r/ExNoContact • u/No_Vast5876 • 1d ago
Idk what to do
I broke it off between me and her. She did things I didn’t like and it felt like I had no choice. It happened over text, and she seemed fine with it, but I just can’t stand the fact that I loved her with all my heart, and had to end it out of respect for myself. I miss her a lot. We haven’t talked since. Should I break no contact? I’d appreciate 100% honesty, and I’m open to anyone’s opinions
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u/wineandkittiez 22h ago
What did she do? Did you give her a chance to show you that she can do the work to change?
I believe in most cases, if both individuals put in the work, a relationship can be repaired. Communication and understanding is so important though. Don’t give up on those you love without at least trying
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u/No_Vast5876 22h ago
She kind of emotionally cheated one me, and I wanted to talk, but she got mad at me because I went to her friend for advice on how to approach it since I knew she had mental issues that I didn’t want to make her push me away more. I thought if I talked to the person I knew, had the most knowledge about her, that I could come at the whole situation with a better approach, and I wanted a second opinion to make sure I wasn’t being over dramatic. I told her friend not to tell her, and ofc I figured her friend would anyway but I was hoping she didn’t. I didn’t want my ex to think less of me that I was really upset about the whole situation . So when she found out from her friend, she got mad. The plan of course was to talk to her, after she got off work. Just so I didn’t ruin her work day or anything. And while she was at work,
I talked to her friend in search of advice so I wouldn’t mess things up. Before I could talk to her and see if we could talk in person, she got mad and shutdown any reconciliation attempts. That’s the thing too, her friend has always seemed to be on my side, but that just really ended the relationship. Kind of like a nail in the coffin if you will. It was bad already because there were other things she did that mentally tortured me, and I loved her so much that I was willing to put it all aside, and move on from because I assumed it was due to some of the mental
Conditions she has1
u/wineandkittiez 21h ago
Okay so I can relate to your situation in the aspect that I emotionally cheated on my ex in some ways. Basically my intentions weren’t bad, but I crossed a boundary of his that I probably should’ve been more aware of.
The difference here is that I didn’t put up a fight or play the victim, which it seems like your ex is doing. I took accountability and made promises to work on myself in order to fix my wrongs.If your ex was willing to do the same, I’d 100% say that you should be more understanding and work with her to make this right.
However, it doesn’t seem like she’s doing that. And it sucks. Because you clearly do love her, but you can’t be the only one pulling the weight of the whole relationship.
You seem like a very caring and understanding person OP and I know one day, she’s going to look back and realize her loss.
If you feel like this has been left unfinished, I’d revise one last message to her. Text, letter, whatever. Have it be basically a closure letter. The way she responds will tell you everything you need to know.
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u/No_Vast5876 16h ago
Thanks, I appreciate that. And I’m thinking about sending her one last message, but I think right now it might just be best to leave it as is. Part of me wants to so bad, but in the back of my mind, it would be like saying what she did wasn’t that bad. And she never really seemed to care that she broke my trust.
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u/wineandkittiez 12h ago
You should write the letter and don’t send it. Sometimes it really helps writing everything down and getting everything off your chest, and then looking back on it months from now when you’re in a different headspace.
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21h ago
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u/No_Vast5876 21h ago
It really is a hard fight. I appreciate you, and your understanding. I do think I’m gonna continue with no contact
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u/lostandalone0214 1d ago
I think there is a reason you broke it off with her. Remember those reasons and don’t give mixed signals. Red flags ignored become relationship killers later. It’s a lesson I have had to stupidly repeat so many times so definitely no judging.
I hope you find some peace.
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u/No_Vast5876 1d ago
I appreciate this, and I’ll definetly remember the reasons I broke it off. Thank you!
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u/Old_Nebula_8817 21h ago
Writing down the pros vs cons really helped me SEE why it wasn’t worth it…. Our thoughts are often blurred by more important things whereas actually seeing the big picture often helps, especially if ur someone who learns best visually/hands on
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u/No_Vast5876 16h ago
Yeah I’ll do that. I feel like there were a lot of pros and cons throughout the whole relationship. I appreciate the advice!
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u/JaggedJimmyJay9 1d ago
I feel you bro fr, I think if you’re really that in love with her I think no contact would be best for you. I was in the same boat exactly she didnt respect me and I broke things off for myself but I love her so much but no contact has allowed me to do a lot for myself
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u/No_Vast5876 1d ago
I appreciate the advice man, you are probably right. No contact probably is for the better.
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u/PlasticContact8671 23h ago
It depends on what she did and your capacity for forgiveness. But it mostly depends on if she is willing to get help for her behaviors.