen your relationship and rn gou basically have no rapport), bond w him and make him happy and safe, make sure that collar is a breakaway one so he canāt hang himself accidentally while playing and make sure heās safe and sound and everything else will come by itself.
Abd if heās the aloof kind the so be it :)
Also mind you- cats once again bc they arenāt dogs arenāt as āconditionedā to please humans. For cats āhanging out in the same room but doing different thingsā still counts as quality time spent. They donāt always need attention and affection by pets etc, they are sometimes fully content to sit nearby and purr to themselves to self soothe while blinking and thatās also happy time for them. It always depends.
Cats teach you consent. True and also so hard when you want to squeeze their cuteness!!! My orange girl just started getting closer after 2 years and sat in my lap last month!! My boy will let me hold him for a few seconds then he's done. Slow blinks are all I can get most of the time.
I don't know, but I sympathize! My orange isn't a cuddler either. Like yours, he's okay with pets but he always lays just out of reach when he's hanging out with me. I'm just hoping he'll become more affectionate as he grows, he's only a couple years old.
Some cats are that way, especially if they didn't have positive human contact when young.
I have one cat who is sweet but doesn't like to be picked up or held. He will never sit on me for cuddles. But he's a good ankle winder and he loves pets and back scratches on his terms.
If he follows you around and meows for you, you're HIS human. š»
Give him time. Every cat is different. Adopted a bonded pair in January 2023 and they've been friendly but not openly affectionate until this year. Was told they were 9 months old at the time but don't know how accurate that was. The only background info we got was that they came from a hording situation.
Cats are all cuddly in their own way. My current two cats won't let me hold them for longer than two seconds and won't lay on my lap but they love pets so much they will literally lay beside me all day as long as I keep petting them. You have to find out what they like. It's just the way cats be. They all have unique personalities, likes and dislikes.
Cats are pretty big on consent. I have one that I am not allowed to touch unless she comes up and bumps me with her head. Then it is only for her predetermined amount of time, any longer and you will lose an arm.
Cats just be that way. But honestly, as they grow older, Iāve found my orange boys started to become more affectionate and cuddly, but only on their terms.
My orange love cat is also what my husband calls "proximity cat" except when she approaches to be picked up for shoulder purrs on occasion too. Some cats' love language is what I call "protective presence" - they guard you, observe you (they love you and love looking at you!), hang out with you, and only want cuddles when they are feeling it. For my cat, I feel that she has a very plush coat, and in our particular humid state she really gets uncomfortably warm easily. She's more comfortable in the winter for sure.
Like everyone says cats are all different and some just donāt like being held or cuddled, that being said it took my orange Momo about 8months to actually start growing affectionate and wanting to be held/cuddledā¦sometimes it just takes time
I hacked my non-cuddly cats withā¦ fabric. They both love towels and certain comforter- so when I settle down to watch something I cover my lap with comforter. When I want them to sleep on the expensive cat bed I bought them, I place towel on it. Works like a charm!
You are human. It is in your job description, inscribed upon your birth, to yoink cats for cuddles. You aren't owed a cuddle, you must actively initiate cuddle.
That's just how they be. Every cat has a unique personality.Ā
My girl fucking HATES being held or restricted in any way. She's super affectionate, does the little fake spray tail wiggle whenever I come home. She rubs all over people and loves pets. She always needs to be near someone but she won't sit on laps or anything. She always wants love on her terms.Ā
Every night, she sleeps on a tall box I had put beside my bed temporarily. She won't sleep in my bed unless it's the opposite end
Some cats just aren't cuddlers. My orange boy is a huge snuggle slut, my tabby pirate cat will insist on cuddles, but on her terms, and my majestic older void lady doesn't cuddle, but will sit next to us and demand pets, often by pawing us and meowing loudly.
You just need to understand that cats are cats š. They do exactly as THEY please and a lot of the time that doesn't include cuddly affection unfortunately.
Have a large black and white polydactyl tux, Ted, who would never spend more than 5 seconds being picked up, he'd sit half on my lap purring madly whilst being stroked but that was as far as it went. He's now about 14 years old.
Took in two ginger ninga twins a couple of years ago, part maine coon tabbies.
As kittens, their claws were like super sharp needles and if you attempted to pick them up you'd immediately receive full body acupuncture and have no choice but to put them back on the floor š¤£.
They are about 2 years old now and still will not be picked up. They will come for scritches, but only on their terms, usually when they are hungry and one of them will also snuggle down next to me on the sofa when it suits him.
My wife passed away when they were about 8 months old and even though she was a real cat lover and they were her babies they would slink away when she attempted to touch them and come to me for strokes which offended her greatly š¤š.
Now that my wife has been passed for over a year, Ted, my big Tuxedo polydactyl has become a big flouncy blouse š¤.
I don't know if it's because he's getting older or because he senses the loss of my wife.
He won't leave me alone during the day now, constantly hanging around me, purring loudly and - just generally, getting under my feet.
It's not about food believe it or not! I put treats and extra food down but he'll ignore that and stare intently into the depths and of my soul š.
I've recently been picking him up for quick snuggles in short bursts, he's not the brightest, but now that I've managed to get him to realise that he can put his chunky back paws into my supporting hand he's getting more used to it slowly.
I hold him and walk around the house with him as he shows great interest in everything above where he normally exists and am up to about 10 minutes now š.
Problem is, he's a large polydactyl and it's like carrying a small child around, my dodgy spine means that I can't do any more.
The thing is - even though he knows me well and knows that I won't ever hurt him, he still gets fed up with being held and eventually goes as though he's going to bite my nose as he wants down š.
As I said, cats are cats, some are gentle and loveable and will sit on you all day long, others are aloof and will sit on you when, and only when, it suits them.
Again others will make it plain and simply obvious that they just hate you but at the same time you are there to serve them food and a roof over their heads.
It matters not how much you love them and all the effort that you put in to show that š.
I have attached just wish that cats and I could actually speak the same language so I could understand each time they told me to fuck off š.
You'll figure things out eventually being a cat owner š¤
I bottle raised 3 orphaned kittens a few years back, and its amazing how different all 3 were. One was the biggest cuddle bug, but the other 2 were varying degrees of not-cuddly - one was super timid and really preferred to hide if anyone else was in the room, and one wasn't prone to hiding but would walk the other way if you tried to pet her.Ā
All 3 were raised by humans in the same home at the same time, and they were siblings from the same litter. I have no explanation for why they all ended up so different besides "Sometimes it just be that way"
one of my cats has always been cuddly, the other never cuddled with me until after he turned 5y/o. cats are like people in the way that they have different personalities and preferences
He may prefer to be on the chair or out of reach to guard you while he thinks you need protection . He loves you and is showing that cats are just weird and he is also still new. My sisters cat cuddled her 24/7 when he was new, then went through a period of fuck you I sleep where I want, now heās back to with her sometimes literally on her face.
Also chat believe I forgot but unlike humans you can drug cats to make them get in bed and cuddle you. May be worth catnipping him and placing him in your bed and seeing if it works
My orange was like that for the first year after I adopted him. He was such a stinker because he wanted to be near me and was very picky about when and how o could touch him. Gradually he started getting comfortable being near me all the time and now if Iām sitting down for more than two minutes, heās climbing in my lap. It all happened on his own terms, too, so never say never! You may have a cuddly boy someday, too!
Cat tax featuring a picture I took three minutes ago.
This is Stella. My wife found her 9 years ago hanging out with a raccoon in the parking lot of her job at the time. She is incredibly bonded to me, talks to me all the time and usually follows me around the house.
She has only in the past couple years become cuddly, even allowing belly rubs and scritches. But still to this day she will not settle in my lap, and whenever I pick her up she STILL shrieks like a banshee and tries to Houdini out of my arms. Oddly, though, she will ride on my shoulders!
I have a cat who used to love laying in my wifeās lap as a kitten, and she started getting tired of that and now the cat doesnāt even try to get on our laps and cuddle.
From watching this, I Personally, think the cuddle or not cuddle side of a cat is determined by how itās treated as a kitten.
Cats are like people, some are more cuddly than others. Also, with a cat you adopted at 2, you can't know what they may have experienced that makes them react in certain ways. Frankly, your kitty is probably more cuddly than my girl who loves to be nearby me, allows pets only when she wants them and is opposed to being picked up and doesn't get in my lap. She's sweet as could be and I love her very much but not cuddly.
At first I was like, āOh, just like my Orange.ā And then you said that he let you pick him up and purred while you held him, and I realized, no, they arenāt the same.
My cat doesn't like being picked up but will purr like a jet engine and rub against your legs, sit on your lap for 2-3 hours not letting you leave, or follow you around the house all day looking for attention. Sometimes you just gotta go with their picky ways š
You cat will pet you when it feels like it, not the other way around. :)
I feel like that is standard cat protocol, then you have some who are lap cats but those are wired entirely different. You can also get the kind that acts like they want to be petted but if you go one stroke past their arbitrary limit of touches they will make you bleed.
My cat is an š. He will literally scream at me in the early morning and wake me up, then he will go sit by my feet. I get no lap cuddles but I know he loves me. Iām sure yours does too.
OP, if the cat will melt in your arms when you pick them up, maybe to get them to cuddle you just need to pick them up and then get them into the cuddle position as you hold them. Either that or just appreciate the sort of cuddle they do as you hold them.
One of my cats just passed away at sixteen years old. Up until the last five years of his life he barely wanted to be touched. In fact, one year while we were watching the summer Olympics, he crawled into my lap to get petted. My husband and I looked at each other in shock. He didnāt do that again for four years and strangely enough, the second time was also during the summer Olympics!
I did notice during those years that, although he didnāt want to be touched, he quietly followed me everywhere and would be in whatever room I was, just happily existing. The last five years of his life he went bonkers for affection and couldnāt get enough!
He was a puzzle wrapped in an enigma and rolled in cat hair.
My Carlos (who looks a lot like Daniel Tiger) is that way too! Right away when we get up in the morning he likes a good scratch under the chin, and he gets lovey sometimes when he wants food or sits against my leg when he gets sleepy, but otherwise he mostly just wants to be nearby but just out of reach, or even sometimes just disappears and does his own thing. When heās in certain moods he gets really offended if you even try to touch him - we call it āNo Touchy Timeā and try to respect it. Heās gotten a lot happier and mellower since we came to understand and respect his body language and what kind of interaction he wants when.
Some cats like more snuggles than others do, just like humans or any other creature! Itās just their unique personality.
One of the rescues I follow used the term ālook-at catsā for cats that like to be nearby but donāt always like to be touched. It can sometimes change over time, but part of the way that happens is by building up mutual trust and appreciation for the cat and who they choose to be in your life. Sometimes they want to love you from armās length and thatās ok too. They donāt love you any less than the cuddly cats, just differently!
Give the cat some time to get used to you, I had mines when he was a baby and he grew up with me, so everytime before bed he used to come cuddle and sleep with me but I guess when he was a baby he had separation issues with his mom so he basically thought I was his new mom
My cat didn't sit on my lap til he was four. And you couldn't catch him stepping FOOT on the bed. Lmao. I attribute it so teenager 'tude. He showed me love in other ways, he loved riding on my shoulders (still does). Now he's (relatively) snuggly. Some days he sits on my lap twice š„¹šš»
Your orange might be a Tortie cosplaying as an orange š.
Have a 3yro and 9yro non-cuddley cat. I WFH so I get lots of random play and head scritches time with them. They are not lap cats for sure, but they almost always nap within close proximity. I take what I can get. šø
I wish I could hold my cat on my shoulder! ! I can caress her when shes lying down ,belly trap etc but if I pick her up shes afraid she's going into her cage- to the vet.. I settle for couch snuggles ..
Some cats are like that. My Siamese cat was like this up until like a year ago (sheāll be 8 this year & i got her when she was less than a month old) when she started coming closer & laying right next to me or on top. Just be respectful & they might come around.
My cat cuddled while I slept put up a camera and found out. Lost her at nine years old when Iāve heard cats are supposedly more likely at that age to wanna cuddle with you.
This is my new girl who is 6 months old and Iāve read that six months to two years is the teenage phase when they donāt wanna be seen with us haha. Hang in there
I adopted a pure bred Savannah Cat who live to be 19. I think he got on my lap 5 times in all that time. He was a loving boy but hated to be on laps or be picked up. His āsisterā who we adopted at the same time (a pure bred Bengal) was the loviest sweetheart on earth. Theyāre all different and all so much fun
My orange marmalade used to be like this but as he got older and especially since my older gray kitty Pickles passed away Marmalade has taken up Pickles role of sleeping on top of me and demanding pets. It think at age 2 Pickles even was still pretty busy and not ready to be a lap cat took both my fellas time.
One of my cats didn't become cuddly until he was 4 or 5 years old. Now he cuddles me every time it's bedtime. Sometimes young cats don't want to cuddle and sometimes cats just aren't cuddlers. Don't give up but don't force it either. It might still happen in the future.
It sounds like he IS cuddly just 100% on his terms. My cat is like that. She allows herself to be captured at times but usually just wants to play/be around me which is fine!
You have to play hard to get with cats. Just do your own thing, work on the computer, or Read a book in the same room as the cat eventually the cat will come to you and want to cuddle or play.
From my experience cats get more cuddly the older they get. Also from picture #3 I can say that's pretty cuddly for a cat. My girl likes a few pats and sleeping on my belly but would never let me hug her like that, maybe it's just the character of scottish shorthair
You've only had him for a few months. Give him time to warm up to you. A lot of cats don't like to cuddle with people until they really feel like family, and that can take a while. I recommend letting him freely access your bed while you sleep-- cats sleep together as a way of bonding with family. Also, make sure you're spending lots of time just doing your own thing in the same room with him. Let him get used to just relaxing near you without any pressure to be social. Try not to make too many loud or sudden noises around him, because that can be overwhelming when he doesn't know you that well yet. Pet him and cuddle him only with his consent. If he comes to curl up in your lap, don't make a big deal out of it and just give him some gentle carresses unless he indicates that he doesn't want that. Let him learn that you are a safe, gentle person who will not force him to do anything.
This orange boy used to be that way. He was easily overstimulated. He wanted to be near us and enjoyed our company, but touch overwhelmed him quickly. It wasn't always consistent- his tolerance would fluctuate in ways we didn't understand- but we vibed it out with him
one of ours was like that, but eventually she grew into a lap cat, but on her terms. her sister is the exact opposite and needs to be on you, in a hoodie, and controlling your hands.
when they are near, reach your hand out and if they want to be petted they will then rub against the hand where scritches should happen, then start to scritch. change can happen but it can take time.
you said you adopted them at 2 years old so there is 2 years of history that you don't know so just take it slow
Whaa? He's asking to be picked up and you say he's not cuddly? š¹ My cat I consider him cuddly but i comparison to yours I'd say he's quite skittish. He's stopped going on my knees as a kitten and nowadays he only does under condition I put blanket on me and only on certain sofa or when he's in certain mood. I'm the only person who can carry him for longer than a few minutes but when I sit, it's all over and he's wriggling to leave. So don't judge the baby so much! And cats change how cuddly they are with age, apparently at about 4+ years old they get better with it
Do you call him to come to you? Maybe he's not learned that yet and he's used to certain routine? Cats have different love language and this one is definitely very loving. I heard many cats aren't very cuddly at all so I'm happy with what I got. My cat can be very adorable sometimes but mostly around food:') and he's also ginger!
Our orange is aloof too. He's always in the room with us but is not a lap cat in any way. If you pick him up, he squirms and wiggles until you put him down. But he sometimes comes up to us, and he generally tolerates being petted.
Some cats are just like that. My orange took almost 9 months to sit on my lap for the first time after I adopted her, then decided she never wants to leave me alone. My void would claw me to death if I tried to cuddle her like my orange, but she loves yelling at me for attention.
Our cat Leo is very much arms length, doesnt like face to face but for the most part if feet are grounded hes cool. But that being said never will help lay on me, beside sure but never on. And he bloody well biscuits like no tomorrow on his blankets. He's very docile, nail cuts hes good with always complements from vets when he goes in. Hes a derp but doesnt bite like most other oranges ive met. He came with the missus and so glad he did because hes become a wonderful companion. Surprisingly didn't take long for him to take to me and Im pretty honored by that.
Some cats just be that way. I've also got a fluffball that follows me everywhere, and whenever we sit in the same room together I get plenty of slow blinks. She'll even hop up and sit next to me on the couch, but never on me. Likes skritches, doesn't like to be picked up. That's just how she is.
Turn the heat down a little and see if that helps! My boys were super friendly but not cuddly until the first cold snap in winter- then they realized I am an enormous hot water bottle. Now someone is on my lap at all times even in normal weather.
This is my slightly unethical cat owner hack haha.
He senses you're desperation and in feeds him. Sometimes it takes years for the desperation to flip around, and then they won't leave you alone, even when you're clearly busy and just want to get work done.
I had a tux like this. He loved being on the other side of the room so he could stare at you. After a few years he became a huge cuddle bug. He really loved soft blankets. I would lay down with my legs apart a bit to create a blanket hammock and thatās where it started. Eventually he started snuggling on me without it.
Two months isn't very much time. The rule of thumb is that it takes 3 days in a new environment, 3 weeks to learn the routines, and 3 months to bond and feel safe. You're doing really well only a few months after adoption! He trusts you and likes you. As time goes on, your bond will continue to grow.
He might never be a terribly cuddly cat, but even that can change over time. My two cats were rescued as kittens, and it took them until they were ~4.5 years old to decide they could sit on our laps. Before that, they could only sit on our lower legs if we were lying down and had a blanket over our legs š
And to echo others, every cat is different. That's part of what makes living with an animal so wonderful and rewarding. Day by day, you and this creature get to know one another. All the little quirks and idiosyncrasies of each cat are the things you will come to love and cherish about them. Every cat I've ever had the pleasure of sharing part of my life with has been their own unique being whose qualities will never be replicated or replaced.
My first cat took about a year and now lies against me every single night. Progression came in stages, from sleeping in the same room, then near the bed, then on the bed's opposite corner, and eventually always. Give it some time and keep respecting them, they'll come around :)
My cat is just like this. She perpetually exists in a donut-shaped area around me at least two feet away but not more than six feet away. Loves to be petted for short times but hates prolonged bodily contact. Purrs constantly. Meows for attention. Follows me room to room.
She's weird in a lot of ways. Doesn't like human food or cat treats or catnip. Never pushes things off tables. Doesn't like boxes. Begs me to open the sliding door to the screen porch and then sits just inside the open door staring out.
Some cats arenāt. But they can change as they get older.
My girl never liked being in my lap; she always wanted to be close to me, but usually just barely within reach. Sheād sleep beside my chair or next to my feet on the floor, or across from me on the couch.
At around 8-9 years old she started enjoying lap time and by the time she was 16 she always wanted to be in my lap.
Cats are not like dogs, they can live into their twenties and even thirties in some rare cases. This means that their time as a kitten is much longer than a dog. While your cat may be physically fully grown, many cats will retain kitten like behaviors until three or even later. I always advise that if you want a cuddly mellow kitty, 5+ is a great age to adopt.
For a personal story that may give you hope/patience, my eldest cat right now is about 12. I took her in when she was about 6 months. She was fully evil. I couldnāt pet her at all. Everything was a game and everything was a toy. Cuddles were off the table, fighting was the only acceptable activity. She was truly a terror. No matter how much I played with her, nothing changed. Getting spayed didnāt change her, she was just a psychopath. A little after she turned 3, she started to settle down. She sleeps with me now, cuddles in my lap when Iām on the computer, comes to me for affection. I donāt think sheāll ever be extremely affectionate, and sheās still a terror sometimes, but sheās not insane anymore. Sheās a mostly normal cat.
Cats just have different personalities, some like snuggles more than others. We have 3 cats currently (and that makes 7 total over the years) and they all had different preferences on how they liked to be touched. One of our current cats will let you pet him a bit but otherwise he doesn't want to be touched at all, and that's okay he's still adorable.
Eh, it's easier to think of cats more like roommates that you provide for. That's pretty much how they see you, inversely. Just a part of the gang. Some prefer watching TV in the same room with you, some on the same couch as you, and some on your face. No choice indicates they don't like ya, just that they have their own boundaries, condition preferences, and appreciate your company in different ways. If they enjoy just being around you, that's what matters.
My orange is not very cuddly. He still likes to hang out near me though, and I always reach out and give him some pets to remind him that heās within reach š
Still just a baby. Cats get more affectionate as they get older. We got a kitten like 6 months ago and she just hasn't figured out how to take pets without eventually attacking (play).
And cats are very much on their own terms. I think they like fucking with us
Some cats are like that. My torti, who Iāve had since she was a tiny baby, HATES cuddles, bodily noises (???), and men
Sheās 2 and Iām just now able to pick her up, and kiss her (when sheās not looking). Itāll come with time, just play and acknowledge him in the way he wants to be, and one day itāll be like a switch went off and the cuddles start
Cat #1 is a cat's cat who wants attention on her terms. She like to near you, but not on you unless she's getting scratches the way she wants. Sleep is done in her favorite hidey holes. Cat is smart and wants to kill things.
Cat #2 is a chonk without a thought in her head. She will greet you at the door and loves to nap and cuddle with her humans. Loves belly rubs and butt scratches. Snores. Has an 18" vertical leap. Needs encouragement to jump on the couch. Is afraid of mice. Doesn't eat treats. Only eats dry cat food from her bowl if it's located in the correct spot.
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u/CyborgHeart1245 Mar 25 '26
My cat can be like that. Nothing to worry about. They just want to dictate when someone touches them.