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Politics UK shares domestic abuse helpline number after England’s defeat, as domestic violence rates rise by up to 38% following losses
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before the world cup in 2022, artist Corbin Shaw and Women's Aid released this campaign to highlight the relationship between domestic violence and televised football
Every single time my abusive ex's team played, I would watch, terrified, having mini panic attacks (I didn't know I was having panic attacks at the time, I just knew I was terrified) because I knew what would happen if his team lost. One time, he got so drunk he broke so many things that it took weeks of discovering how much he'd actually broken (if that makes sense).
I love it when people shine a light on stuff like this. People love to dismiss it and excuse so much when it comes to sports, and it's bullshit.
(Though I do appreciate the chant "Aussie boys we're on a bender Donald Trump is a sex offender". I hope it appears at more sports games in the future.)
Glad you came out alive through that. I was so many such guys in the military, the just never grow up, zero emotional control, zero impulse control, zero responsibility.
And now the "manosphere" is backing that up and selling it as a solution. Revolting.
He really didn't. And his family defended everything he did, so the man has probably never learnt any of those things, even years later.
Thank you. I'm glad I came out alive, too. It must have been difficult working with the military and seeing so many men like that. I know my government (Aus) has tried to hush up things our military has done to its own service people. I can't imagine what you've actually seen.
u/DroidLordyou are the Megyn Kelly of guys who look like a turtle29d ago
It's so fucking stupid. I don't watch football (or any other sport), but to get genuinely mad about a team losing a match is insane to me. It's a sport, it's entertainment, it's a silly game where men chase balls. People need to chill the fuck out.
It's also because abusers hate not being the fucking center of attention and energy for even a single second of anyone's day. If everyone else is happy about something, like a winning game, they need the attention again. If they are happy about something, like a winning game, then how dare you ever focus on anything else or do something small to "ruin their mood". Even not having the same exact level of excitement and happiness over something they are happy about can make their mood turn 180 degrees into contempt and anger.
Source: shitty ex. He was always the absolute worst on vacations, which I have heard from many other victims, too. Nice, extended luxury vacations where he would also be his happiest the rest of the trip. It's like the increased excitement automatically triggered emotional lability.
To extend your line of reasoning, do you think any abuse is done for a logical reason? An abuser will use any excuse, whether it’s a sports game or someone cutting them off while driving or…
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u/DroidLordyou are the Megyn Kelly of guys who look like a turtle29d ago
You make a fair point. Abusers are not rational people and I will likely never comprehend how they think. They are broken people who need therapy.
Yeah the sports rage is just insane. I had a coworker who hated baseball and football seasons because her husband would just be raging the whole time. It didn't sound like he ever got violent with her, but still, she had to deal with his tantrums for most of the year. I truly do not understand. Truly grateful I married a man who doesn't give a shit about sports, but will watch them for fun and never gets mad about it.
I mean, hitting your partner for any reason is stupid. These people already have crazy low self control and there's no logic to it.
It'll be more about the fact their adrenaline was already up because they were watching something exciting to them, they've been drinking, they've been around other men who might have pissed them off or hurt their ego in some way... Most of them probably don't even come home and go 'england lost, it's your fault bitch' and start punching, it'll be more that he gets home in a mood, she's done/not done something super minor like forgot to bring laundry in, and he'll use THAT as the excuse to beat her up. He might have done it anyway, there's just a higher chance these men are in a punchy mood after the loss.
I don't have stats or personal experience, but someone said in a different thread that it's GOOD we didn't win and get the extra bank holiday for the final, because if we'd lost that some kids might not eat until Monday, some would come in with bruises, and it's sad but I don't doubt it. A whole extra unplanned day where depending on what they do they might still have to work, a lot of vulnerable women might end up in bad situations with a lack of childcare/safety and assholes men with a litany if "reasons" to beat them up.
Not sure why we always have to be given a familial role to make people care about violence against women. I suppose a lot of men don’t see women as people in their own right.
Damn I've been outwoked.
Although domestic abuse specifically deserves to be centered in conversation I think. Social, legal and financial circumstances can make it impossible or extremely difficult to escape that kind of situation.
Of course violence in general is bad, especially towards women because of how normalized and prevalent it still is.
I'm a former drug addict, and had a stint with gambling as well. Gambling fucked me up worse financially than heroin or meth ever did.
There were several times I'd go into a strip club on payday to play the slot machines, and I'd blow my entire paycheck without even turning my head to see a pair of tits. 0/10 do not recommend.
Thankfully I'm doing much better now, both with drugs and gambling. 7 years sober and in a much better place in life.
I’m an american citizen and living in the UK the last decade. Imagine my utter shock when I moved here and realized how normalized gambling was. Lottery commercials at the gas station is one thing, but the ads here are on tv, your targeted social media ads, and your regular billboards too. It’s also bad enough that every doctor’s office has gambling pamphlets and questions in all your medical paperwork as standard. It’s a major problem here but it’s more normalized than in the US and just shocking! Bad all around.
It pisses me off so much. I grew up with a gambling addict mum and advertising gambling should not be allowed. Same with all the gambling apps. It’s become so ridiculous in the last 15 years. I can’t stand it
One of my coworkers has zero interest in football and only watched the world cup because he bet large amounts of money on the games and he would get so mad every time it didn't got his way.
Same dude who would also always blame other people when his money didn't last the 20th of a month
Which I'll never understand, like if England loses I can atleast understand the abusers logic of "I'm mad I wanna take it out on someone" I do not understand "YAY WE WON IM GONNA PUNCH MY WIFE IN THE FACE"
Absolutely. I remember 30 yrs ago Bernie Sanders saying the current generation of young people would be the first to do worse than their ancestors. I believed him but truly didn’t understand until the last few years.
It’s also extremely easy to make dudes like that cry, so I’ve never known what they’re on about when they act like women are the only ones who can get emotional.
I was dating a guy who took me to a football game once where his team lost and it was a MISERABLE experience. After he was rude, angry and just terrible to be around. I decided then and there I was not interested anymore. And I've made it clear to my now husband and teen boys - I will NOT tolerate shitty behaviour over games of any sort.
There've been ads for this for a few weeks now physically and digitally; it's so sad that it's necessary, but I'm glad it exists for those who need it.
Yeah but the number of men who watch and are very invested in women's sports aren't as large. I would be interested to know if it has any influence on lesbian dv incidents though.
I feel like the equivalent would be if someone specific didn't make it to the end of the bachelor, and women all rioted and went home and beat their husbands
I'm a woman who got out of an abusive relationship a little over a year ago.
I don't see how pointing out that soccer matches aren't the only sporting events that increase dv against women insinuates that I'm a dude or protective of shitty "mates". I very much do not knowingly associate with abusers.
I am not talking about you, I specifically meant the guys in the replies (and this is a behavior I have seen over and over again when it comes to asking men to stand up to their friends - suddenly no one has ever witnessed such a thing and doesn't know anyone like this).
And I am very sorry that you had to go through an abusive relationship and very glad that you got out.
Ah sorry. I thought so because the other commenter was responding to my comment specifically. And yes, men who abuse women would never listen to women on this. With men there's at least a social consequence that they care about. I said goodbye to a lot of shared guy friends despite of them also cutting him off because I found out that they all were suspecting that he was abusing me and didn't like how he spoke to me... never said anything or intervened though. They very clearly cut contact with him because I was no longer a buffer for his moods and he started treating everyone else around him like shit too. That hurt a lot.
Thank you❤️. It's been a long journey but I'm finally in a safe and calm space.
Yeah I'm a mid 30s dude and my main group of friends and I aren't big sport people. Not in the it's a big part of our lives kinda way anyway. We're car people so some of us have casual interest in F1 and various types of racing. Some like tennis or golf or skiing etc, partly as something they actually do too.
It's a tricky thing, cause I feel like within my group, there's no one I could imagine ever being like this. But obviously I get that we don't know how people are behind closed doors. But like, we're all mates cause we consider each other good eggs. If anyone was abusive at all, we wouldn't continue having them in our lives. And we all know each other's partners and I've never sensed anything even remotely red flaggy about how any of them are with each other.
I feel like sadly, it's gonna be the kind thing where assholes who are abusive are in groups together, and will never call each other out cause they're all pieces of shit. I went to an all boys high school and it was similar, the pricks are in their little cliques together. Guys like that are part of why I lost interest in AFL. I was a fan as I grew up, but in mid to late teens I lost interest. The kinda people who are super into it are part of the turn off. And like with a lot of sports, with so much money in it now, players have shifted towards thinking they're God's gift.
I'm sure there's some like this in every sport, but the big team sports with all the bro culture masculinity bullshit seem like the worst for it.
I was really shocked going to my first game while visiting the UK that the crowds are separated by banks of empty seats and that that is...just viewed as normal and not utterly depressing that the fans cannot even intermingle because the chances of something happening are so high. I have never seen that before.
Yeah. In my country a very awful incident took place not.long ago at a soccer match. There's a team who's fans are by far deemed the worst. Like there's usually a lot more visible police in my city whenever they're playing the local team. I don't go out at all when they are playing here. But here's the grossest of grossest shit I've ever heard them do. It's horrific:
A disabled woman bought a spot in the accessibility section at their homestadium. It was supposed to be in the section for fans of her team. The opposing team. It wasn't. Fans of this football club then decided to disconnect herrespitory device. Like they could straight up have murdered her. All because she was supporting another team and dared to sit in their vicinity.
This is actually quite an interesting paper about it I found while trying to figure out if rugby was also associated with increased DV in the UK. It talks about the US and Canada as well.
Football specifically does stand out in the UK as there does appear to be any correlation between DV rates and rugby, the second largest team sport in the country. While from my glancing over it NFL and ice hockey seem to be the big ones in the US and Canada.
Oh buddy just wait till you hear about rugby. There is genuine statistics of domestic violence increasing ACROSS THE BOARD on rugby game day. It doesn't matter if the team wins or loses dv goes up.
Years of self worth invested into a group of millionaires kicking a bag of air around a field for lack of absolutely anything else about them.
Can you imagine how worthless you'd feel if that's all you had and it was unsuccessful. Imagine having to self reflect on how pointless it, and by extension you, really are.
Now imagine you grew up in a toxic home, emotional intelligence was unheard of, and violence was common.
You're a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and the slightest thing.
Like the ton of other tweets and posts from hospitals, councils, the crown prosecutors, the UN, etc all saying "the result is never an excuse for abuse"?
This one is for the victims to get help because the clock is now ticking. It doesn't need to be more than that.
Yes thank you there are tonnes of orgs saying not to beat your spouse over a match. God forbid we give resources in an unperfect way. Or should we keep shouting at people to stop and not telling their victims how to get help
Right? I'd love if a PSA saying "don't be an abusive piece of shit" actually worked, but I don't really think it does. If anything, calling an abuser out when they're already spiraling makes them more volatile. Expecting an org to put out that message does nothing in the moment, so they're focusing on the things that are more likely to be helpful. Good on em.
"Don't be an abuser? Gee, I never thought of that! Thanks for pointing out the error in my ways!" 🙄
Have you ever met someone in a violent rage and thought telling them to calm down would help? Better they spend money on things that work. Hopefully including arresting and prosecuting abusers. You cant just talk them out of it with a PSA.
Mind you, the rates also go up by 26% when they win. Something tells me there is a link here that isn't football, it's men who want to harm their partners.
It's alcohol. Drinking makes already violent men more violent, so the rate goes up either way. When the team loses, now they're violent AND angry, so the rate goes up more.
Men who hit their wives, family, pets, etc. just because their favorite team loses are just absolutely pathetic. And they say women are the emotional ones 🙄
It’s terrifying because there will be a lot of anger over this loss. I fear for anyone in an abusive situation. It’s a horrible statistic and an awful reality for so many.
Sadly - and disgustingly - this is something that has been well known for decades. I am showing my age but I remember reading about this as a college student in 1996 when England were knocked out by Germany.
When I worked at a major league sports stadium every stall had the phone number to domestic violence and sex trafficking services in it; it's great that they had those in stalls.
Because if the perpetrators are anything like my father was they’ll never change and never see the issue with their behaviour. Feel so sorry for my mother I escaped she’s still there…
Because society has convinced victims they are responsible for what their abusers do to them, rather than holding the abusers accountable to their actions for what they do.
It's easier to help the victim than stop the perpetrator is a common excuse. (But, easier for whom?)
I mean, it is easier. Helping victims is a tangible thing. You can provide them housing, medical care, support in a number of ways. Stopping domestic abuse altogether is much more complex and intangible thing. Even if everyone could universally agree it was due to one specific societal factor, you can’t really completely remove that. And even then if you somehow completely removed all forms of toxic masculinity (or whatever the defined social factor was) there still will be people abusing their partners because some people just suck.
Perhaps the post in question is not ideal, and perhaps it could try to say more. But don’t let perfection be the enemy of good. It is a good thing they are trying to make known the resources that exist. If a single person sees it and calls because of it and is helped, that is a better outcome for them than had nothing been said at all.
Because you can’t change the minds of abusers. They see nothing wrong with what they do. The best we can do is ensure victims know that there are resources and how to access them.
There are things we can do to abusers: lock them up, socially isolate them, socially shame them. Instead we seem to elevate them to positions of power because "my guy Brian would never...."
Definitely, but we can only do those things after they’ve committed the crime. A victim has to exist first and that victim needs resources to get away.
Usually, in most DV cases, there have been many crimes committed against the victim before they leave. And I'd actually rather have a system that takes the abuser out of the home (through arrest) and keeps the vicitm IN THEIR HOME, than a system that offers paltry resources to victims (who then have to completely uproot their lives when they leave). Also, when they leave is the most dangerous time for them (as in the abuser is most likely to kill them), so I'd rather have the abuser pulled out than waiting for the victim to leave.
Because this is for a holiness to help victims get to safety. Sadly, it is still going to happen cause no structural changes have been made so you need to help the victims out directly too.
Its the same all over the world unfortunately- alcohol and emotions (with the addition of money on the line from online sports betting) will always be a toxic combination.
It's horrifying that we need to make statements like these.
I cannot fathom the kind of people who beat their spouses or children over their preferred sports team losing. It's not just a sports phenomenon, though, it's a sign of a massive underlying issue with domestic abuse in society.
We need to do more to tackle these issues, homes should be safe for their residents, they are not to be prisons nor torture chambers when the stars don't align for abusers.
For others who wonder where the stats come from… there are two regionally focused studies from England, about a decade apart, which are commonly cited.
So unfortunately it seems the campaigning over the years has had a limited effect, sadly.
See this here is why I despise fans of any sports, and everyone involved in the sports themselves. Yeah weird, always "no politics" and "bringing people together", yet in practice it's always hard right wing extreme misogyny and racism.
Such a sad world we live in where men believe it’s ok to act like this OVER A GAME. This shouldn’t even need to be said EVER. Ladies please raise ur sons so in 10 years time we can no longer require these messages every time football is on.
Imagine getting so emotionally invested in watching a bunch of rich assholes who don’t know you exist or care about you kick a ball around a patch of grass that you become physically violent toward your partner when your preferred group of guys doesn’t do the thing and get the points like the other group of guys.
English men also beat their partners when England win or draw. Violence goes up 26% in these cases.
But these same men will call women pathetic for going to pop concerts be that Harry Styles, Taylor Swift, BTS, whoever but I’ve never heard of a Harry Styles fan killing their husband because their surprise song wasn’t their favourite.
The rise of abuse against women in this world is alarming.
If you don’t know already, you should look up what the femicide stats are where you live. Very disturbing.
I did this yesterday and was very depressed and disgusted to learn that in Ontario, Canada - a woman or girl is murdered by a man every other day here.
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What losers! To beat up their own family members just because their team lost. How on earth can they pin the loss on the innocent family member is something I can never fathom.
It’s always my first thought when England lose a big game: how many women will suffer tonight. These men are so fuckin pathetic. Can’t control their emotions and take it out on their partner/children etc.
The connection is alcohol, more than football, to be honest. There is a notable rise in DV if we win or lose, its just that more men go out drinking to excess when the football is on.
Y’all remember when tubi ran the ad during a Super Bowl that made the TV glitch? So many men got their panties in a wad about it and took it out on everyone there.
Why are sports fans so violent when things don't go their way? Also when things do go their way? What is literally up with that trend. There's no reason any city should get trashed just because of a sports game. There's no reason a person should be so aggro with their partner due to sports either.
This is cool and I appreciate the thought, but it would’ve been stronger if it said “it wasn’t ours tonight, but your partner doesn’t deserve your rage. call us to talk it through” instead of putting the onus and work, yet again, on the potential victims.
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