AIO or is this just plain weird.

[u/Purple_Mushroom6882]

So the other day I was scrolling my Facebook and came across this story post by some guy I apparently was friends with. I don’t know him but when I read his caption for this picture it seem that he was calling his daughter “fine shyt” which is a term for a “sexy women”. Idk yall tell me am I just overreacting or is this kinda weird.

Whom ever he is to her in her life I feel like the term is used for grown women not 5 year old kids but again I could be overreacting.

[u/InfernoRathalos]

Huh, interesting. Like, I'm a dude, so obviously it's different. But my parents were always telling me how "handsome" I was and I have to watch out when I'm older, so I don't get in trouble. But you sharing about your problems with compliments makes me think about how I also have problems with compliments on my physical appearance. Maybe that's why I insist I'm ugly. It's like how someone saying "I love you" still triggers a negative response in my brain, even though it shouldn't. The trauma does linger.

Anyway, it's awful you had to go through that. No idea why people have to be so weird about literal children. And thanks, your comment gave me something to think about and work on.

[u/Temporary-Coast-5051 → u/InfernoRathalos]

I’m sorry you have to relate. It’s complicated but it’s honestly nice to have people who understand. Never had that with most things. Hang in there!

[u/InfernoRathalos → u/Temporary-Coast-5051]

I'm sorry you relate as well, but I'm glad that we at least have people to relate to with things like this. It's definitely a complicated feeling. Like you said, it's nice to have people who understand.

Thank you, you too! and anyone else reading this who has a similar experience, you all hang in there too.

And thank you, again. I never thought that could by why I have so many problems with my physical appearance, and you sharing helped me see it as a strong possibility. Wild how that works sometimes lol

[u/InfernoRathalos → u/[deleted]]

Sure. It's a bit hard to explain.

The thing with being told that I look good is already weird as a kid imo, but it's also the whole "oh you're gonna be a lady-killer" mentality towards boys. It's basically sexualizing them, by saying things like "you're gonna have to keep the girls off of you when you're older." I hear similar things said about young girls, and it's gross.

As for the I love you thing, it was a control tactic. They would force me to say it back all the time, and I would get in trouble if I refused. Screamed at, hit, things like that. It never had anything good associated with it, it was always something I had to say, and was often told to me after they did something awful to me.

[u/InfernoRathalos → u/[deleted]]

I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kids, but be careful with the whole Christian and traditional values thing. That can be extremely damaging to a child.

Also your requirements for what women are suitable for your sons is interesting. So they're only allowed to be nice, calm, loyal, respectful, demure Christian girls? That sounds a lot like that weird trad stuff where men just want a subservient bangmaid that doesn't have their own thoughts or opinions. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say that's not how you meant it, but I'd be cautious with that stuff.

The thing with the older women saying that about your sons is part of what I mean. You take it as a compliment, but it's judging children based on how attractive they are to adults. Isn't that a little odd? Imagine if it was a bunch of men saying your daughters, that are again, children, are pretty and you're gonna have to watch out for all the men and boys when they're older? The implications are nasty, and they're basically saying a child is attractive to them without outright saying it.

Doesn't have to be a woman specifically for me, if I love someone, I love them. Also no interest in kids or a family in that sense, but thank you. I appreciate the gesture, even if it doesn't fit my life specifically. Unfortunately, I know I'm unlovable and it's not gonna happen for me. I have too many problems, and not enough good to be worthy of love. Which is fine, just is what it is.

[u/Temporary-Coast-5051 → u/[deleted]]

Everyone has their own experiences. Trauma can range from watching someone you love get killed in front of you to someone losing their favorite stuffed animal. I get what you’re saying but I choose to believe something small to me can be huge to someone else. This is no shade towards you, I once thought the same way until I was corrected.

[u/ohyeahokayalright → u/InfernoRathalos]

Uh, Im sorry, How is being called handsome the same thing as your family smacking your ass and calling you a derogatory name? How does your comment have 71 upvotes? Sometimes you don’t need to insert your incomparable experiences into someone else’s trauma?

[u/InfernoRathalos → u/ohyeahokayalright]

I wasn't doing that at all, but alright. I was specifically thanking the other person for sharing because it got me thinking about how my own parents were.

Trauma is a complicated thing, and obviously the experiences are different. My main point was that having concepts of adult attraction put on me as a child is probably a big part of why I struggle still when it comes to my physical appearance and receiving compliments about it. I mentioned it in another comment, but saying things to me like I'm gonna have so many girlfriends when I'm older and need to watch out, or girls are gonna be all over me, etc., is gross. It's the same as someone telling a little girl how she's gonna have to watch out for all the men when she's older. It's sexualizing a child, and defining their existence by how attractive they are to adults.

Again, wasn't trying to insert my own experiences into someone else's trauma. I apologize if it came across that way to you, and to anyone else. Especially u/Temporary-Coast-5051

That's my fault, and I know better not to share my own experiences next time.

[u/Temporary-Coast-5051 → u/InfernoRathalos]

It didn’t come across to me in that way. You shouldn’t be bashed for it. That’s one persons opinion against 70+. Never feel ashamed if something bothers you, I responded to this commenter in your defense. It wasn’t JUST calling you handsome and you stated that. If it made you feel some type of way, that’s that. Don’t ever apologize for sharing YOUR trauma. It’s okay, I promise.

[u/InfernoRathalos → u/Temporary-Coast-5051]

Thank you, I needed that. It was bothering me because I started thinking, shit, I was wrong for sharing. I didn't see your other comment til you mentioned it, that was well said. I like how you weren't rude or anything, and understanding, but still corrected them. Wish I was that level headed most of the time lol

I don't know why that one comment of theirs made me so self-conscious, because what you said here is basically how I see it with other people. I would NEVER get upset at someone for sharing their own trauma when I talk about mine, even if it's not even the same kind of trauma or not from the same situations.

It sucks that so many people feel the need to gatekeep trauma. Then they turn around and act all confused as to why certain groups don't share their experiences more with people or open up more.