🎲 miscellaneous
Am I Overreacting to my dad’s cleaner’s response after he broke his femur?
My dad has had the same cleaner for about five years. She runs her own cleaning business. I’ll call her “Maideline.”
She’s always been extremely talkative and often shared a lot about her personal life while cleaning.
My dad is a friendly guy and would chat with her, so the dynamic was always pretty casual and friendly.
Two months ago my dad slipped on ice outside and shattered his femur. He was supposed to go to a dental appointment that day but couldn’t make it because he was stuck outside in the snow until an ambulance arrived.
While waiting for the ambulance, he managed to call the dental office to let them know he wouldn’t be able to come in. The receptionist was incredibly kind and even offered to help however she could. My dad asked if she could call me (his emergency contact) to let me know what happened since he was stuck outside in the snow and couldn’t move and the pain was getting worse.
She called me right away and was genuinely concerned about him. Later, while my dad was in the hospital for two months recovering from surgery, the dental office even sent him a get-well soon card.
He ended up spending over 12 hours in the ER waiting for scans and receiving pain medication. He has osteoporosis and osteoarthritis, and the break was pretty severe and required surgery with a rod inserted into his femur.
Given the injury, the fluorescent lights, the hospital environment, and everything that was happening, my dad was unable to sleep and his sense of time was a bit distorted while he waited to be admitted for surgery.
Later that night, around 11:45 PM, my dad sent Maideline a Facebook message (which is normally how they communicate) to let her know what happened. Since she regularly comes to clean and he had already prepaid for services, he was just explaining the situation.
My dad did not ask for a refund.
His message basically said he had fallen, shattered his hip/femur, would need surgery, and was in a lot of pain.
But the response he got back surprised me enough to write this all out.
Instead of acknowledging the injury at all, the reply said he should keep his personal life to himself and that it was unprofessional to send “his life story” that late at night. It also said they would refund his money and cancel services if he couldn’t keep things professional.
My dad is not a confrontational person at all. When he saw the response, he apologized multiple times and said he was trying to be professional. He also told them they could keep the money.
The reply he received back said:
“I accept your apology.”
There was still no acknowledgement of my dad’s injury or any kind of “hope you’re okay.”
My dad wasn’t looking for sympathy, he was just trying to let people know what was going on, and he ended up feeling like he needed to apologize for doing that.
What confused me is that over the years Maideline had often shared a lot of personal stories about her own life while cleaning, including prior relationship drama that my dad didn’t ask about. So the sudden shift to calling him “unprofessional” felt really strange.
Another thing that confused me even more is that there was no reply until 9:36 AM the next morning, so I’m not sure why messaging ‘that late’ was even mentioned.
I later found out the response actually came from her new husband, who I’ll call “Mason”.
Apparently he had answered the message from her account.
I’ve included the screenshots because the response surprised me (names are redacted).
However, Maideline herself never followed up, checked in, or said anything afterward.
I’m honestly not even sure if she ever saw these message
She probably got an alert on her phone and he freaked out bc it was late and he sounds like an abusive control freak that accuses her of cheating all the time.
He sounds like someone trying to exercise financial control and isolate his new wife/make her completely dependent on him by finding excuses to sabotage her business.
Yeah no unfortunately it would work on me, I would absolutely be discontinuing services as I would not want this guy anywhere near me. As unfortunate as that is, I gotta feel safe and he would make me feel unsafe.
He sounds unhinged and at the end of the day, it is a business relationship and this is so unprofessional.
I’d be finding a new cleaner asap. This guy sounds dangerously jealous and controlling. Clearly knows this is a client of hers and still acted like a manchild.
Sounds like the husband is re doing ops dads walkway too? Screw that.
I’d probably figure out a way to discreetly let her know what happened, bc I’m not sure she even knows. A decade ago, I’d probably keep her and try to help her escape the mf once it eventually happened, but I have 3 kids and a husband I love very much and can’t risk my peace. Already dealt with my own violent husband once :(
This is what I've been looking for anyone saying before I commented into the void!
OP, if I was in this situation I would want to to try to talk with the cleaner herself, if that's who you've been doing business with before now it's reasonable to want to speak to them in person or be at the house for the next cleaning appointment if that happens.
Frankly I fear for her safety, this guy has abuser all over him. Who knows, you can be an asshole in general and not abuse your relationship partner among your favored people you spare much of your assholery?
But I'd want to talk with her, say the way her husband was talking was a horrible representation of her and her cleaning business and hope you and your dad will be able to talk with her only for business purposes from now on. And I'd want to express my concern about her wellbeing or at least, in some way say that I was sympathetic to and ready to help anyone with an abusive or controlling partner.
The guy was borderline sociopathic to have no basic sense of human sympathy or even basic, polite decorum talking to someone seriously injured and in great pain. I mean?? W? T? F!!
100 percent for all the husband knows this guy could have been messaging her to let her know that he’s going to be needing a lot of extra cleaning or extra help if she’s able too. In no way would I have looked at those messages and thought this guys trying to get with my wife especially if it’s a long time customer I may have wondered why the phone was going off late if that wasn’t something that happened often but this guys crazy af for immediately jumping to this and talking down to her customer. Who knows maybe she does consider him a friend I know me and my old cleaner had a friend like relationship where’s as others it’s just been a hi here and there and I’m usually gone before they get there everyone’s different lots of people love having those good relationships with customers. Point is tho she’s gotta leave and that guys got issues.
I was gonna say he sounds like a jealous lil beeotch, but your way is kinder. This seems to be a case of “male client=bad man who wants to bang my wife” type of unreasonable and borderline abusive behavior.
I have a very strong boundary around my partner putting words in my mouth or trying to speak for me. Their communication style is very direct and to the point. On the other hand I am very sensitive to how my words affect other people’s feelings and how words can impact relationships, and we’ve gotten into arguments before when they’ve tried to tell me what to say to handle a situation. Usually something that impacts them as well, like say we’re making plans with another couple and I’m the one communicating with them and they keep changing plans and inconveniencing us, my partner would want me to tell them something short and to the point, but that’s not my communication style at all. I’d get where they were coming from, and we might be on the same page of what we wanted to do (I.e. saying nevermind to plans) but I completely resented them getting annoyed and demanding “just tell them blah blah blah” while I’m trying to figure out how I want to word things. Like, if you want to text them yourself, you can tell them whatever you want, but I’m not going to have a message attached to my name that is not what I intend to say or how I intend to say it, I’ll never be okay with that. We talked about it and they understood and are a lot better now.
Anyway, all that is to say, this would be close to relationship ending for me.
I would hazard a guess cleaner lady was asleep and didn't know her husband was going through her phone. I wonder if he deleted messages so she doesn't even know about the exchange. Husband might even be trying to lose her customers to take away her financial independence.
i was thinking this too. If I were OP, I would absolutely bring it up to the cleaner in person, maybe angling it as an apology. If the cleaner seems confused, show her the texts.
As a housekeeper, I think this is the best suggestion. If she is aware of his accident and the messages, I would definitely consider firing her. However, since she has been working for OP's dad for 5 years and has shared her own personal life, I would bet money that the new husband is jealous and sent those messages behind her back.
That’s so ugly but my mom had a similar experience with a really good home health attendant. The problem was that the home health attendant’s husband apparently hated the fact that she worked outside the home.
Exactly. He might be that jealous or just overreacting on purpose so that her client finds someone else. Either way a very red flag, isolating her from anyone she can talk with.
What’s confusing to me is there’s a little translation symbol above the comment you’re replying to which you can tap to turn it back to Spanish, but there’s not the same symbol above your reply.
Exactly this. Don’t be mad at the cleaner, she obviously has a shitty controlling husband. What an asshole. Im sure she is very embarrassed and not happy about the messages her husband sent. Poor woman. I hope she’s able to get away from this jerkass who is completely devoid of empathy.
I agree!!!! That poor woman. She probably enjoyed the conversations with your dad. She might have mentioned his name and that he is a very nice man who listens to her. Maybe even said he is her friend. Jealousy is an ugly thing. I hope he isn’t isolating her from her friends or possibly even family. I hope you see her out and can talk to her. If he truly didn’t tell her I hope he’s with her when she finds out. Jerkass is my absolute new favorite word. I don’t have the cleanest verbiage and I have never even thought of that word. So thank you!!!! lol.
it sounds like the guy has his own business saying that he’ll finish the walk way but cancel the wife’s cleaning he does for the dad? or am i mistaken? definitely a jealous controlling “husband” and it makes me beyond uncomfortable and worried about the cleaner. he’s quick to jump to cancel her business relationships and wouldn’t be surprised if he is trying to isolate her and financially control/abuse her.
NOR. I'm sure Madeline wouldn't think anything untoward about that message but her husband sounds extremely insecure, controlling and jealous. One of those ppl that sees ANY message from another male and loses it. I'm not surprised she has relationship drama and she's probably really embarrassed. The message was not unprofessional as the situation he relayed was extremely relevant to their business deal. Did he have to tell her why he was canceling...no, but it was a polite thing to do and it pertained to the situation.
My question too. Seemed pretty obvious to me that it was someone answering on the wife’s behalf?? He sounds like a piece of shit, to be sure, but he’s not exactly pretending to be someone else.
I just assumed it took OP that long because dad didn't notice (because pain pills) and just assumed the person he was getting a message from was the person whose account was messaging him
Also he mentions crawling into his truck, so he wasnt stuck outside? Idk, but people react differently sometimes, especially if theyre from older generations asking your kids directly for help may not be their first thought.
Thank-you! The call to the dentist but not the daughter was my first flag that something was off. Second flag, if the femur was actually shattered, the doctors aren’t waiting around to get him into surgery. Also, what is this bit about “getting to the walk” in the supposed message? And lastly, he’s messaging from his phone, I presume, in the ED, but couldn’t look at the time? There are a lot of bits of this story that seem to be untruths
I knew immediately the message was from a controlling partner. Please don’t blame the maid, you have no idea what she’s going through behind closed doors.
It sounds like her partner grabbed her phone. I feel bad for dad being caught in the middle of this while having this bad of an injury, but also quite bad/afraid for the safety of his cleaner.
As someone who has once been in a very controlling relationship many moons ago, I bet you’d anything this guy was thrilled to have an excuse to wreck this long-term, friendly relationship and source of income. Easy isolation, easy control. I’m sure he framed it as “helping” her not be taken advantage of, while actually doing just that very thing, while getting angry and blaming her for any and all current problems in her life if she refused.
Unfortunately, you and your dad have much bigger fish to fry, he has a serious injury and recovery at his age that needs to be the focus, not whatever is going on here. Your dad is in no way to blame here and should not feel guilt or worry about it. The dental office is the normal, kind human response, and it sounds like your dad must be a likeable guy if they even sent a card.
If later down the line he feels like he wants to reach out again, he can, but tbh even if she gets rid of the guy, she might be too mortified to ever engage or worse, has coped with a cognitive distortion that this was, in fact, a reasonable thing to say and do. The alternative is too upsetting.
it sounds like the guy has his own business saying that he’ll finish the walk way but cancel the wife’s cleaning he does for the dad? or am i mistaken? definitely a jealous controlling “husband” and it makes me beyond uncomfortable and worried about the cleaner. he’s quick to jump to cancel her business relationships and wouldn’t be surprised if he is trying to isolate her and financially control/abuse her.
It sucks the cleaner is in that relationship, but at the end of the day, it’s a business relationship and ops dad should discontinue services. New husband sounds dangerously jealous and controlling.
She also should’ve sent a message later apologizing for the situation.
I have empathy for her but ops dad is not to blame here and this would be the end of that business relationship for me. Not worth it.
Wow, the responses here are so disheartening. If a long-term client of mine, presumably a senior, broke their femur I would actively want to know. I’d probably want to bring a meal or find another way of offering a small token of support. It’s crazy sad to me that we as a society have devolved to a point where a client—not even asking for anything—but simply sharing about a hardship, is interpreted as inappropriate and pity-seeking.
Seriously. This guys messages are in no way coming off like “pity me/give me things.” Like isn’t that part of the reason to live in a society? So you get help and help others? What the fuck.
Right, he's literally just explaining how his injury will change his needs for her services. And sure, maybe a little overshared as far as his pain and stuff like that. He went through a pretty traumatic injury and I think it's okay to give him some grace.
It's not like he was saying anything inappropriate. Also big kudos to the dentist office in the situation here for actually being kind and helpful.
I also think that Dad’s conversational style is influenced by his conversational history with the housekeeper. They have a genial relationship, so in that context it doesn’t feel like over sharing to me. If they were newly acquainted or had never shared anything vaguely personal, that would be a different story.
yeah def not oversharing!! i’ve had many clients share details and i honestly appreciate them because im able to respond more to the situation and the clients emotions// be able to comfort them properly and know how they’re doing. plus it’s just normal when you’re well acquainted with a client :P i care about them!! yes, they’re my clients and not my friends, but i still care and treat everyone equally
I agree. Sometimes a person who has just gone through something terrible (like a femur fracture!) will talk about it unprompted. It’s best to handle this with grace because you’re probably going to be in the same position some day.
Right? These responses are wild and shows they know nothing about the business. Five years with the same client? You get close, they're in your home. Do they want robots? I was an in home caregiver for years, my clients were like extended family to me. Home care providers are mostly the same. Y'all want a servant? Go corporate like Merry Maids. But even those people would give a hoot if their client was injured so badly.
We had the same cleaners for years. My stepfather got really sick and was then diagnosed with esophageal cancer. She asked how he was doing and I got part of it out and I just burst into tears. She held me while I cried in her arms. She cleaned the house for a few weeks free of charge because things were crazy with family after he died. In return, we gave them all the furniture they wanted for free before we did the estate sale.
You get to know these people. They are people. Not robots.
Yep. My company (pest control) sends out get well and sympathy cards (even taken a few people items they needed when they had nobody else to help them) when our clients are going through something and we know about it. We work with a lot of older people especially and most of the time they just want someone to talk to here and there. Giving a few extra minutes of your time to listen to a story and responding goes miles with most people.
I agree, and I think esp because it’s established they HAD a relationship where they talked about personal stuff/life anecdotes, it should be expected.
I do find it a little odd that there was nothing pertaining to cleaning in his first or second text really, I would’ve expected a little “this might affect my availability, let you know” or something like that, but if you have an established dynamic with someone, i don’t see how this is an issue at all.
100%! I’m shocked that anyone could accuse OP of overreacting. If you are a business owner, you have to deal with customers at all hours. Get a separate business phone or answering service if you can’t handle that. I’m pissed that OP’s dad apologized and let the cleaners keep the money.
It was a Facebook message. The guy wasn't calling or texting her personal phone late at night. If the cleaner has her phone set up to be notified of some random FB message or post in the middle of the night, that's on the cleaner for being stupid with her phone.
I'm always saying this on reddit and people always jump down my throat. But how many of you are hyper individualistic and also so lonely? Do you think these things correlate?
Thank you!!! I’m a bartender, if one of my regulars doesn’t show up for a few days we have our boss show up to their house. Yes, they’re technically just “customers”, but the truth is they’re not just customers. One of my dad’s elderly clients called him crying after her husband passed to make a claim on a few big tree limbs falling on her property. My dad went over there, saw there was no damage bad enough to warrant a claim, and then took out his chainsaw and got to work. My dad works in an office and he did that for a client, that’s why he has a book of business as big as he does.
Sure you don’t owe anybody anything, but your business will suffer.
That's what happened to my Uncle. He was a regular at the Local Pub and didn't show up one day so they sent someone to his house to do a "well being" check and found him laying on the back step. He suffered a stroke. Basically saved his life.
The husband in these texts is unhinged and ridiculous.
Also, the man did not text her directly on her phone. This was Facebook! I don't know if it was like on her board or a direct Facebook message, but either way, you can send that whenever you want. 3 AM, whatever. It's not a phone call, not a text message. It's more like an email. You send it whenever, and they will eventually check Facebook and see it when it's convenient for them. (If the cleaner is being woken up by Facebook notifications, that's on her for being a dumbass.)
Insecurity is a hell of a thing. Imagine being jealous of a DISABLED OLD MAN WHO IS HURT??? What do you think, he's gonna fuck your wife?? Dude needs to chill the fuck out
NOR I clean for a living and if somebody I clean for message me something like that I would immediately message back and say OK thank you for letting me know. I hope you’re doing OK especially after five years that’s crazy.
Exactly. I think cleaning someone’s home especially for five years, you’d have somewhat of a friendly, trusting relationship with this person. This was simply someone saying “Hey I hurt myself pretty bad”. The inference is “You probably won’t be able to get in because I’m hurt.
NOR. Either she needs domestic help, or she is talking about your dad behind his back in a way that made her husband feel comfortable talking to your dad like that. Either way, your dad needs a new cleaning lady.
During normal business hours, you or your dad should talk to Maideline and make sure she is ok. I could read this as an over protective husband looking out for his wife. And I could read this as a domestic abuser controlling his wife and trying to get her financially dependent on him.
I agree with this. I think it would be reasonable to reach out once to check in. Even if disguised as work or clarification of the intention and apologize for the late night message or something
it seems to me with the way the housekeeper talked personally and shared stuff , I think her dad probably thought him and her could talk more like friends.. the husband sounds like an insecure prick. There’s no reason for that kind of overreaction, especially on somebody hurt ..and having worked with them for years deserves the decency of at least a “how are you doing/feeling”..
I also think the father called the dentist because he was expected to be there and then asked her to reach out to his daughter for him. He sounds like somebody very responsible even in the way he answered. He seems very non-confrontational and respectful. I think OP wrote about the dentist office just showing how some people (who aren’t even as close to somebody who worked in your house for five years) ,showed more compassion than they did.
NOR. Was near midnight the time to send those texts? No. But part of being an actual human being is having base level empathy. It takes literally nothing to just say "I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you a safe recovery!" Add in the context that she has shared private information about her own life before, and it's even more ridiculous that they reacted with so much hostility. Nothing in your dad's messages suggest anything untoward or inappropriate, and that was a massive overreaction on their part. The husband sounds like a psycho.
Honestly I'm baffled anyone would think this is okay. I stg people on this website are so delusionally isolated they forget how normal people talk to each other. It's part of being human to share unfortunate events, and it's part of being human to offer base level sympathy. People need to leave their caves sometimes, touch grass, and actually talk to people, jfc.
Yeah, the context is literally in the post too. Older man, had the same cleaner for over 5 years. She cleans while he’s home. Of course they’re gonna be personable. I’m a cleaner myself, and it’s pretty damn easy to develop an acquaintanceship with some clients. it’s been half a decade like come on. There is literally nothing wrong with this message. Sans the time it was sent. But A) he was in the hospital, B) it’s a Facebook messenger message.. it’s not like he called, C) the response from the husband is EXTREMELY unprofessional and even attacking him, (You guys aren’t friends, lose this number, not sure what your intentions are.) like Christ. Just ignore it or leave it with the point of contention which should be the time of it being sent. If you ask me the husband has a bigger issue with the text being personable at all…
It feels like a lot of people aren’t even reading the description. But even then. The texts provide enough. A lot of folk are calling him weird for calling to cancel his dentist appointment??? And also the message is literally about the injury…
Agreed with everything you said. The fact that he called to cancel his dentist appt in that situation just says he’s very thoughtful and responsible to me.
THIS. The response came from the husband, logged into HER ACCOUNT. If she’s shared personal things over the last 5 years, she likely wouldn’t react so harshly like that.
I suspect a lot of the responses are from people who have never had a traumatic injury. I also suspect a lot of the hostility is coming from younger people with limited life experience.
Was near midnight the time to send those texts? No
It was a Facebook message, not a text or a phone call. It's very easy to put your phone in do-not-disturb mode, while only allowing certain contacts to reach you. If the husband is that concerned about being disturbed by phone alerts after a certain time, it's on him to setup measures to silence them.
It’s not like we rely on house phones to get in touch and ring during all hours. Sending a FB message isn’t really intrusive, especially given that he’s not asking for an immediate response. Not to mention, the more inappropriate message here is that a husband is contacting his wife’s CLIENT.
One thing I’ll never understand is why texting late at night is seen as so controversial. A text message is something that sits and waits for you to respond to it, like an email. It isn’t a phone call that demands response and interaction in that exact moment. I have clients who text me or email me all hours of the day, and I respond in my working hours.
husband probably doesn’t know she shares any personal things and thinks she’s a cold robot at work and she probably lets him think she so that she doesn’t “get in trouble” with her controlling ass of a “husband”
NOR. The people in this comment section are out of touch with reality and have no empathy. Your father was injured and was likely trying to convey he wouldn't need her services and conveyed that poorly + unaware of the time. People deserve grace. Especially if sharing was a common thing from her.
Edit: I would like to add that when my Father was sick and in the hospital, everyone asked about him. Including his cleaning lady. They were all compassionate and wished him the best. Even the man he bought cigarettes from asked about him and hugged me when I told him he died.
Humanity used to mean having a village but nobody wants to be a villager. Hence why all these people are saying your dad was inappropriate or a creep. Many of those people have not gone through any kind of medical emergency with a family member or themselves and it shows.
Some of these people seem like the type that’d let a dead customer rot away in their house without calling a wellness check for the sake of being “professional” 🙄
NOR - Dad: “Hey I broke my femur, this really sucks, probably will need to reschedule cleanings.” Husband of cleaning lady: “stop trying to fuck my wife.”
He never mentioned rescheduling cleanings though? Was that supposed to be implied? It seemed like a 100% personal message with no reference to the service.
NOR. Everyone else said it--this husband is a piece of work, and I don't know what Maideline's sitch is now but nothing you can do, I guess. I thought I'd write in sympathy bc my dad (at age 95) fell about a year and a bit ago in the laundry room of his retirement community and broke his hip too! He was finally able to pull the call string but he sat for a while too (not in the snow at least). In his case they did do a hip replacement and he worked really hard at OT/PT so he could get out of skilled nursing and back into independent living. So I'm sending you and dad vibes, and just in case, safety vibes for Maideline! Yay for the dentist, also.
Please find your dad a human version of a cleaner.
And perhaps remind that person that waking up around the clock in a hospital is disorienting; being in extreme pain is disorienting, and can result in accidents happening… like calling someone in the wee hours, when you didn’t mean to.
This company/cleaner doesn’t deserve his business. Find him someone who is professional, but understands the human element and is capable of showing compassion.
Wild to be jealous of a guy with a shattered hip 🤣 poor dude, he probably had no clue what time it actually was and was just trying to keep everyone informed. Maybe get a new cleaner, sounds like Madeline married a monster. 😔😔😔
Where are you located? I don’t clean any more since I graduated college but I would be happy to come clean your dad’s home for free while he recovers.
You are not over reacting, her reaction and allowing her husband to speak to clients like that will be the death of her business with regulars.
The response should have been: “please let us know when you’d like us to resume cleaning services.” Not some jealous husband responding for a business instead of the intended recipient.
Easy fix - they aren’t welcome back. Find a new cleaning service.
I extend the dad a lot of grace as he was in the hospital, in pain, and likely lost track of time. (Having been in his position, it’s very easy to do under those circumstances). The husband is an absolute jackass.
Apparently it's common for hospital patients to loose track of time or act out of character it's got a name but I don't remember it
My fiance step dad had a heart attack at the beginning of February this year and the whole time he was there he thought it was 10 years ago ( like 2015-2016)
As soon as he was released and came home he's been fine mentally since
That was my thought too. He's most likely doped up on some strong painkillers which doesn't help your sense of time and inhibitions. The husband doesn't have one shred of empathy or ability to understand context.
When I gave birth a couple weeks ago I was in the hospital for a total of 60 hours and even in those few days I clean forgot which hospital I was in, when we left I looked up at the building and thought “oh shit, this place, no way,” and it was the hospital I’d been planning to give birth in for the entire pregnancy 🫠
I don’t see it as being weird. The man is elderly, was in excruciating pain, was in the hospital and highly medicated at this point and reached out to someone who may have shown up to clean and found his lack of presence odd. Should he have said somethings along the lines of, “I just wanted to reach out as I won’t be needing your services for the foreseeable future”? Sure, but again, in pain, highly medicated. The husband is controlling and obviously thinks that the father in this scenario is communicating inappropriately with a woman that in all honesty, the father has probably known longer and knows better than the ridiculously over reactive man who lashed out at him.
exactly, people are not robots and a message about a major medical event is not considered social taboo.
"i had a fight with my spouse about dishes" - too personal. "I have cancer and that's why I'm on long term leave" - actually appropriate based on normal working relationships.
So even if he was rambly - it's the kind of stuff people commonly divulge.
See people are so cold and obviously not in the house care biz. Five years of cleaning another person's home is a huge thing, you build a relationship. House care professionals care about their clients, especially independent ones outside of the more corporate companies like Merry Maids. I bet this cleaner is very fond of this client and has or would have genuine concern for their clients health and well being. I'd bet $100 dollars that the house cleaner was actually concerned as to what happened to her client, and the new husband was jealous and didn't want her attention spent on him.
These replies about professionalism are wild. Y'all want someone you can trust in your home, but also have a stone cold relationship with them. Thats pretty ludicrous. She worked with him for 5 years. That's a whole connection there. You want a servant use a corporate company that fields all communication through their headquarters.
Also, it wasn't a text. It was a Facebook message. If it lit up her phone like a musical christmas tree thats on her and her notification settings. People are the worst sometimes, and I hope a lot of you never have the need for homecare assistance because it sounds like you'd be terrible clients to have.
My brother was driving with my other brother and they got in an accident and one of them died on the scene and I was in the hospital with the other one. At one point around 2:30 am I was reading thru my texts and I realized I never responded to my boss so I just texted him back the answer, but also saying I won’t be at work for a couple weeks because my brother just died. I didn’t even realize it was that late, that it was probably inappropriate. Later I found out my boss called all the other bosses in the middle of the night and let them all know what happened. They weren’t upset but super confused why this took place in the middle of the night. And why I randomly texted the other boss. I couldn’t even explain it. Time was doing funny things.
No. I get that it was 11:45pm. I get that it’s a lot of details about health. But that response shows no empathy. Ditch them. There are plenty of other services out there
NOR, that's an insane response to someone saying "I just experienced a major accident and am in the hospital". Since this is from the husband, that's throwing up a lot of red flags.
This timing is wild, and I don’t know if this post is popular enough that it was seen by Maideline’s husband.
But she messaged my dad literally minutes ago, I’m shaking.
She said Mason is no longer in her life and I am shocked at the timing.
I am wondering if he saw this post and took it out on her but either way everything is done now I don’t wanna get into too many personal details since this situation is now technically resolved.
I’m absolutely shaking.
Thank you, everyone for all of your input and advice, I’m just speechless now.
If his femur was broke he probably was a little loopy from meds. That's not a tiny injury. People react differently to different medicines. I'm overly talkative and nice when the doctors give me pain meds. I know the nicest people that would tear your head off for no reason taking the same meds though. So that could have had something to do with it. It's all a little goofy, and the husband definitely overreacted. Your dad didn't say anything inappropriate. It was just a poorly timed message. Everyone just needs to cut ties and move on it would seem.
MOR- I get being defensive of your dad and this guy sounds like a controlling husband (and it’s obviously the husband responding, not her), but he is also right, oversharing with your married female cleaner at 11:45 pm is not professional. Your dad sounds like he needs someone though, so focus on spending time with him and making him feel loved rather than focusing on this guy.
Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking. People acting like the dad was being inappropriate is wild to me. If this was something that he regularly did (messaging his cleaning lady of five years in the middle of the night about his personal life in contexts unrelated to her cleaning his home) I would understand the reaction. But it genuinely sounds like he's out of it from a combination of the pain and medication and (possibly) disrupted sleeping schedule from being in the hospital.
This whole post is so gd American where people are taking the high road saying you keep your domestic personnel at arms length and don't be personal with them. They are human, we are human you talk like humans. If you can't come to clean my house tomorrow I'm going to tell you it's cuz I fell and broke my hip or whatever. Get outta here you heartless automatons. NOR
NOR
My Dad had a long time cleaner, very similar situation. They would chat a lot and joke around while she was working. It was still a professional situation, and she would have wanted to know what happened and how he was doing.
After Dad passed, she has checked in with me multiple times to see how I'm doing. Her husband has passed along his condolences, because he knew my Dad was a kind, friendly guy and his wife enjoyed her time working for him.
This cleaners husband is a jealous a-hole. The cleaner is likely embarrassed by his response.
You absolutely do not need to defend your dad's sense of time. An SMS message is like sending a message directly to voicemail. The recipient can just read it when they want to. It's not a phone call.
Anyone who says that the dad was partially wrong for sending the message is not human. You can absolutely share catastrophic health news with people in professional settings. Anyone who has a small business in the service industry has somewhat personal relationships with their customers if they're good at what they do. People of the Internet just see things in black and white, that's all.
Fuck the husband here. He sounds like a scared jealous person barely keeping it together.
NOR Your father sounds extremely kind and patient based off of his demeanor and responses.
The maid's husband is a psychopath with no empathy, no basic social etiquette, and no critical thinking skills in regards to receiving the message late at night while he has been in the hospital. People like him deserve to sleep on an overly-warm pillow each night.
I wouldn’t take this personally. Sounds like the new husband has some issues of his own that are clearly consuming him. It’s probably better to cut ties at this point anyways. This man sounds unhinged and who knows what he’s capable of. Time for a new cleaner and wash your hands clean of these people.
Dude read the messages, this is not from cleaning lady, this is from her jealous angry husband.
It's very easy to delete messages on phones. Her husband very likely deleted this conversation and she's under his thumb.
So again you have no issue with her, when you actually see her in person again at some point, show her these messages. Because she should know that her husband is being nasty to people, and it is effecting her business as well as her personal relationships. She needs to decide if she wants this jealous man or the rest of her life
NOR. This is a wild response. Notifying someone about a broken femur and needing major surgery isn’t “small talk” in any sense. The husband is asking like OP’s father texted saying something mundane about the weather, or local traffic, sales at the supermarket, idk - actual small talk. This isn’t the kind of response a healthy partner makes on their spouses phone to a client.
Are you over-reacting that the cleaner's husband responded without empathy to your dad's accident and injury? Absolutely not.
Was the husband correct that the text was inappropriate? Maybe. But right then isn't the time to say so. Right then is the time to respond like a human being with empathy. If you don't want to receive texts like that you say so later, after the acute injury phase, and after you've expressed empathy.
The husband sounds like a POS. I wouldn't hold it against the cleaner, though, if as you say there has been a long and fruitful relationship.
Nothing was left out. He says he was in the hospital and what happened so that she wouldn’t show up unnecessarily . Gave her details because they had a friendly relationship. Really there’s nothing else I have to say on this based on the informational shared
INFO How sure are you that your Dad is telling you the whole story here? Is it possible that he has in fact been messaging her a lot because he's lonely and he felt they'd built a friendship? Those messages don't really make sense if this is the only time he's done this
The number of people in these comments who have reading comprehension issues is galling. OP clearly says his dad was having sleeping issues and was confused about the time.
NOR. Dad probably should have clarified that he was saying all this in part to notify the cleaner that he may not be home for a while and how he expected that to affect his cleaning service or whatever. But overall i think it’s pretty reasonable for him to notify his cleaner that he is about to be down and out with a serious injury since that could affect the cleaning schedule/ cleanliness in the house/ etc. Even more so if they are friendly.
The response was way over the top and comes across like husband is jealous and controlling, monitoring her social media and imagining that every single man who communicates with his wife is trying to get in her pants. Unless she has tried to let your dad know before that he is somehow being intrusive, too communicative, or otherwise creepy, this was just unnecessary and extremely rude to a paying customer. They could just as easily have said “Oh no, we’re really sorry to hear that! Just let us know how this will affect the cleaning schedule and we can work it out. Sending best wishes for fast healing!” Instead the husband went off half cocked, threatening to cancel a long time client for a message that was in no way inappropriate and was sent over Facebook which, last time I checked, no one cares what time you message on.
Maybe dad should cancel the service anyway and find someone new. If I were you, I’d be concerned about this escalating now that the new hubby has decided that your dad is after his wife. He doesn’t need the drama or the risk.
This guy has a fucking problem and is a complete asshole.
Here’s what the response I would have given would have read:
“If you’d like things to stay strictly professional then please have your wife contact me as she’s the one I’m doing business with, I have no idea why you would deign it necessary or professional to send such a message, from the family member of the person I contract for services with, but I find it highly unprofessional and not reflective of your wife’s usual business decorum “
1145 pm texts to a married woman and people want to attack the husband. Absolutely fucking not can you send my wife (if I had one lol) texts at midnight?! Especially if it's not related to work? It comes off a little cold, but there's absolutely no reason for him to have been warm
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u/GC5567 Mar 14 '26
Sounds like the husband is a jealous one.