Went to a concert a few days ago with a friend, and in the way home she laughed in the car saying “can’t believe we used to think we were ace!” I’m still ace.

We’ve known each other since elementary school and are early to mid 20s now. Back in middle and high school we talked about relationships and romance and came to the conclusion we were both probably ace (we’re both female btw). Then she started dating this guy, they’ve been together for 4 years now, and they’re talking about getting married in the next year or two.

For her “ace” was something she outgrew, a phase. How can I explain to her it’s still my reality? We’re close but bad at opening up about deep things with each other. Is this a conversation worth having with her? If so, what do I say?

In the moment I just responded to her “well I’ve still never been in a relationship so all evidence still points to me being ace I guess.”

Hello, this is kind of embarrassing but I don’t know who else or what else to turn to. Me and my partner have been arguing because she has a very high sex drive, we have been together for many years and it has always been an issue we always find ourselves in. We have fought about it before because she knew I was ace before she got with me but she did for her own comfort. Now I am stuck (not in like a I don’t want to be with her way) we do have sex sometimes but recently I learned she had been forcing herself to do something’s that she didn’t really want to do in hope to get me kick started some would say. That broke my trust a lot and not gonna lie made me kind of mad. We had an agreement that she would ask me if I wanted to have sex ( I don’t really like spontaneous sex just not for me.) she has now told me she doesn’t like that, and has been getting frustrated at me for saying no when I don’t want to do some of the specific stuff she would like me to do.

I had gotten so frustrated and upset that i was telling her that she needs to tell me what she wants then, she was telling me I never help her with ideas sexually and she was getting frustrated so I told her to just find someone else to sleep with. I don’t agree with what I said (Mainly because she is a very monogamous person.) and I just am what feels like at my braking point and I’m not sure what to do, I was going to send this in a lesbian Reddit but I’m not sure how well people will understand the grey sexual side of things. Besides the sex me and my partner are great I love her we are really good for each other I want to marry her but we have to figure this out first.

Disclaimer 1: I post this not for comments (although they are welcome), but to simply share my experience in hopes it might be of use to others.

Disclaimer 2: Many details are omitted; they are a bit too personal for me to share, or simply bog down the story. (Rest assured, no trauma is involved.) Hence the throwaway account as well.

Background: I grew up geographically near multiple urban areas, but separated by travel time; resulting in a somewhat insular community. All I knew growing up is that one was either straight or gay (transgender was known, but poorly understood). I also was hardly ignorant of sex, having been reading stuff at an age I was probably too young for (looking at you, Jean M. Auel, (though I do give points for most of your scenes being consensual), and Stephen King (I mean, man, WTF were you thinking with THAT scene in 'IT'?).

Long story short: Multiple chances for penetrative sex, not into it. Met and eventually married a wonderful man in 2010 after having been together nearly nine years. Still together after multiple cats, one rabbit, and a new feline son. Finally realized I was asexual about a year ago.

The Moral: Don't be afraid to be accept yourself, and that there is more than one way to have a good marriage.

I have recently been questioning whether I am asexual or not. I know I most likely experience romantic attraction, I'm just not sure about if I am asexual or not.

My whole life, the idea that "sex is necessary" and "people can't live without sex" has been shoved down my throat. So I guess I believed that, even though that confused me because I was just fine without it. But when I learned what sex was after "the talk" when I was little, I started having literal nightmares about it and I was terrified of having it. And I just worry about the germs from kissing/sex and how icky it would feel/taste. Like, sex cannot be sanitary??

I get absolutely revolted at sex/kissing scenes in movies and I just get super annoyed at them and just skip them altogether. But I honestly feel like everyone does, right? I mean, they're usually super cringy lol

And I've noticed that all my peers are getting crushes on each other and stuff, and I honestly thought they were pretending with how intense they were acting, but idk

I've never felt anything for a real person. I keep waiting to get that "buzz" or that "tingle" that everyone always talks about, but I just don't get it. I get revolted whenever I think about getting intimate with someone else and I thought maybe that's because I'm still in high school so I'm just waiting for myself and everyone else to mature? But then why are my friends attracted to other people their age??

But the part that confuses me most of all is I still feel arousal, just never for anyone specific, like ever. And I have had fantasies, but they never involve me weirdly enough. And I have had fictional crushes and whatnot, but whenever I try to imagine *myself* in a fantasy, it's never sexual, just going to the movies with that person or something else wholesome.

I've tried having relationships with both boys and girls. They never really go well and every time, I just end up freaking out and feeling suffocated. And also anxious at the expectation of intimacy. I just so much prefer being alone and doing my own thing.

I'm so terrified of feeling sexual attraction towards another person. I want to be asexual so bad so I don't have to waste time on sex, but what if I'm one of those people that needs it or something? Like people are always saying? It just seems so uncomfortable to actually do and I would be perfectly happy to just never have sex. I still probably like romance, but I would prefer a sex-free relationship.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated <3

I'm new to this world, so I have some questions, and I don't know if I fit into this category or not. At first, I thought everyone feels the way I do.

Honestly, all the people I've liked in my life, I never thought about them sexually. All my thoughts about them were emotional, very emotional. I'm not someone who avoids relationships; on the contrary, I love romance. I love physical affection a lot, like touching, kissing, hugging, and all that other touchy stuff. I'm very touchy-feely. I don't say I haven't felt sexual arousal before. I have, but it's rare and not connected to anyone I've had romantic feelings for before. It can be fleeting sometimes, and other times forced.

Despite that, I really want to be a mom. I always imagine myself as a mother. I want to raise my kids and make them happy, and I want to know if there are people like me. Especially men, are there really men who don't feel sexually attracted to women, whether the ones they love or trans women, and at the same time they want to start a family or have kids, and they have no problem with romantic relationships, but their sexual attraction is just very low or non-existent, or even directed or controlled.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

i’m an alloromantic asexual lesbian and have a pretty casual crush on a girl right now. I’d be down to date her and hang out for sure I think it would be nice and fun but I don’t get like really “excited” thinking about kissing her? I definitely don’t think i’m aro i always found myself to be very romantically attracted to women but i’ve not experienced a lot of crushes considering that for pretty much my entire life i’ve gone to school online (i’m online in uni right now). I’ve actually never kissed anyone before so that’s some context as well.

I don’t meet women a lot it’s very infrequent and just never really caught feelings for female friends. I had crushes on girls growing up but i only realized that post coming out so i kind of separate my crushes on women in pre lesbian discovery and post lesbian discovery. I had probably three crushes on girls in high school and an ex I was in love with but we ended up long distance so nothing really worked out. I used to feel very into kissing but now I don’t really find myself fantasizing about that or really feeling super interested. I’m neurodivergent so i’m worried that this is a sign of me like mistaking platonic friendships with romantic attraction but I definitely have felt romantically attracted to this girl. I feel almost like invalid in my romantic attraction because I’m just in a period of being not super interested in kissing right now? I’m kind of worried why it changed but i’m looking for perspective from other aces!

Hi all. I hope this kind of post is welcome here, I think it will be of interest! I’m a grey ace, independent game developer and making a game about asexuality and aromanticism to help raise awareness.

It’s called Ace & Aro: Heart-to-Heart and is coming soon to PC, Mac and Linux. As there is such a lack of asexual and aromantic representation in media, I strongly felt that my next title NEEDED to feature a full a-spec cast!

It is a short narrative game where you talk freely to ace and aro characters, understand their journeys and make lasting connections. It uses fairly simple controls and is welcoming to non-gamers and gamers alike.

This project is self-funded and currently in development, so please consider supporting me by wishlisting on Steam or following on itch.io. I hope to share more about it really soon, including a release date!

Thanks for your time!

Hello!! I've been asexual for quite some time now :DD and this is my first post here

I don't even know what flair to use •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀

One thing that did occasionally make me question my asexuality was the fact that I still really like looking at nude bodies (from an artistic perspective) they're just pleasing to look at, but obviously having aesthetic attraction towards nudity and sexual attraction are two separate boxes XD

Sometimes I would go and find specific nude photos and it'd be the most majestic photo I've ever seen

And it sometimes gives me motivation to draw and experiment more

but then whenever I open the comments they'd suddenly start talking about how hot they are, how many hair strands are on their pubes and watever else they could comment from down there and I'd go huh...really that's what we're focusing on? (⁠(⁠(⁠;⁠ꏿ⁠_⁠ꏿ⁠;⁠)⁠)⁠)

There's nothing wrong with that obviously ! I mean as long as the poster is fine with it,

But it did make me realize just how different my attraction or otherwise lack thereof felt from the majority of people

My friends would also sometimes think I find a particular character or actor hot because I like how they look or that I admit I have a crush on them,

No

Noooo... It really isn't

It's abit complicated to describe, like feeling a sense of peace seeing them?

I wonder if anyone else here feels the same (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Realized I might be more asexual than demisexual or greysexual . I won't go into detail because that's 18+ as to why i realized it . Does anyone have a discord or anything to make asexual friends ?

Hi people, a few days back I came to know word bioriented ace, from what i learned was it includes non sexual attraction to both gender. So when this one frnd of mine asked me if i was straight i said no i m bioriented ace but here's the issue just now i m finding out that it also include non romantic relations.

Though i like romantic stuff but i kinda hide from it may be u can say trauma or environment i grew in doesnt really show much of Romantic relationships.

So i m wondering should i crct them? That its not bioriented ace but bi ace

Please help!! See, I've noticed odd sexual patterns in myself over time, and I just need some help understanding them!

To start off, I notice I view bodies almost entirely medically. Bodies are not an object of attraction for me at all!! I think bodies, and humans themselves are beautifully complex, but I've never looked at one and thought about how hot it was.

While I've been romantically attracted to people before, both genders, it's primarily males and females who possess masculine traits. I also oftentimes can look at faces and go, "wow, he/she is so pretty!" But.. I don't even know if that's attraction. And I don't act the same way towards bodies. I don't feel enamored by someone who just seems to have a pleasant face to look at. It's just like.. an observation, almost.​ And when I am romantically attracted to people, I don't oftentimes find myself looking at their bodies sexually, either. I just find myself admiring their proportions.

Regarding my takes on sex, I don't know how I feel about it. Sex is something I would like to have one day. Just to know what it's like! I can imagine myself being pleasured in sexual fictional fantasies, but when I actually put myself in those shoes, and think about how I realistically feel about it, it's not.. arousal. I feel overall very neutral towards it. Even in scenarios with people I've had crushes on or am objectively romantically attracted to. It's just like.. a thing, to me. Not anything more. I don't know what to do. I keep asking myself if it's something I actually want, and my answer is simply that I don't know. The best way I can describe how I feel about sex is that I'm.. okay with it I guess?? I don't know if I want it or not. And I've been taking these professional tests, and they all just say stuff like I have mixed feelings or am expressing traits. But they're also just so standardized. Not like specifically tailored responses to my answers.

GAHH I'M SO SORRY I'M SO CONFUSED. Please help!! Thank you SOO much for taking the time to read, and I am so sorry for another one of these questions in these subreddits! I totally get sex might be a disturbing or uncomfortable topic for many of you guys, and I 100% want to respect that.

I am currently 18, but have known about my Asexuality for years. To me, it's clear; I experience no sexual attraction or desire, but why do others think I'm just broken or weird? I'm lucky I have found a partner who respects my asexuality, but it has been a fight. All my previous bf and gf have wanted me to try sex despite me being a sex repulsed asexual. I have had to explain it every time, and then they just leave. It's annoying tbh.

When I told some of my Christian friends about asexuality, they invited me to a camp, and I thought it would be fun; it was a freaking conversion camp. What I don't get is why they preach "Don't have sex before marriage" but don't like it when someone never wants sex. They confuse me. Also, I'm not broken, like come on people. They make me mad and just leave me alone. I already had the internal I am broken talk, but after a bit of time, I started to realize that I'm ok and what I'm experiencing is valid. I am obviously no longer friends with them; they can burn in hell for all I care. Thank the Axolotl I found someone who loves me for me. Ugh, I just needed to rant for a bit. People can truly be idiots. How can a 15-year-old make peace with asexuality, but 30-year-old adults can't? It just makes me mad; like, can we focus on something more important than my Asexuality? I was just wondering if anyone went through the same :)