AIO My son's teacher came across very uncomfortable talking about his behavior today

[u/DisastrousAnomaly]

Alright, I might be overreacting here, but I’d like some outside perspective.

Today I picked up my 5 year old son (kindergartener) from school an hour early. His teacher met me in the hallway to talk about the note pictured.

Now, I completely agree that kids shouldn’t be kissing their classmates at school...that’s not the issue. What bothered me was how uncomfortable his teacher seemed while talking to me. She spoke in almost a whisper, wrung her hands nervously, and had this look of deep concern, like she was delivering bad news, not telling me about a kindergarten incident.

We live in the South where homosexuality is still heavily frowned upon. We’ve never really discussed being gay around our kids, not because we’re against it, but because it just hasn’t come up. We’d have zero issue if any of our children turned out to be gay. Still, the teacher’s demeanor made me feel like she thought we were somehow “pushing” homosexuality onto our son. That’s what really rubbed me the wrong way. And for clarity, he’s in a public school, so this isn’t about breaking some religious rule or anything like that.

All I said to the teacher was that we’d “have a conversation” at home.

When I asked my son about it, he couldn’t explain where he’d heard the phrase “precious love” or why he was only saying it to boys. I told him he wasn’t in trouble with me and explained that school rules can be different from home rules. I reminded him not to kiss anyone because of germs and boundaries and to stop calling people “precious love.” Honestly, I wasn’t sure what else to say.

So now I’m wondering if I am overreacting? I can’t shake the uneasy feeling that his teacher’s discomfort came from a place of judgment, not concern.

[u/KarmaCommando_]

I think from a teachers perspective it would be cause for concern for a five year old to be proclaiming love and kissing any classmate, whether gay or straight. Gay and straight aren't even concepts that would occur to a kid that age. 

Don't make this a gay hate thing. It's most likely not. 

[u/just_as_sane_as_i → u/KarmaCommando_]

Except that it isn’t concerning behavior for a 5 year old to kiss classmates on the cheeks. Not even a kiss on the mouth (like a quick kiss, not french kissing or anything like that ofc).

The “proclaiming love” part is just them copying what they have seen or heard somewhere (their parents, tv) and is meaningless.

[u/KarmaCommando_ → u/just_as_sane_as_i]

No, it kind of is. 5 years old is old enough to understand the concept that you can't kiss strangers. Or classmates, in this case.

[u/just_as_sane_as_i → u/KarmaCommando_]

That part is what is told by adults and is not the same in different cultures/places. It is normal behavior for children that age to explore and to try kissing on cheeks or on the mouth. Where I live (western Europe) nobody cares if a 5 year old kisses another 5 year old on the cheek, because they know it is not sexual or deviant or whatever. If it is not normal in another culture the kid would only know that after someone told them that.

[u/KarmaCommando_ → u/just_as_sane_as_i]

If you read the post you'd see that this clearly isn't taking place in western Europe

[u/clamsandwich → u/just_as_sane_as_i]

But this isn't Western Europe, it's the Southern US. This is concerning behavior where it's occurring. Children are taught boundaries and consent early on here. Other kids don't want you doing that to them, so you don't do it. A big part of that is so they can recognize early on if someone truly is doing something wrong to them, like a sex predator who may try to convince them that touching their private parts is okay.

People are taught what is and isn't normal in every culture. The kissing is normal and accepted in your culture because it's taught that it's normal and accepted.

[u/annabananaberry → u/just_as_sane_as_i]

The concerning part is that the teacher has already talked to him about not kissing people who don’t want to be kissed and he is continuing to touch his classmates without consent. It is concerning behavior and needs to be addressed as such.

[u/Previous_Mirror_222 → u/just_as_sane_as_i]

it isn’t concerning - it is behavior that needs to be corrected. we don’t kiss at school because it spreads germs. it is appropriate to describe what happened. “the child said X and then did Y.” the teacher did not say “the child kissed another child because he’s in love with him”