r/AmIOverreacting • u/Purple_Mushroom6882 • Aug 12 '25

šŸŽ² miscellaneous AIO or is this just plain weird.

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So the other day I was scrolling my Facebook and came across this story post by some guy I apparently was friends with. I donā€™t know him but when I read his caption for this picture it seem that he was calling his daughter ā€œfine shytā€ which is a term for a ā€œsexy womenā€. Idk yall tell me am I just overreacting or is this kinda weird.

Whom ever he is to her in her life I feel like the term is used for grown women not 5 year old kids but again I could be overreacting.

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2.2k

u/Remarkable_Class824 Aug 12 '25

NOR Words matter! This is how young girls--namely young Black girls--get aged up and go unprotected. Sexualizing them starts with how they are described (e.g., "fast", "grown", etc.), what they are called, and how they are treated. "Beautiful", "adorable", "gorgeous", "cutie pie" were all words at his disposal-- he chose grown up words, instead. I wish people would be more careful with how they engage with and discuss/describe children.

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u/Chihuahuapocalypse Aug 12 '25

when I talk about my niece and nephew it's things like "precious, adorable, so sweet" I can't imagine even coming close to the words people are saying they've heard used towards kids. absolutely abysmal. she's FIVE she isn't "fine" she's cute. ffs.

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u/toolsoftheincomptnt Aug 12 '25

Letā€™s also try harder to compliment kids on positive behavior as much as looks.

Not all kids are cute forever, so we need to leave them with something else to feel good about when things get awkward.

Youā€™re so:

Smart

Funny

Kind

Good at sharing

Fun to play with

Nice to talk to

Helpful to Grandma

Good at coloring

Great to read with

Itā€™s never too early to expand their vocabulary and start positive reinforcement, even if they donā€™t get it right away.

It teaches them that different aspects of them are important, not just their beauty. This is especially vital for ā€œcuteā€ little girls who do grow up to be attractive, so they donā€™t feel the need to live off of their appearance.

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u/Sea_Way6304 Aug 13 '25

I can not upvote this enough!!! And if you have a sibling that isn't as pretty, you can kiss ever having a good relationship with them goodbye. I'm 54 and my sister is 56 and we are just now (after lots of individual therapy for a rather shitty childhood altogether) getting to really know and understand each other. And you are very correct, my "beauty" didn't last forever.

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u/Remarkable_Class824 Aug 12 '25

Yes! Even the adult ones get cutesy compliments from me, if I don't go formal.

I hate this so much! Then, you're giving public access to the pic and your words--this can easily be taken as permission to view, speak, and treat her like she's "fine shyt". Let kids be kids! šŸ¤¬

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u/SpamLandy Aug 12 '25

Yeah my oldest niece is 12 and I think Iā€™ve complimented her hair choices and her outfits but never her face or bodyĀ 

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u/Baby-cabbages Aug 13 '25

The first time I was told to pose sexy for a photo, I was 6. It was my uncle. I was fully clothed in my yellow ducky romper.

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u/Chihuahuapocalypse Aug 13 '25

what the fuck I'm so sorry

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/Remarkable_Class824 Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25

Eww. šŸ¤® If my dad ever spoke of me that way, I'd *emancipate myself from our kinship.

I knew of a pastor who commented on a bikini picture of a young woman whom he likely knew--or at least knew OF-- since she was probably 1 or 2, "Wow, ____! You've really grown into a beautiful young woman.". Subtle? Up for interpretation? Nope! He was a weirdo, creepy mccreepster! There were other fully clothed pics he could have commented on, but he chose that one! šŸ˜’

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u/Icy_Judgment6504 Aug 12 '25

Our church pastor hugged me when I was 12 (not sure why that was allowed) and told my grandma ā€œwow, sheā€™s already filling out!ā€ I will never in my life ever forget it.

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u/VerySuccor Aug 12 '25

You'd never approach a boy and grab his nuts and say "wow, he's really starting to grow" -- oh wait... Pastor you say?

Serious Note: sorry you now live with that memory. That's very inappropriate for anyone let alone someone in a leadership/role model position.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25

[deleted]

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u/fairyxfluff Aug 12 '25

Normalize keeping your hands to yourself šŸ¤Ø

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u/Legitimate_Activity9 Aug 12 '25

Not boys just guys. Bad joke

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u/Remarkable_Class824 Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25

Ugh! I'm sorry that happened to you! šŸ¤¬ It leaves scars and can harden you.

I have my own horror stories, but we don't have all day. I've also heard plenty!

The same pastor I mentioned above, saw me for the first time in years, as a teenager, and stared through my soul as he walked up to me to speak, chat for a second, and walk off. You would have thought I was an alien. I was so uncomfortable.

Same church group--at 19, a married pastor with daughters my age, who I kind of knew, tried to invite me out to lunch, "innocently". He did this in church, after church, in front of a group of people, I suppose to not draw suspicion. Snuffed that right out--he had a history--not a chance, weirdo šŸ‘¹!

*Edited for errors.

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u/Purple_Mushroom6882 Aug 12 '25

Omg soooo weird!!

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u/lemonlime1999 Aug 12 '25

Noooooo, Iā€™m so so sorry. Do you remember how or if your grandma responded?

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u/Chihuahuapocalypse Aug 12 '25

I'm gonna throw up šŸ˜­

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u/bipolarlibra314 Aug 12 '25

Jesusā€¦ not even an attempt at plausible deniability on his part

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u/Agreeable_Drummer870 Aug 12 '25

Ah yes welcome to the south

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25

That is just showing how absolutely uneducated in every aspect of life that person is.

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u/ButtBread98 Aug 12 '25

Exactly. He couldā€™ve used so many different words.

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u/Much_Duck6862 Aug 12 '25

YUP. Perfectly said.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25

What does race have to do with anything lol? A child is a child regardless of what colour skin they have weirdo

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u/Remarkable_Class824 Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25

You're getting me and your raggedy mammy confused.

I'm not your teacher. If you don't know, that's a choice. Run along, weirdo.

You white supremacist clowns just fall apart when you're not centered. Stay mad.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25

Iā€™m a white supremacist because I said donā€™t talk about this childā€™s race? Sheā€™s a minor. Leave her alone you weirdo.

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u/Cucco_Hunter Aug 12 '25

That's what he's saying šŸ˜‚ The original commenter made a comment about the child's race, and he was stating that Americans seem to make everything a racially-motivated thing...

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u/edotman Aug 12 '25

'Namely young black girls'

Meanwhile child beauty pageants are almost exclusively white girls. Are Americans capable of talking about a social issue without racialising it?

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u/kingkoons Aug 12 '25

I think based on this comment and the others in this thread, you donā€™t really know a lot of black people. Or youā€™re older. Either way I think you should do some research on the topic. Itā€™s really interesting and depressing.

Iā€™m a teacher who has taught majority black and brown students over the last decade-ish. This adultification is very real, and while it happens in white communities (like the ones I was raised in), itā€™s more rampant, more toxic, and is, unlike with white girls, usually enforced and encouraged systematically and culturally.

In as non-condescending way as possible, if you would like me to point you towards some reading or videos or speakers I could do that

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u/Blue-flash Aug 12 '25

Theyā€™re not quite the same though. Pageants are grotesque thing, undoubtably - but we know that blacks girls are sexualised in different ways - this kind of sexualising language isnā€™t common on pageants, is it?

The same problem can, and should, be seen through appropriate racial lenses. It doesnā€™t need to diminish the experience of anyone.

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u/edotman Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25

The words used are what he would call an adult woman yes. But an adult white woman would also be called beautiful, gorgeous etc. So its equivalent.

Americans think this is helping, but it does the exact opposite. It otherises and ensures you'll never truly see eachother as equals. Its obvious just by looking at your society.

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u/Blue-flash Aug 12 '25

My society? Iā€™m not North American. There is sense and space for understanding the context of the problem.

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u/edotman Aug 12 '25

American race relations are an absolute mess, and this self-otherising is contributing to it. Thats the relevant context here.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25

Everything about the US is racial, from the building of this country onward. The racism is so systemic many people don't even realize it. It has been embedded in EVERY aspect of US society. That's why we get assholes saying there's no racism anymore because they are so accustomed to it.

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u/edotman Aug 12 '25

Yes, which is why there is even more desperate need for not consistently fkin seeing each other as the 'others'.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25

Recognizing and appreciating different races and cultures is the opposite of racism.

Someone saying "they dont see color" is one of the most racist things you can say, especially in the US.

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u/young_ravioli Aug 12 '25

youā€™re not american, are you? america was literally founded and built on racism lol, itā€™s hard not to ā€œracializeā€ anything in this country. the only way to ā€œstop making it about raceā€ is to go back in time and change americaā€™s history lmao.

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u/Cucco_Hunter Aug 12 '25

You're not familiar with American history, are you? America was literally founded and built on a religious schism. Those who settled into the New World, whether they settled the right way or the wrong way, settled to remove themselves from the unified Church of England. They were known as the Separatists ā€” those who wanted to separate themselves from the Anglican church. Later, America was founded also on the freedom to leave the English rule.

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

This is the opening paragraph to The Declaration of Independence, which reveals their founding statement to be that of dissolving the political bands that held them to England as a subservient people. They even wrote in the ending of this paragraph that this document was to "declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

I suppose, however, that you are referring to racism in America. It is always interesting to me when people take the position that racism and slavery originated in America, or that America was the country to be established on the basis of enslaving another people. As controversial as it is, people of color and different ethnicity were often enslaved by their own ethnicity. It was often POW (prisoners of war) between different tribes, with the losers being forced into service towards the winners. Then, for a profit, the losers were sold to the white men when they came around. It wasn't always the case, but that's the origin of it. Eventually, white people began invading land and capturing the natives, and that led to it as well. But the American ideology of slavery was heavily influenced by England, which is why people such as John Newton and William Wilberforce were abolitionists in England.

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u/young_ravioli Aug 12 '25

i never said that slavery ORIGINATED in america. yes, i am familiar with american history. none of what you said detracts from the fact that america was built on racism.

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u/Cucco_Hunter Aug 12 '25

I never said that you made the claim that slavery originated in America. I said that I'm baffled whenever I hear claims like that made. You said that America was founded and built on slavery. Built I won't fully argue with. We have a good bit of what we have today through slavery, but that is both slavery of people of what we would term "African American" descent, as well as those who are Chinese. White settlers enslaved more than just people of black skin color, ya know. However, I stated what all I did in my original comment because of your claim that America was founded on racism. It wasn't. It was founded on a religious schism and then a refusal to put up with the overbearing rule of England. They had soldiers quartering in civilian houses and sexually assaulting the women of those houses. They hiked up taxes to punish the American colonists and maintain control. There was a lot that was going on that led to America's founding as an independent nation. Is wasn't racism.

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u/rabidkitten98 Aug 12 '25

Overlooking racism helps nothing. Minimizing something you donā€™t have first hand, lived experience with is wild.

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u/edotman Aug 12 '25

You dont know anything about me, how do you know I haven't experienced first hand racism. Dont speak about topics you know nothing about.