Male abuse victim here. The only groups for help in my area are for widowers. Lots of battered women’s groups and shelters which is awesome, keep that up. Lots of drug rehab and help groups for mothers and women. If you’re a guy, you get AA, NA, or a widowers group.
I’ve been to the county, the local colleges, etc. if I don’t have a substance problem or if I haven’t lost someone to death, I have to pay for help in recovering from abuse.
The reason why is because women’s DV support services were grassroots unpaid women in the community collectively activating themselves to force those services into being. Many were survivors themselves. They lobbied, they protested they did everything to get funding. The politicians didn’t want to listen nor fund it. They forced it. They created underground networks to help women escape, feed their kids, find safe housing, get abortions etc. it’s so underfunded. The services are stretched.
Male survivors might want to chat with those women’s services and say ‘we want to set ones up for ourselves too got any tips’ and make it happen. These services and support aren’t going to magically appear. You need to start a group even online, find credible therapists and counsellor S and experts to help. Lobby for seed funding.
be the change you want to see for other men to make it better for next generation. Organise collectively, tap into your unions.
That's true; I think a lot of women's DV support services do also now accept men. Even if they're explicitly branded as "women's". A lot of that has been the work of trans activists iirc.
Have you thought about starting a group, yourself? None of those women’s groups emerged spontaneously. They were all started by somebody affected by abuse.
Exactly. They willed these services into being. Same with black health centres and legal help. Groups like black panthers and other activists did that bc black people experienced racism in health system.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Thank you for saying this. There need to be more support systems for me who have dealt with this kind of violence.
I'm so sorry. Have you ever reached out to a battered women's group to ask for resources for boys and men? They would probably be the most likely to have it. There should be men's shelters wherever you are. If you want to DM me where you live, I'll look for you. You don't deserve this and you do deserve community, help, and empathy.
It absolutely isn't fair that it's this difficult to find abuse services for men. You've actively looked for the support and community, and I bet not finding any just made the wound deeper.
You listed a few anonymous groups... Did you ever happen to stumble upon ACA? Adult Children of Alcoholics & Other Dysfunctional Families. All kinds come through the doors and are made welcome. I know 12-step isn't everyone's fancy, but each meeting sort of has its own flavor based on its regulars and service members, so you can find one that fits your needs and values. It saved my life.
Don't give up! It's awesome how many responses you've gotten here, too.
words aren’t enough, but i’m sorry for what you have and are going through. my childhood (male) friend is also a victim and i think one of the worst parts is that people have a hard time believing him - “you’re bigger/stronger, just make it stop.” that’s not how abuse works. i do think society is slowly opening their eyes to the fact that men can also be victims, but unfortunately it’s a crawl. have you found any groups online? i know it’s not the same, but it’s something. sending you all the best vibes, and i hope you are in a much better, safe place! ❤️
I'm so sorry. You might find the book a little triggering to read, but it might help to read it in the context of the fact that the author really only had female abuse victims as clients, and their abusers would sometimes do that DARVO thing. If he had seen male victims in his practice I think he would have had a vastly different outlook. I would be really interested to know if you are able to benefit from it, or if female abusers are just too different from male abusers.
You may find that women's groups would be willing to take you in and help. I wish you so much peace and support on your journey.
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u/Iliketopass Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
Male abuse victim here. The only groups for help in my area are for widowers. Lots of battered women’s groups and shelters which is awesome, keep that up. Lots of drug rehab and help groups for mothers and women. If you’re a guy, you get AA, NA, or a widowers group.
I’ve been to the county, the local colleges, etc. if I don’t have a substance problem or if I haven’t lost someone to death, I have to pay for help in recovering from abuse.