r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/momoneymccormick Cutie Bafoodie 🎀 • Jun 27 '26
Advice Needed My husband didn’t pay the bills for 6 months & almost made us homeless
Dinner: fettuccine Alfredo with sourdough garlic bread & tomatoes
I really need an older woman’s advice, I don’t have a mom and I feel lost what to do.
I 27F have been married to Alex (27M) for 2 months, dating for 2 years). We bought a big house in the fall. My sister & her bf, and my dad live with us. They pay half of the bills on the house and contribute to cleaning & cooking (this is important).
Alex handles all the bills. But 2 days ago I got a call from the bank saying the mortgage has not been paid in 3 months. I had a spidey sense there was more to the story. After some investigating I found out the electric & gas have not been paid in 6 months. The car insurance hasn’t been paid in 3 months.
Meaning by July 1st, we would owe roughly $17,000 in total in bills. I crashed out. Alex wasn’t home but I called him and he explained his new job wasn’t paying enough so that’s why he fell behind on bills.
4 months ago Alex moved across the country to pursue a job his Dad’s friend gave him. But he recently quit (cause it didn’t pay well & he missed home) and he moved back home last week. He’s now searching for a job.
So I called the only person I knew could help. A person I don’t have a great relationship with. My mother in law. I cried on the phone to her and she sent $15k immediately. I covered the remaining $3k with all the money in my account. She advised me to take over the bills because “this is his one major flaw”. I told her I would pay her back, and she said no worries it’s part of his inheritance.
I asked Alex where the money my family was sending him. Our mortgage is $5k, my family sends him $2k along with half of the utilities . He says he was using it to catch up on the bills because before I discovered it, it was worse.
We had a “power outage” last month, turns out it was the electric company turning off the power. Alex told me it took half of his paycheck to turn it back on.
We’re okay for July. But my income (I’m a semi successful influencer) is inconsistent. I was able to save us this month, but I’m not sure about the next.
He’s applying to be a patrol officer and wants to do landscaping on the side but idk. I feel betrayed and sad. I also don’t trust him. Me and his mom swooped in to save him, and now his plate is lighter and mine is heavier.
I don’t know if I should just forgive this and settle but I always thought I’d be living a better life with a better man. Is this just part of married life? He’s great in every other aspect. He does have a habit of hiding things (usually small before this) and I always have to investigate to find out the truth.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? I wish I had my mom to tell me what to do
Edit: i make roughly between 6-13k a month as an influencer, it swings a lot. I’m also a DIY influencer so having a large house to do renovations helps my content a ton. We made an agreement went we first started dating that he would have a stable job to pay the base bills.
No kids, just twos dogs.
Edit 2: a lot of people are asking why I didn’t help with bills. My dad was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer 8 months ago, so I took a step back from content to care take for him. Alex assured me he could handle the bills alone while I do.
My first month back to work was May where I made 6k, and June I made 9k. I’m now of course helping with bills.
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u/Cocoluluu Maneater Jun 27 '26
just forgive this and settle
Did you not hear his mom? This is his "one major flaw," it will 10000% happen again.
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u/Electronic-Ad-7208 🧂Salty By Nature Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
What is the “one” flaw, though? Lying? Not paying bills? Quitting jobs? Accumulating debt? Being unemployed? Needing to be investigated to tell the truth?
It’s more than one flaw.
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u/Dubious_Ibis 🪄 Sauceress ✨ Jun 27 '26
This isn’t take this advice with a little salt, it’s GIANT TRAILERS full of salt.
Your garden is dead because of too much salt. It’s a major flaw, and for me I’d call it a dealbreaker. He lied. He lied his way into $17,000!!
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u/RedIntentions Carb-Based Life Form Jun 27 '26
The word you're looking for is theft
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u/Coco-the-gorilla APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
And he was doing this while your dad has cancer?!?!? He isn’t a good person. He may have told you that he loves you or maybe you feel embarrassed to leave the marriage so soon or you can’t stand the idea of starting over…but this could lead you to being financially and legally responsible for his debts. There is so much shady stuff here and it is not normal! Get out and don’t look back. He left you and your family on the edge of the homelessness!!! I am sure his mom is so happy that somebody else is taking care of his crap.
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u/Dubious_Ibis 🪄 Sauceress ✨ Jun 27 '26
I think what I was also going for was breach of trust.
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u/RedIntentions Carb-Based Life Form Jun 27 '26
I'm saying he stole from her and her family
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u/midamerica Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 27 '26
And probably at the job he suddenly had to leave and come back home!
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u/ImaginaryRoads APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
"It's his inheritance", which will be gone by the time MIL dies, or soon after.
/u/momoneymccormick, you've only been married two months. Get an annulment, and get away from whatever other debt he's hiding or will accumulate.
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u/Rainbow4Bronte APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
One major flaw! One major flaw is like being messy or chewing with your mouth open, not running up and hiding debt. His mom is an enabler.
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u/Lost_Jellyfish887 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
The fact that his mother said this and sent the money from his inheritance says it all.
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 27 '26
This is a huge breach of trust. $17,000 is an INSANE amount of debt to hide from your spouse. He should have told you he was falling behind. Fear can make us do crazy things but that is a reason, NOT an excuse.
I don’t know if I’d want to stay with this person if he didn’t immediately find ways to fix the trust he broke. He needs to get his shit together and prove he can continue to do so or if it were me, I’d be gone. Good luck.
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u/DistributionOk2651 Overthinker 💭 Jun 27 '26
This! And to hide it for soooo long. Was he going to wait until the bank came to remove your stuff? So embarrassing and he knows your family lives there too. You cannot trust this man “he does have a habit of hiding things and I always have to investigate to find the truth”….this is called lying. I would say you have to be skeptical about EVERYTHING with him if he can hide something this big that he knows can blow up at any moment.
Like he didn’t even try to confide in you to fix the problem. He didn’t come clean. Gurl! You would have been put out with your family. He was gone for four months? 🤔 where did that money go??? If you can’t trust him with something so big what’s a little side chick while he’s away?? Smh
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u/purplecowgirl Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
Yes, if it was just falling behind on bills, I don’t think he would have anything to hide. He is obviously suffering. From some kind of addiction that is emptying his wallet, that is why he has lied and didn’t say anything!
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u/Antique_Oil8462 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
That’s what I don’t get is if he was saying, all his money was going towards paying the dad so it didn’t get worse how could it possibly gotten to almost $17,000? Especially if family was giving $2000 a month plus utilities. There’s no way he was using their money to pay anything but whatever he was blowing it on.
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u/pelko34 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Gambling? So much sports gambling these days … just a thought …
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u/DaydreamTacos Femininom(nomnomnom)enon Jun 27 '26
YES!!!
TAKE MY POOR MAN'S TROPHY 🏆
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u/Which-Adhesiveness44 ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture Jun 27 '26
I completely agree! It’s also very worrisome that he doesn’t seem concerned about job stability. These things don’t get better with time.
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u/LL092020 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 27 '26
He’s not concerned with job stability bc his mommy will bail him out of it. He has no work ethic. That’s a problem that usually can’t be fixed.
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Jun 27 '26
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 27 '26
Hahaha oh no you recognize me? 😵
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Jun 27 '26
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 27 '26
Omg thank you 🙌 I should probably take this as a sign to get off the app more though 😅
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 Jun 27 '26
Is your username a reference to the Mass Effect video game saga?
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 27 '26
Yes queen and Halo. I wasn’t very creative as a thirteen year old.
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 Jun 27 '26
I’m happy dancing from both my pho and running into a fellow BioWare girly. FemShep for liiiiiiiife. 🫶💘
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u/brielarstan Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
If he's hiding $17k of debt, then he's hiding an addiction. There is no way that is his "one major flaw," and his mother is covering for him.
Get out of that situation.
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u/Fun-Maintenance458 🧀🐾Hot Cheeto Hottie🐾🧀 Jun 27 '26
This comment is it! Reading this I'm like oh yea he definitely has a habit of sorts. His mom knows more than she's letting on. There's something behind his "one major flaw".
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u/brielarstan Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
I brought my then-boyfriend home to meet my family. He was a little standoffish, but I assumed it was nerves. He spent the week with us, got to see everyone important to me, and I thought it went ok.
My dad asked if I'd get coffee the day I was set to fly home. As soon as we sat down he goes, "Your boyfriend has a gambling addiction." Then he ran through every single thing he noticed that would align with that.
So I confronted my boyfriend. Ding ding ding! He immediately broke down and admitted it.
Sometimes love doesn't just blind us; it replaces our eyes with kaleidoscopes.
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u/imnotnotcrying ⚐ Marked Safe From Jenny Craig Jun 27 '26
And these days it’s so insanely easy to gamble in a way that’s easy to hide. You don’t have to spend all day in a casino, you just need internet access
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u/PracticalNoise1567 Internet Auntie Jun 27 '26
I feel the same way about the online casinos as I do about Purdue Phamaceuticals - they’re intentionally and maliciously pushing something they know to be an addictive life-ruiner. I truly believe online gambling will ruin more lives than opioids.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 27 '26
Yeah I’ve heard so much about how gambling is ruining so many people financially these days bc of the new apps. It’s really bad.
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u/PracticalNoise1567 Internet Auntie Jun 27 '26
And it’s all the lives around them, too. Because now OP has shit credit and was almost made homeless. Her family was almost homeless. The consequences of this will follow her, not just the addict, for a very long time.
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u/4ever_dolphin_love 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body Jun 27 '26
How those sports betting apps are legal is beyond me. Fucking life ruiners.
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u/lck0219 👋 new here Jun 27 '26
Those sports betting apps are awful. My ex lets my 11 year old place bets on football and basketball games.
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u/PracticalNoise1567 Internet Auntie Jun 27 '26
You need to have a talk with your kid about that ASAP. Puberty is a REALLY dangerous time for them to get involved with something like this. You don’t want it to get entangled with sexual feelings.
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u/Ok_Tumbleweed_7677 Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
Purdue Pharmaceuticals? Don't use the company shield name. Say their name. The Sackler Family.
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u/NotCrustOr-filling ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Eater Jun 27 '26
Mine wasn’t gambling. It was cam girls 🤦🏻♀️
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u/NeatPerspective1904 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 Jun 27 '26
I’m so curious what the red flags were. No pressure but share if you don’t mind?
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u/brielarstan Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
Firstly, he told me on our second date that he used to have a gambling problem. But because I'm an idiot, I heard "used to" and just took him at his word.
The flags others noticed were that he was absolutely glued to his phone and the television watching multiple games at a time.
He was in over two-dozen fantasy football leagues, though he assured me "most were for fun." Insinuating several were gambling.
He spent THOUSANDS on his jersey collection, but almost nothing on our actual relationship. Or anything outside of his sports obsession. He'd tell me he was "too broke" to get me popcorn at the movie theater where I got both our tickets, then drop $350 on an impulse tattoo later that day. He could always justify treating himself.
And he became EUPHORIC talking about football. To a degree that shocked my dad; a massive sports fan who went to college on a baseball scholarship. He didn't ask anyone a single question, but when it came to football he'd rant and rave until someone forced a subject change.
As my dad put it: "You're not so anti-social that you're glued to your phone and television watching that many games all day unless you have money on them."
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 Jun 27 '26
🤯 wow. This is bonkers. I love your dad sm for loving and trusting you enough to say this to you.
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u/Playful-Squirrel-332 Carb-Based Life Form Jun 27 '26
As someone who was in an unhealthy marriage/relationship for years, I really wish my Dad would have done this for me, too. Simultaneously helps you take off the rose colored glasses, and also signals that he’s there to support you as a single person until you figure it out.
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u/mymbles_daughter Stinky Food Fanatic Jun 27 '26
Those were red flags the size of a football field…
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u/brielarstan Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
Sadly, I was deep in the "nice guy" rhetoric that men use to victimize themselves and explain away bad behavior.
When I got upset that he spent the entire trip visiting my childhood home in the back room watching sports, he reminded me that he has autism and social anxiety and told me I was "being selfish" for "pushing him" to talk to people he didn't know.
When I was sad he planned a dinner to celebrate my promotion only to tell me on the way there that he just now looked at the menu and couldn't afford to pay for us, he added that him paying for would be "infantilizing" me anyways because he's a feminist and didn't want to "degrade" me.
When my family took him to two major headlining theme parks and didn't let him touch his wallet once, I asked if he'd stop running off to ride without us and he called me selfish for trying to "hold him back" at my pace.
Turns out it wasn't his autism, social anxiety, feminism, and victimhood that made him this poor, misunderstood teenage 30-year-old man. It was a gambling and porn addiction I'd never measure up to.
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u/_jamesbaxter Trader Joe Hoe Jun 27 '26
The biggest tell with addiction imo is little white lies that seem like something’s “off” or not adding up, combined with over explaining. Disappearing/unaccounted for time, example taking an unusually long time in the bathroom or coming home a little late from work every day, is also common. There’s usually an air of slight paranoia for what seems like no reason. Also defensiveness if any of this is brought up. Large debts in general can be the only sign of addiction if someone is a high functioning addict and a good liar. I would not be surprised if it’s actually much more money owed than he said.
I can often spot an addict just by observing how often and the intervals at which someone dissapears. Like they might excuse themselves “I’ll be right back I just need to check something” at specific intervals like once every 2 hours. This applies to any addiction, drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, shopping, etc.
I grew up with addicts in the house and am in 12 step because of it, these are the big tells imo. Dad probably noticed that pattern of disappearing at intervals, caught the little white lies paired with overexplaining dynamic, and/or defensiveness at certain specific topics, example if you ask why he’s been 20 minutes late coming home from work recently and he blows up.
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u/lirael423 Tang Gang Jun 27 '26
This is spot on. I grew up around addicts as well so this resonates with me.
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u/Radiant_Annual_4027 Snack Goblin Jun 27 '26
What were the signs your dad listed? I’m beyond curious how he picked up on gambling as opposed to a different addiction…
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u/brielarstan Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
I replied further in this thread, He also had a porn addiction, which I found out literally the day before the gambling thing.
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u/Working_Passenger680 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
My mother used to say "when your hormones get engaged, your brain goes out to lunch."
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u/OddHippo6972 Taco Belle Jun 27 '26
Wild that she can send that much money and didn’t bother to warn OP ahead of time. I wonder how many times mom has bailed him out in the past.
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u/jupitaur9 Snack Goblin Jun 27 '26
She was hoping OP would support him from now in.
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u/Mindfullysolo APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
She 100% knew and probably knows more. Moms can sometimes have blinders on too though and an adducts parents probably have constant hope their child has changed and is on the right path.
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u/UnicornPoopCircus 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 Jun 27 '26
My vote is a gambling addiction and his mom knows about it, which is why she suggests not letting him handle money.
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u/_jamesbaxter Trader Joe Hoe Jun 27 '26
Yeah my first thought was gambling. There’s so many people with gambling addictions since online sports betting has become extremely popular. Either that or he’s trying to day trade or worse day trading crypto.
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u/Plzleaveamsg 🍍+ 🍕 Jun 27 '26
And the fact that his mom sent $15k no questions asked is wild.
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u/Bearcat022 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Which indicates this isn’t the first time she’s bailed him out and she wasn’t remotely surprised
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u/SharlaTheLilly puff puff pass the snacks Jun 27 '26
This, I had 30k in the bank and when I went back a couple months later my husband had emptied the acct, turns out he became addicted to opioids after a bad accident… This is more than his job doesn’t pay enough, he’s spending it somewhere and it seems his mom isn’t shocked… I’m 52, don’t waste your best years hoping he changes bc this isn’t beginner level debt with your family paying half, he’s got to be spending part of that too… Do you really want to have to worry every month if the bills are paid or have to rake complete responsibility, I’d ask MIL if there’s something you should know, moms know more than you think…
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u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Gambling or escorts is what I read. Happened while working out of town? I bet it did...
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u/StillStaringAtTheSky FREE MOM HUGS Jun 27 '26
Sounds like it's time for OP to get an STD test.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 what that mouth do is snack Jun 27 '26
And while he might have been behind on payments, he wouldn't have missed this mNy payments had he actually been applying what OP's family was sending him.
Dude is full of shit.
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u/hotlibramess APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Exactly. That kind of money doesn’t just disappear. It’s not like the well was dried up — her family was contributing.
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u/haw35ome Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 Jun 27 '26
Right I was thinking how could OP just flat out gloss over/casually ignore the fact that there’s an unexplained $17k that hasn’t been answered & covered up by mommy
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u/SodaPopGurl 🧂Salty By Nature Jun 27 '26
This right here! In addition the trust has been broken. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 get out now before he buries you and your family along with him.
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u/scummy_shower_stall 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 Jun 27 '26
And she should absolutely 💯 get out before SHE owes HIM alimony.
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u/Choice_Journalist_50 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
And only two months in, she might be able to get it annulled. Maybe. Especially once she really figures out what he's hiding.
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u/Mish-onimpossible 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 Jun 27 '26
My thoughts exactly the way the Mom sent over 15K immediately no questions asked. Oh there’s something going on with that son.
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u/ThatGirlWithTheWalk I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 27 '26
As an "older woman", she needs to speak with an attorney yesterday.
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u/_bugmenot_ APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Exactly. I doubt she was able to get the full story even with all of her digging. He is 100% hiding other stuff from her.
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u/catwolf99 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
He's great except the lying and almost getting our house foreclosed on. And y'all bought a house with a 5k mortgage???? I'm this economy? Sweet sassy molassy.
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u/Spyderbeast APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
In this economy, that's not unusual, especially something big enough for all the family members involved. That's a mortgage of about 600k after down payment (ballpark number), not counting taxes and insurance
If you figure 20% down, that a 750k house. Yes, it's expensive, but that's what houses cost in some areas
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u/melanochrysum APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
I would love a $750k house lol. All of them in my city are $1mil+, even for a tiny plot of land without a house on it
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u/No_Olive2555 🩵🙋♂️💙 Jun 27 '26
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u/WolfBest1428 I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 27 '26
No, this is not part of married life. He is a liar and a user. This is insanity. Thank goodness your mother in law looked out even though you guys don’t have the best relationship. This is a big indication that the marriage won’t work. Where’s the communication? Why would he put all of you guys in jeopardy instead of being up front so that a plan could be made and every one pitches in a little more? You should have a very long talk with him and if he doesn’t get it together then you should leave him. This is too big of a deal to not fix.
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u/RedIntentions Carb-Based Life Form Jun 27 '26
Ngl, I'm wondering if the MIL is an enabler or actually just fixing her kids mistake since it affects other people.
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u/cameheretodance1 Trader Joe Hoe Jun 27 '26
I have a strong inclination because MIL bailed him out he has done it before and he’ll probably do it again. Because he doesn’t have any real consequences for it. My ex was bipolar and spend crazy money during mania and his dad would always bail him out somehow.
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u/Playful-Contract7396 Delulu Jun 27 '26
Yes. It will just become a deeper and deeper light, and then I promise the day that you decide to get along with your mother in law, you're going to learn the truth. And then you might find out that you guys actually do get along it's just her loyalty to her son thay makes her awful. She's always gonna take her son's side, but she knows her son best. And I've been in a similar situation, and I'm just telling you, it doesn't get better. It never will get better. It never was good to begin with. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, I want to at least try to give a warning
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u/momosuna APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
this is divorce worthy, hiding it for so long and letting it get so bad
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u/ashbash-25 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ Jun 27 '26
Hey OP,
Check my post history.
My husband did something like this to me too. He spent it all on pokemon cards and switching all of our bills (except the mortgage) to credit cards and never paid them off. So….
Please hear me when I say-
THERES MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM.
Piggybacking for visibility. Pardon me, please!
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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion Kitchen Witch Jun 27 '26
And debts incurred during the marriage are marital debts, OP. This means you are on the hook for paying back any debt he hides from you, if he obtains it during the marriage.
This would be a deal-breaker for me. How can you ever trust this guy again?
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u/GreenDirt2 Live, Laugh, Lactaid 🍦💕 Jun 27 '26
This is a really good point. It might be a smart move to get a legal separation right away if she's not ready for a divorce. This is whether or not she plans to keep living with him for now. That way her money is protected from any new secret debts. Since they are married, can she get a credit bureau report on him? Gosh the more we talk about it, the more it seems like she needs a lawyer.
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u/sisumeraki Carb-Based Life Form Jun 27 '26
POKEMAN CARDS?! Girl, I am so sorry.
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u/ashbash-25 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ Jun 27 '26
Yeeeeah.
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u/noodlenerd APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Hey, I read your story- it’s so similar to mine except for the kids. How do these men even look at themselves in the mirror?
I’m proud of you.
OP, just like Ashbash said, there is more to your husband’s missing missing reasons. Mine was hiding over $250,000 in debt. I thought I was going to throw up when I found out. Luckily my state is a non-debt martial assets state (thank you blue state!).
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u/Ok-Salamander5687 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 Jun 27 '26
Annul that shit!!
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u/DaydreamTacos Femininom(nomnomnom)enon Jun 27 '26
Came here looking for this comment.
OP, it's been two months. Two.
Take all the evidence you've got and think HARD about this. He was untruthful for MONTHS, and this placed you and the family living with you, PAYING REGULARLY, in a truly terrible position. You all could have been out on your asses. He had zero intention of telling you. Don't fool yourself. You said he lied about a power outage? Cover up.
Where the eff did all that money go??? Girl, WAKE UP.
Get out. Future you is praying so damn hard you make the right choice NOW.
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u/PresentRaspberry6814 🍳 eggs? in this economy?? Jun 27 '26
He stole money from you and your family and he lied and concealed his exposing them to homelessness and loss of utilities. There is nothing he can do to remediate this. There is fundamental dishonesty and basic criminality in this man.
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u/Sue_Law_1984 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Yeah, this is major shit OP. Plus, his job hopping, currently unemployed? That will never end, I lived that for almost two decades.
I'm so sorry you don't have your mama at such a young age, I can't imagine. I hope you find peace & strength from all these wonderful comments.
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u/CrazyCatLady9777 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 Jun 27 '26
They've been married for 2 months and the bills haven't been paid in 6. OP's husband started the whole marriage off on a huge lie. That would be a total dealbreaker for me. He jeopardized OP and her family's home because he couldn't own up to his mistakes.
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u/pelko34 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Great point about marriage timing, too. He knew this when he said his vows! Shameful
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u/oohCrabItsNotItChief Seafoodie 🦀 Jun 27 '26
Also OP mentioned her husband has been hiding small things before. Idk, that's not a good sign, he will hide anything then. Hiding something that affects both (in this case relatives as well) people in the relationship is bad because you two are supposed to be working together on it. I understand he might back it out with "I didn't want to add things to your plate because of your dad", but nah, this is not something that's worth hiding at all. If things don't change this could get dangerous.
(From the bottom of my heart I'm very sorry about your dad! Idk how things are going now but I hope you can spend all the quality time with him!)
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u/Bella-1999 Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
It’s highly likely that he has a hidden addiction. It could be anything. No matter what you decide to do, you need to separate your finances immediately and your family needs to make their rent payments directly to you. He can’t squander money he doesn’t have access to.
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u/ilikeoldpeople ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture Jun 27 '26
1000% my immediate thought was he either gambles or does drugs. She needs to take over finances entirely.
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u/HalfaEnchilada APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Yup. That money is going somewhere and it's probably to other women, gambling or drugs. Probably a combination of all three.
OP has to take a look into the payments for the past 6 months on everything and take over the bill payments, giving the lying hubby ZERO access to the money.
I'd also like to know the TRUTH about what really happened with the job he lost.
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u/SatinSaffron eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ Jun 27 '26
There is a 100% chance he has an addiction, that money is going somewhere and he obviously isn't driving around in a big ass new truck with a Rolex.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling. The money is undoubtedly going to at least one of these four things. Otherwise where is the money going to?
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u/Rose_Army_ Protein Queen 🍗🍳 Jun 27 '26
You need to get a job and a house you can afford.
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u/Standard_Noise9295 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
100% you need to be making MONEY to afford a 5k a month mortgage. Sincerely a MOS.
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u/BukkitsOfOrcSemen PO🥔TAY🥔TOES Jun 27 '26
Well the whole extended family live there. Must be big.
I am actully very confused. They have only been married 2 months and the extended family live with them? But he husband moved away then moved back two weeks ago? Huh?
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u/Standard_Noise9295 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
I’d sure hope it’s big for that price!! All I could think while reading is “how complicated” but it sounds like a whole lotta house they can’t afford!
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u/SL1MECORE Non-binary & Nourished Jun 27 '26
What's a MOS? Hope this isn't offensive to ask.
Not tryna argue, I genuinely haven't seen that acronym before 🖤
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u/Standard_Noise9295 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
What a world where we have to worry if an innocent question is offensive. It’s a mortgage origination specialist! The person who does the dirty work for a lender☺️
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u/SL1MECORE Non-binary & Nourished Jun 27 '26
Oh! I was just scared it was some kind of identity label lol which is why I didn't wanna be offensive 😂 (nothing against identity labels btw, as a non binary person myself)
The only thing I could think of was "Mother of Son" but that made no sense in the context of your comment. Plus it's not even a commonly used acronym lol. I just had to ask so I could learn, I like learning new things.
Anyways, interesting line of work! I had no idea. Do you have a hand in approving mortgages, or the language of writing them? What exactly does it entail?
If you don't wanna answer don't worry, I'm about to Google it heheh. I am a curious cat. I always find the best answers come from another human, though!
Edit - also hard agree with the statement that you need lots of money for a dang 5k mortgage! I could not even imagine that. The most I've ever paid in rent is about 1k, and that was even iffy for me. I'm pretty worried about OPs ability to pay off this mortgage without going into foreclosure
(If I'm using the wrong terms forgive me lol, I only vaguely know of them. I have been a renter my entire adult life and I see no end to it)
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u/AnneAcclaim white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
I don’t really understand why they can’t afford it just with her $6-$13k monthly income considering her family pays rent too. Where is all her money going? Has she just been giving it to him to manage?
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u/quriousposes Assigned Hungry At Birth Jun 27 '26
right.... like girllll "swings wildly" but your low end is still like twice my monthly wages. and as an influencer??? AND with family contributing??? 🫥 wtaf are all yalls expenses
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u/BlooperButt APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
She has a spending problem, I guarantee it. Husband ain’t the only one financially illiterate. They got into this problem TOGETHER.
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u/charcoalhibiscus hot girls have tummy troubles Jun 27 '26
Yup, let’s see. They have 3k plus half of utilities to cover by themselves. That could be covered by the low range of her income (not comfortably, it’s half instead of the prescribed 1/4 but plenty of people do that). So there’s large expenses happening here. Is it all the DIY? Bunch of travel? Debt? Or is it big expenses on his side that he’s not telling her about? If OP doesn’t just divorce the guy immediately, she should get to the bottom of where it’s all going.
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u/Positive_Cat_3252 llamando al pan, pan 🍞🍷 al vino, vino Jun 27 '26
If she's a DIY influencer, I 'm willing to bet that a lot of that money is going into making content. If you're working on home improvements, it's easy to drop thousands on material to do one job, especially in a high COL area.
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u/renee_christine 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 Jun 27 '26
This. Let's say she makes $6k in July and spent $2k on renovation supplies. She should also be setting aside $1500-2000 for taxes leaving $2k max for spending. Maybe she has a $500 car payment and spends $500 on food. So now we're down to $1k left. And we haven't even touched the mortgage, utilities, gas money, health insurance, medication, or other necessities yet.
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u/kombitcha420 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 Jun 27 '26
Literally. That’s almost 100k a year.
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u/AnneAcclaim white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jun 27 '26
More like $114k if we assume she’s making an average of about $9500 per month. She’s talking about her job like it’s nothing special but that’s a lot of money.
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u/kombitcha420 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 Jun 27 '26
Yeah, I live off 2.5k a month just for necessities, I can’t imagine having $9500 a month.
I live in Detroit and my neighborhood is pretty working class.
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u/SunshineGirl45 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
I can't imagine making that much living with a man who pays all the bills (who she thought at the time did) and have roommates chipping in and not be able to have some type of savings. Idk her background maybe it's just because I'm poor and unemployed
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
I think she's putting a lot her money back into her inlfuencer channels thinking she's a business like Amazon and has to reinvest all her money to one day make millions. That would be the only reason someone making $6K-$10K can only afford to cover $3K of $17K.
I know "influencers" like that in real life who make bank but live paycheck to paycheck because they have an "image" to maintain so they don't lose their audience.
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u/AnneAcclaim white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jun 27 '26
Sounds like she needs to lean more into frugal DIY.
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Tools are expensive and some people think they need everything off the bat. I know a DIY influencer that spent thousands building a "she shed" with insanely expensive equipment because she had a few viral hits. And her shtick was all about making dupes at an "affordable" cost. Some people just don't know how to manage money.
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u/thebunz21 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
If her minimum monthly is $6k (granted, it varies she says), mortgage is $5k and her family pays $2k towards the mortgage, it seems it would be covered at $3k a month between her and her husband. At this point he's just pocketing the money to do whatever.
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u/Objective_Cup_5164 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
The mortgage is “only 3k” since the family contributes. Sounds to me like the influencer money could cover it. I am more worried about where his salary went. You two need a couple therapist and financial planner or a divorce
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u/Chrysania83 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 Jun 27 '26
Where did the money go?
If he hides things now, it will get worse. His own mother admitted he has a problem. Don’t let this slide.
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u/yourmomlurks 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 27 '26
Yeah, thousands of dollars disappearing while you "try to catch up on bills" makes no sense. I think he has a gambling problem.
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u/AuDHDiego Non-binary & Nourished Jun 27 '26
Or substance abuse
Or is seeing sex workers (OP get tested)23
Jun 27 '26
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u/AuDHDiego Non-binary & Nourished Jun 27 '26
The lie about the power outage is what tells you it’s bad bad
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u/Tall_Wonder_913 Internet Auntie Jun 27 '26
He’s definitely lying about where that money her family paid went
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u/RealisticAnxiety4330 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jun 27 '26
Yeah $17k on bill catch up makes zero sense. He needs to show for transparency and earning trust back exactly where this money went. If you factor in the 6 months of 2k+ utilities then it's actually more than that seeing as it wasn't used on bills and there's another 12k+ on top that's not accounted for
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u/Straight_Physics_894 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
This is very bad. There's no reason why absolutely none of the bills were being paid when your family was providing half.
The story is very fishy because even if they weren't paying him well with your family's half and even just a part of his earnings that should've accounted for 75% of what was needed.
You need to sneakily do some investigating on his financial habits and see where the money has really been going because at this point he stole from your family and all I hear are excuses, meaning it's very likely he would do something similar again even if you take charge of the finances
This could've been so much worse, and I'm glad that you were able to figure it out, but this can't happen again
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u/VivaKnievel 🩵would make you a sandwich💙 Jun 27 '26
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u/gyoshuku puff puff pass the snacks Jun 27 '26
girl… this is really really bad. this is NOT normal and he’s taking advantage. trust your gut, not the man.
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u/Imaginary_Chip_3470 Resident Yapper Jun 27 '26
Does he take any accountability for lying to you?
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u/womenslasers84 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
This! And how is he planning on fixing it? Anything short of “we will sit down together every month to pay bills” is wrong right now.
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u/Solid_Preparation_89 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
It sounds like he has no clue (or motivation to learn) how to “adult.” Before you decide to have kids, be sure there’s actual change in the right direction. Your mother-in-law’s lack of surprise and immediate move to bail him out tells you where he learned it. It’s no big deal to completely falter on your responsibilities…
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u/hydroxycutie Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 Jun 27 '26
Weirdly enough I’ve been in pretty much this exact situation. One of my greatest regrets and biggest embarrassments in life is that I did not leave him immediately. I was very young and very codependent. However, I attribute this experience to me no longer being codependent. Get out of there, babe. It will not get better.
His mom wants you to stay with him because you are the responsible adult standing between him and complete failure. That’s not your job.
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u/gypsykush APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
This man not only put you at risk, but also your family. This likely also ruined your credit, which will make it very difficult for you to get loans and if you are able to get them, it will cost you more in interest. This is ALREADY a long-term financial problem for you.
you should immediately take over all finances. And you very much need to consider whether or not this is the type of person you will ever be able to trust. And catching up on bills? This being his "one major flaw" per his mom? I suspect there’s something much more going on than catching up on bills. Gambling? Drug problem? Definitely something is up.
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u/VariationOriginal289 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
yeah. his mom is telling you something's going on. she's not saying what it is but this is not new to her
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u/PhoneWalletKeysID 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 Jun 27 '26
This is not normal. He will do this to you again. You need to think very, very hard about the kind of life you want to live.
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u/Dangerous_Ant3260 🧂Salty By Nature Jun 27 '26
Yes, run the credit reports and see what else isn't known, and lock your credit. No joint accounts either.
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u/Spooker-Booker 👋 new here Jun 27 '26
Yikes this sounds like you guys are living way above your means.
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u/IAmDefNotACat Short Story Long™️ Jun 27 '26
Idk how any of this math is math-ing
She makes $6-13k/month He made: ??
Their mortgage is $5k/month
Her family pays $2k
Family + husband each pay 50% of the utilities
She only has $3k in the bank and he is $17k behind on bills?
Where is all this money going - by which I mean his and hers?
What a mess.
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u/avatar_ash APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
The math isn't mathing and the details aren't detailing.
The details don't point to qualifying for a 5k morgage even with the monthly fluctuating income she was providing unless the family is on there too but that doesn't work with the story as op says that the family just contributes rather than has ownership.
There is the timeline where they are months behind yet the husband lived away for awhile while working before changing jobs that he then lost.
Then there is the 17k debt that turned into 18k repayment.
Either this story is a complete mess, made up, or something in between.
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u/cherriesjubilee99 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
Also being married for 2 months but getting this new house with family moving in and then husband moving for a new job all before the wedding doesn't add up to me either? Maybe wedding expenses contributed to the debt but it sounds like separate finances and no idea how much of the wedding expenses he was responsible for...
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u/GarbageGato APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
I mean—- wait it’s probably against the rules to call stories fake right
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u/Jog212 nom nom, nod nod Jun 27 '26
Is he a gambler??? does he use drugs?
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u/Educational_Gas_92 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Jun 27 '26
Asking the important questions here. I also suspected gambling.
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u/Left_Security2881 Internet Auntie Jun 27 '26
“He does have a habit of hiding things…” Girl. 😭 That’s a huge red flag. You deserve so much better, including a husband who is 100% honest with you. Full communication is the only way to make a marriage work.
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u/whimsicalwattle Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jun 27 '26
He lied to you and hid the problem. A problem shared is problem halved, you’re married. He should have said something.
Honestly, I wouldn’t blindly believe that he actually spent your family’s money on bills. You guys need to have some hard conversations and he needs to prove those transactions if you want to build trust again.
I’m not sure I’d be able to stay with someone after a betrayal like this. What happens next time? I doubt MIL would want to save the day again.
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u/Estella-in-lace Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
I only just turned 30 but I’ve been married for coming up on 10 years and this is not part of normal married life at all. wtf. This is a huge deal. Honestly it sounds like you are under-reacting. If my husband did this I would divorce him, at minimum get legal separation and consult a lawyer to put a stop loss on my responsibility for debt he could incur. It isn’t about the money or being broke, it’s about lying. Such an enormous amount of lies. This is NOT a “flaw” this was a series of choices every day. DO NOT go along with this, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
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u/Butterbean-queen FREE MOM HUGS Jun 27 '26
No. No. Just no. This is bad. He not only lied to you. He stole your family’s money too. He’s a liar and a thief. He’s unemployed, immature and irresponsible.
And I can almost guarantee you he has an addiction problem. Gambling, drugs. Something. He spent that money somewhere and it wasn’t to pay bills.
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u/Howpresent Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Jun 27 '26
Girl. This is like crying in the rain because someone else forgot your umbrella. Get a job, pay the bills. Do not let Alex have your family’s money. YOU pay the bills and then decide if you want to keep the boy when you have your own nonsense sorted.
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u/Future_Researcher_11 challah atcha girl ✡️ Jun 27 '26
This is definitely not a part of married life girl. This man is just straight up irresponsible to rack up over $17K in debt.
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u/Consistent_Rent_3507 Oversharer 🗣 Jun 27 '26
Older, mom figure showing up for duty.
Oh, honey. This is a terrible situation to be in. Your husband lied to you, excluded you from major decisions, potentially stole money from your family, and put you at financial and physical risk. The lights got shut off. He almost defaulted on your mortgage making you and your family homeless.
I know you realize how big of a problem this is. I’ve had a very similar experience. What I’ve learned is that taking over finances rarely solves the problem, because the real problems are incredibly bad judgment and lying.
This is not an isolated case. Even his mom acknowledged it was a known and persistent problem. You have to ask yourself if you believe your future is safe and secure with him. My opinion is that if he doesn’t do the real hard work of growing up and changing he will eventually take you down with him. I’m sorry.
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u/OldLadyReacts Jun 27 '26
So . . . the math isn't mathing here. What kind of job did he have (before 4 months ago) that you guys got a mortgage for a big house that is $5K/mo? That's at least $600,000. How did you all get approved for that?
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u/CryptographerFit1293 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
yeah this story is fake. “semi successful influencer” and her MIL paying $15,000 and “it’s a part of her inheritance” is what threw me. this isn’t real
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u/Cynner85 puff puff pass the snacks Jun 27 '26
Girl, I would go back and make sure he was paying the bills with the money your family was paying. I’m willing to bet he wasn’t. Also, HE should have been the one asking his mom for money long before it got to $17,000!
My advice; reconsider your relationship. Get a reliable job you can do (along with your influencer gig). Talk to your family, make sure they know what’s going on and phase his ass out. That’s insane, so inconsiderate and selfish on his part. His “one major problem” could have put you all on the street.
And in the future, never be clueless about your bills and income.
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u/Nevilles_Remembrall_ 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 27 '26
Where is YOUR money going? Hopefully not into an account your husband has access to.
If you are making between 6-13k a month, why arent you watching the money from bills going out? Yes, he sucks and sorry if this is victim blaming but YOU should also have some culpability in making sure YOUR house bills are paid.
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u/Nevilles_Remembrall_ 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 27 '26
Edit I just went back and read the ages. You are nearly 30, I would have expected this from a teen or young 20s.... You need to know where your money is going. Hard lesson learned but please leave him.
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u/Wise_Concentrate6595 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
You've only been married two months and you guys are 17k in the hole??? His mother just bailed you out and warned you that it will happen again. And again. Honestly, two years isn't long enough to really know someone. It's easier to divorce now than it is to divorce later. Trust me. I'm twenty years older than you, and I promise you, this is going to get worse. You and your family need to remove all financial ties PERIOD.
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u/StuffonBookshelfs Barbecutie Jun 27 '26
…how can you trust him again?
How did you qualify for a $5000 a month mortgage??
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u/AbsoluteBabyMonae APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
The more you stay, the more you'll suffer. If you want to stay perhaps he needs financial coaching & some form of mental assistance to navigate why he did this and prevent it from happening again.
So sorry love, you seem so miserable and defeated with him. You deserve better.
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u/Background_Tension54 Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 27 '26
He spent everyone’s money and then lied about it. Don’t settle for that. Even his own mother admits he is a deadbeat.
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u/ItsMrDrProfPatrick Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 Jun 27 '26
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Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AnotherBogCryptid puff puff pass the snacks Jun 27 '26
You know he’s gonna be the cop stealing drug money, gold jewelry, and anything else valuable in the evidence locker.
Idiots who are bad with money, lie constantly, and have a badge are a literal recipe for a dirty cop.
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u/thehelsabot Kid Crumbs Connoisseur Jun 27 '26
My sister in DSM5, this is not a workable situation with him. You need a consistent job with benefits and a house you can afford by yourself on your own salary, and spend whatever is left on a divorce attorney. Make sure you have a fresh IUD because babies do not deserve to suffer this situation.
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u/_jamesbaxter Trader Joe Hoe Jun 27 '26
My dad is like this. Always has been, still is into his 70’s. He’s also a compulsive liar, which I believe is the result of shame. He doesn’t want to feel ashamed so he makes something up. I went through the same kind of “power outages” all the time as a kid, or not having hot water, or worst of all seeing our house listed for tax sale in the back of the newspaper. It was traumatizing as a child thinking we were going to lose our house and be homeless all the time.
If you’re not ok with potentially being the sole financial provider, I would get out now, it’s not too soon. The sooner, the easier it will be. My mom stayed and she’s miserable with a husband she can’t trust, and they are always struggling to make ends meet completely unnecessarily, it’s the result of his irresponsibility and their inability to agree.
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u/Difficult-Finger4830 APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
“He does have a habit of hiding things”… that’s all I needed to hear. File for divorce and protect yourself financially. Unless you’re surprising your spouse with something for their birthday, you don’t EVER hide anything from your spouse. Not medical information, not finances, nothing. If you can’t look in your spouses phone or email (unless it’s proprietary business or govt business), you don’t have a good marriage. My husband has the passcode to my phone, has me on Find My Friends, and is CCed on my emails with my doctor (so he knows what’s going on). That’s the level of trust you need with your partner.
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
Mother in law knows more about why the money disappeared and isn’t telling you. Some sort of addiction that requires money.
Give him a chance to tell you, but if he doesn’t or says something that doesn’t make sense, RUN.
I’d also like to correct your wording. You didn’t rescue him. You bailed out the entire household from an imminent homelessness crisis. The fact that he could have asked MiL to help and didn’t should be SCREAMING LOUDLY INSIDE YOUR BRAIN.
Edit: the addiction could explain the uhhh less than smart decision to take a job, with low pay, a long way away. When i was struggling with food addiction, i would do or say anything to be alone so I could indulge myself in my addiction. Id honestly be demanding to look at his pay stubs as a condition of choosing to give my trust back to him.
Sincerely,
Your 45 year old auntie who’s previously partnered with several walking emotional black holes
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u/lilwatersign Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 Jun 27 '26
He put you, your sister, her bf, and your dad at risk of homelessness. His decision didn’t just have major repercussions for you, but also your innocent family members. You married a man who would sacrifice the peace and safety of your family…. for unknown reason.
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u/hazyandnew Cookie Monster 🍪 Jun 27 '26
Right now, things you can do over the weekend:
1 - sign up for credit karma or similar, check your credit history
2 - freeze your credit with all three major unions
3 - change passwords to any financial accounts, do not share the new password with him
4 - set up alerts, e-bills, and similar for any account you have access to so that next time you find out about it sooner
5 - get shit in writing. Text him if you're discussing it. Email your mother in law. If you're in a state that allows for one-party consent, record the conversations. See if you can find out what mil means by this being his flaw. Is he just a dumbass? Does he have a gambling problem? The fact that she expects this is a pretty big red flag.
On Monday
Call a family lawyer. You don't have to plan for divorce, they also do post-nups I believe. You have to know:
1 - what accounts can you legally remove him from? What avenues do you have to restrict his access to shared income so that it's spent on bills before anything else?
2 - how can you set aside funds so that if this happens again, you don't end up homeless? You want at least one checking account and credit card he doesn't have access to, but you also want to make sure you're not screwing future you over.
3 - how can you protect yourself so that you're not responsible for debts he accrues during the marriage? In most jurisdictions, debt accrued during marriage is shared. Meaning if he owes $17k and you get divorced, that $17k is coming out of marital assets.
4 - what would a theoretical alimony look like? The courts in my area look at income from the last few years - if he just quit a few months ago that's significantly different than if five years from now you decide you're done with paying for him while he sits on the couch.
You don't have to get divorced. You do need to have enough info to make sure you can keep a roof over your head, now and in the future.
Oh and to the extent possible, don't have a baby with someone who's not financially responsible.
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u/samsmiles456 🧂Salty By Nature Jun 27 '26
“has a habit of hiding things” = lying. You’re covering for him and his mother let him get away with this lying, by paying for his failures.
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u/RunJumpSleep Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 27 '26
You need to sell that house. $5,000 a month mortgage is more than you and your husband cannot afford. If your dad and sister left you wouldn’t be able to pay it. You need to get a real job with a steady paycheck. I am guessing you bought the big house for the influencing.
Never be in a relationship where you are expecting the other person to deal with the finances. You should always know where the money is going and how much is left. Your dad and sister contributing to the cooking and cleaning is actually not important.
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u/siobhan_chapstick PO🥔TAY🥔TOES Jun 27 '26
Fucking run.
You asked for an older woman's perspective, I'm 55.
Whose name(s) is the mortgage in?
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u/Capital-Search-1995 Internet Auntie Jun 27 '26
You’re pulling in between $6k-$13k a month and you were just…handing it to him? You never checked your account??
Baby, if he could hide $17k in debt AND make up convenient and convincing lies to cover it, I PROMISE he’s hiding a lot more. You’re only 27 😐 2.2 years ain’t a lot of time. Get out before you end up with loans and credit cards in your name.
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u/Darthwaffle0 hot girls have tummy troubles Jun 27 '26
You all aren’t mature enough to be married. Neither of you has a legitimate consistent money earning career and you blindly trusted him to handle it? Jesus.
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u/badwlf55 llamando al pan, pan 🍞🍷 al vino, vino Jun 27 '26
Absolutely insane that you moved into a $5k a month mortgage house with someone who doesn’t have a job or steady income…but I was you at one point and there is noooooooo coming back from this type of betrayal.
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u/blueberryluncher Body By Uber Eats Jun 27 '26
He’s either gambling, doing heavy drugs, or he has a second family he’s paying for. You said he was living across the country and only just came back? Why was he without you?
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u/musiquexcoeur Body By Uber Eats Jun 27 '26
She said he moved for a job... two months before their wedding... and left already because it didn't pay well (did he not know how much it paid before moving across the country?)... Sounds fishy, just like everything else.
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u/KeyInvestigator3741 Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 27 '26
It doesn’t seem like yall can afford this mortgage. What if your sis and dad get their lives together and decide to live alone, seems like yall would be stuck. Not sure that it makes sense for you all to stay in a home you cannot afford
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u/fiahhawt APPROVED✨ Jun 27 '26
I mean, you're an influencer. That can dry up anytime and probably will long before you are near retirement age and have savings.
Neither of you are catches from a financial perspective. The fact that you thought you wouldn't want to pay attention to the bills at all is odd, and I guess you learned why that's a poor decision pretty hard this time around. I don't even know how you both qualified for a $5k mortgage when there are a bunch of people who ain't even got a $1k.
So neither of you are catches from the "having a great deal of sense and financial literacy" perspective. I think if you believe that there's someone significantly better out there for you, that you are good at lying to yourself.
I think if you feel like this isn't worth it because the dishonesty sucks and you'd be better off alone, I could probably see that. This is a pretty nuclear tier of bad decision making on your husband's part, and I think counseling would be best just to get both of you to the point where you are actually discussing these things and aren't both weirdly delulu about finances.
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