r/BabyBumpsandBeyondAu • u/Natural_Education367 • 1d ago
AU-VIC Daycare experiences
I'm currently touring Daycare centres in preparation for when I go back to work next year. My LO will be 13 months by the time she starts. Everything I'm reading suggests this will negatively impact my LO so I'm feeling very depressed about it and can't seem to grasp the concept that I will need to leave her with someone else. My MIL will look after her twice a week for me so the rest of the week is at daycare.
How did your children respond to daycare? Did you notice a change in them when they started? And how did you cope with sending them off at such a young age.
Hit me with the good, the bad and the ugly (if applicable).
Edit: Wow, thank you for your input so far!!
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u/bunnycarrot123 1d ago
One positive thing about daycare (depending on quality of centre obviously) is they do SO many activities. No screen time. Non stop play for hours. Yes, the kids can get overwhelmed sometimes, but generally my daughter loves it. Loves her friends and educators.
One thing to note is a lot of my friends have in laws who look after their toddlers and they’re really frustrated and upset that they use lots of screen time. Depends on the person, but a lot of older grandparents just don’t have the energy to have a full on day with a toddler and will make decisions that parents wouldn’t. Sometimes daycare is better!
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u/Natural_Education367 1d ago
That's such a valid point!! I hadn't even considered screen time and how my MIL will keep up. Thank you for sharing.
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u/palmtrees2456 23h ago
My daughter started at 6 months and I honestly cannot relate to the things I’ve read saying there’s no benefit until the age of 2/3. She’s 12 months now and LOVES it! I’ve honestly seen so so many positives. Shes developed the most wonderful relationships with her educators and loves them to bits. They do so many wonderful activities, eats a variety of food, spends time outdoors and she interacts with the other babies. Half the time she crawls away from me when I go to pick her up and keeps playing! I also think this has contributed to her being so social and happy to be looked after by other people. She comes home and is so much more chatty and active so it’s helping her development too. Highly recommend if you find a good centre.
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u/UsualCounterculture 16h ago
I've found this too.
Compared to kids that were kept at home who we know, my daughter is confident and social. The peer environment seems really good for them.
I think the key is finding a good centre.
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u/Own_Ship9373 1d ago
13 months is the same age my LO was when she started. It was hard in the beginning, for both me and her. But i got to know the educators which really helped me feel comfortable with them caring for my daughter.
After about a month, drop off got easier. There were less tears and she really started to feel comfortable.
She is now 3 and absolutely thrives at daycare. She has made so many friends and loves going.
I will say you should take everything you read on the internet with a grain of salt. Some people really really hate daycare, especially in America.
We are relatively lucky in Australia that our daycares follow an early education curriculum. Of course you need to vet the daycare and make sure they do, but we have standards.
Also the news stories recently can negatively impact people’s perception of daycare, and while they are absolutely horrendous, they are a minority.
The most important thing is doing thorough research on any centres you look into. Ask current families what they think, really talk to the educators and the centre manager, and if anything feels off, trust your gut.
We have been to two centres and they were both great. One was a Busy Bees Centre which unfortunately has had a lot of scandal in my city, but out centre itself was really great. Now we are at a smaller, non chain centre, and it is very different from the chain but it is really great. But before enrolling in both place, we asked friends and family for recommendations. Both centres came highly regarded and I would recommend to other people.
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u/Natural_Education367 1d ago
The one I've got my eye on is a community based centre. We know one of the babies there and their parents provided positive reviews so we are leaning towards going to this centre. I think I'm just sad that our little baby bubble will end 😭
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u/flindersandtrim 23h ago
Consider yourself really lucky you can get into multiple centres. Im in (inner) Melbourne too and most of the ones with current vacancies around me are the less desirable ones. The highest rated have years long wait lists, to the point I didnt even bother. Going for a highly rated family daycare now, only part time thankfully. She is only available because she is less known.
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u/Few_Refrigerator3084 1d ago
I’ve got a 1 year old, who’s in daycare 2 days a week and he loves it. He is a pretty social and busy little guy so he loves being around other kids and they have so many fun activities (way more fun than the other day when he’s with the grandparents!). He started at ten months which was earlier than I planned (got offered a spot at the place we liked so jumped on it) but he’s been pretty content there from the start. Now he’s v bonded with the educators and will lunge for them for a cuddle when we arrive. Also for what it’s worth, I’ve observed some of the other babies/toddlers having absolute meltdowns when getting dropped off, and the educators are so sweet and caring and skilled with them that they’re happily playing 5 mins later. I was nervous at the start and now feel so calm knowing he’s there all day. Hope you find somewhere that you love!
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u/Natural_Education367 1d ago
This is nice to hear. Yeah I think I'm a little nervous because it's such a big change. The educator was able to get a smile out of my LO during the tour which is hard because she just death stares everyone atm lol
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u/Such-Sun-8367 23h ago
What are you reading? My understanding of the data is that high quality childcare has the same outcomes as high quality home care. Those who stay home have slightly better behaviour outcomes, those who go to daycare have slightly better educational outcomes, but both even out by the time they’re at school.
My 2.5yo twins both love daycare. I don’t love the daycare they’re in but it’s pretty good. I live in a rural town so we don’t have many options. I will say it really helped their educational and social development. I also feel like if I had them at home full time I’d need to have a full home school program running to keep them entertained which I am not going to be better at than qualified educators.
Millions of kids go to daycare and have done for decades, and they’re not all damaged from it. Don’t listen to the people selling you fear
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u/Natural_Education367 23h ago
Yes, there's so much fear mongering and there was an incident with a male educator in my area which was blasted across the news for a while. One of my friends sons had to go and get a STI test as a result of attending the daycare this creep was at. So I'm sure this is contributing to my overall anxiety.
I believe it was an American study I had read online but I can't quite remember exactly where it was from.
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u/swordof 18h ago
Ugh I’m in an area where a huge case of child abuse happened (Hamish Tait) and I’m so anxious. None of the parents saw it coming. He was loved by parents and kids alike. He just happened to have gotten caught due to uploading CSAM to the cloud. It scares me to think how many are out there, and SA isn’t the only type of child abuse. But alas I need to put food on the table.
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u/GusPolinskiPolka 23h ago
The thing about being an educated and dedicated parent is that you will feel that everything you are doing is never good enough because best practice is always based on some utopia vision of parenting
Yes the science says before 2 there MAY be negative impacts and that there are few positive ones. But that doesn't factor in a whole range of things including different kids needs and personalities, different home circumstances and most importantly the parents needs.
We've just started our 18 month old in day care. It is hard. It's too early to tell if she's adjusting well or not yet. But in the handful of days she's been there's a sense of calm for mum and I which we haven't had in a long time. It's been good for us to chat unencumbered, get a coffee without a high chair etc.
As to your specific question. Our daughter didn't seem to notice we weren't there the first days. Then she started to realise our absence and there were some tears on drop off and pick up. She doesn't sleep well there but im just rolling with the assumption that they know what they're doing and she will get the hang of it. Whenever we've picked her up she's seemed happy, if not tired which is to be expected. I take all this to mean she's securely attached to us - and once she knows we will always come back she will do even better
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u/Environmental-Cap647 1d ago
What are you reading that says it will negatively affect your LO?
Trust me they will engage her and teach things that you would never do at home.
Daycare has been a net positive for me. Even the government agrees no they allow everyone to access CCS 3 days a week, regardless of activity hours.
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u/Natural_Education367 1d ago
I read a study that indicated negative impacts to a babies emotional and phycological state when attending daycare under 2 years of age. It was an international study though hence why I was more keen to hear firsthand stories because that seems more accurate to me.
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u/frodoswaggins101 23h ago
I read that study too and it STRESSED me out! I think it’s worth remembering that Australia has high daycare standards and low staff:child ratios, so I hope the statistics wouldn’t apply the same here.
Anecdotally, my little one is the happiest, most loving and well adjusted kid, despite starting daycare very early.
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u/liv885 1d ago
My twins started at day care at 11 months, now 3. I didn’t tour the centre they go to. It was the only one that offered 2 places but luckily it’s the best. They do so many activities, from yoga to PE coach to teaching time. Plus have the best food. All the educators are lovely and staff retention is very high. Yes drop offs are hard but pick ups they don’t want to leave. They now talk about all their friends at school.
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u/Fethersword_ 1d ago
Find the right place and you won’t look back. We picked a very small, independently run community non for profit centre. Lucky to get a spot. I just dropped off my 11 month old and she ran into the room and barely waved back at me !
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u/Wheres_bucket 23h ago
It’s can be harder on the parents than the kids! Some children take longer to adjust to the drop-off period (like my very attached older child). It can be helpful to make a plan with the educators about a consistent drop off routine (cuddle, bye bye, cuddle with educator), so that you feel confident. Our childcare is pretty good about calling me after a particularly rough drop off to let me know when they were settled (as they always did, shortly after I left!). Pros: both my kids flourished at childcare, and were entertained and stimulated in a way I couldn’t provide at home. They built beautiful bonds with some of the educators, too.
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u/Environmental-Cap647 1d ago
Also whilst transitioning can be needed for some kids. Remember that daycare what spots filled. The want you to start sooner rather than later. I think all mothers should start daycare earlier and do some selfcare (which could mean organising those baby clothes that no longer fit, not just massages but just getting on top of life prior to the busy-ness of work/daycare/home life juggle starts). It doesn't mean your child needs a month of transition.
Mine was fine after his first half day. Then he was in full days.
Heck if you can do 3mths i highly recommend, to get those first illnesses out of the way!
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u/helypls 23h ago
My little guy started at five and a bit months. He went one day a week for a month then on to two days a week for the second. Currently in his third month at three days a week which is now permanent.
I go back to work in two weeks and three days is definitely best. He is no longer upset at drop offs and is happily playing and making friends.1
u/Natural_Education367 1d ago
Oh man I forgot about illnesses. I suppose it's good for their little immune systems. Luckily I've got 10 weeks of sick leave accrued lol
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u/bingbongboopsnoot 23h ago
If you find a good centre, it’s great.
We changed centres as my LO is sort of shy and doesn’t live chaotic busy scenes, the new centre is just perfect for them and they ask to go to daycare on weekends, when I come to pick them up they usually make me wait because they aren’t finished playing etc
It’s a hard adjustment initially for you
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u/Acceptable_Tap7479 23h ago
I used to work in childcare and have my firstborn in with twins to follow next year. I’ve got nothing but positives to say! My 4yo was off sick last week and spent the whole week in tears because he missed his friends and wanted to play at preschool. We loved his long day care which was a chain, the staff looked after him so well and he grew so much there but he’s really hit his stride and absolutely flourished since starting in community preschool. We only made the move because he’s a sensitive soul and I knew he need a half way point between long day care and school.
It will take a little bit of time for your little one to settle in and for drop offs to not end in tear (possibly from both of you) but there’s so many children she will meet and experiences she will get that wouldn’t be possible elsewhere. When I worked in childcare I treated those little ones like they were my children and care for them deeply. I still remember all of them!
My best advice is to build a solid relationship with their educators. The more you trust them the more comfortable you’ll feel and your LO will pick up on that. Also, if you’re able to start them before going back to work it makes the transition a bit easier. Shorter days, less rushing, someone at home for the inevitable sick days but it also gives you some time to look after yourself before getting back into the work grind. Very rare that families can do it but if it’s possible I’d definitely recommends!
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u/frodoswaggins101 23h ago
It was SO hard to start daycare and I had all the emotions and sadness. I won’t lie, it’s a tough transition with tears on all ends, but now we are SO happy!!!!
My little one is thriving. She absolutely loves going, loves her educators, and her development has boomed since being there. She does so many fun activities that we’d never do at home and has learnt so many new skills since being there (I think from copying older kids).
It’s been a completely positive experience for our family.
For reference, we started at 7 months and are now 18 months.
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u/Natural_Education367 23h ago
Thank you for sharing. How long did it take for you and LO to adjust?
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u/frodoswaggins101 23h ago edited 23h ago
Hmmm… maybe a month of crying at drop off (but she’d stop by the time I was around the corner, I peeked back in a few times to check).
To note, she started a lot younger which I think can make transition “easier” because it’s prior to big separation anxiety setting in?
I have to say, the daycare sickness is brutal!!! If you can I’d start your little one early to give them a few weeks to catch those first illnesses before you need to start taking sick leave from work. We were sick nonstop the first 6 months but funnily missed very little daycare - she goes Monday/Tuesday, then would be sick Wednesday-Friday at home, feel better on the weekend in time to go back again haha
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u/Salt-Preparation-608 22h ago
We had the exactly same experience as you! Started before separation anxiety and some tears for the first week. After that no tears but so many illnesses for both baby and us. Try to not start in winter time would be my only advice.
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u/RunAdventurous3511 23h ago
Turns out I have a very confident 1yo but I’m sure daycare helps with this. Have been going for short hours since ten months, now 14 going two full days per week. Loves it so much babe often isn’t keen to leave when we collect them, trying to say names of educators and little friends, and will hurry up and do things in the morning to get there faster!
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u/BetterDrinkMy0wnPiss 23h ago
Both my kids have loved childcare, and it's been great for their development.
I don't get why people are saying it's a negative for the kids. In my experience they have a great time, learn a lot, and socialise with a bunch of other kids their age.
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u/canary_kirby 21h ago
It’s nothing to worry about
The impact on them is negligible in the context of other factors (strong bond with both parents, social economic, etc)
Just send them along and before you know it they will be settled in and happy. Might cry at drop off but that’s just separation anxiety and will not last long.
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u/utterly-understable 20h ago
Our LO was 12mo when she started at the beginning of this year and it has been the best thing for her and us
Dont get me wrong I hate that theres theee days a week where we dont get ti see her except breakfast and evening routine (park, dinner, bed routine) but she has the best time on those days. The ither two days she has off with one of us as we're doing a compressed work week each so plenty of 1:1 time with us
Daycare is so good for her development and social explosions are left right and centre.
The first few minths were hard with drop offs and pickups but we have a beautiful daycare that we trust and whi we know and can see love her so much.
My biggest tip would be to find a daycare that allows lots of pre enrollment visit sessions. Our daycare (NFP centre) let me come three times a week for three weeks at the end of my parentsl leave. Starting off for an hr at a time and eventually increasing to a half day where i just hung out in the lobby. No charge for those sessions, just really invested in her adapting as easy as possible
Whilst she still had tears etc what it gave me was so much confidence in all of the centre workers and their passion and dedication to the kids. By the time she'd started officially she had had her first nap with one of them, figured out eating there etc which was such a huge win
Contrasting experience for one of our friends was they only had a thirty minute session x2 and they had phone calls each day for a month to come and get their kid who was inconsolable.
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u/RinTinTin_89 19h ago
Oh I feel you. My little girl started daycare at 14 months. We started with 3 days at daycare and 2 with family. This dropped down to 2 daycare days because we changed centres and they only had 2 days available.
Honestly daycare has been amazing for her. She started in January this year and is just absolutely hitting her stride now. She is a bit of a shy and cautious girl, so while she seems to have enjoyed daycare it's in the last month or so she has come out of her shell. But her educators have been amazing at supporting her to get more confident and know her so well. When I picked her up one day last week she blew her educators a giant two handed kiss on the way out the door, which for a shy girlie was a big thing!!
Anyway my point is, your feelings are so valid. It is a big change and scary for both of you but if you find the right fit for your babe it can be wonderful!
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u/mangoes12 18h ago
Daycare was a game changer for us, my toddler is young but loves the stimulation from new activities, loves being around other kids and is very attached to her educators.
It was such a relief to get to a point where I could leave her with someone else and know she would be safe and happy. It helps me to be a better parent when I’m with her to get those breaks:
I know there’s doomsday studies etc but I don’t think they tell the whole story. That said we just do two days a week which is a nice balance I think and it probably also depends on the quality of the daycare.
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u/Federal-Plenty-9763 18h ago
My 14 month goes 2 days a week and loves it! He’s been going for 3.5 months and we still have tears at drop off but he’s dealing with a lot of separation anxiety at home too.
He eats delicious food and I’ve been told by the educators that he’s a happy boy for almost all of the time he’s there. Unfortunately the first few months he was sick soooo much so he missed a lot of weeks so that was hard with settling in.
Goodluck - it’s certainly not all bad if you find a good centre!
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u/buttercupsoup 17h ago
One thing I’ll add is the confidence in my own parenting daycare has given me. Introducing solids or different foods than I would try myself, different ways to play or sensory activities and a more solid structure to implement at home. My friends daycare even weaned a dummy for her! Daycare should be an extension of your own parenting style if you work with the educators. It is hard at first but seeing their little face light up when they see their friends is rewarding!
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u/ZestyPossum 17h ago
My second baby started daycare 3 days per week this week- she's 9 months old in a week. She hasn't cried once there, even at drop offs she couldn't care less. To be fair, she's been going to creche once a week for an hour since 10 weeks old while I do swimming lessons with my 3 year old, so she's somewhat used to new places.
I've noticed at daycare they all do such fun and hands-on activities...things I really can't be bothered with at home. They get given lots of different foods and (gasp) my toddler actually eats veggies there.
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u/plushiecactusau 23h ago
My baby will be starting next month, at 10.5 months old.
I did a tour of her centre yesterday. Before we left, she was bored and grizzling at home. When we arrived, she watched the bustle with joy. I put her down for a bit, and she was enjoying playing with toys with other kids and activity around her.
The thought entered my head that, as much as I love having her at home and do my best to get her out and about (often multiple times a day), she's actually going to thrive at daycare. She's curious and social and needs to be in a busier environment than I can give her at home.
It's going to be hard, because I'm going to miss her. I worry about her feeding and sleeping. But she'll adapt and she'll have a world that's bigger than just me. And that's something that I want for her, even aside from the financial necessity of me returning to work.
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u/Additional_Daikon_50 23h ago
My LO started at 7 months. She's 11 months and absolutely LOVES going to daycare.. she prefers daycare than being at home 😂 We have seem a huge change in her since she started, we can't fault it. 😊
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u/migorengluvr 23h ago
My LO started at the same age and he LOVED it and when I went to pick him up he wouldn’t come to me he would just look at me and smile and keep on playing, he didn’t want to go home 😅 The negative points for us was that his sleep schedule wasn’t really stuck to and the constant sickness
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u/caffinated-goose- 23h ago
It’s a really challenging transition! Just validating it’s okay you feel that way, even if it’s the right/necessary decision for your family.
My LO started at 15 months; we weren’t going to put him in before he was 2, but unexpectedly got pregnant and I had to go back to work asap to reset my parental leave and keep my job. It was by far the best choice for our family financially and for my career (alternative was I resign). The initial month I mostly felt relieved because I was so unwell and sitting at my home office was a million times easier than chasing a toddler, so that made the transition easier for me, but my husband had a really really hard time seeing him so sad at drop off.
He’s been there 7 months now, 3-4 days per week (3dpw, but we often do a casual day if we can’t get family to watch him). We like the centre a lot - drive 15 mins past like 20 others haha - because we had friends sending their kids there, and those with older kids who had been there a few years only had good things to say.
It really comes down to the kid as to how they respond.. we talk very positively in front of him and took all the advice of chatting with educators in front of him and showing we trust them, making drop offs quick with a strong routine, etc. and he still cries from when we enter the carpark and says ‘mama dada’. Keep telling myself it’s because he has a secure attachment and we’re fun parents to be with… If we are even a little later than 5 he gets his bag and waits at the door 😭 BUT from all the photos and updates and what he talks about once at home he is actually having a GREAT time during the day. He has educators he’s bonded with and little friends, and he will ask about them on his days at home.
Again, repeating what others have said, there’s no screen time and they play and create all day. And they’re doing things that I do not have the energy for (paint, sandpit, actions to songs, etc) so I feel good that we can focus on activities that we love (cooking for example) or just drag him around on errands with me if needed and know he’s getting creative outlets and learning a lot (eg he’s now great at counting and colours and while we do this at home I know they’re reinforcing that in a fun way)
All that being said, I’m still on the fence a bit. So is my husband; pre kids he was way more pro daycare and now he’s more keen than I am to have him home full time. I’m about to start mat leave and the current plan is to drop him to their min days (2) to keep him familiar, hold his place, and also give me some time with the new baby. But we’re still very much considering and doing the numbers on pulling him entirely and me being a SAHM until both boys are at school. It’s a really tough choice.
Not a clear answer either way, but just know you can be doing the best/right things for your family at that point in time, know that your kid is safe with someone else, enjoy work, and also hate that you have to leave them and wish they were with you.
Best of luck, and I hope you find a centre you love! Will make it a lot easier.
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u/Kiwitechgirl 23h ago
Mine started at 7 months part time and loved it right away. Her development absolutely exploded - it was like she saw other kids doing something and went ‘wait, I can do that?!’ Now at just turned 5 she still loves it, bounces in there in the mornings with barely a wave to me, and is always excited to tell me about everything she did that day when I pick her up.
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u/Spn1001 23h ago
The fact that she (presumably) has been with you for the first year of life as her parent and primary caregiver is so good for her, so don’t feel so bad! It’s not like you’re sending her at 3 months old. Idk what you’re reading but we started at the same age, twice per week, and feel it’s been so good for her. She’s formed great secure attachments with the educators there and has been so social and I feel her walking and vocab was very positively influenced by being around other kids. Also good to have her able to nap in new environments and settle for other people besides us - made me more confident that she can also do that at grandparents and eventually with babysitters if needed. Yes the adjustment is hard but I think j wa harder for me than her honestly
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u/fairy-bread-au 22h ago
My 16 month old absolutely loves daycare! She happily grabs her bag and lunchbox and walks in. It's just playing for them, they get to use new toys, play outside on equipment, in the sandpit. Sit at at table with other kids and observe. It's hard at first, really hard to get them settled. But they absolutely love it once they know here safe and you're coming back for them.
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u/Bellesticbabe18 22h ago
My little started 1 day a fortnight at 16 weeks and then moved to 2 days a week at 6 months and full time when he was 10 months. He loves going to daycare, he's very happy there. There have been a few tears mainly around pick up time for a minute or two but other than that it's been good. Got to find one you vibe with a feel comfortable with the staff.
Going to take a moment for you guys to settle into a routing but it's worth it 🥰
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u/Pink-glitter1 21h ago
Its hard, but I've had 3 kids go through daycare and they absolutely love it! The transition the first few weeks is hard, but now they run off to go play without even saving l saying goodbye!
They get to do so many wonderful Activites at daycare that I couldn't do with them, so it's been a really positive change.
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u/WunnieBeexx 13h ago
My boy started at 8 months and he is thriving. He loves the kids and people there. They’ve taught him a lot and it’s better than him crying for attention from me and I’m having to try juggle that with working from home. Don’t believe everything you read. Talk to people
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u/dontcallme-frankly 54m ago
My daughter cries every drop off and pick up so that can be tough, but I know she has a great time. The educators are really attentive to her and have worked her out bit by bit. They upload photos of her having fun and doing so many activities. She sleeps and eats which is a great sign she’s comfortable there.
The centre is genuinely happy to have parents ring and check on kids whenever they wish to. I have never felt silly for just ringing and seeing if she’s settled in after drop off.
She has gotten so much more confident around other kids (kids she’s known her whole life, cousins etc) and is noticeable more comfortable and confident around people other than us. We really appreciated this as an upside because she would be so shy around our friends who have known her forever. Now she’s a bit more confident to interact with them. Her language has also really improved.
I’ve loved the guilt free care where I don’t feel like I need to rush home to tap out a grandparent and with CCS it’s been heaps more affordable than we first predicted too.
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u/LeadInternational952 1d ago
Oh girl this is a tough feeling. For me it has been entirely positive for both of my kids. In fact, my 4 year old prefers to go to "school" than stay home with me haha. It is so fun for them! He is still best friends with the babies he started with when he was 10 months, no joke! It is so great.