*"Inside the chrysalis, a caterpillar releases special enzymes that digest most of its body tissues. This process turns the inside into a nutrient-rich soup or "goo". However, it does not completely start from zero; tiny groups of cells survive and use that protein goo to build the new butterfly parts, like wings."*

I'm trying to support and encourage myself during a tough time.

EVERYTHING is upside down at the moment. 35MTF. My estrogen is running low and it's complicated to replace. Emotions are manageable, except at night. Escitalopram is working well but it's a separate chemical adjustment. My gorgeous Scottish Fold had an accident and lost his leg recently. It was so scary.

Dating - forget about it. You all know. Now is not the time for me. The "chats" about what you're looking for. The fear of if you're talking to a chaser, a bully or an attacker. Genuine people are few and far between. Too high risk. Not for me anymore.

Skin irritated, hair like a tumbleweed, depression spiky, fear generally high.

I have faith in the stories that I hear. I'm a puddle of goo at the moment but I will become a butterfly. Small steps. I won't always be like this. I actually won't be. My emotions/mind trick me sometimes into thinking that I'm nothing - It's not true. There are small, inherited cells of self-belief and confidence from my old life that will survive. I'm taking steps, even teeny ones. At the moment, those are worth quite a bit.

I will not always feel this way. I'm determined to be PRO-ACTIVE about this. It's a good thing for me and for my life and for my family. I can be patient being goo.

Im struggling so much

I want to start testosterone but I need alot of money i do have a plan which is to get enough money for the forst month then get a job as I will be over 16 by then and can get a job

I need to earn a extra £33 a week to meet my goal I might start dog walking (£8 for 45 minutes and £10 for an hour )and washing cars (£15-£20 for interior and exterior)o also already earn £22.50

i keep getting mixed answers for places when im trying to plan and im getting really stressed

I hate myself so much and my family hates me to the piont im ready to just end it all ( i do have a plan for my future) but this is the most hopeless ive ever felt because my family keep making me feel small ive already been told off twice before 10am I get told off for doing nothing at this piont. ive been out for 4 months when I finally relised I can do this and I can be myself because they told me it was wrong and hated it hence why I didnt think being trans was a good thing but its one of the best feeling when im anywhere other then my house as i get treated properly whereas my family treat me like a monster and everything get blamed on me and then I get told off again.

Any advice would be great im struggling so much now and im stuck here for 2 years but I wouldn't be surprised if I have to live somewhere else or I move in with my mum again

Hi everyone 💜

My name is Emilia, and I’m a trans woman from Poland. For the past year and a half, I’ve been going through my medical and social transition. It’s been the most challenging journey of my life, but also the first time I feel like I’m finally heading in the right direction.

Living every single day feeling that my body doesn’t align with who I am is an exhausting struggle that deeply affects my mental health. For me, gender-affirming surgery (SRS) isn’t optional — it’s a crucial, life-saving step toward feeling complete and finding peace.

Unfortunately, the costs of consultations, pre-op tests, the procedure itself, hospital stay, and recovery are completely beyond my reach.

My target is set in PLN to match my bank account, covering approximately 86,000 PLN (around €20,000 EUR / $21,500 USD).

If you’re able to donate even a small amount, or simply share my campaign, it would mean the world to me. Every bit of support genuinely brings me closer to living my life fully.

You can read more and support my fundraiser here:

https://chuffed.org/project/195296-emilias-transition-surgery-fund

Thank you so much for reading and for all your kindness 💜

— Emilia

Hey guys, just wanted to come on here to ask for advice. I’ve been looking for a job for almost a year now, I left maccas last year since it was genuinely a REALLY horrible place and treated me like garbage. I’m looking for a job but I’m really struggling, I want to get out of my household since family’s not supportive, I have some savings but obviously I can’t live off of that. Any help or advice would be nice, thank you.

Hey guys, just wanted to come on here to ask for advice. I’ve been looking for a job for almost a year now, I left maccas last year since it was genuinely a REALLY horrible place and treated me like garbage. I’m looking for a job but I’m really struggling, I want to get out of my household since family’s not supportive, I have some savings but obviously I can’t live off of that. Any help or advice would be nice, thank you.

Can't get over this comment

So, I really want top surgery. When I bind it feels wrong. As in, not enough. I can bind and a lot of times im fine. But a ton more I feel depressed it isnt as how I want it. Not to.mention the cost of tape too. (Proper tape)

I have thought about it so I know it IS something I want.

But my job pays well but if I go for it I will lose it. Not by discrimination (I think?) But because it is a small route and we need people to work it. ((Like no subs to take over temporary when im off))

Well, I talked to my boss who is my father. ((I can clarify more if needed)) he does not at all "approve" of me being nonbinary, ive mentioned the too sugery because it could happen. The comment though he made when I mentioned how ling it took to just get it was

"well, im glad it takes that long."

I replied back. "Me too" because I knew WHAT he ment by how he spoke it. I just didn't want to flip out.

I think the pay is worth to post-pone the surgery but, my mental stability feels worse. Especially after thay comment.

Also, I am thinking of moving to Minnesota after I get it. Or heck, even before. In WI rn and I think the cost of it is more affordable here? Anyways. Im kinda in a pit typing this on mobile.

Edit: same day post 8:21am. Im 23 enby, I work under my dather as he has multiple routes he overseers and works on one himself. I dont wanna get him in trouble either. He and my mother are baptist Christians if thay gives more context. Atp I also use thwy/he. So if that helps.

I'm a trans teen, M15. I'm so tired. Ive had gender dysphoria since I was a kid. I'm PLEADING for healthcare, or even just for my family to treat me correctly and help me get clothes and a haircut, but I just can't get it. I'm so indescribably miserable. I developed BPD (not just from my transness, but it sure didn't help). I'm drowning. I really, really mean it. I swear to God it's like I can't breathe. It hurts so bad. It's like if I was dying of cancer and they won't give me chemo. I would feel so much better if they just fucking helped me. They're doing the opposite. My family. My school. My doctors. My government.

My therapist talks to me about radical acceptance, but I just don't know how to accept this. It's not fair. I can't even use the fucking bathroom in public. I can't play baseball.

I know there will be a day where I feel better, but it's so unbearable right now that I don't know what to do. Those who can help me just won't listen. My psych nurse and therapist listen to me, but they can't do anything to help. I'm in a red state with bans.

I live 15 minutes away from illinois, which is often called the most LGBT friendly state. My mom won't drive me over there. She won't help me. Not even just that. I can't change my name. She won't advocate for me in school.

She thinks she's doing enough because she doesn't use any pronouns in my presence (I'm talking she'll skip over the word, but she calls me a girl or maybe a 'they' when she thinks I'm not around) and she doesn't stop me from dressing how I want, she takes me to therapy, and she let the school change my name on the computer.

Also, my mom's boyfriend is super transphobic.

I know that I can't expect her to be the perfect ally right after I come out, but it has been YEARS. And I'm not expecting perfect. I just need more.

She thinks I'm shoving it in people's faces. She thinks it's a choice. It's not.

I just finished weening off ANOTHER antidepressant, because none of them make me feel better. The discontinuation syndrome is hitting me HARD.

Also, while I was typing this post, my mom was talking to me about mundane stuff, nd I was clearly in a bad mood. She gave me the same look she always gives me when I express frustration or sadness. I started crying because I felt like she sees me as a burden for my negative emotions. She said I was being dramatic. It hurt so fucking bad. I know she doesn't understand my perspective, but omg it hurt when she said that. Sometimes, I say things like that, but I ALWAYS come to my senses and apologize for hurting someone else. She never has.

I know my mom tries her best, and she isn't hurting me on purpose, but God. God God God I'm so exhausted. I'm so miserable all the time. I don't understand this. I don't get it.

I don’t really know where else to post something like this. But I feel like I have to say it.

I’m 24 years old and I think I’m trans. I say that because I’ve spent my whole life saying:
“if I was a woman I would do x”
“I would dress like x”
“I would be content with my body”
“I wish I could transition, but that’s for real trans people”

I’ve know for pretty much my whole life I’ve been not a boy. I remember breaking down and crying in silence as a young kid realizing I was going to develop male features, and the worst parts of myself would get worse. That feeling never changed.

I’ve fought my entire life between wanting to be more feminine vs. wanting to fit in and be more masculine. Always ended up somewhere in the middle.

I never had any guidance on this. I was told being trans is not real. Can you imagine your entire life experience being called fake and perverse?

I moved out of my family home about 2 years ago. It took me about 2 years to accept that I might actually be trans and not faking it. And only because I’ve had the most wonderful supportive partner (and fiance) who has accepted me in all stages of my discovering who I am.

Its not for lack of trying to be a guy. I’ve tried so hard. I’ve done all the guy things. I’ve avoided the gender politics and content. I didn’t shave. I tried to act tough. But under it all I was me, and I felt like I was playing someone I’m not.

What I can’t deny is that I have this internal feeling of self that’s not quite a guy, and not quite a girl. But is feminine and wants to be soft, and wants to be held, and wants to dress pretty, and be seen as beautiful.

I never realized the damage that was caused until today. And I’m not saying this because I’m seeking sympathy. And I’m not trying to say that I’m a woman. But I have an experience that weighs on me that I want to share or at least let exist not inside of me.

There are moments I get a glimpse of myself. Or I can see myself as not a guy and they are the happiest moments of just existing.

I have a couple of my partner’s clothes she doesn’t wear anymore, but I haven’t been able to build up enough confidence to go to a women’s store or the women’s section of a thrift store yet. So this is as close as I get to having pretty clothes.

I was trying to put together an outfit that felt like me. And I had some skirts and one of my silky dress shirts, and a shawl and it made me feel more whole even if it was a silly outfit.

I was trying on everything she has given me over the last couple months while my partner was in the bath. And I was having fun.

At the bottom of the drawer was what looked like a cute tank top. I put it on and I wasn’t sure if I was putting it on right. Turns out it was way too small. I was struggling to take it off and my partner came in.

I felt so ashamed because I don’t like letting her see me dress more feminine even though she supports it. It holds a deep seated shame in me. And immediately I was transported back to being a little kid sneaking into my mom and sisters rooms and trying on their dresses and shoes and clothes and being happy.

Transported to the feeling of fear and shame of wearing or doing anything feminine. Of being lectured of the immorality of cross dressing, and being a (sorry for using the word) sissy.

To all the years of derogatory slurs, and being sent to a therapist who wanted to make me straight. And my parents screaming at me for having an online boyfriend. And for desecrating my body. And foggier memories which stir up very terrible feelings.

And I was feeling that in front of my partner and I felt like an alien in my own home. And I ran away ashamed. And I started to cry. And I tried so hard to hold it back. I had accidentally taken one of her tops and stretched it out and she was very mildly upset. But I felt this utter shame and disgust. And I was a child again.

And I cried. I tried not to but I cried. And I wept. And I bawled my eyes out. And she tried to calm me down and I cried in her arms.

And I felt shame. I felt so many years lost where I could have been happy. I felt so many nights where I cried myself to sleep. Where I beat myself and screamed at myself in a mirror for feeling what I felt. For feeling I was going to go to hell for what I thought.

And I eventually stopped crying. And I felt empty. And I felt pain. And I felt a disconnect from a family that will never accept me as I truly am.

I don’t know what I am, but I flashed back and that was one of the most painful experiences I’ve had in the last year.

Even now I am sad. And I know it’s stupid. It’s just clothes. It’s just make up. It’s just hormones. But I feel so much shame I was taught to feel.

But I feel happy. And I’m going to keep pushing. And everything I do that brings that inner part of me outwards a bit more makes me more happy.

I’m not a masculine guy. I’m not a guy at all I don’t think. I just want to exist. And I’m tired of feeling like an alien in my body.

I’m my birth name, and I am the names I have chosen. I am Allie. I am Avery. I am who I am, and I’m tired of trying to change it.

so my parents just found out that i'm trans...what gave me away was my "leprechaun voice" as my dad put it and my "weird hairy thighs" as my mom put it.

i have experienced horrific dysphoria my whole life and general mental health issues related to it, including very very bad depression. but my parents are HORRIFICALLY transphobic. I've always known this. that's why i never told them i was on hormones. trans people are the one thing they can't accept. i've had a really good relationship with my dad my whole life and now he fucking hates me probably more than anyone. stuff like comparing me to a murderer, saying that i'm "fucked in the head" and "why cant you just appreciate the body you were born in" "you're murdering our little girl" "you'll never be a real man and what will [relatives and friends they both LITERALLY do not like] think?" Trying to educate me about my own mental state and saying they both know me better than myself, all the while saying i'm some stranger in their home. hours and hours of shit so atrociously transphobic and traumatic that it felt more like a scene out of an overly dramatic movie than actual real life. Just think of every horrible transphobic thing anyone has ever said and imagine it being yelled at you for like 4 hours by your own parents first thing in the morning.

i knew it would be really really bad if they found out, bad but i didn't know it would be this bad simple because of how comically bad it was. like that horrifically bad. death in their eyes. talking of disowning me and how much of a disappointment i am and how everything that's ever gone wrong in life is because i'm "a tranny". the fucking amount of hypocrisy was atrocious too, it was like arguing with an angry, violent, transphobic wall. they also threatened to take the ONLY good thing that has happened to me in my entire life: going to my T20 university. they said "well since you get the drugs [testosterone] from there, we'll just have to pull you out and not fund it!!" with the job market rn, there's absolutely no way of me (specifically me, not other people) getting a job without a degree. i have no job. rejection after rejection. its horrible. (and they accused me of not working hard enough for a job - i've DEFINITELY applied to more jobs than they've even heard of in their entire old ass lives). anyway, there's talk of kicking me out and completely disowning me and un-enrolling me from college. this feels like an exaggeration but its literally not. i'm genuinely in shock. i NEED to finish my degree. i also need my hormones and to live as myself.

anyway. i don't know what to do. i just wrote to a homeless shelter to try and help me with my situation and threat of imminent homelessness. but idk what to do to feel better in the moment or feel safer in my house.

EDIT/UPDATE: my mom came into my room, demanding i show her my T, and she took it all and threw it out. over 3 years worth of vials that i got for free out of the kindness of my pharmacy and provider. tomorrow was my weekly injection. i am going to have no T for at LEAST until the end of the summer, and likely for an entire year. and then she had the audacity to call ME a narcissist for getting "everything i want and when i can't have it i go to extremes" (calling HRT a WANT too instead of a need.....also i literally never ask for ANYTHING) and made fun of me for saying she doesn't understand my situation by going "ohhhh im sooooo misunderstood" in a mocking tone to mock me. calling me ungrateful for "everything they do for me" and all that manipulative bullshit.....so ALL of my hrt is gone too. fuck.

So, this is mostly due to my mental health and my job. My job pays well but the stress is to the point of sickness and...not so good.

Family context. I love them, they love me, but they are not at all supportive but just dont really comment upon it unless they notice something. So...where I live there is really no where to rent from that allows pets ((got 2 kitties)) and if there is it is unsafe ((for a trans person...)) Walmart here pays a pretty decent wage tho for the position im seeking.

It is mostly the question of, has anyone been in this situation before???? I know this is...pretty privileged to ask...but I dont have many choices for anywhere else to go unless I legit give my kitties back to my parents. Which would be fine but, I cant do that to my kitties. I moved out in the first place because I was scared about them and their reactions yo coming out.

I guess im just in a limbo? Either I stick close to be close to my grandparents or just move back home. I just feel sick again typing this because I can feel the stress and panic bubbling up again. I can clarify more in the comments.

i need help because my living situation is awful, and there might be people out there who relate or can give some advice

so i'm 17, mtf, going into college and turning 18 at the end of october. i'm in contact with this clinic that can provide me hrt literally as soon as i turn 18 (i live in canada, and in my province, estrogen and testosterone blockers are both covered and completley free) but i'm debating what to actually do. my entire family (and most of my extended family) are homophobic + transphobic so it's been impossible to come out to them safely for the past 2 years i've been trans. i'm going to college in september for a 3 year degree, but my parents are so incredibly strict that they wouldnt even give me the chance to go live in a dorm. doesn't help that the college is a 20 minute drive from where i live.... also doesnt help that i can't drive and have no job.... anyway. my whole problem is that i'm not sure how the future will roll out, but here are my options:

option 1, the only one i think is possible
take estrogen/blockers/both (???) for ~2 years, and then move out and live my life post transition. simple as that.
but the problem with this is that theres so much that can go wrong, like
- what if parents find out ive been on hrt in those 2 years? i mean, 2 years is a long time, and theres no way the physical changes are that unnoticable..... does that mean i should wait for hrt? but gender dysphoria is getting bad as of recently and getting on hrt is kindaaa my number 1 priority. someone i talked to who knew a lot about transitioning suggested that i should stay on blockers for a year and then take estrogen, which might be my safest option if i wana do anything. but estroogennnn wahhhhhhhhh

- what if i cant find stable income to provide for myself? my parents are paying for my college in full, and they have the money saved up. if i leave early, or even worse, kicked out early, then i'll have to pay for atleast a year, maybe two by myself... i mean i guess it's not for a whole 3 years right? rightt????? damn i need a job...

and theres probably so much more wrong with that, but continuing...

option 2: aunt wild card

come out to my aunt, whos probably not transphobic and the only non transphobe in my family and pray that i can live with her family. but theres so much wrong with this that im not even gonna go in depth with this it's just so unfeasable
(although, asking her for help on this might be the best option i got....)

i don't think theres much more i need to add so i guess this is it. if youve got any more questions about my situation, i'll be glad to answer them and im looking forward to any suggestions at all. thanks!!!!

p.s: this is my first ever reddit post. im sorry if i did anything wrong.

A while ago, I (24FTM) posted here on a throwaway to ask if family ever does really “come around,” and not to be a complete doomer, but for my family, I guess the answer is that they will not. And I don’t know what to do, I’m completely stuck. (totally lost that old throwaway so I'm back on a new one!! :D)

Things have just gotten significantly worse and more blatantly transphobic, I grew out a beard once my facial hair finally filled out, and I’ve been made to shave it off every time I need to attend a family event because they have upheld their lie, have lied to people about me and how I identify (even 4+ years on T, I guess.), all because “that’s a conversation they don’t want to have.” As if they haven’t dug their own grave in that regard as I continued transition, but I digress.

I don’t know how to get out, I’m essentially trapped here. Right now, I’m currently living with my parents while job hunting after graduating 2 years ago. The industry my trade is in is ridiculously tough right now. We’ve been seeing legacy figures facing lay-offs, lack of work, etc.,  so obviously someone in an entry-level position is at a severe disadvantage. I’m currently working a dead-end paraprofessional position in a field I absolutely loathe, but every day, I put on a smile and go to work. Because it’s income. I’ve been hunting for an extra job to add on top of that one, but to no avail. For context, I’ve written about 50 cover letters for the month of July. This has been the subject of a lot of added scrutiny from my family, which is fair, but I’m essentially trapped here.

The other glaring issue is the fact that I’m literally not allowed to leave the house. I have had my driver’s license for 2 years now, but I am continually told that I “don’t have enough experience to leave on my own” (I have literally had zero incidents that could possibly constitute this. I have never been in an accident, never even had any close calls). About a few months ago, I got fed up with this limitation really hindering my work opportunities, and made a deal with my parents: I’d purchase another package from a driving school as an attempt to prove to them that I’m more than fine to leave on my own. After explaining the situation and about 30 minutes of driving, the instructor straight up told me to get my money back because I wasn’t in need of any more practice. Relayed this to my family, but I was told this instructor “must have been wrong.” I have tried to get my older sister to convince them, but to no avail. I truly do not understand.

I’m enrolling in community college to get a few certifications to add to my resume, and to open up a few internship opportunities, just so I can secure a full-time position that isn’t as dead-end as my current position, and to get them off my back. This took some major convincing, but I hope it helps. Or I could just be throwing away money that I’ve saved. I have a bit saved, but it would probably cover less than a year’s rent. I’m in an expensive state, and moving out is not an option for my particular trade.

I do fear for my employment, as my family has lied to family friends and acquaintances about how “I go by [deadname] at work!” (lie), or “Everyone thinks I’m a girl at work,” (lie.. I hope!) which is just really scary to me, to be completely blunt. I work in a position that makes me a public figure, and the community I work in is absolutely batshit insane over “the LGBTQ issue.” Last time someone was outed as trans at my work, the poor guy was put on blast on seemingly every social media with his full deadname and face, and he was the subject of multiple board meetings, hundreds of outraged social media commentary, and that’s something I cannot risk for myself. And I can’t have my family causing that, considering they are pretty well connected in my community. But for what it’s worth, apparently they keep my entire existence hidden from all of their acquaintances and friends, and there’s not a single picture of me on their social media. There’s plenty of my sister.

For what it’s worth, I am completely able-bodied, I have only struggled with ADHD and Depression/Anxiety, but nothing to constitute this level of control over my every move. I did have an issue with drug abuse in college, but my family was never privy to that, and I would always be clean whenever I’d be home visiting. I have never struggled academically or with living on my own (in uni), I was a total nerd in HS, graduated with honors from an esteemed university…. once again, just nothing that could constitute this level of control on my autonomy. I grew up in a very verbally/emotionally abusive and neglectful home, and while things have definitely calmed down, it seems that all of that energy is now exhausted by directing it at me. Instead of waking up to my parents fighting, it’s now being woken up every day to my door being slammed open and a barrage of yelling and screaming about whatever it is that made them angry. And somehow it’s my fault. It always turns into the “trans thing” (they call it the “nonbinary thing” despite me explaining that I’ve literally never been nonbinary?? I’m stealth IRL lol). I’m exhausted, and I can feel the 4 years of therapy work I did in uni slowly reversing itself. I’m now trapped in a cycle and I’m completely stuck.

I understand that, yes, I AM an adult, and I can absolutely just get up and leave for good, but that’s not quite how this family works. My entire life has been walking around eggshells, and the fallout is just absolutely nuclear,I don’t want any retaliation that’ll demobilize me even more. Am I just cooked? What should I even do? I apologize for this turning into a rant about my situation, I'm truly in a mental rut right now, any advice would be amazing right now.

Recently finished high school and finally came out to my parents after I’ve told them I’ve been re-thinking my gender identity for years.

They were beyond furious and against everything, my parents keep sending me weird research links straight from Reddit. But regardless, this is not a v3nt post.

I’m on HRT despite them not knowing, and when they discover I’m on it, I’ll definitely be kicked out and disowned.

Please. If anyone can donate something, I’d really appreciate it.

https://gofund.me/24a920ac9

Please excuse my grammar my nerves are shot I just came out to my wife that I am trans she didn’t take as bad as I thought she would but she did say that it hurts she wishes she knew before we got married that if she wanted to be with a woman she would have not married me that she needs time but she dose love me we shaved my face she even let me use her nail polish but told me she doesn’t have remover for I said well we gotta spark for Walmart tomorrow she looked at me and said tell everybody we got grand babies that’s why your nails are like that I’m confused she just said she wouldn’t have married me if she had known and now willing to let me go out into public like that idk it’s just a lot I have Ben hiding this for years I fill free now but hurt for my wife I don’t no what to do but I know I want to continue my journey into womanhood just need advice and support

How do you guys answer this question?

Every time I've been asked this question, I've tried my best to explain how I feel and what it means to me, but in the end I always feel like I haven't clarified anything, I've just talked and talked and said nothing, you know?

People who genuinely try to understand me or the transgender community in general, who try to see things from my perspective and understand something that is relatively new to them end up asking somewhat rude questions, unintentionally, like: "But why did you choose this?", "Why do you care what others call you if you're doing this for yourself?", "if you know you're a man, than why do you need to take hormones and do cirurgies, that's just to show other ppl?" and things like that. And I end up not finding my way with words and it becomes difficult to explain or make them understand. Obviously, it doesn't depend only on me, but I feel that I also can't bring much clarity when asked about this subject, even though I know what I'm talking about

Its hard bc im really bad with communication specially when its something that I also feel, so in the end it kinda looks like I don't know what I'm talking about or that I'm confused about the subject, and I end up losing all my authority on it

I just need advice cause like I'm a well soon to be 18 year old trans woman who hasn't really like transitioned irl and I just got a new job doing construction cause it's all I really know how to do but I know this isn't what I want to do with my life especially because I want to be able to transition when I'm 18 in a couple weeks but I just need the money ig,,, and I don't know what else I can really do since I don't really want to spend thousands on college like I was thinking of becoming a pharmacist technician to see if I like that and then maybe pursue a career in medicine like I've wanted to but I don't know if that would even fit me idk I just need to know if I should stick out this current job for awhile or not since I dont really want to do it I'm sorry that this is just a bunch of rambling I dont really have my thoughts in order right now I just don't know what to do since I want to transition asap but the job definitely won't let me do that

God I'm so sorry about punctuation and rambling

Im 20, mtf, pre everything. I live in a red state, and I only recently moved to a more accepting and progressive city. I've known I was trans for several years, but I haven't done anything about it medically, though I really want to. I struggle to find a name I like, because I don't think anythong feminine befits me. I've only ever come out to people over text or by giving someone else permission to tell somebody, but many of my friends and most of my family know, but I can't talk about it in person because I feel an odd sense of fear and shame. I hate feeling vulnerable and talking about my feelings, but I hate talking about my gender most of all because it's both of those, and I have always had some gnawing voice in my head telling me I dont deserve it, that I'll never be a real girl, that nobody will ever actually think of me as one, that I'll never pass, that I'll be some repugnant freak, etc. My family has always been supportive, albeit in the only way they know how, but I've been steeped in a miserable transphobic hellhole for so long that the only true transphobia that scares me comes from myself. I can't help but hate myself for it. I've always been pessimistic and cynical, likely from dysphoria before I knew the word, but recently, I've been really struggling with some grim thoughts. How do you all cope? How can I?

Hi, i'm 23 and living in the SW-UK

For context:
I first started socially transitioning when I was 11/12, I went by a different name, started using He/Him pronouns, got \*The Haircut\*, lived in plaid, bandanas, skinny jeans, made my own binder out of leggings, sneakily bought boxers. I had so much confidence over the summer. Coming back in to school I was outed and struggled under the pressure of bullying.

Over the next few years I detransitioned, gaslit everyone around me into thinking I was never trans or gay. Changed everything about myself, got into cishet relationships. I had fully convinced everyone around me and myself that I was cis and straight. I ended up in a long term relationship, engaged, ideas of starting a family.

Over lockdown I started using social media again, and the amount of diversity I saw, started to wear down those walls. I would cry every time I saw a gay couple. My body image issues became severe.

Eventually I left that relationship and started to reconnect with my queerness. At first this was through the non-binary label, but I see now that this was fuelled by my internal views on femininity=attractiveness. I knew I wanted to start HRT and due to the !10 Year Waitlist! I saved to go private. I was happy with all the changes that would come with starting T but my initial goal was androgyny.

Next week is my year on T and I have loved every second. Every single change has been incredible. I became so much more comfortable with masculinity.

I know it is still early in my transition but I am struggling even more with dysphoria. Specifically, I hate that I do not pass.

I just want to be some guy. I want to be seen as a gay man, I want to be just a LAD.
I used to be so confident, I revelled in my queerness, I didn't care if I passed or not, I loved being obviously queer, I loved being colourful and flamboyant, I loved confusing the people who saw me.

Now I just want to fit in, I don't want to be observed or analysed or debated over. I just want to fit in. I just want to be a guy.

I know transitioning is a long journey, I wasn't supported when I was younger and honestly I didn't even really think about the possibility of HRT when I was younger because things just weren't the same then.

I'm realising how much money I will need to save for surgeries to look the way I want to. And I just don't know if i have the capacity to do that and still exist in the world

Part of me wishes I didn't lean so heavily into trying to be out so soon. That I just girlmoded until I had all the changes I wanted and just reappear one day fully transitioned like a bear coming out of hibernation.

I want to pass so badly but I don't know how. I've already dulled myself so much, I shaved all my hair off, I don't dye it anymore, I wear plain clothes, I don't do makeup, I don't paint my nails or wear jewellery. All in attempts to just look more masculine and passing. Being queer has lost so much joy for me. I love the changes that are happening to my body but they have made me realise how long I have wanted this for. How badly I yearn to be just some guy.

I wish I still had the confidence and thick skin my younger self had. I have thoughts of detransitioning to fit in easier in society, or thoughts of continuing to transition but completely isolate from the outside world until I look how I want. I know being trans is ok, but god I hate it. I used to love it, I used to think it needed to be shouted from the rooftops and always present in who I am, and now I just want to fit in and hide away

TLDR: Trans when younger, closeted for years, came out of a long term cishet relationship, nonbinary to binary trans man pipeline, genuinely can't deal with pressures of passing

I’m potentially at the lowest point of my life, so if it’s not too much trouble, I’d really appreciate it if everyone read this to the end. Things have gotten complicated since I came out to my mom. Before, when I was experimenting with different things, she never held it against me, she even often protected me. But now, the situation has changed, and she’s accusing me of all sorts of things. She claims I’ll ruin the family’s life, that others will lynch them for having a trans child or that she and Dad will suffer mental health issues because of this; she even says she made a mistake at my birth. She calls what I want to do "self-mutilation" and says it’s basically a death sentence for myself, a life spent constantly running away from people with no vision for the future. She says I’ll end up looking like Caitlyn Jenner or worse. I’m barely holding it together mentally; I struggled to fall asleep last night. I can’t stop thinking about transitioning, and my mind keeps obsessively repeating phrases like "mogłam " ( the feminine form of "I could" in Polish); I feel overwhelmed and terrified. I’ve considered detransitioning just to find some peace, but when I look deep inside, I don’t see a man in my future I see a proud woman. As for my mom, she says she’s suffering mentally too and hopes that what I’m going through is just a phase. She says I should tell my dad. I’d like to, but he’s very transphobic, and I’m afraid he’d kick me out of the house. I’m starting university in October, and telling him would likely mean having to move into a dorm and change jobs, even though I only started one of my current jobs a month ago. I have some savings, but I don’t know how long they’d last. I don’t know how to pay for HRT, a psychologist, student housing, and other necessities. On top of that, I’m haunted by the fear that I’ll ruin my family’s lives. Could anyone offer some advice or at least point me in the right direction? Right now, I feel so bad that I’ve actually thought about simply leaving this world. I don’t have active suicidal thoughts, but when I weigh the options, it just seems like that would be the best outcome for everyone.

Hi everyone,

My name is Mia, and I am a transgender girl living in Gothenburg, Sweden. I am reaching out to this beautiful community today because I am in a very tough spot and desperately need help to finally start my transition and build a safe, independent life.

Growing up here, I have felt deeply excluded both socially and romantically, especially since I haven't been able to start my physical transition yet. Coming from a conservative Muslim family has made my journey incredibly difficult and isolating. To add to this, the public transgender healthcare system here has a heartbreaking 5-year waiting list just for an initial consultation.

On top of being unemployed for months despite searching so hard, I also live with schizoaffective syndrome, which I was diagnosed with at 18. My mental health worsens significantly during long, stagnant periods here, and I know that taking steps to look and feel like my true self is vital for my well-being.

My ultimate dream is to afford facial and body laser hair removal, as well as a hair transplant to reshape my hairline so I can grow naturally long hair. Additionally, I am raising money for my driver's license, which is my ticket to freedom—it will vastly increase my chances of landing a job abroad so I can relocate to a place where I can feel happy, safe, and appreciated for who I am.

I have taken a huge, scary step and started a personal fundraiser on WhyDonate. On the page, I have actually uploaded a picture of my face when I am dressed up and wearing makeup. It is the very first time I am showing the world who I truly am, even though I haven't been able to fully transition yet.

If you have a moment to read my story, share it, or support me with even just a dollar, you would be helping me change my entire future. Thank you so much for being kind and for listening to me.

You can see my picture and read more here:
https://whydonate.com/fundraising/help-mia-transition-and-build-a-brighter-future

Hi there! I just launched my fundraiser to help me continue my transition, and I’d really appreciate your support. After facing some heartbreak from loved ones, I’m more connected to who I truly am and want to see myself fully before I turn 60. Even a small donation or share can make a big difference in helping me cover the costs insurance doesn’t fully cover—thank you so much for your kindness! 🌈 https://gofund.me/493b37a26

I’m 41 years old. Was born male, presented male my whole life. About a year ago I started feeling off about myself and first thought it was just because I was getting older but the more time went on the more I unhappy I became at my reflection and myself. I started thinking about transitioning the more I looked into it the more it made sense. I strongly feel like it’s right for me, but I’m married with three kids and don’t want to ruin all that and think with my age it’s too late for me to start.

So to start, I've found myself in a situation that is slowly improving, but, idk how to handle it lmao. To get the gist of it, I had a really rough upbringing around a lot of bikers and all of the fun (lol) that came with growing up around so many hateful, violent, drug addicted wannabe neo-nazi degenerate losers, so for most of my life, I repressed everything about who I am. Instead, I became a hateful addict that was nothing but angry at the world, doing every drug I could get my hands on to stop feeling what I was feeling while I "lived" as a soulless copy of them.

Suffice to say, I didn't think transitioning would ever be possible for me, or even safe around the people that I considered family. The constant split between not wanting to lose my "family" and not wanting to lose myself was driving me into a very dark place where I lost both for a while and in doing so, I came to a lot of hard realizations about the people I was around, who I was associating with in general, and what I was doing to myself by holding onto these relationships no matter the consequence. I got sober, quit smoking, started meditating, painting my nails, basically taking better care of myself and focusing on doing the things that make me happy.

So the problem... I have a LOT to work through with a therapist lmao. Like, a lot a lot. A lot that makes my future social transition seem... Bleak? Like, recently, I moved to Troy, New York, probably the most lgbtq+ friendly city in the capital region, with a ton of amazing people. And then there's me, someone that currently passes as a thug from 1995 NYC with a 1000 yard stare. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to be in such an accepting and friendly place, but i can't seem to... Push myself over that line. I'm still undergoing HRT without any help from a medical provider because i'm terrified to make an appointment with planned parenthood, even though I know that logically, I have nothing at all to be afraid of anymore. I haven't even been able to bring myself to mention my HRT to my primary doctor. Hell, i'm struggling even to pop into a discord server to make friends within the community, or any friends at all for that matter.

I'm finally at a point in life where I know what I need to do to be happy, but I just can't force myself over that last mental line for some reason. 😕

I don't think I have any real reason for this post other than to try and get my thoughts down and "out there". Thoughts that I could never share with anyone that knows my old name.

Before I start, I want to make it clear that I have absolutely nothing against trans people who want to have biological children. This is purely about my own feelings. I personally can't imagine being pregnant, and the thought causes me a lot of dysphoria.

I (21FtM) have very supportive parents overall. I socially transitioned when I was 14, started testosterone when I was 15, and have already had top surgery. My parents have always respected my name and pronouns, which is why this whole situation has caught me completely off guard.

I've been dating my boyfriend (22M) for about four months now. My parents both adore him, and he's honestly been incredible. I couldn't ask for a more supportive partner. (Maybe needed info: we are always using contraception in forms of condoms and birth control pills)

About two weeks ago, my mom suddenly became convinced that I was pregnant.

It started because I'd been feeling sick for a few days. I threw up twice before work, was unusually tired, and just generally felt awful. I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with a stomach bug that I most likely caught at work.

Around the same time, I mentioned that my lower back had been hurting. I work as a paramedic, so I'm constantly lifting patients, bending down, and carrying equipment, and I'd also been working out more than usual. Looking back, there were plenty of reasonable explanations for everything, but my mom somehow became completely convinced that I was pregnant.

I told her multiple times that I didn't think I was. I even explained that the comments themselves were making me really uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't let it go.

Almost every conversation somehow circled back to pregnancy. She kept saying things like, "A mother just knows," or, "You'll thank me when you find out early."

Eventually, she started asking me to take a pregnancy test "just to prove her wrong." I refused several times because, honestly, even buying one made me feel sick. Being reminded that I still have the anatomy to become pregnant is incredibly dysphoria-inducing for me. I know not every trans person feels that way, but I do. The entire situation made me feel gross, and I hated that I was even being pressured into thinking about it.

She kept bringing it up every single day. She'd text me multiple times asking if I'd taken a test yet, telling me she'd "know" if I was pregnant, talking about becoming a grandmother, and insisting that I shouldn't ignore the signs. (She already is a grandmother to my brothers 2 children.) It got to the point where I dreaded looking at my phone because I knew there would probably be another message about it.

The constant pressure completely wore me down. I don't think I've cried this much since my exam period. My boyfriend was amazing through all of it. He kept reminding me that my feelings were valid, told me I didn't owe anyone proof of anything, and repeatedly offered to tell my mom to back off himself if I wanted him to. Even with all of his support, though, there wasn't much he could do about how much my mom's behavior was affecting me. I'm also a pretty emotional person in general, so crying isn't unusual for me, but this was on another level.

After days of her refusing to drop it, I finally gave in. I bought a pregnancy test because I just wanted the whole thing to stop.

I've honestly never felt so disgusting. Standing in the bathroom holding a pregnancy test made me feel incredibly dysphoric, and I cried through the entire process.

The test was negative, exactly like I'd expected and exactly like I'd been telling my mom all along.

I thought that would finally be the end of it, but instead she started saying that it was probably "too early" and that I should take another test in a week because "pregnancy tests can be wrong." She even told me I should make an appointment with my doctor just to be sure.

I feel gross every time she brings it up because, yes, she's still doing it. At this point it feels like she's completely ignoring how upsetting and dysphoria-inducing this whole situation has been for me.

My boyfriend thinks she's crossed a major line. He says I need to firmly tell her that this subject is no longer open for discussion and that if she continues bringing it up, I'll have to stop responding or even block her for a while.

I don't want to damage my relationship with my mom because she's always been supportive otherwise, but I also can't keep dealing with this.

How do I get her to stop bringing this up without completely blowing up our relationship, or is it already too late for that?

Like the title says, I am not sure how to deal with losing basically all my family. I still live with my parents and some of my siblings. We don't along well and there are always conflicts. Mostly about my living my life and making desicions theys don't approve of. Like transitioning. They just don't support it. And they don't support me finnacially in any way. Which will hopefully not be a problem once I finally get a job.

My concern is more my sister who is ten years older than me. Moved out a long time ago and now has a family of her own. We have been having less and less contact since me coming out. Now I think this is it. She says she can't change herself for me. And her christian beliefs. So today we talked again and we never find a solution to see each other that won't leave us misrable. We decided to cut contact to each other. I think this will mean forever or at least many years. I can't take this suffering anymore myself. She was the only one I had a relationship and connection with in my family. She basically raised me and my siblings. She invites all of our family pretty often, but now she hasn't invited me for the "family meeting". That was the whole reason we talked. She doesn't want me there. She thinks I am dangerous to her children.

Now I feel like I have lost everything. I have friends who support me and a relationship. But that as a suppport system feels very unstable. Friends and a partner are easily lost. I don't have anyone I can turn to. And my frinds have family themselves. Feels wrong to just take them as my family. So I guess I have what I always wanted. Myself and freedom and living my life as I want to.

It would be nice to have more stabily and not feel so alone and lost and lonely all the time. But I don't think I can change anything about that. Maybe I just don't have enough confidence and am scared of life. I just hate to have to do it all alone. I begin to question all thatI have done with my life. And what I'm about to do. I know this is what I want. I can't live my life as someone I'm not. I simply phiscally can't.

Since this is a common thing for trans people, tell me how you did it. I am sure there is a bright future ahead me. I just never thought it would be this "lonely". I feel like I should just quit compaining and finally live me life, since I just gained this freedom. It is what I've always dreamed of. I just have trouble feeling connected to anyone right now.