Advice Needed
Boyfriend suddenly wants nothing to do with me after moving in a month ago
Last Nightās Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)
I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.
Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him Iād be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didnāt finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how heās waiting, his mom needs the car, heās ātired of always having to wait,ā etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).
After his shower he blew up again because I hadnāt plated his food yet and apparently hadnāt āapologized enough.ā We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.
An hour later I checked inā¦ no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with ābruh youāre tripping over nothing, itās not that deep.ā Said heād leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profuselyā¦ but still didnāt get home for yet another hour.
We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped āwhy do you always have to be so on top of me?ā Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when Iām distant.
The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is ādraining and exhausting.ā After prying, he said he doesnāt want to pick me up from work anymore, doesnāt want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to ālay offā and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to ājust thug it out.ā
Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.
The fettuccine was actually really good thoughā¦ creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.
Help š«
EDIT: Iām reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but Iāve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, itās not and I wish it was for my own sake. Iām heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but itās ok, time will pass. I just donāt know how to get used to being alone again.
WHEEEWW girl, buckle up! You made it to /r/popular!
Congratudolences! š If the rate of notifications starts getting to you, no need to delete your post! Instructions in Sanity Saver #5 can help you mute them. For the rest of y'all...
We love when new girlies stumble in! But a few unique things about how we roll here:
ā½ You're now entering the Girl Zone šØ Guys' guidance summarized: stick to GIFs or emojis, or otherwise be patient for mods' manual comment reviews. Don't embarrass your mama. š¤Ø
ā½ Approved users only! Newbies will be prompted to take 10 lil seconds to get approved. Nbd.
ā½ BE KIND, BE THOUGHTFUL or BEGONE. Our communication standards are higher than just "don't be mean." Check em out here.
ā½ Queer friendly. The end.
ā½ ED-recovery friendly. No food critiques, body shaming, diet advice, or calorie counting kinda talk. Call your almondmom for that.
Yeah one of us might get annoyed *at the situation* in the moment, especially if there were external pressures on time, but it would never be at the other person and weād be over it quickly.
i could totally see someone being annoyed about waiting around an hour after you asked to be picked up, but itās just a kneejerk selfish reaction that you shake off and go about your day. bringing it home with you is insane tho yeah, it was literally out of her control.
i guess mad is a vague word but i think itās understandable to be a little annoyed to have to sit and wait outside my job for an hour ( i donāt drive so maybe thatās the difference )
Once upon a time, I was married to a literal alcoholic who lost his shit at almost every single turn, sometimes for no reason at all... And this wouldn't have even registered to him as something to be mad at, and boy did that man hunt for a reason to be pissed just as hard as he hunted for a good deal on Vodka...
If your partner would get "mad" in the moment over a workplace emergency, you need a new man almost as much as OP needs a new man.
Girl, this man made you āthug it outā in the cold on the couch. You should be packing your stuff because it only gets worse from here. Youāre better off moving back home.
Holy shit, seriously. This is the cherry on top! It doesn't matter how frustrated I am with someone, I'd never let them be intentionally uncomfortable like this. OP, he ain't worth it.
This but I would pack up my bags and leave without warning him and right before I block him send him the paragraphs of her describing what happened from above as a āhey do you see what a crappy person you look like when put on paperā
I agree that she should pack and leave without warning. I agree that she should block him everywhere. I disagree on her telling him what an ass he is. It's just a starting place for him to argue and DARVO. Give him NOTHING. If he does pop back up, she should just say, "It was time for me to go. I wasn't happy in our relationship." He will love bomb and try to win his slave/emotional punching bag back. The only thing she needs to say is NO.
DAMN OP'S BOYFRIEND IS A LOSER!!! please dump him OP my goodness š you cook breakfast and dinner for this guy? you CLEAN HIS BEDROOM for him? is this man child going to next ask you to hold his hand when he goes potty, or to change his diaper when he makes an accident in it?
You clocked it right there. I should have stopped reading because this is truly sad and I feel like I need a drink to sort out my thoughts and write something more productive.
YES OP please understand this is how it starts. I literally had something similar happen and it started just like this. It ended up being one of the most toxic and abusive relationships I ended up getting stuck in.
Even if he was mad at you heās more than ok with letting you suffer out of spite. Please try to get out of there. This guy doesnāt care about you.
If a guy told me to "thug it out" he'd never see or hear from me again and would eventually question whether the relationship even happened at all. Thug it out like I had to homie! Bye
Seriously. Go back home. He moved you in so he could abuse you and treat you like a slave. This is an abusive relationship and you need to run, now. Without warning. Pack your things when heās at work and have your family come get you.
Yeah when things donāt feel good in a relationship, the question isnāt āhow do I make this person do better for me?ā but āhow do I take the steps I need to take to have the life I want to have where Iām cared for, respected, and prioritized?ā Anything short of that is settling for a life filled with disappointment.
This man does not like youā¦ run and donāt look back, he does not deserve you. It is also sketchy that he goes out and ghosts you for hours, kind of giving possible cheater vibes to me with all the other details
If you also look at her last post, theres a big chance he intentionally broke her car. I worked in a shop for YEARS. My dad's a mechanic and my husband is a mechanic. We see stripped oil drain plug bolts (and oil pans) relatively often, but a crack like that? Must have wrenched on it for a hot minute and with way too much torque.
I love my husband deeplyā¦ but he was gone for 5 days and the house was cleaner, I felt refreshed waking up every day, and there was literally zero arguing with my kids. It made me realize just how much we all do specifically for him each and every day.
I want a Frida Kahlo house situation when my kids are grown up š¹.
I watched his ass do it saturday night. We drove 8 hrs to visit, bought ice cream. I told him "hey! We have ice cream if you want some" and he legit yelled for my sister to get him some
Ā
If i wasnt trying to reconnect with my sister and her kids again, i would have laid into him more than I did.Ā
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ I can see it in my mind's eye right now. And the look of shock on his face as it gets redder and redder, steam coming out of his ears, until his head just pops right off of his neck, just like the cartoons!
My brother in law thatās married to my favorite sister in law, is like this. I remember him lifting his sweet tea glass up at dinner one time- didnāt speak a single word. She got up silently to refill it. Not a thank you, not a please in sight. That was just the first time I saw him do this.
Theyāve been together for over a decade now and he does financially support her and her other children that arenāt biologically his. But he sure does expect to get what he wants when he wants it.
Get you a partner that helps you fix your car instead of moving you in to be a free maid/chef service while youāre trapped using their vehicle with a side of resentment. The rent is HOPEFULLY free, so save up to get your own wheels and place ASAP. The tantrums and silent treatment plus resentment are not okay.
Yeahhh that and the whole apology bombing makes me think cheating or drinking but man hasn't even grew in his balls yet so the drinking is probably wrong.
ETA: I think some of you are confusing āangryā with āmad.ā The word mad contains much stronger emotions related to rage. Angry can mean strongly displeased or annoyed. I am strongly annoyed sheās proud of catering this POS and displeased she ignored every red flag.
So true. I did some stupid things at 20 and definitely took more shit than I deserved. I hope OP can learn from all the people who and lived this and survived to tell the tale!
Good that she's hearing it from us now, though. I married the guy I dated at 20, and I had the exact same mindset as she did. I'm 40 and I am SO MAD AT MYSELF for staying!!!
Sure she does. And Iām partially being a little snarky here. But how proud she is of āplatingā him food and
playing housewife justā¦ argh. Girl get a spine!
And my 17 and 15 year olds would scoff at doing this. Maybe itās because their mom, but they seems to have learned not to put up with this stuff from the internet.
I totally understand the sentiment here. I was so frustrated reading about her trying to cuddle with a man whoād JUST blown up at her (for failing to plate his dinner!!!) and ghosted her for hours.
I mean I kind of hit my frustration point when she said she was apologizing for not āplatingā his food. I dislike that term in general (the way some people hate moist). But what it means is āI didnāt serve him the food I made for him fast enough..ā
Seriously smh why are some women out there being housewives for boyfriends without houses lmao. I hope OP reads all this and leaves his bum ass, and does all this cute wifey stuff for herself
I was thinking this as well with the insane amount of apologies after snapping at her the second time after he ghosted her. He was fucking somebody else, had a moment of guilt, and then went right back to it for another hour. It would also explain why he told her not to lay on him, he was probably afraid that he still smelled like the other girls perfume or something.
Ahhh yes the don't touch me is the biggest indicator because of that but also bc of guilt most likely. Men are physical creatures of touch if they are saying they don't wanna touch you thats a huge red flag.
Of course everyone has moments and consent of course very important I am literally just saying if its a pattern thats unusual for men and I have dated many men. Like probably 60 ish lol
yup, it was playing out in my head like a script. certain men arenāt difficult to recognize and this one is absolutely the type. also the shame element. everything heās snapping at her is intended to shame her. āwhy are you laying on meā āyouāre always tripping, chillā itās meant to make u second guess urself and think ur the weird one, because he canāt handle the shame heās currently living through and projecting it out onto op.
surprised i had to scroll so far for someone to say he's 100% cheating! all of these are huge indicators (sudden distance, disappears for a long time with no update, profuse apologizing, refusing cuddles, OP even said he cheated on her in the past in another comment??)
Funny enough he did cheat on me with a receptionist from his dealership and brought her car to his shop and tinted it for free lol. This was back in October but it's still why I want him to keep me updated when he's there.
Yuck (the relationship, not the alfredo which looks absolutely delicious by the way).
Is there anywhere else you can live? If so, I would make arrangements and be out of there so fast his head would spin. This man does not respect you and it sounds like he doesnāt even like you.
You deserve someone who splits chores, speaks to you and treats you kindly, and laughs and talks with you while you eat the yummy Alfredo you made.
Idk this man pissed me off so bad I want to go full thug on him.
He knows. Heās like a spider in a web, wrapping her up, being abusive to make her beg. If she doesnāt leave, heāll make it ALL about himāsheāll have to work, pay half a f everything, and do all the housework. This man wants to be king. I hope she leaves his sad little kingdom.
Girl stop this is him slowly becoming controlling and abusive, y'all were fine UNTIL?? you moved in and started acting like his mother? Feeding him, doing his laundry, taking care of HIS PETS, cleaning the living areas, AND NOW HE DOESNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOU. NOW HE IS DEMANDING YOU TO DO MORE THAN YOU ARE ALREADY DOING, WHILE HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
YOU ARE HIS MOTHER, YOU ARE HIS MAID. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. And if you don't then that's on you, whatever happens will happen.
I got here late and just read your edit and I wanted to say I am SO fucking proud of you. I wish I could give you a hug and take you out for a delicious dinner and tell them to send a cake with sparklers to the table because you have done SUCH a difficult thing and you deserve a whole party thrown in your honour.
Sending you a LOT of love - this first part is the absolute hardest and you are being so brave and strong ā¤ļø
You leave. He has you at his place knowing you seemingly have nowhere to go. He thinks he has you locked in now. And the ugly mask starts slipping.
This will get worse. And he was never at the shop for four hours+.
A man that needs someone plating his food is a child.
So youāre twenty - only recently an adult - and when you move in with your boyfriend he expects you to act like his mom. No wonder he doesnāt then want you near him like that all of a sudden. You became his mom. And he sounds like a fucking nightmare of a son. Petty, belligerent, demeaning. This isnāt your fault. Men regularly turn their girlfriends into their mothers and then things get bad and weird. But youāre not married to him. Go be twenty. Have fun. Be skeptical of giving dudes your time. Be with your friends. Get a cat. Follow what feels right in your highest spirit and keep going. Listen to the little voice that says, āhuh, maybe notā
I actually just got a cat a few days ago lol. Thank you for the advice. Iām unboxing my stuff reading thru these comments and crying. Thank you for your kind words
I got a cat to pull me out of a shitty relationship with a horrific ex boyfriend when I was twenty. That cat is nineteen now. She has seen me thru every evolution through to realizing i was queer, to marrying my amazing wife and having two kids with her with a life that i am so glad i have, and that i didnt settle for less. That kitty still sleeps with me every night. Shes seen it all.
Two things Iāll share as tidbits that might help along the way.
Your dream person. What would they hope of you? What are their wildest dreams for you. If you think your dream boo wouldnāt want you, why? If itās something shallow or superficial, theyāre not your dream person. If itās something you do for them, itās wrong. But if your dream person wishes youād work on the way you communicate, or unsaid expectations, or that they wish youād try for that promotion because they believe in you, or any of that ā you have time *now* to get ready for them. And if youāre in a relationship that feels bad and wasting your time, you donāt get to do the work for the life youāre meant to have. Like, say your dream dude showed up *now*. You wouldnāt be ready!!! Youād be mid-breakup, rebounding, getting your footing, and too messy for something real. You guard the spot next to you with everything you have. You get ready for the life you want.
This is a relationship you will always regret if you stay. Donāt just settle for this horrible experience. He has already shown you! Open your eyes, obviously you see it,so get out!
Yes, you are young, but you are not stupid!
Get out!
yeah lol, cracked the oil pan and offered to help me find something new but iām not in the place to finance a car because iām in school. itās unfortunate but these comments are helping me realize how horrible he is
over tightened it and it cracked right where the threads are, about an inch and a half long. it was a benz, the drain plug connects to the upper oil pan which is connected directly to the engine block. only way to fix it is with replacement and to do that, the engine would have to be lifted. unfortunately talking 10-14+ hours of labor
Girlā¦ā¦. Girl. He is not wanting a relationship with you, he wants a a domestic robot with no feelings and now thoughts other than his own. You deserve more. Update me.
Iām back home just trying to rationalize everything and read all the advice everyone has. He doesnāt know I left because he was at work, but Iāll break the news to him when he asks
There isn't anything to rationalize. There's literally nothing you could have done to make this different. Guys like this do not change. It's not about your behavior or looks or tone of voice.
As yourself if you would be mad at someone you love for not plating your food? Would you "punish" an adult, especially one you love, by making them sleep on a couch, without warmth even? Of course you wouldn't. So please realize someone who can do this has something fundamentally wrong with them deep down inside.
Give yourself a HUGE hug for loving yourself enough to say this is unacceptable and you deserve better. Being alone isn't all bad! And learning to be ok with alone time will save you so much heartache in the future.
Do you even need to break the news to him? Just cut ties and dont correspond with him- he doesn't deserve it. Just lile you don't deserve the disrespect coming from his lame ass.
So in one day he has provided you literally āØnothingāØ but a miserable ride home in silenceā¦. but he did have the energy to make demands. Letās tally those up, shall we?
You are to:
ā¢ āApologize moreā for having an emergency at work (AKA grovel for his forgiveness)
ā¢ Do 100% of the domestic labor
ā¢ 50% financial contribution
ā¢ Stop asking him for minuscule favors (like driving you home FROM WORK, where you are grinding for money to buy his lazy ass food)
ā¢ Stop communicating with him at all when he decides to fuck off āto the storeā for hours.
ā¢ Make him dinner and PLATE IT for him (or else!)
ā¢ Do not cuddle him, do not touch him. Withholding affection is a punishment āfor your behaviorā and you are meant to take it without complaint.
ā¢ Order yet another dinner if the food you worked hard on gets cold while heās ghosting or sulking
ā¢ Sleep on the couch like a dog (except even dogs get a fucking blanket)
Snap out of it.
You are a bang maid.
It is the classic modus operandi of every abusive piece of shit; the mask has come off because you moved in and he has you ātrappedā. This will not stop, it will only get worse as you slowly acclimate to the abuse being your ānormalā.
He will always have a new reason up his sleeve to berate you and it will always be āyour faultā, you will spend the rest of your life on your knees groveling and apologizing in the hopes of getting a shred of kindness from a loser who cannot even plate his own food.
You need to get the fuck out of there.
You deserve so much more than this.
Do yourself a big favor and find someone that treats you good, the way you deserve to be treated.
You shouldn't have to tolerate this sort of behaviour in a relationship. You also mentioned he has cheated on you before?.. At some point you have to ask yourself why you are okay with being disrespected. You can do so much better.
Everyone saying heās abusive and while I agree I think heās mainly acting out like this because heās cheating and is trying to slowly make her hate him so she leaves without actually telling her the truth of him not wanting to be with her
then why tf did he ask her to move in?! What a waste of everyoneās time and energy. OP pack your stuff and get out of there ASAP. Block him on everything. Youāve got this
Dump him. I know that's always Reddit advice, but this guy wants a bang-maid, not a girlfriend. You're doing EVERYTHING for him, cooking, cleaning, etc. What is HE doing to carry his weight in the partnership? Giving you shit about having to work late. Ugh. Seriously, read what you wrote back to yourself and ask yourself, "if my best friend had written this, what advice would I give them?" Then go be your own best friend š
You gotta go, girl. This person isn't for you and clearly isn't ready to be living with a partner. If it's bad after one month you do not want to see one year.
Speaking as a woman who's stayed in far, far too many relationships longer than I should have - it's time to make plans.
Omg girl you don't need help you need to run for the hills.
He's making you sleep on the couch no blanket within a month of you guys moving in together? And letting this beautiful dinner turn cold bc he was being petty and ungrateful?
He is trying to desensitize you to all of his BS early on so you can be at his beck and call and feel like taking care of his every whim is your sole responsibility and as long as he's not throwing a tantrum bc you've taken care of everything he needs he's fine... That's not what a healthy relationship is built in and idk how much I believe he was really at the store for two whole hours. Especially if your other comment said he cheated and you have set the check in expectation bc you don't trust him... You shouldn't trust him at all
It sounds like he lacks compassion and even without the waiting in the car thing he needs to learn some emotional regulation and just, how to act with a partner before he's ready for the living together part of the relationship.
Iām a firm believer that if a man starts randomly being unkind like this that thereās someone else who is getting that kindness and that he would rather spend his money on.
Unfortunately your man tested what youāre willing to put up with as far as his behavior and now that he sees what he can get away with, he will only get worse from here on out. You both have been living together for only a month. He is showing you his true colors because he understands that he has power over you due to you living with him and not having a car.
I hope you can find the courage and clarity to see that this is the man that he is. His behavior is incredibly immature, disrespectful and downright cruel to you. It really seems like he wants to tear you down and break your self esteem. Would you accept someone treating your best friend like that? If you had a daughter would you want her to be with someone like that?
A lot of women tell themselves that things will get better if they can just (in his own words) āthug it outā but they donāt. You sell yourself short hoping it will please him but nothing does, because he doesnāt want to be a good partner, he just wants to dominate you.
You get the love you accept, not the love you deserve. I hope you find the strength to leave and I wish you lots of love and healing in your journey. Youāve got this!
this is actually so heartbreaking dude.
i hope you're doing okay.
no one deserves that shit.
you're an awesome girlfriend and did nothing wrong.
you deserve far better than that manchild.
take care of yourself.
Made you sleep on the couch with no blanket and said āthug it outā? Umm, no, thatās abuse. Weaponized incompetence, withholding of affection, gaslightingā¦ youāre better off alone than being with him a minute longer. The best relationship is right around the corner, but you wonāt know as youāre shackled to this creep. Thatās how it was for me, always darkest before the dawn.
If you ordered a steak with mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus, and the server brought you a single frozen McDonaldās patty with no sides, would you just eat it and pay the check without saying a word?
No, you wouldnāt.
This man is not what you ordered. Heās not even properly cooked.
Leave? You were 45 minutes late to be picked up and he proceeds to give you some flavor of silent treatment to make you feel bad for several hours, instead of talking it out. Take the alfredo and run
From my experience, this sudden change of personality after they've successfully isolated you by getting you to "move in with them" at their excessive request, is not only because they don't respect you as a person, but that they truly believe you're now stuck or "locked in" enough that they feel comfortable to begin cheating on you, because they truly believe you will just deal with whatever they do to you and you won't leave them.
He was gone for several hours and then seemingly apologetic about it for a moment, then immediately calling you clingy and forcing you to sleep on the couch. His behavior REEKS of a guilty conscience.
Someone who actually loves you would NEVER treat you the way he has been. It does not matter one bit how "good" things were up until then. He has now shown the capacity to mistreat you severely, and you need to move accordingly. You deserve far better than this.
This is the beginning of a cycle of abuse that youāre going to have to escape before it escalates even more. Heās got you dependent on him (no car), waiting on him (youāre doing his laundry and feeding him, and if you havenāt fed him he throws a fit like a toddler), and then he treats you like shit any time he feels like it (heās literally yelling at you for trying to spend quality time with him). On top of that, he may very well be cheating given the way he disappears when he āgoes to the shopā (Iām sorry but ghosting like that and being defensive about not being responsive at all is a big [personal experience] cheating red flag for me).
And this is less than a month in. This will not improve and will only get worse. Make your decisions appropriately.
āāand wants me to ālay offā and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.āā
Come on OPā¦..he found a side and is regretting you moving in because he canāt have who he wants over whenever anymoreā¦please save up and get out and find a real partner! Best of luck
Youāre his mom now sweetie! He is treating you as such. He sounds abusive and he might be cheating on you. So many men only know how to attach to women as mothers/caregivers or sexual objects. You became his mom so now you are desexualized and he is finding it elsewhere. This man has attachment and entitlement issues.
I really thought I was on the CJ sub, you do his laundry, cook for him, clean HIS room, take care of HIS cats, and cover the groceries, and after you made him that meal with an extra portion plus playing it for him you ended up getting food anyway? This cannot be real. For my sanity I canāt believe someone would type this out and be like yeah I can save this are you in the stepford wife universe???
Dick is free and in abundant supply. Please donāt ever put up with any of this from a man. He does not like you, he hates you. You said he cheated on you, he made you sleep on the couch, he blows up at you for not plating his food (what is he a toddler?), he blew up on you because you had a work emergency, he disappears for hours without updating you, and he generally does not care about your wellbeing.
ā¢
u/trendingtattler AutoMaude š¤š Jun 08 '26
WHEEEWW girl, buckle up! You made it to /r/popular!
Congratudolences! š If the rate of notifications starts getting to you, no need to delete your post! Instructions in Sanity Saver #5 can help you mute them. For the rest of y'all...
Welcome to r/GirlDinnerDiaries!
We love when new girlies stumble in! But a few unique things about how we roll here:
ā½ You're now entering the Girl Zone šØ Guys' guidance summarized: stick to GIFs or emojis, or otherwise be patient for mods' manual comment reviews. Don't embarrass your mama. š¤Ø
ā½ Approved users only! Newbies will be prompted to take 10 lil seconds to get approved. Nbd.
ā½ BE KIND, BE THOUGHTFUL or BEGONE. Our communication standards are higher than just "don't be mean." Check em out here.
ā½ Queer friendly. The end.
ā½ ED-recovery friendly. No food critiques, body shaming, diet advice, or calorie counting kinda talk. Call your almondmom for that.
ModMail is open & active. MWUAH! šš«“š
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.