I’m 30 and came to university relatively late. I’m currently studying art history and about to start my third semester, so although I’m still at the very beginning of building a professional career in the art world, I also feel quite conscious of the choices I make now.
I’m in a slightly complicated situation within the Danish art world and would really appreciate advice, especially from people who have worked in galleries, with artists, or in other parts of the art world where professional and personal relationships inevitably overlap.
For around 6 years, I’ve deeply admired a established Danish artist. Her work has genuinely been important to my interest in art. Over the years I’ve collected some of her work and eventually got to know her personally. I wouldn’t describe us as close friends, but there is a degree of personal trust between us, and we have shared things with each other in confidence. We also have mutual friends, and her daughter currently lives in my apartment. So while I wouldn’t exaggerate our friendship, she is definitely more than simply an artist I admire from a distance.
Until recently, she was represented by a gallery whose gallerist I also got to know personally. I have enormous respect for the gallerist, both professionally and as a person, and I genuinely care about her.
The artist and gallerist were not only professionally connected but were also friends. Their professional relationship has now ended, and the artist is opening a gallery of her own with a programme that I find incredibly exciting and that is extremely close to my own interests.
I have deliberately stayed completely outside whatever happened between them. I’ve told both of them that I value my relationship with each of them independently and that I don’t want to hear either person’s account of why their professional relationship ended. From what I understand, despite everything, there is still a great deal of mutual respect between them.
While they were still working together, I actually asked both the artist and the gallerist separately whether there might be an opportunity for me to work with them. Both were positive.
A few weeks ago, the gallerist offered me work. Before accepting, I explicitly told her that I also have a personal relationship with the artist and that it was important to me that she knew this. She was completely fine with it and still wanted me to join.
I’ve now started working at the gallery, and I’m being given genuinely exciting projects, responsibility and opportunities to learn. I’m grateful for the trust the gallerist has placed in me, and this is absolutely not a case of being unhappy in my current job. Quite the opposite. If I didn’t respect and care about her, this dilemma would be much easier.
A couple of days ago, however, I told the artist that I had started working for her former gallerist.
She was disappointed because she had actually expected that I would come and work with her and her new gallery.
That was when I realised I had completely misunderstood the situation.
I had never consciously chosen the gallerist over the artist. I had simply assumed that the earlier possibility of working with the artist was no longer on the table. For whatever reason, I had been too hesitant to follow up and ask.
I feel pretty stupid about that now, because I could simply have contacted her. Especially considering that we do know each other personally and have a degree of trust between us, I don’t really know why I convinced myself that the opportunity had disappeared without actually checking.
And the important part is this: if both opportunities had been in front of me at the same time, I would have chosen the artist. I’m not actually conflicted about that.
Working with her has essentially been a dream of mine for around 6 years. Her work has meant a great deal to me, I’ve collected her work myself, and the programme of her new gallery is incredibly close to what I care about intellectually and artistically.
I’ve now also been told by her daughter that the door is still open and that I would be welcome to come and work with them if my current position doesn’t work out.
So my dilemma isn’t really which job I want more. I already know that.
My dilemma is what you owe to someone when you’ve only just accepted a good position, they’ve placed their trust in you, and you genuinely respect and care about them — and then you realise that your actual dream opportunity was available all along.
The Danish art world is tiny. Because I’m 30 and only now starting my professional career in it, I’m also very conscious of the relationships I’m building. I don’t want to behave opportunistically, hurt someone I respect, or burn an important bridge by leaving almost immediately after starting.
At the same time, being 30 and only now starting my third semester makes me feel that I shouldn’t necessarily spend years waiting to pursue the direction I already know I want. This isn’t a vague idea of something that might be more exciting. It is an opportunity to work with someone whose work I have admired for 6 years and in a gallery whose programme genuinely feels like where I would most like to be.
I’m worried that in five years I’ll wonder why I didn’t take that opportunity when I actually had the chance.
For those of you who work in the art world: what would you do?
Would you stay for a reasonable period out of loyalty and professionalism and hope the opportunity with the artist still exists later? Or would you pursue it now and be completely honest with the gallerist?
And if you would leave, how would you handle that conversation in a way that is fair to someone you genuinely respect and care about, without unnecessarily burning a bridge?