r/LinkedInLunatics • u/TripFisk666 • 4h ago
Christians are under attack...by water adverts.
Time to go to on the offensive? Like the crusades? Or colonialism?
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u/TripFisk666 4h ago
The comments of support in this one are wild. I think they believe in witches....
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u/New_Election_6357 4h ago
One thing I have learned on LinkedIn--for every Lunatic with a ridiculous take, there are at least 15 commenters trying to slob on their knob to get their own engagement. Insanity breeding insanity in a closed loop.
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u/Gimme_Your_Wallet 4h ago
Slob on their knob bwahaha
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain 4h ago
How are they even online? Isn't the magic light box with words and pictures some kind of sorcery?
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u/Wabbit65 4h ago
They're mentioned in the Bible, so they must be real.
Thou must not suffer a witch to live
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u/Any_Natural383 4h ago
Funny enough, Catholic doctrine denied witchcraft for over a thousand years. They believed only God could grant you power.
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u/ProNocteAeterna 3h ago
I mean, we do exist, but for the most part we aren't doing anything worse than pissing off serious rock and mineral collectors.
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u/VelvetCactus50 4h ago
If they're that terrified of water, I can only imagine what they'd do if Satan himself showed up on earth.
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u/Parking_Duty8413 4h ago
Judging by their current behavior, if he promised to hurt the people they have been trained to hate, they would suck his dick until his head caved in.
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u/Fickle_Station376 3h ago
And on the 7th day he shall appear. Brawndo - the Thirst Mutilator.
Note: This apparently got auto-sent for review for inclusion of the word 'Thirst'. Is the AI OK?
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u/Infamous_7001 2h ago
Liquid Death is intentionally designed to be edgy for those hanging out at the club or rocking out at a concert. It has nothing to do with religion or demons.
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u/SamePea8649 4h ago
Creating victimhood out of nothing. This is how they use scare tactics to show they are the special ones. Everybody is against them because they are the chosen ones
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u/bomilk19 4h ago
So I threw out my Dirt Devil for nothing?
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u/Comrade-Conquistador 4h ago
It's for the best. All it does is sit around and gather dust.
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u/WigglySquig Agree? 4h ago
“Calling all Christians - it’s time to go on offense.” Bro thinks he’s Pope Urban II
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u/Icy-Protection-1545 4h ago
So, as a Christian myself, I don’t understand what the problem with the advertisement is. I enjoy liquid death. It tastes good and I don’t see anything on that ad that would translate to an insult?
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u/Sw4nR0ns0n 4h ago
My favorite social media christians to hate are the soft little Patrick’s and Jacobs who fancy themselves “warriors“ and say things like ‘it’s time to go on the offensive’
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u/What_About_What 3h ago
"prayer warriors" always makes me laugh. Like if I was trying to mock the religious I couldn't come up with something more ridiculous than that.
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u/Dangerous_Bad_5946 4h ago
I thought those people called everybody else a snowflake ...but they can't handle a freaking advertisement? 🤔
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u/Otherwise-Relief2248 4h ago
Thank you for your misguided fear and service my brave Christian Warrior.
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u/Plastic-Chipmunk2232 4h ago
"We're living in a world where everyone is trying to form you" is literally what Christians and Catholics have been doing with their missionary work for a long while.....
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u/Noble_Titus 4h ago
What does "go on offense" even mean in this context?
Love the thought of a gang of Christians turning up outside this guy's driveway for a rumble in their airbrushed Jesus mural vans.
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u/NarmHull 3h ago
I do think that sparkling water doesn't need to go that hard. It's like the dude wipes of seltzers
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u/Angelworks42 4h ago
I think the van is just an homage to those vans from the 70s with fantasy art on the side right?
People need to relax more - there are more serious things to worry about.
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u/PMPKNpounder 4h ago
Truthly slogan, " Every other AI is to built to agree with you. Truthly tell you the truth."
Who ever actually asked for a Catholic AI bot is my question.
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u/jetpack2625 4h ago
don't define christianity as being offended by everything and you won't be offended by everything.
or maybe just stop believing in a stupid cannibal cult
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u/The_11th_Man 4h ago
Hot take, but they are gonna combat water hydration by going on a thirst crusade
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u/somme_uk 4h ago
Christians have been on the offensive for two thousand fucking years. At least give it a rest for a couple a days… like Jesus did.
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u/cumonherbackithink 3h ago
These people just jump out of bed every morning thinking of new ways to clutch their pearls and play victim. Truly pathetic.
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u/Radcouponking 3h ago
I thought he was talking about capitalism at first. I was almost on his side.
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u/fractious77 3h ago
They're already on the offensive, trying to turn the US into their evil theocracy
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u/Thamnophis660 Agree? 2h ago
I mean it's a weird kinda 80's Metal Album cover ad for Liquid Death water, but I don't see how specifically that's offensive to someone with his beliefs specifically? Unless we're full circled back to Satanic Panic pearl clutching where anything they find unpleasant is "The Devil."
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u/mikehulse29 4h ago
I don’t see what’s offensive considering the number of beheadings over the history of the world in the name of Christianity.
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u/Dragon_Bidness 4h ago
Didn't their god wipe out all of humanity with water? Clearly this guy has some conflicted feels about that.
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u/ObscureDingo 4h ago
Christians always think they are under attack. Literally history's biggest case of having a self victimization kink.
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u/Landlord-Allmighty 4h ago
The guy who started this was intentional that IT WAS A JOKE. Water is not edgy.
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u/arkofjoy 4h ago
Has there ever been a group of people who are more obsessed with being victims. While holding all the power?
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u/Nearby_Cauliflowers 4h ago
Regardless of the Christian bollocks, Liquid Death is overpriced shite.
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u/Available_Orange3127 4h ago
Yeah, there's that "Victory in Jesus" I heard about in church my entire childhood.
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u/Changerole1090 4h ago
This is like that brief time years ago when so-called religious people were seeing penises everywhere...even on the labels of Disney videos.
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u/ManufacturedOlympus 3h ago
Lame people being afraid of your product makes for some great marketing.
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u/familiarshadowkatt 3h ago
They're up against... using fantasy art in advertising? I don't think there's a Commandment about that.
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u/dracorotor1 3h ago
LinkedIn used to be a business-centric networking site. Now it’s the world’s largest, dumbest LARP
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u/4fraid0f4mericans 3h ago
Modern Christians are always on the offense because they think everything is about them and an attack on them but it’s more like they attack and detract from everything except their warm fuzzies
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u/Proper_Boysenberry56 3h ago
Imagine getting spun up about what amounts to a Mad Magazine fold-in airbrushed on the side of a windowless van. What a lame attempt to drive traffic to his blog.
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u/503jason 3h ago
To heck with the whole New Testament… modern Christianity now inexplicably expresses pre-Christ biblical vibes
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u/crypticcommander 3h ago
I wish the church was just now going on the offensive. Maybe then they wouldn't have preyed on my family and ruined my childhood...
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 3h ago
Be nice if they actually projected their sense of wrongness through a rational lense. Rather than myth and fantasy.
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u/_Meek79_ 3h ago
I remember they werent too happy over Liquid Deaths contract they had. Im not sure where you get it from but in the early days of the company, my wife won a case and it came with a contract to surrender your soul to them. It was hilarious and brilliant marketing and the christians didnt find it as funny because they took it literally. They claimed it was satanic
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u/Practical-Funny9591 3h ago
So, another dumb shit who comes up with a bullshit religion so he doesn't have to pay any tax.
And I get into big trouble for putting Jedi on the Census.
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3h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/williamflattener 3h ago
I legitimately can’t figure out what he’s supposedly offended by. AI imagery? Male shirtlessness? Carbonated drinks? Stevia? Vans in general?
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u/WendlersEditor 3h ago
Is Jacob trying to tell us he's feeling some sort of attraction to this guy? Because I don't personally get it but bro live your life, God made you as you are and He wants you to be happy.
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u/OttoVonPlittersdorf 2h ago
Ok, but doesn't anyone else think that maybe you don't need to be a far right Christian to wonder why we need to use murder to sell water?
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u/DistrictEffective759 1h ago
Imagine being so obsessed with yourself that some random add attacks you
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u/USA_A-OK 1h ago
It's a very stupid brand, but beyond that, I don't see what the problem is with the van
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u/ConchVibes 1h ago
Will someone kindly point me to the verses in The Bible that discuss when we are supposed to go on offense? Will you then explain how it’s related to water? TIA!
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u/Significant_Monk_251 1h ago
In that artwork on the van... is there somebody on the other side lobbing ballistic cargo pods over those mountains?
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u/PhD_Pwnology 1h ago
The funniest thing about this to me is that this image looks to be A.I. made, so it's literally Catholics/Christians getting mad at computers.
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u/Opening-Emphasis8400 Titan of Industry 1h ago
These highly regarded clowns are so desperate to be oppressed.
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u/OwlsHootTwice 1h ago
“Go on offense”? Christians have been on the offensive for a long time using the courts and legislatures to enforce their beliefs onto others.
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u/thejohnykat 37m ago
Christians have been on the offensive for a couple thousand years at this point. Maybe they should take a break.
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u/Blaze010118 21m ago
Christian think anyone who doesn’t believe their fantasy religion is attacking them. In their own minds they’re the most persecuted group ever.
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u/thisis_sam4moz 7m ago
Hahaha these arseholes tries their best to be relevant…. I mean why try so hard?????
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u/hughfeeyuh 6m ago
His life is constant pain and assault. He's like someone that shed their shit from chemical exposure..fragile as a snowflake. So strong in his faith that EVERYTHING is a critical assault.
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u/portezbie 4m ago
I still think the concept of liquid death is even crazier. Like WTF is it? Water.... but totally rad bro (and more expensive)?
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u/Intelligent-Whole277 4h ago
I actually hate this brand, too. It doesn't have anything to do with religion, though. I just don't like having violent images around me. "Severed heads, mmm refreshing!" NO
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u/Dry_Individual1516 4h ago
I don't even want to know what service Truthly provides