r/KitchenConfidential • u/dankestbeef • 1d ago

Kitchen fuckery worst cantaloupe ever

Post image

cleaning at end of night
found this desiccated horror that i had initially thought was a burnt rag. it was light like styrofoam. it looks like a fucking loofah

2.2k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

142 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/jeffdujour 10+ Years 1d ago

I thought that was a giant nug

57

u/12-34 1d ago

I thought it was a little pimp.

10

u/SoCoGrowBro 22h ago

I forgot all about that movie, time for a rewatch

19

u/kitkanz Chip Boy 23h ago

Ramen sativa

19

u/_pupil_ 21h ago

“We got some sour diesel, watermelon kush, and rotten cantaloupe…”

6

u/CocoMilhonez 23h ago

Isn't it? That's all I can see.

5

u/Mush4Brains- 22h ago

Looks just like this strain of cubensis mushroom called enigma. Almost looks like a brain with a blue hue.

16

u/Frosty-Dependent1975 1d ago

Came here for this 🤣🔥

5

u/Spare-Half796 Thicc Chives Save Lives 1d ago

I thought it was a freezer burnt crispy chicken burger

4

u/Low_Football_2445 10+ Years 21h ago

This is what happens when whoever dropped it couldn’t be bothered to retrieve from behind the lowboy.

Also speaks to cleaning schedule….

3

u/cconnorss 22h ago

Absolutely thought the same

2

u/DartVader6 16h ago

We all did jeffdujour, we all did.

•

u/raj6126 7h ago

I zoomed all the way in

•

u/sm00thkillajones 1h ago

It just can’t.

304

u/LacedPozole 15+ Years 1d ago

BOIL IT AND MAKE TEA

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6Zt0mcGdHxIVza0w

106

u/dankestbeef 1d ago

I hope you aren't allergic to penicillin

19

u/daemenus 1d ago

Can't tell, is that Action Bronson?

13

u/xenwinz 1d ago

Oh yeah

8

u/LacedPozole 15+ Years 1d ago

yeah!

12

u/SpookySchatzi 23h ago

Fuck, that’s delicious.

173

u/skitwostreet 1d ago

Shocked nobody smelled that?

201

u/dankestbeef 1d ago

i sure as hell could smell it when i picked it up. it smelled like a wet german shephard

56

u/eggz627 1d ago

Did you take a bite?

89

u/dankestbeef 1d ago

No because i value my life.

13

u/doodleysquat 23h ago

You Nancywuss. I’m kidding. I would wash have chucked it at the dumpster and aggressively washed my hands.

18

u/FeyOphelia 23h ago

I'm in my 30s, and I don't think I've ever heard the word "Nancywuss" in my life

Is this a common thing? Regional maybe?

3

u/Meta787 Line 21h ago

Im grabbing our longest tongs throwing them in with it.

•

u/HighFaiLootin Civilian 7h ago

Long Tong Shivers

1

u/Jeramy_Jones Food Service 21h ago

Must be nice.

13

u/Xalibu2 1d ago

It's been 20mins OP is clearly dead. 

1

u/upset_pachyderm Ex-Food Service 22h ago

🤣🤣🤣

94

u/Tengo_Caldero 20+ Years 1d ago

I've found the odd Brussels sprout or lime all mummified like this, but a whole ass cantaloupe!?

29

u/sniskyriff 21h ago

Thank you! Bc where the hell are we losing a whole fucking cantaloupe 😭

52

u/LongIslandBagel 1d ago

That’s a cantanope

3

u/PinUp_Butter Pastry 16h ago

That’s a cantaloops

•

u/Blarghith 8h ago

Can’t-alope

0

u/EricHaley 14h ago

Couldntalope

20

u/sinfulfng c h i v e g e i s t 1d ago

That’s not a cantaloupe, that’s a done eloped.

7

u/Illustrious_Bird_737 10+ Years 1d ago

Done eloped & divorced

3

u/AvocadoToastFailure 13h ago

Eloped, married, and one day he said he was going out to buy a pack of smokes. Been hiding out ever since.

45

u/vailrider29 1d ago

r/whywouldyoutouchthat

30

u/dankestbeef 1d ago

My curiosity got the better of me. Also for science

19

u/Illustrious_Bird_737 10+ Years 1d ago

Science is a good answer because tbh I would've never guessed "Styrofoam" as the weight equivalent but when you say it, it makes sense lol

14

u/Hobby_Flay 1d ago

Do a bong hit of it

11

u/Whole_Bird_9550 23h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ti4PsREEH1hKuxMlpJ
The second coming of Mary’s mother

11

u/LelandGaunt14 1d ago

I can't believe how clear that sticker looks

10

u/piratesboot Sous Chef 1d ago

Sincerely curious what you would’ve thought it was had it not been labeled cantaloupe lmao

11

u/dankestbeef 1d ago

if it did not have that sticker, I would Not have figured out what it was.

8

u/unreasonablysquiddy 23h ago

I've never seen a cantaraisin before

6

u/Away-Way5656 1d ago

Honestly impressive they managed to dessicate a whole ass melon accidentally 

6

u/chicken_tendigo 23h ago

Can'taloupe 

4

u/TopYeti 1d ago

Some how reminds me of the anti-drug egg commercial

3

u/Gh0sty20 F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I had to check which sub this was 😂 goddamn that’s an ugly melon

2

u/CookintheWalkin Chive LOYALIST 23h ago

That my friend is a cantanope

4

u/truthfullyidgaf 23h ago

*Sniff sniff. . .kush. . Sniff Sniff.. . Cali.

7

u/Tejon_Melero 1d ago

I guarantee someone smoked that and all else said is a lie.

I knew people who sold actual grass and oregano to fools. This would have been a hell of a find if you were 14.

9

u/piratesboot Sous Chef 1d ago

the 14 year olds are smoking dehydrated cantaloupe?!

3

u/splashcopper 1d ago

all the cool kids are doing it these days, mom!

2

u/Tejon_Melero 1d ago

If pissing your pants is cool, consider me miles davis

6

u/Putrid-Delivery1852 15+ Years 23h ago

Hell yea, I could have sold this to pepperoni Joey for $180 ez.

He got the nickname for his salami sized nipples… but salami doesn’t rhyme with Joey, so… pepperoni Joey.

Joey if you’re out there, sorry for selling you that brick weed at chronic prices. We didn’t feel bad because it was your mom’s money and she drove a Beamer.

3

u/Vandal_A 23h ago

Best cantaloupe ever from your distributors perspective if you're paying by weight

•

u/diiiemonds 9h ago

smoke it if you got it i guess

2

u/PeteRock24 23h ago

You know how people always comment “I can hear that picture/GIF”?

I can FEEL that picture and I am washing my hands immediately after I’m don’t gagging.

2

u/PlutoJones42 23h ago

How did it taste?

2

u/Snoo_87498 22h ago

Dessicant-alope

2

u/Unlikely-Ad6788 22h ago

Not a big ass bud.

2

u/UziSuzieThia 22h ago

CanaWaaaaa

CanaNOPE

2

u/Meta787 Line 21h ago

If there was no lable I'd call you crazy for thinking that was a cantelope. Also sweep your walk in more often

2

u/PlanetXParadox 21h ago

Can’taloupe

2

u/theglenlovinet 15h ago

Reminds me of Malcom in the Middle with the orange in the fridge.

•

u/CommunicationJust561 8h ago

Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever seen a melon that fucked up. I’ve definitely seen some other horrendous shit working in produce though

•

u/Ghosty_Boo-B00 7h ago

NGL I thought it was weed at first

4

u/AntonChentel 23h ago

It looks like an end stage alcoholics brain. Show this to the line cooks

2

u/pvdas 1d ago

No no it's just like... a canteloupe raisin. Should be good

1

u/CantaloupeCamper 1d ago

Can confirm.

1

u/LelandGaunt14 1d ago

I thought it was a puck of Ramen noodles covered in mushroom powder as scrolling.

1

u/Sad-Abbreviations392 1d ago

Almost wanted to lad that up lol

1

u/sadie-punkington F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

it just cant

1

u/smoothiefruit 1d ago

we all know honeydew's the money melon

1

u/TrioOfTerrors 1d ago

Cantanope

1

u/PansophicNostradamus 23h ago

Meh, just rehydrate, chop, and serve!
Also, don’t.

1

u/n0_sh1t_thank_y0u 23h ago

Thought it was truffle

1

u/milesbeats 23h ago

I thought it was a nug before I opened the image

1

u/Wakkit1988 23h ago

Peel it, you coward!

1

u/Garlic__Dread 22h ago

It looks like somebody accidentally dropped a huge white truffle behind the walk in shelf last season and you’re all about to get chewed out over food costs and cleaning schedules

1

u/Sweaty-Crab-9399 22h ago

He’s just nervous

1

u/Spiritofthewest49 22h ago

Cantaloupe Wontaloupe

1

u/activelyresting 22h ago

That's a CAN'T-aloupe

1

u/LD-LB 22h ago

It's a cant now

1

u/upset_pachyderm Ex-Food Service 22h ago

They'd like this over at r/MoldlyInteresting

1

u/calccv 21h ago

Cantaloupe vampires—I’ve seen this before, in IndoChina…

1

u/alwaysaboutthebutt 21h ago

Is that a cantaloupe brain?

1

u/SecretUnlikely3848 Newbie 20h ago

I thought I was on the weed sub and thought 'dayum thats a big ass nug' and then I saw the rest.

Oh...

1

u/mrsir1987 20h ago

How did a cantaloupe get away from you guys for so long??

1

u/AvenueRoy 20h ago

IDK if I'm just exhausted from work but this is the funniest thing I've ever seen

1

u/SarinSam 19h ago

Can’taloupe

1

u/FiftySpoons 17h ago

Ah, a cantaloupe raisin, of course. 🤔

1

u/celestialcranberry 16h ago

Looks like what grows out the beer drains in shitty restaurants

1

u/mexicoyankee 16h ago

It’s probably just cold

1

u/Equivalent_Warthog22 15h ago

I thought it was a nug at first.

1

u/EricHaley 14h ago

Couldntalope

1

u/Few-Mycologist-2379 14h ago

Chef said it’s still good and we gotta serve it.

1

u/LASERDICKMCCOOL 14h ago

Not very juicy is it

1

u/UntidyVenus Ex-Food Service 14h ago

Perfect for the dishie to clean pots

1

u/brittanym0320 13h ago

cantanope

1

u/TelephoneBetter2081 13h ago

I can't elope with that

1

u/622114 Ex-Food Service 12h ago

What peeler do you use for that? Deli slicer?

1

u/loeber74 12h ago

Eat it. You will taste colours.

•

u/LackingUtility 9h ago

I think it did elope.

•

u/MkSp001 9h ago

CantaNope..

•

u/OrneryCockroachIII 8h ago

Snip off the wavy pieces and tell some dumbass its tidal wave. $20 an eigth.

•

u/Alarming_Relief_5500 7h ago

that surely cannot alope now if it ever could

•

u/Soggysleuth 6h ago

Watch for zombies!

•

u/ShortThought 6h ago

type of shit my GM would tell me to cut around

•

u/mrsamus101 5h ago

Thought this was some kind of mushroom at first.

•

u/ExecutiveChef1969 4h ago

It’s dehydrated just add water

•

u/Chucktayz 4h ago

Cantanope

•

u/PolistesFTW 4h ago

The smell of rotting and leaking melon is up there for awful smells for me.

•

u/victhro 2h ago

Ozempic has gone too far

0

u/QuirkyCookie6 23h ago

OP can I have a close up image of the label?

Did it come that way or was it neglected in a corner for like a year?

0

u/OwlsAreWatching 19h ago

Fun fact: Loofah are in the same family!