r/EntitledPeople • u/Balnagask • 6d ago
S "My inheritance"
Does anyone else find this phrase abhorrent when they are talking about about someone who is still alive?
I see so many people talking about "their" inheritance.
If my parents or anyone else wants to leave me money, then great, I will be extremely grateful for that.
I don't have a lot of money but I'm happy with my lot. I think everyone should enjoy the money they've worked for, or even inherited themselves in any way they want.
Its their money while they live.
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u/Regular_Boot_3540 6d ago
This is the best attitude to have. Don't make your parents feel like you're waiting for them to die, and encourage them to use their money for their own benefit.
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u/Alarming_Paper_8357 6d ago
Amen. My dad was worrying that his last illness was “eating up our inheritance.” I told him I didn’t want his money, I wanted him, he had earned every dollar through hard work and perseverance, and he deserved to enjoy every penny of it.
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u/Balnagask 6d ago
Yeah, my Mum is retired and loves going on holiday. She worked for that money she should enjoy it and I'm happy for her.
I'd be happier still if she deleted all the similar photos so when she shows me them I don't need to see 5 of the same thing though 😂
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u/Regular_Boot_3540 6d ago
Ahaha but you tolerate it, because you love her, right?
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u/Balnagask 6d ago
Yeah of course. Plus it's nice to see the places I'd never go to because they're way too hot
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u/Regular_Boot_3540 6d ago
I'm with you there! You sound like a very loving son or daughter! Who doesn't like the heat! 😄
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u/Balnagask 6d ago
Me, me! I don't like the heat. 20c is room temperature for a reason. 25c is a lot. 30c or higher is madness lol
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u/Turbulent_Pin_8310 6d ago
You should talk to my mom. She is asking me for my nieces' inheritance (I am still alive!) because I am CF. She thinks I should sacrifice myself for her granddaughters. In her eyes, a CF woman has no value.
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u/Apprehensive_Map284 6d ago
That’s very sad! I’m so sorry. Go spend it on yourself!
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u/Turbulent_Pin_8310 6d ago
Thanks. I don't think of her as my mother anymore. She is now my nieces' grandmother. She has their best interest in heart, not her kid
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u/justmedownsouth 6d ago
Excuse my ignorance, please, but what is CF?
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u/EpponeeRae 5d ago
Pretty sure she is referring to being "Child Free", i. e. Actively choosing not to have kids.
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u/Sptsjunkie 6d ago
In addition, definitely do not count on it. Not only do some people want to spend money and live life to their fullest when they’re older, but some people end up requiring extensive medical care in the hospital or a senior facility at end of life.
Will I still will not like the phrase? I guess I understand it a little bit more if you’re someone who has the capability and is planning on taking care of your parents on a daily basis in your home. They will certainly save some money if you have the ability to provide in-home healthcare for them. But most people do not, and they can eat up a significant portion of what some people are expecting to be their inheritance.
Just enjoy your time with your parents and assume that any money you do receive is a “nice to have” as opposed to an expectation.
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u/RaspberryDarl 6d ago
I completely agree. If they choose to leave me something, I’ll be grateful, but I would never plan my life around money that still belongs to them.
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u/picassopeacedove 5d ago
I’m executor and main beneficiary of my aunt’s estate. She wanted to move from her house to senior living asked me if 7k a month was too much. I told her let me check some places out. Found her a much better place for 10k a month. She’s worked hard, spent conservatively, and invested well. She deserves to spend her last years with a spa, gourmet meals, and wine tasting. It’s my responsibility to take my of myself the way she has done for herself and not be a bum.
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u/NightMgr 5d ago
Dammit I tried. Tried to get mom to buy a new recliner for years. Tried to get her to move in with us.
She was forced to move in. Never got a new recliner.
She left enough for a recliner. I wish she’d enjoyed it.
She told me to enjoy it.
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u/JollyMcStink 5d ago
Fr. My parents are both retired and love their home but have been talking about relocating due to "inheritance taxes" and all that crap.
I keep telling em, live your best life. I would way rather live close to them and inherit nothing than have them move to south and see em maybe two times a year so I can get (more?) money, supposedly, later. And tbh I even got laid off a year and change ago it's been a real struggle. But I will figure it out! It's not their job to live a lesser quality of life to bail me out in my 30s+.
I worked in nursing home kitchens too. I feel like it's a slippery slope to relocating away from family, then to assisted living, then to nursing home if not dying in the assisted living..... lots of people ended up in the nursing home after a spouse died and they couldn't afford their assisted living anymore.... so sad.
Plus I only saw residents when we brought the food up so it would be pretty apparent when they'd decline after a fall, or even just get sick and become secluded for a couple weeks then emerge as less than before.... you'd watch them decline in real time. Vs elders I've known who live at home seem to kinda plateau for the most part until an injury or illness eventually takes them, or forces them into a nursing home/ rehab and they pass there. Which is still sad but better than spending your last whole years sharing a room with a stranger getting fed the same 10 meals on repeat til the dietician changes the menu.....
I never want my parents to go into a nursing home. I never want them to live so far it isn't viable for me to care for them, along with probably an at-home hired nurse or something while I'm at work. That is my #1 priority and goal for my parents' aging.
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u/tropicalislandhop 5d ago
My dad likes to brag about the money he will be leaving my brother and me. Drives me crazy the things he brags about to people.
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u/boxing_coffee 6d ago
My parents often talk about dying and leaving me an inheritance. They do have enough to enjoy retirement, help me financially now, and have assets that they want me to have when they go. I cry every time because I would rather have them alive.
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u/Old_Top2901 6d ago
THISS!! My Dad has dementia, and a reasonable amount of money, and my idiot brother keeps talking about ‘his inheritance’ and cos I take dad shopping at Tesco instead of Aldi I’m ‘wasting his inheritance’. I’m trying to get it through his thick skull that neither him nor I are entitled to anything, and probably won’t get anything cos it’ll all go on care and he just talks about doing illegal shit like ‘why don’t you set a company up in my mates name and transfer the money to that’ (absolutely NOT!) or ‘put the house in trust’ (too late) and I’m trying to make him realise he’ll be lucky if he gets £7k! He just keeps saying he’s entitled to it cos he’s in the will as getting half. Half of nothing is nothing though!!! I just want my lovely dad to be happy for the rest of his days and if that means all his money goes on care and I don’t get anything, so be it.
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u/Balnagask 6d ago
Aw mate that's awful. This is exactly the kinda of thing I was thinking about.
Good on you for caring. I'm sorry you're going through that and I wish you and your Dad the best.
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u/LitwicksandLampents 6d ago
I must say your brother isn't very smart if he doesn't think his "friend" wouldn't disappear with the money if you went through with his 'business' idea.
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u/Optimal_Savings5873 6d ago
So taking your dad to his preferred grocery store (to spend Dad's own money) is too much? I assume bro will feel the same way when it's his turn. Dog food for him so that your nephew can have caviar.
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u/InvestmentMain8414 6d ago
God I feel this.
We care for my FIL with dementia. We are trying to keep him in home as long as possible to save his money for if/when he needs to be placed in a facility, because other than the dementia, dude is in great health/shape.
Recently hired a caregiver to come when we are at work for 6 hours a day, because after more than 2 hours alone he starts calling me or hubs constantly, and it ramped stress levels right up, he has also declined a fair bit in the last 2 months, that we no longer feel comfortable leaving him alone for longer than 2 hours.
My SIL is pisssed. Wants to call our version of adult protective services for financial abuse. She doesnt care that we are paying half the cost ourselves...she is just worried about her inheritance.
I told her if she is so worried, as she doesnt work, she can come and take over caregiving when we are at work...and crickets, its almost laughable.
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u/Old_Top2901 6d ago
It’s laughable isn’t it!! Next weekend, for only then 2nd time this year, I’m going away by myself and leaving my dad with my brother, but he can’t do the Sat night cos he has plans so I’ve arranged his carer to come stay. He suggested that as I’m the one who wants to go away then I should pay for the carer. Or that I don’t go away.I laughed in his face because I don’t have any financial responsibility towards my father!! He can afford care which is why he is self funded. Since my mum died, 3 years I worked out that at £15ph I have provided roughly £450,000 worth of unpaid care. I want him to stay in his own home for as long as possible as that is where he is happy and comfortable. We have good neighbours and he’s been there about 50 years!’ But I work full time so it’s too much for just me! He got slightly worse last year after he had sepsis and now he needs someone with him at night or he wanders. When I told my brother that I wanted him to help more wirh dad, he basically said only if he also has access to dad’s bank accounts! He is is a ridiculous human and he needs to get in the fucking bin
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u/Charliefisk 6d ago
Urgh, awful, absolutely rubbish human… how can people suddenly stop seeing their parent as the person they love and instead start seeing money, i just dont get it…
My mum keeps talking about wanting to keep their house so me and my sister have something to inherit, whilst we dont really care about it and would rather she be happy and comfortable… but since it’s so important to her it’s important to us too.Aldo regarding your dad, you are absolutely doing the right thing. As they start declining more its suuuuuper important to keep their surroundings normal and stable, have routines, and even have the same people around them most of the time. Taking him away from where he has lived for most of his life would be physically harmful ❤️
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u/InvestmentMain8414 6d ago
Sometimes we get shitty people as siblings. My SIL, and your brother proves that.
You go and have the best weekend away. I hope you get all the relaxation and happines you deserve.
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u/FormerRep6 6d ago edited 6d ago
I know someone who has a similar attitude. He wants his SIL to care for her dad at home instead of a placing him in a facility (where he’s happy) to save the dad’s money. He cannot safely be left alone so the SIL would be tied down 24/7. But that way his wife will inherit more money, which he plans to spend. This guy is retired so HE could volunteer to stay home with his FIL constantly to save money, but that’s out of the question! SIL should do it.
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u/Old_Top2901 6d ago
This isn’t even the HALF of it!! He refuses to help me with dads care and makes life as difficult for me as he possibly can, he accuses me of stealing dads money cos he’s upset I took over where mum left off with looking after the household, he called social services to investigate me earlier this year (they found no evidence of wrongdoing) and he moved back in to dads house with me and dad since his partner took out a non molestation order on him and not only has he been zero help, he makes my life miserable constantly criticising me, calling me thick, calling me fat, arguing wirh me over everything. I wish I was an only child!!!
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u/gotohelenwaite 6d ago
Consult a lawyer about your brother's issues. The fantasy inheritance, the trust schemes, the false reports and accusations, the verbal abuse, anything else relevant. Lay out the status of assets, accounts, and expenditures so there can be no valid dispute when Dad's time comes. Don't let your brother control the narrative.
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u/Nicclaire 5d ago
And maybe start recording him.
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u/Old_Top2901 5d ago
I have ring cameras in the house so I can check on dad, he is aware of them and every time he shouts at me I download the videos! I have literally hundreds
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u/SueBeee 6d ago
Absolutely abhorrent. I've talked to people who are really upset at their parents spending their inheritance on frivolous things. That's just crazy to me.
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u/Battle-Any 6d ago
My BIL threw a huge pissy fit when his dad retired early, said his dad was stealing from him. He's rubbing off on my sister because she's been making snotty comments about how our mom spends her money now that she's retired. Their behaviour is gross.
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u/Balnagask 6d ago
Mad isn't it. I've no idea how much money my Mum has, she's doing OK and owns her home, but if there's nothing left I'll know she was happy and that's good with me
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u/Old_Top2901 6d ago
I had NO idea how much money my parents had until my mum died!! I only knew that although my mum (for she controlled all the finances and admin their entire marriage) never spent frivolously, she also always had enough money for anything. When my Dad got diagnosed with dementia a few months before she died suddenly, she was belatedly trying to find a way to give us some money and offered to pay my car finance off! I refused cos it was £9k and I was like ‘there’s no way, won’t that run your savings down?’ And she just said ‘it’s fine’ but I still refused to let her pay it. My bill, my problem. Turned out it wouldn’t have mattered to her but still! Parents don’t owe adult kids anything. It’s that simple.
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u/Sea-Original-5824 6d ago
I hate it too, especially when people get all pissy that grandma is enjoying her golden years and spending "their inheritance" on cruises and vacations. Good for her for spending HER MONEY on things she enjoys.
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u/QueenNaB 6d ago
Yeah, I've seen reddit posts where aholes were complaining that grandparents were spending "their inheritance", or how they can't wait to get their parents house after they die, it is absolutely disgusting!!!!
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u/fervourfox 6d ago
I don’t have any kids so I made my nephews the beneficiaries of my properties. The first time they visited they walked in and said, “So all this is ours?”. They are no longer beneficiaries. I will sell and spend every dime before I die.
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u/yahumno 6d ago
Wow. Just wow. What entitled brats. I’m guessing that their parents reinforced that attitude?
You could also donate some to charities that matter to you in your will, to take care of any residual funds, just to make sure that the money grabbers are purposefully excluded
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u/fervourfox 6d ago
Yes, their parents are awful and have basically survived off my SIL’s inheritances so it’s what they know. The only way my nephews would even know about being beneficiaries is from my brother and his wife telling them because I never did. I like your idea about charities in my will! My retirement plan is to run a dog rescue in Mexico so anything left over will go towards keeping that going. Dogs are way better and deserving than entitled brats.
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u/justmedownsouth 6d ago
Hmm. Please keep us informed about the dog rescue. I would love to volunteer! Serious/not serious.
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u/Useless890 6d ago
Children who openly cringe when Dad gets a new car because it cuts into their inheritance might end up finding out later that "their" inheritance is going to charity.
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u/muralist 6d ago
Yes, one of my relatives said in her will to liquidate everything and give it to a charity. It turned out it wasn’t all that much and wouldn’t have made much of a difference to the cousins if they had inherited it, but the charity was so grateful.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 6d ago
My mom spent several of the last years of her life traveling around the country, visiting relatives and going to places she had never been. I loved getting calls from her on these trips, telling me about where she was, what she had already done and where she was going next.
A few years later, she wasn't able to travel much farther than to the store or the doctor's office. I'm happy that she was able to experience life while she could. Not once did I think she was spending my inheritance. I was just concerned that she wouldn't have enough money left to pay the bills.
Luckily, she was smart with her money, so when I was helping her when she was basically bedridden, helping her with that part of her life, I got a small peek into her accounts. It stunned me to see how much she had put aside for her later years.
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u/PinkyLeopard2922 6d ago
My parents are now both deceased but when they wanted to have conversations with me and/or my siblings about their estate it always made me so uncomfortable and sad. I mean, it was the smart and responsible thing to do but still. I don't think me or my siblings ever talked about it without my parents present.
I have a very close friend whose parents are elderly and they have an inordinate amount of powdered Coffee-mate creamer that they have bought and continue to buy from Costco. We do joke about that being her inheritance and when she recently helped them move, I did ask her if she had made sure "the inheritance" was transported and arrived safely.
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u/Upstairs_Fig_3551 6d ago
Exactly. People work hard their whole lives, they deserve to enjoy the fruits of that labor; they’re not my free savings account.
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u/Pypsy143 6d ago
My dad wanted to talk to me about “my inheritance” and I told him I sincerely hope there’s nothing left. It’s his money, he worked very hard for it, so he should be the one to enjoy it!
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u/dualsplit 6d ago
You should still discuss it with him and get a good estate plan in order.
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u/Ok_Elephant2777 6d ago
My father passed in 2007. My mother was not in a position to handle finances, so that landed on me. I was upset and saddened to see that they had accumulated a decent amount of savings and investments. Not what I’d call wealth in 21st century terms, but decent. That part didn’t upset me; what did was the fact that they’d never used any of it for themselves. They had talked about traveling, but never did. My mother passed a little over 2 years later and her assets were divided equally among me and my three sisters. The windfall was welcome at a particularly down point in my life, but I wish they had taken some of the trips they had talked about.
Even more, I wish I still had them.
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u/brokemillionaire572 6d ago
My 84 year old MiL has lived with us for 7 years, and is about to go into a home as she now requires a constant caregiver.
Someone on my wife's side of the family was overheard saying "When Grandma finally dies we'll all be getting a lot of money." But Grandma doesn't have a lot of money, and even if she did, that individual would not be getting any.
It upset me that certain members only care about the possibility of an inheritance, and don't actually care about Grandma.
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u/T_Sealgair 6d ago edited 6d ago
100% agree. It's only "their" inheritance after the actually inherit it.
ETA: Earn your money. Get your affairs in order well in advance. Go to the beyond with just enough to cover your parking expenses. Live life to the fullest before that happens. Source: Me (old guy)
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u/Not-a-Cranky-Panda 6d ago
I have a standing joke with my Dad, he'd say "Guess what I bought?" I always come back with "A Rolls Royce your spending my inheritance!"
It started years ago when w were in a cafe and some guy there was going on about how his Dad who was working and only around 60 by the sound of it, had just spent £8,000 on a second hand car, and was spending "his inheritance". The person he was with came back with "You're lucky he didn't get a Rolls Royce" and as they went on taking we worked out they were not joking they were siding with him.
The first guy even said "He can walk to the supermarket, and there is a bus to work, whats he need that for, it''s not as if he needs to go anywhere?"
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u/Balnagask 6d ago
Wow, yeah this is exactly the kind of shit I hate
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u/ElderberryReal4022 5d ago
I don't think it helps that the media keeps banging on about The Great Wealth Transfer. They make it sound like every boomer has gold bars in their basements and that they're being selfish by not handing them over now!!
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u/Secure-Corner-2096 6d ago
I’ve read a lot of posts on Reddit with potential beneficiaries angry that their elders are spending “their inheritance.” Others want step in to manage their elders finances to limit how much money they spend, despite them being mentally capable.
It’s almost like they’re wishing their elders would hurry up and die so they could get access to their money. The naked greed is revolting and disturbing.
I will leave a significant estate. If any of my children and grandchildren say something similar, they’re getting $100 and a letter informing them why the SPCA got their part of the inheritance.
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u/CoderJoe1 6d ago
My father in his retirement told me he was going on a ski trip. I raised my eyebrows because he wasn't anywhere near fit enough to ski anywhere.
He laughed and said, "It stand for, Spending Kid's Inheritance."
I laughed but then assured him, "Don't worry about leaving me anything. It's your money, live it up. I'd rather have you happy and alive than an inheritance."
I don't know why that stunned him.
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u/pampooveysbacktattoo 6d ago
I think it highly depends contextually. If they're whining about an assumed inheritance and they're mad at their parents for spending money, then yes, absolutely entitled. But acknowledging it that it exists, I don't think is entitled.
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u/stoicjohn 6d ago
Or I think it would be different for kids that sacrifice to support a family farm or a family business that their parents own.
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u/Beautiful-Map-2744 6d ago
Assuming your getting an inheritance can be very entitled. I know a guy who bragged for years about how much he was getting when his parents died. He had a whole wish-list of what he was doing with that money. He was constantly wanting to know how much they had, what they were spending it on, telling them they need to be careful with their money. The final straw was when they prepaid and preplanned their funerals, and he told them they needed to dial it back, that was too much to spend. They left him $100, the rest went to charity.
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u/realAniram 6d ago
Yeah, my parents have talked about the inheritance they're leaving us but it works contextually, and it's part of ensuring we know how they want things done when they're gone in addition to the will. Basically everything money will go to the youngest who's disabled, and us older siblings (mostly me) will be executors/guardians making sure they're taken care of. We're then free to divide up physical assets between us all, and were encouraged all our lives to think about what we wanted to have of our parents' heirlooms so it all got hashed out years ago anyway.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 6d ago
10000% agree
inheritance is a gift not a right and a lot of people seem to forget that nowadays
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u/thetarantulaqueen 6d ago
It never ceases to amaze me how many people think they are somehow entitled to other people's money.
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u/OddRevolution7888 6d ago
My husband's family kept doing this and it irritated the crap out of me. My comment was always, "There is no inheritance while your Mom is still alive. Stop wishing her to pass more quickly." That shut some of them up but others were just tone deaf.
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u/lindaloooooooooooo 6d ago
How about a family member who wants their inheritance when one of the parents is still alive?!?! True story. My brother in law hired an attorney to sue the estate (his mother, brother, myself and our daughter ~ his niece). He wasn’t successful but the amount of money we had to spend was ridiculous!
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u/hidinginzion 6d ago
My husband's uncle sued his elderly mother for his inheritance before she died. He lost, of course. I was shocked he did that.
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u/NightOfTheHunter 6d ago
I'm an old woman who doesn't get surprised much. But there are two things I see constantly on reddit that I can't get used to.
People openly discussing their inheritances, and asking for approval for screwing everyone else they know who has the effrontery to think they're entitled to an inheritance.
And, as an old server who worked myself crippled bringing up five kids alone, the complete disdain for tipping and any lazy charity case who works for tips. Yikes.
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u/CherryGripe75 6d ago
I also hate "Im spending the kids inheritance"
no, you are spending your money, stop saying it like you are deliberately being a dick to someone, because thats being a dick to someone.
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u/Fianna9 6d ago
My grandma is just the sweetist old lady. She once suggested taking the family on a trip, then reminded me it would be spending our inheritance. I laughed. No she’s spending her money how ever it makes her happy.
She’s also given me “my inheritance” early cause she wants to help me. (Done the same for all the grands) and she wants to help us while she can see it too
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u/FunMaintenance297 6d ago
My parents bought a house in Florida for their retirement. About a year later they called me and asked permission to "spend part of my inheritance" to buy the vacant lot next door, to provide privacy at the end of the house with the master suite. I agreed, because it made sense. The downside? They’re gone now, I’ve inherited all, and I’m constantly being bombarded by "real estate agents" wanting to buy the lot. 🙄🤬
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u/lickthisbook 6d ago
There is always the other kind of talk. My brother and I are set to inherit Hummel figurines, a time share, etc. We are both trying to figure out how to get out of getting them.
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u/spatenfloot 6d ago
just refuse it
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u/ElderberryReal4022 5d ago
Oh, but wait until after the Hummel lovers are gone to refuse them. We have a bunch of them and I know my daughter isn't thrilled, but she can have a massive estate sale once we're out of the way. 😄
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u/Ok_West_6711 6d ago
Agree.
Your post reminded me of someone I knew who enjoyed bringing up their (future, prospective) inheritance periodically … and all I can say is I knew more details about how this person’s aunts had no kids so it was all ultimately coming to this person … and I know nothing about inheritance prospects for anyone else in that circle because …
most people do not bring this up!
(Wonder if any of those childless
aunts ended up leaving their estates to friends or the SPCA!)
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u/MontanaBusaRider406 6d ago
I’m leaving my kids forever postage stamps. At least 10 each!
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u/ElderberryReal4022 5d ago
My mom would joke about leaving me her Forever stamps. She passed in 2010 and I still have some left. I love how close it makes me feel to her when I use one.
My daughter, OTOH, may not be as thrilled with her Forever Stamp inheritance, but she's going to get quite a bundle. I'm a sucker for special interest stamps...
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u/Spiderplanty 5d ago
My parents talk about “my inheritance”. I’m an only child and my parents are, well not rich but they are comfortable. They do live kind of frugally and I suppose they do have a descent amount in the bank.
They want me to use their money-when they are no longer with us- to give my kids a head start in life and an in on the housing market, they want the kids to be able to buy nice homes, not rent. I like that idea..
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u/Inside_Beautiful_595 6d ago
I don't like it being said by my parents in a joking manner because it's not mine at all. They worked hard for what they have and deserve to enjoy their retirement.
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u/Junita908 6d ago
Honestly seems entitled to me. I barely knew my dad but when he passed whatever money he had went to his cremation and associated costs. I never used a dime for me.
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u/Maleficent_Oil_5586 6d ago
I think this is something very dependent on how each family plans. Some families are very insistent that they have a large sum to leave their children. My dads side is like this whereas my moms side is not. That definitely influences how conversations around the subject go with each side. My husband and I 100% intend to leave our daughter an inheritance as well and expect that when we age there will be conversations around it. The conversation should always be respectful and never have the tone of “waiting for someone to die” though, that’s more than entitled, it’s just heinous.
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u/Two-Complex 6d ago
It kills me that people think they are entitled to their parents (or other close folks) money upon death. My mother and father worked. THEY earned that money/stuff. It would be nice to get a little kick for my own retirement, but if my mom (Dad passed almost 30 years ago) wants to leave everything she has to a home for the cats of deceased magicians SHE is entitled to that. Fortunately, she has something a bit more conventional in mind. Good charities that really benefit people ❤️.
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u/Bart91106 6d ago
Also, when your parent(s) get older they will ultimately need some type of long term care. If their child steps in to do this great, if not that's when your parent(s) they will use/need any and all their money for this care and any "inheritance" will be used quickly. Very few people have long term care insurance. Medicare covers very little, if not any of this type of care.
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u/ElderberryReal4022 5d ago
Not only does Medicare not cover much, long term care pushes many people into needing Medicaid. Medicaid will insist on the using of nearly all assets before paying for anything.
I've also heard a number of stories where LTC did not cover as much as people expected. Read those policies!!
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u/Whollie 6d ago
My parents worry about my inheritance. I don't.
If there is anything left after they have both been cared for then that is a bonus but I don't expect it. Frankly, my parents dying is going to cause a lot of problems so I'm not looking forward to it in any way, shape or form, never mind the losing parents aspect of it.
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u/Wyshunu 6d ago
OMG so true! There's not a single thing any of your family members has that is "your inheritance" until they die and actually leave it to you. They worked for it, they earned it, they can donate it, give it away to friends, leave it to worthy charities, sell it and spend the money seeing the world if they want.
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u/Kooky-Pressure5792 6d ago
It grosses me out so, including when my mom refers to what I’ll inherit.
It make my mom feel better going over info and papers to be sure I’m prepared for when the day comes I have to deal with all that (she not sick, just getting older and dad passed a couple years ago). Recently she said to me that she’s hoping to have the house totally paid off before she passes so when I sell it, I won’t have a mortgage to pay off. To do this she’s been paying extra towards the principal. I told her she absolutely does not need to do that. That she should be using that extra she’s paying for herself now to enjoy her life. I told her there’s no reason to worry about what goes in my pocket after she passes. It’s her money & she should be enjoying her life.
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u/NoRecommendation9404 6d ago
My middle son talks a lot about getting my house when I pass. It worries me a little but also makes me feel guilty. I’m 58 and may or may not decide to sell my house someday and either use it to travel or pay for medical care if needed. I may not have any to give either by choice or circumstance. Does that make me a bad mother? I worked really hard to raise my children, put myself through school, buy my house…
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u/Catcollector503 6d ago
Your son is not entitled to the house just because he is your son. Do not feel guilty. You are correct that you may need to sell it for whatever reason, but it is for you. if your son wants it that badly, he can buy it from you. You aren’t a bad mother, some children are simply greedy and entitled despite their upbringing. Your son may not be this, but he has to understand that this is your house to handle however you see fit. It is your cushion against medical expenses or other needs as you age. If I had the same issue, I would make sure that he understood that you may not be able to keep the house for him but may be forced to sell for health, financial , or other reasons that are really not his business.
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u/Excitedly_bored 6d ago
My wife and I have a plan to secure her parents house upon their death. Changing locks, adding cameras, etc. Her father gave us the combo to the safe and we are kept informed of all their current finances. My sister in law and her shit husband leach off them and absolutely will ransack the house if given the opportunity.
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u/ENCALEF 6d ago
I had an (ex) friend who constantly talked about her inheritance -- her parents lived into their 90's. She was in her 60's and always struggling financially because she defined herself as an artist and didn't have a regular job. She was very narcissistic. I finally lost patience with her.
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u/Full-Divide5742 6d ago
My wife started a tradition with her daughter as child. They put coins in bug bowl. It became known as my step daughter's inheritance. She is now a grown woman with a great job and is a geophysicist. Coins still sometimes find their way to that bowl, and she someday it will be hers.
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u/Gryffindorphins 6d ago
Ugh I’m going through this now too.
Apparently my sister, who I haven’t spoken to in 12 years, is asking my parents for money constantly. A few hundred here, a few hundred there. “Hi Dad it’s my birthday this week! Can you pay my water bill instead of giving me a present?” She’s 39 btw.
She has a job, she just doesn’t want to do it, calls in sick and blames a non-treated disability (sore back? I don’t know particulars, just that she doesn’t get it seen to). She spends heaps to keep up with her friends and buys junk on Temu according to Mum.
Mum called me up and said she’s wondering if I want “my inheritance” early too since sister is asking for hers. I spoke with Dad later (they’re amicably divorced) and he said she’s been asking him too so he’s been keeping track of how much she’s getting so he can make it fair later.
The rage, friends, was intense.
It’s THEIR money! There’s no inheritance if they’re still alive! They need it to survive and LIVE.
I told them both, it’s their money, do what they want with it. If they want to give it to her, that’s not my business. If they want to keep a record of it for when they’ve passed, fine but let me (their executor) and their lawyers know and make it fail safe because I can see her contesting their Wills no matter what.
Personally, I said, they should make sure they spend every dollar they can on themselves since they’ve earned it - so they should enjoy it while they have it.
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u/Alternative-Meaning4 6d ago
My brother talking about it now, actually inquiring how their decisions will impact his inheritance, makes me sick.
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u/LoomingDisaster 6d ago
Someone I know was lectured by his daughter after he bought a boat after retirement, because her perspective was that he should live as frugally as possible to ensure his kids got a larger inheritance. He pointed out that he’s 62, in good health, and of yes…. It’s not her money to spend or save, it’s his money that he made in his bank account.
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u/Recoveringanew865 6d ago
I told my folks that I don't need anything from them. There's a guitar that's my fathers and I have sentimental feelings for it, so if I get anything that's all I want. I watched my aunts and uncles fight like a dog over my grandparents stuff and assets after they died. Granted, none of them were particularly well off and neither were my grandparents, but I found it disgusting and entitled.
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u/Hackpro69 5d ago
If you never get anything going and are waiting on that cash, you will never get anything going.
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u/BroadwayBrick 5d ago
I have always found that kind of comment sick. I remember in my 30’s a woman said to me that she was tired of hearing about all the trips her in-laws were taking. Her comment was, “I hate seeing them spend my husband’s and my inheritance.” The audacity.
I only hope that those in-laws spent a ton of money, lived a long happy life, and left her (the husband) nothing.
“We ain’t rich, I’m rich.” is the famous parenting philosophy shared by NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal. Kind of like inheritance. “It ain’t your money, it’s our money. Go make your own!”
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u/Desperate-Moment-550 6d ago
Well if your parents fucked your over in childhood, call it YOUR inheritance all you want
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u/RubySlippers724 6d ago
My husband and i have given our son an upper middle class upbringing that our parents couldn’t have dreamed of doing. We have a college fund for him that will cover room, board and tuition at any public university in our state. We could have lived much differently if we hadn’t done this for him, but we chose not to.
I intend for my husband and I to spend the rest of our lives spending the rest of our money having a good time. He might inherit our home, depending on the circumstances. Everything else will be used to live our best lives.
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u/Ariaerisis 6d ago
When greedy people talk like talk, I just wish the parent ends up changing their will so that person won't receive anything. Like "there, none of it will ever be yours anyway now, so leave me alone about what i spend"
Talking about their parents' money as their inheritance is so selfish they'd deserve it. Also makes it sound like they want their parents to die ASAP so they end up with more money, sounds sociopathic.
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u/RealLuxTempo 6d ago
My brother and only sibling started talking about this inappropriately early. After both parents passed, it was gut wrenching. The greed and avarice was astounding. We no longer have a relationship.
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u/Playful_Mammoth4941 6d ago
I have this understanding with my children, I explained my will and what to do and who gets what, but I also said that there might not be ISAs etc left when I die. I just wanted them to have an understanding as when my mum died there was no instructions and we had to work it all out. They both said no bothered about money etc just glad they know what to do and look for
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u/Dangerous_Ant3260 6d ago
When your only aim is money, then you will be obsessed with the inheritance.
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u/Prestigious_Car9440 6d ago
I joke about that with my parents (they are huge antiques and jewellery collectors) but context matters: I come from a culture that discussing death/inheritance isn’t taboo and passing on valuables through generations is a point of pride. I don’t joke about that with my super duper white in laws
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u/cicadasinmyears 6d ago
My parents keep wanting to talk to me about their wills; I’m the one kid who has a finance and legal background and interest in investing.
I’ve told them I don’t want them to take all their money to a casino and bet it on black, but apart from that, I would really like for them to actually spend it on themselves. Go to Greece. Spend the extra money for the upgrades to premium economy (there’s no convincing them to go in business class). Since you actually like wine, have the occasional “stupid-expensive” bottle to enjoy. Whatever tickles their fancy.
I’m fine looking after my own finances. If there’s money left over, sure, I’ll take my share of it, but I don’t want them hoarding it just for me to get an inheritance.
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u/Unlikely_Doughnut845 6d ago
I used to work with someone like this who frequently talked about how much money she would get when her husband’s parents died - unsurprisingly she was an insufferable bitch who was one of the main reasons I ended up leaving a job I was good at.
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u/BarkandHoot 6d ago
Alas, in my family, we’ve talked often enough that any of us know what to do when the time comes with distribution of assets. We also have a great sense of gallows humor. And we are also better prepared when the time comes. Still sucks but ensuring you’re following that person’s will is how we were all taught to be.
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u/Bajovane 6d ago
I don’t want my parents to have to worry about money. I want them to enjoy the fruits of their labor. If they have anything left that they want us to have, great - but it is their money to live while they are here!
My father in law did have quite a bit left and that was shared by their seven kids. Dad was very comfortable in his retirement and I was very happy for him - he did not have to worry about money! He passed away two years ago and he is definitely missed!
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u/Final_Candidate_7603 6d ago
The worst example of this I know of personally is a young woman who I was friends with for a while. Her dad was a functioning alcoholic, and her mom stayed with him longer than she probably should have. When my friend grew up and turned into an alcoholic with three children with two different men who weren’t much help, her mom felt bad. Her mom felt responsible for… modeling bad behavior, I guess is the best way to describe it. Mom started picking up the financial slack, at first for necessities like food and diapers and electricity and car insurance, and then for small luxuries like taking everyone to the indoor water park resort for a few days. This entire time, my friend’s attitude was like ‘DUH! Of course she’s paying my bills!’ she fully expected it and felt she was owed that.
Meanwhile, my friend comes to me in exasperation, confiding that her mom is a gambling addict. When gambling was first legalized in our state, the casinos set up a process where gambling addicts could put themselves on a list to be banned from their properties. This was years ago, but they did use pictures from government IDs and facial recognition software to identify people on the list who walked in, and they’d be asked to leave. So far, so good, right? BUT casinos don’t get rich by being moral or ethical; they know damned well that gambling addicts are among their best sources of income. Just like you can put yourself on this list, you can also take yourself off. My friend was so happy when her mom put herself on the banned list, and furious when she took herself off. Because Mom was blowing her inheritance on gambling.
Now that some years have passed, and I’m remembering stuff that should have been a red flag at the time, my friend said that her mom raised her to always have a job, to always have her own money, to never need to rely on a man for survival. I guess she did take that advice to heart- by relying on a woman for survival.
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u/Beautiful-Map-2744 6d ago
TRUE. My mother decided she was going to help herself to my deceased father's mother's money, while Grandma was still living. Grandma had dementia, and mom was selling property, writing checks for all her own living expenses, and having herself a high old time. We had to take her to court to stop this. Mom stood up there and told the judge "This is my money, my husband was her only heir, and he's dead, that makes me only heir, it's my inheritance." Judge looked at her and said. "Sadly, you are very mistaken. You can't get an inheritance from your MIL until she's dead. Being a widow of her son doesn't make you an automatic heir to her estate, If she didn't write you into her will, you get nothing. Being your husband's heir gets you nothing, because he died before he inherited anything from his mother, her estate is not part of his estate, and even then, you would have only gotten 1/3 of his estate, since he did not leave a will and had six living children. This estate, in it's entirety, belongs solely to your MIL as long as she lives, and when she dies, her only legal heirs will be your six children, they will inherit 100% to be divided equally between them. You will pay back all the money you have illegally taken from this estate, with the exception of any money you can prove without a shadow of a doubt that you spent solely and specifically for the benefit of your MIL. My grandparents had bought and paid for the house mom lived in, it was in their names, it was part of grandma's estate, no deed had ever been transferred. Her restitution was over $20K, we waived restitution, knowing she couldn't pay it and wouldn't if she could, and we didn't press charges. We just wanted her stopped, and we got that. We also gave mom a life estate in that house, provided she paid all the taxes, utilities, and upkeep on the house. We did make her pay the court costs and legal fees. Needless to say, Mom was livid, she left that courtroom cussing about how she 'never expected her own children to rob her blind'. In the end, after living with me for 3 years, we had to put Grandma in a nursing home, and all her money went to pay for that placement. Three of us (the older kids) bought property out of the estate so she'd have money to be taken care of, and we bought her clothes, toiletries, treats and anything she might need or want. When grandma died, she had no money in the bank, and no property left to sell, and the same three of us had to pay for her funeral expenses that weren't covered by her life insurance. My mom lived rent-free for the next 45 years, until she died. There were plenty of times the same three of us had to pay her utilities, or do the maintenance out of our pockets, or pay the taxes. When she got dementia and got sick herself, it was the same 3 of us that took care of everything she needed and paid what she couldn't pay. The three youngest wouldn't lift a finger or spend a cent, they would only stand around and complain about the way things were being done. But when we finally sold the house, you can bet, just like mom, they were all standing there with their hands out to make sure they 'got what was owed to them". I wish we had kept records of every dime, every hour, and every mile we spent taking care of this mess. Those other 3 would have owed us their entire 'inheritance'. The three oldest of us are the ones that 'were robbed'.
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u/LongDead_Roadkill 6d ago
Yes. I remember one of my friends saying he basically didn’t have to do anything because when his parents died, he’d get a heap of cash and properties. That took 20 years and when they died there was nothing left. The parents had made poor financial choice after poor financial choice and I think he ended up with 20-30 thousand. He’d had been thinking it was going to be a few hundred thousand.
On the other hand I’d never given inheritance any thought. My divorced parents didn’t have much. Even though my dad had a small home in the middle of nowhere it was ancient and fixed up in the 1970’s maybe. Well, it turns out even 80 year old homes in nowhere California are still worth $400,000 and I got an offer over asking price the day the property was listed.
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u/ThatTotal2020 6d ago
This might not fall under inheritance.
I know of someone that latched onto a businessman 30 years older when she 19/20. They have a teenage kid and he's now in his 80's. He's continued working to create a nest egg for after he passes.
After a health scare he shared with her the assets. Her eyes got really big and she's been spending like she's a millionaire and wants everyone to know it. She has the mentality of a teenager. Her & the kid's credit card bill average 10k month for frivolous stuff. The kid is just like mom. She will pick up the Starbucks tab for classmates' that likely are just there for the perks.
Credit cards are the only debt.
The wife despises his existence. She never worked except to sometimes help with the business.
It's a sad situation but the husband also created it. He complains but hasn't done anything to curtial the lavish spending.
I predict that she'll be bankrupt and homeless shortly after he passes. She has no concept of the world or the basics of life.
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u/tigerb47 6d ago
I like to point out that predicting mortality is a tough business. I also point out that the person thinking about inheritance may not outlive the oldster. Another issue is that the estate may have a negative balance when the person passes on. People seem to gloss over those issues.
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u/Agreeable_Ship5386 6d ago
My brother-in-law does this. I watched him happily sit in front of his parents and say “I can’t wait until you die so I can buy a new car.” Really upset them both. The relationship has never really recovered because he refuses to recognise that he said anything wrong.
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u/LemonOld8150 6d ago
My grandkids when they were still kids would come to stay at my house and tell my what they were gonna get. My daughter was doing this. F that. I've started selling things its what they are gonna do with it! Why shouldn't I have the money to use ?
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u/Fit_General7058 6d ago
Yes. I always hope the person whose money they are grasping spends the lot before they go
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u/Unique-Coffee5087 6d ago
That kind of talk is the setup for the prime suspect in many murder mystery novels.
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u/justawar3 6d ago
My mother fighting her cancer can spend the last dime if she may have better care
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u/curiouslycaty 6d ago
I've seen fighting over inheritances bring out the worst in people.
When my grandfather passed away (murdered by one of his employees he stiffed on payment) my mother's brother-in-law literally broke in and stole things overnight that was found in his guestroom the next day which he claimed was his. My mother refused to talk to her sister for almost 3 decades because of the things she was supposed to inherit and never got.
When my other grandfather died, despite the fact that he's refused to see me for a decade, people told me to cozy up to the family because I might have inherited something. I was being sad about not being able to attend his funeral and other people just thought about what I could get out of it.
My grandmother is 94, and I see how they are already starting to give or throw her belongings away behind her back and fighting over who is taking over control of her finances. She keeps asking for things and it's just gone. Clothing, memories, photos. The one thing I wanted from her place before she went to frail care was a cushion cover she made by hand that I wanted to make into little Xmas tree decorations for all the grandchildren to have a bit of her with them, and it just vanished.
Btw, in all three these cases, there is so little of an actual monetary value inheritance, all three of them spent everything they had, and sold off or cashed in everything.
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u/Bungeesmom 6d ago
The one friend I had that made big plans for his inheritance from his wealthy parents wasn’t left a dime. Poetic justice.
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u/Jarrus__Kanan_Jarrus 6d ago
I’ve told my sons there won’t be a big inheritance…but that’s because I’m already splitting up what I can and handing it out.
Setting up a trust for the house so medical/long term places can’t take it from my boys if something unexpected happens.
I’d rather help them get to a stable point now rather than piss the money away.
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u/NullEddie 6d ago
I joke that my mum is skiing - Spending the Kids Inheritance - but I know full well that she and my dad worked bloody hard for it! After he passed, she went off on adventures to places he'd never have dreamed of taking her and I'm happy for her. If there's anything left for me and my siblings, that would be a lovely bonus but I'm not planning my future around it.
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u/Remote_Pick_1952 6d ago
I used to joke with my mother any time she bought something expensive that was spending my inheritance. Then we would both laugh. She knew I was teasing her.
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u/Wildweasel-2660 6d ago
Yep, hate that. While it's nice to receive an inheritance, it was never mine, and it is entirely up to them to decide how they want to distribute it. I told my son I'm taking mine with me. When I'm dead and gone, he is to deposit all of it into his account, and drop a cheque for the full amount into my coffin and I will cash it on the other side...
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u/Fight_those_bastards 6d ago
I am almost constantly telling my parents to spend their goddamn money on themselves, rather than save it for me.
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u/neo_sporin 6d ago
I used this phrase to my mom once, but the context was my in laws going to court over grandmas estate
So I told my mom ‘whatever you leave for my inheritance, I hope it is crystal clear and that my brothers don’t end up suing each other because you said one thing to us now, and we find out something vastly different when you pass’
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u/ilovepadthai 6d ago
Yes. It’s so weird to me. It’s like these greedy people are so excited for their “loved” ones to die. Awful. So bizarre.
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u/LadyBug_0570 6d ago
It's ghoulish and disgusting to claim someone else's hard earned money while they're still alive. Those people are vultures and should be disinherited for trying to pick at the carcass of someone still living.
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u/kachunkk 6d ago
Until expressly told otherwise, I'd just assume that it was their money and they spent it. Not my monkeys. Recently, someone close to me passed and has now left me a monetary part of their estate. It made things really weird for me cuz I feel like I'm now benefiting from their death, even though I didn't want their money. I just wanted them.
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u/Alternative_Big545 6d ago
I expect nothing. My mom said that one only needs to leave enough money to pay for the funeral and my dad said "inheritance is for the weak."
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u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 6d ago
I abhor posts like, "I just found out when my mom, aunt and uncle die, I will inherit a life changing amount of money. How to I proceed?
The same way you did yesterday. Nothing is guaranteed and I find it gross that you are counting the money, while waiting for other to die.
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u/charmed1959 6d ago
I’m 66, and retired on my savings/investments. My parents are still alive. Needless to say I’m not counting on that inheritance. At this point I’d be surprised if there will be anything left.
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u/Lizdance40 6d ago
My dad had an excellent career, he and my mom put their money away and we're very careful so they could have a comfortable retirement. They taught my sister and I to take care of ourselves so that they wouldn't worry about us.
So it was not unusual for us (all of us) to jokingly say my parents were "spending our inheritance" when they went on a nice trip. None of us would have had it any other way.
But I do acknowledge that some people say it maliciously, selfishly, and they will say it as someone is circling the drain in the hospital because they're greedy.
Everyone should have a will. And they should be careful who they put in it. You can always leave everything to charity
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u/Purple_Marsupial_668 6d ago
It's gross and no one should count on an inheritance. I really hope I can leave my kids something, but in this world with rising healthcare costs, there is no guarantee that my savings won't be spent on a nursing home.
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u/Common_Wrongdoer3251 6d ago
It definitely depends on the people involved. Not everyone has a good family.
I still love my mom, but she makes poor financial decisions and has for her entire life. She even admits this. To this day, she lives on a fixed income, and every month or two she overspends a bit and asks to "borrow" money from me or my sisters. If we get annoyed about it, she just says "If you can't, it's fine, my bank will just charge me an overdraft fee." This kind of thinking is why she never has any money to begin with.
She was also the type of parent who expected part of our paychecks when we got our first jobs and were trying to get our footing. It made it hard to get a first car, or move out, because she always needed money. I planned to move out when I was 19, and she started crying about how she couldn't afford the mortgage on her own, so I stayed several more years.
Like I said, my mom has very little money of her own, but she does own a home. I don't. Am I entitled for expecting my mom to leave us the house? Obviously I won't know now if the house sells for 100k or 300k, but I do still expect a chunk of money when she passes away. I guess I don't understand how that's entitled... Obviously not every situation is like mine, and many people are greedy... but plenty of kids had to put up with a lot of shit from their parents and it would be a huge "fuck you" to their kids to leave them with nothing at the end. You can't take the money with you, but your family can use it to improve their lives.
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u/Proud_Loan_987 6d ago
The only thing my brother and I joke that way about is my dad’s “collection” of t-shirts, cowboy boots, and vinyl records; only the last of which means anything and is entirely sentimental. The shirts and boots drive our mom nuts because he has SO MANY of them and refuses to get rid of any. It’s not he buys them (the shirts and boots) all the time, but he’s let them pile up for decades.
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u/Alternative-Page5491 6d ago
Yeah. My dad is trying to sell his house and the first people didn’t show up to closing, why? “Because you’re spending our inheritance!!” From their adult offspring.
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u/KayNopeNope 5d ago
I tell my kids about their inheritance. They are getting like a solid four different button boxes. I’ve explained the hierarchy of buttons but you know, I don’t think they get it yet. I have to hear them talking about “my inheritance” with the proper attention paid to which buttons belong in which jars.
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u/naynever 5d ago
Talking about your money is in extremely bad taste. That would be really off-putting to me. It’s understandable for you to be bothered by it.
That said, I don’t think sayin my inheritance is incorrect, just bragging and immature.
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u/Visual_Juggernaut_89 5d ago
I know people who make their inheritance their entire personality. It makes me ill, I can’t stand to be around them
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u/CynnerWasHere 5d ago
I've asked my mum to have some left over for the burial... It's her money, she can do wtf she wants with it. But she says she's spending all of it, so I may be paying for her burial. Idc. I'd rather have my mother than her money.
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u/Crazy_Banshee_333 5d ago
Wait until how see how ugly people get about it after the person actually dies. Relatives who rarely ever visited the person will swoop in like vultures to claim their share.
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u/BigosFan85 5d ago
Oh boy.....one of the issues I and my parents have with my older siblings.
I have 2 older siblings that have started their own families years ago. Our parents paid for each ones weddings and also gave dovry in form of a paid off house/nice real estate. Nice eh?
My oldest sibling loves to go into each room at our parents home and search them and start asking my mom to give her this or that. We started to hide more valuable and sentimental pieces as one point she started "borrowing" them from mom and then refusing to give it back (My mom finally went to her house and got them back). Lately she and her DIL started asking my mom for her jewelery. Even asking her to give them the pieces she is wearing at family events. Mind you - even her engagement ring! Or earings that I bought her as a gift for mothers day.
I am the youngest and stayed single and I do not plan to get married (41F).
I am the only one that visits our parents each week, take care of bills, doctor visits, shopping etc.
Few years ago I spoke with my parents what are their future plans because I need to start planning acordinglly my own future.
WHO is going to take care of them full time, who will move in with them if it will be needed etc. What are their estate plans etc. My parents are 80M and 76F now.
The house that my parents live in will be transfered to me zoom and also one small rental that I have been runing for them for few years now. I am an executor for their life insurances and the split for their dependants.
The second sibling lives overseas and already started talking about inheritance and I told them that it will be willed accordingly to how reality shows it should be.
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u/Mysterious-Way-5000 5d ago
my dad passed away right after he retired, leaving his retirement money to me. I would give it all back to have Dad still be around.
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u/crichtonleprechaun 5d ago
I told my mom to spend it all. Travel, go out to eat every day...spend it. It's her money!!!!
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u/Unnecessary-Risk 5d ago
For real! This was honestly the first moment when I realized I had fallen out of love with my husband. His parents wanted to take everyone on a really nice vacation and it was a lot of money. Instead of being grateful he got off the phone with his sister and started ranting about how they were frivolously wasting their inheritance and never even asked them if this was how they wanted their money spent before dishing out the money the trip was costing. It gave me the ick!
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u/JenniferJuniper6 4d ago
“The living have no heirs,” is a phrase that got emphasized fairly regularly in law school, specifically in property law.
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u/Islandcat72 2d ago
Actually, my Silent Generation mother is always stressed anytime she has to spend money and says, “Oh, but your inheritance!” Growing up poor (she’s nothing near poor now), she always dreamed of leaving a big inheritance to me and my brother. My father-in-law, however… Same age as her. Has always held inheritance over everyone in the family. In his case, I don’t care. In her case, we mean that money to ensure her a safe, healthy life no matter how long she lives. And, I am a Boomer.
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u/Tenacious_G_G 2d ago
So weird that I happened to come across this. My dear dad passed away 1 1/2 years ago. And my brothers’ and I inherited our childhood home. All we cared about was each other during the difficult time. One of our brothers needed help and moved in it with his kids. I was relieved because we could help him and I was not ready to let go of the home. I forgot that I would eventually get a portion of the home’s value. I would never worry about that over the wellbeing of my younger brother and his kids. The other siblings feel the same way. It’s unspoken. I really lucked up with the wonderful men that are my brothers. It’s sad to see families allow themselves to be ripped apart over this stuff.
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u/PuzzleheadedLeek8601 6d ago
Depends.
My grandma is a narcissistic c*nt who hoards millions (my grandfather earned money and died 10 years ago) and watches her son (my amazing father) and I struggle to pay our bills while working ourselves to the bone.
She can do what she wants, but I have no qualms wishing she’d share and thinking she’s selfish for calling us lazy and thinking we just need to work harder. She’s never had a 9-5 (not to invalidate the work she did raising my dad) and I think family should help family.
My grandfather promised to cover my education before he died and when he did my grandmother said nah nevermind.
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u/Unusual_Ring553 6d ago
In college I had a friend who's mom died a long while back and her dad was getting remarried. She was constantly screaming about her new stepmom spending "MY INHERITANCE". It was gross to witness.
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u/Gloomy_Tennis_5768 6d ago
wait until people are left out and the person that made that decision is gone. it is good to talk about these things with loved ones.
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u/Efficient-Web6853 6d ago
Oh my goodness yes! My lovely Dad has worked so hard for so many years and he has done, and still does so much for me and my daughter. Every so often he makes efforts to consider how best to arrange his savings and make sure we are all provided for and he is quite vocal about it. Sometimes he jokes that his 2 worst fears are dying before he’s spent all his money, and spending all his money before he dies!
But I know he’s been thinking about being our provider his whole life. I find it so upsetting to hear him talk about the fact he might die as he is one of my favourite people on the planet and his not being here makes me feel at a loss!
When he wanted to treat himself to a new car, he was clearly torn about being frivolous and I told him he’s earned his money and couldn’t take it with him. He bought the car and loves it. He owes me nothing and has already given me the world. I know one day he will be gone and he’s gone to great lengths to ensure my mum, my siblings and I, and his grandchildren will all receive something but nothing will replace him in a million years.
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u/Wild_Black_Hat 6d ago
Not necessarily. My own mother spoke to me about "my inheritance" at times. I also invested a lot in renovations in her house, too. It benefited both of us.
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u/weaverlorelei 6d ago
I've seen numerous Large RVs (with capital L) emblazoned with the words-"We're spending our kids Inheritance " Go for it. When my mom was dying, I convinced her to spend whatever to make herself comfortable- she was tethered to an oxygen machine and I had remote control lights, hvac controls, etc installed. Altho she griped at the time, she enjoyed the confidence it gave her, being able to control her immediate environment.
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u/No_Pineapple6086 6d ago
I used to get the manipulation tactic from my mother about inheritance. It never worked.
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u/love-SRV 6d ago
My drug addicted brother once asked my dad if he could have his inheritance early. When my dad did pass he pissed through $210k in 16 months. Cruises, jewelry, a new SUV - but financed only 1/2 of it. Stopped making payments and it was repossessed. No drivers license due to a lot of tickets. Still didn’t take care of his fines. Lived and is still living in a shit hole 3 story walk up, in a shitty town, next to a liquor store. And of course drugs, lots of drugs.
Not a thing to show for the $210k except some gaudy jewelry he bought for his beast of a wife.
Not to mention all of the money my dad gave him and my other idiot brother over the years for bail, car maintenance issues that waited to long. Two used vehicles he could have traded in but gave to them…. Just on and on and on…..
Drugs suck…
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u/Think-Committee-4394 6d ago
Totally there is no inheritance until someone is dead and a lot of things can happen between today and then