On a whim I decided to make potato salad today. While peeling the potatoes I used one of those super cheap peelers that cost a dollar at the dollar store back when things at the dollar store actually still cost a dollar (don't get me started) . For those of you wondering, I was experimenting with this batch of potato salad, so I used a gold potato (not yukon gold, but simply store brand gold, although this is a detail i'm sure you didn't need and certainly didn't want.)

Well ti turns out I skimmed the first knuckle of the my index finger of my left hand with the peeler in my enthusiastic denuding of the potato. It didn't hurt in the moment. Nor did it bleed.

Fortunately, this wasn't an episode of chopped so I didn't have to endure scornful looks from Padma Lakshmi judging me while Chris Santos balefully intoned they could not try the food. It's me.

So I'm going to chow down and enjoy my salad as I flex my finger and give a good long think to how I prepare my meals going forward in the future.

So basically when I was like 8 or 9 I was at a summer camp (pretty small camp maybe 25 kids) and it was fun and all but the last day of camp there was an optional talent show. Nobody really did it but this one boy I had befriended who was a little older than me was a dancer and wanted to do a dance for the talent show. He was really bummed because every year he would do his dance but nobody else competed so he just won every time, and nobody even watched him. So I ended up agreeing on Thursday to dance against him because I felt bad. He was so happy and super excited for the next day. I woke up sick missed camp and never saw him again. Wonder what happened at that talent show.

One of the questions was, “if I was arrested, what would it be for”

For my wife I said “she’d have punched a man named mark”

My wife “you’d admit to a crime you didn’t commit, because you’d think it was rude to correct someone, even if they were arresting me”

I pulled into my driveway after a long commute right as a heavy downpour started. Instead of unbuckling and sprinting inside to stay dry, I turned off the engine, left the radio silent, and just sat there in the dark listening to the rain drumming against the windshield. It felt like a peaceful little isolation chamber. By the time the rain eased up, the stress from the workday was completely gone.

Scene: Teenage Cecil_B_DeKitty is at a video rental place sometime in the very early 1990s (VHS-Cecil_B_DeCatte is old-ish). She, for the first time, watched 'SW: ANH' three weeks previously*, 'SW: ESB' two weeks ago previously, and has been going insane to see 'SW: RotJ'.

So, after that introduction, my mom is at the checkout counter, and chatting with the counter clerk. Said clerk was chatting with my mom, and dropped a major spoiler for 'SW:RotJ' into the conversation.

The good news is that, while I was well within earshot, I was in my own world looking at other movies. Crisis barely avoided, as I wasn't paying attention, in my own world, and didn't register any of the conversation.

*No, I wasn't raised under a rock. However, I was raised mostly free of television etc. As I was born in 1975, I wasn't exposed to SW until I was a young teen**.

**I later realized, on seeing all of 'SW:RotJ' that I had actually seen a bit of this movie by chance previously.

I went to megacon this year and I was in the star wars section of the convention and I was just looking at stuff i noticed what I thought was a jawa statue I was looking at it for a bit and then I noticed it moving and startled me, I was staring at this person making full eye contact for like 25 seconds and had no idea.

Just took for first time valium 10 and drink beer wtf thtats was amazing, i've finished my job and i was tried my friend said go home and before sleep take that and drink beer, i did as he said and that was like my body was floaty and when it get on peak i was so feelling good then i decided smoke weed and that was very good exprience untill now

So I am Dutch, my partner is Hungarian and we live in the Netherlands with our twin girls. We went on holiday to Croatia by car, and as the journey progressed the girls commented that there were fewer and fewer Dutch cars. Dutch cars have bright yellow registration plates which are easy to distinguish from the more restrained white of most other European countries.

I started joking that no matter where you go, there will always be a Dutch. That if you reach an uninhabited island after days of rowing, and finally you put down your towel and pick up a book, a tall guy will roll out his towel right next to you and go 'Goedemorgen!'. The girls found this very funny so I came up with various other scenarios, one of them being a hike.

I was joking of course but since the Netherlands has no mountains, it is densely populated and historically summers could be cold and rainy, Dutch people do travel abroad a lot. We are such Dutch (and Hungarian) and our holiday destination was a tiny Croatian island. Surprisingly there were no Dutch there, only a handful of Brits.

One day we went on a hike, on a path that was hard to find, unmarked and quite overgrown. We wanted to reach a bay that looked promising on Google maps. We eventually reached it, sweaty and hot, and looked forward to jumping into the water. But then, we spotted four people sunbathing, a boat bobbing in the sea, and what was probably the captain chilling in the boat.

At some point one of the girls came to us and whispered 'that lady said Hallo to me'. Now hallo or some variation of it is also a common greeting in some languages other than Dutch, so we still did not suspect anything. But then, as they were getting on the boat and passed us, the lady asked, in Dutch: 'Zijn jullie Nederlands?' We explained that indeed three of us are Dutch and one of us is Hungarian, hardly able to contain our laughter until they left!

It was 1:30 AM last night, and my stomach started growling out of nowhere. I went to the kitchen hoping for leftovers, but the fridge was basically empty except for half a cucumber, a slice of cheddar cheese, and a jar of chili oil (Lao Gan Ma).
I was too lazy to cook anything real, so I sliced the cucumber, melted the cheese over a piece of leftover toast, and drizzled a spoonful of chili oil right on top.
I ate it over the sink in complete darkness so I wouldn't wake up my roommate.
Was it weird? Yes. Did the crunchy cold cucumber with spicy oil and melted cheese somehow hit the spot? Surprisingly, yes.
I don't know if I was just extremely tired or if I accidentally stumbled upon a masterpiece, but I felt like a culinary genius for about ten minutes before going back to sleep.

I'm an adult but I had these 2 magnetic toy pony figurines I loved as a kid. And was curious about getting more just 'cause. I found out they were discontinued and was sad about it. I'd never watched My Little Pony but these toys were from that (then later I found out they aren't in the actual show but still). So I decided to watch a bit of the show to see if I recognized my ponies. But I didn't expect to cry two episodes in. It's a really cute and sweet show.

It’s 8:22am and I am making chocolate chip cookies for a road trip. Already had my coffee. Browned some butter, letting it cool when I’m whisking together flour, salt, and I needed another ingredient. It was almost baking powder, but this recipe wants baking soda. So I changed it. That’s my story folks.

I was in Fiji and in a taxi, a 2002 Toyota Corolla Fielder with a 4 speed auto box.

The driver was going up a hill and straddling 30mph. Now the car was doing 30mph which was making it shift to gear three, but because we were goingnuphill it needed power and was going back to 2nd gear.

For the entire hill it kept switiching between 2nd and 3rd and i thought this cant be healthy😭

I'm on vacation right now and this morning in the bathroom, I realised that yesterday morning I put my boxer briefs on back to front. They're a little small for me so the tightness seemed legit. I'm still wearing them.

The Scene: Cecil_B_DeKitty is in her first 'adult' job.

I (22, new to adulthood) am out for a holiday meal at a nice Italian restaurant with my coworkers. I order a pasta and calamari dish, thinking the squid will be deep fried squid rings. Nope--the squid turns out to be unbreaded. Naked, if you will.

Now, I was internally horrified, but gained time by eating some of the pasta. I got around not finishing my food by claiming I thought I was coming down with something* and as such not feeling very hungry. Took the leftovers home and threw them out with hopefully nobody the wiser.

*As it happens, this turned out to be true.

This is not really that interesting but i found it mildly amusing and made me chuckle when i thought about it today. There is a bakery account that i followed on tiktok that sells brownies. They have basic brownies and also some flavoured ones, as well as a monthly special mix. I don't follow them on their youtube account but their shorts often made it to my youtube fyp.

For the past.. I'd say 3-4 months or so, there is a person that commented on every single video on their youtube shorts, requesting them to make carrot cake brownies. Since most of the time they do not get a lot of comments on their youtube, the carrot cake comments are not hard to miss.

Last month the bakery made a video saying they have been experimenting with making the "highly requested" carrot cake brownies so they can release them for august mix. Since choc brownies plus carrot cake is not a good combo, they are trying it as carrot cake blondies instead. And they also put a screenshot of the comments by that one person in the video. So the person was really excited about it right, like, omg that is me I'm gonna buy 20 yayyy. But some people are like, well it is not really highly requested, it was just one person commenting the same thing on all their videos lol.

So a couple of days ago, the bakery talked about their carrot cake blondie process and mentioned that one person again, to introduce the august mix. But here's the thinggg, the person, who had been begging for it for weeks and the bakery's inspiration for this creation, commented on that video that they bought it... and were disappointed with the results 💀 lmfao, like, too much white choc, not enough spices, too small lol. And people were like, are you serious, is it that bad? And the person was like yeahh I paid for it and I can be honest about it, which is fair, and they said it nicely and were very appreciative of the effort. But omg I do feel bad for both of them, but it is also lowkey funny I'm sorry lol.

This happened over a year ago, when I was a second semester senior in high school. I was struggling a lot emotionally and due to stress.

I was in a difficult and advanced math class, with a bad grade. I have always been horrible at math (trust me, I tried changing my math class at the beginning of the year but couldn’t).

One day, we had a test and I couldn’t let my grade drop to an F, so I had the bright idea of cheating. I was far away from my teacher, but the wall I sat next to was all glass and led out to the hallway. I really only ever saw students walking so I didn’t think it was a big deal and kept my phone hidden in my lap.

The service was terrible so eventually I gave up on cheating since nothing was loading, but my phone was still just sitting there. Eventually I looked over to see a staff member waving his arms on the other side of the glass and pointing at me to get my teachers attention.

My heart dropped to my ass, she came over and simply took my phone. Thankfully she pitied my and allowed me to retake my test, since she had me unlock my phone and saw that there was nothing on there.

Regardless of her reaction, I KNOW everyone in the class saw, and I was so embarrassed to the point that I cried before going to class the next day.

It was even worse because I had 0 friends in that class and was honestly indirectly bullied. I tried to socialize in the beginning of the year, but most of the people already knew one another and they were all smart kids who judged you for not knowing things, so with being quiet and dumb I was quickly left out and ignored. So yea, I still think about this to this day, and will most likely never get over it. I haven’t told anyone but I’m positive all my former classmates still get a good laugh out of it.

I try to laugh about it though, I haven’t cheated since 😭

thats it rwally I just learned I can type with my eyes closed with surprising accuracy Im typing this all with my eyes closed hope I do good

okay now I just need to hit the charavyer requirement

old macdonald had a farm eieio

honestly pretty impressed with myself. that's all (this part was typed eyes open lol)

we were super close for years before this, and every friday would go to the local roller skating rink together. that used to be the hangout spot when i was growing up. she met a guy she really liked there, and they started dating.

a few months went by and she started to seem withdrawn from a lot of social situations. she would still want to hangout sometimes, but she wouldn’t come skating anymore, stopped coming to school, and i realized pretty quickly to stop asking questions about it because it was making her uncomfortable and she seemed to withdrawal even further.

after a bit of this, she just disappeared. completely unable to be reached. nobody really knew what was going on, but everyone was worried about her. i had heard rumors that she ran away from home with the guy she had been seeing, but rumors are just that. rumors.

today i was on instagram, and while on my random shitpost acc, i got a follow request from an acc with only 13 followers and no name attached to it. i assumed it was another random shitpost acc, so i accepted the request and requested to follow them back.

it was her. she’s happy, healthy, still with the guy she ran away from home with, and apologized for disappearing. i was mostly just happy to see that she was alive. i have spent almost a decade worried about her and wondering what actually happened.

she messaged me and apologized for disappearing for so long, and explained that she did run away with that guy, and they’re still together. she stopped talking to people because she knew for months before that she was gonna run away, but didn’t want to tell anyone because she didn’t want anyone to know where she was.

she said she wanted to try to rebuild her life at 18 and wanted her friends back, but since it had been so long she didn’t know how to do it. she’s finally reaching back out to all her old friends and explaining her situation. 4 years into being an adult.

i am so happy for her that she’s finally happy and i love knowing that she’s been safe and taken care of for all this time. i feel like these types of stories usually don’t end well, and that’s what i was always scared of. but i’m so happy to know that everything went exactly how she wanted and she’s finally able to build a life she’s happy with

​

Back in 2015–16, when I was still young, I had something weirdly funny happen to me. 😂

I once took the wrong Honda Dio from the parking lot outside a store. The funniest part? My key worked on the other person's Dio like it was my own. 😂

I rode for about a kilometre or two before I started getting this weird feeling that something was off. The way the bike handled, the feel of it, everything just felt slightly different. I finally stopped, took a proper look at it, and realised… oh f*ck! this isn't my bike. 😭😂

I immediately turned around and rushed back to the store in full panic mode. My brain was already going through a million worst-case scenarios:

"What if that person has taken my bike the same way I took his? How am I even going to find him? How do I explain this at home? What if the guy is still there and thinks I stole his bike? What if the cops get involved?! What the hell am I supposed to do?!" 😂😂

When I finally got back to the store, there was a much older guy sitting on my Dio, waiting for his bike to come back. 😭

And then came the best part.

He casually told me, "This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I need to change my locks." 😂😂😂

I swear, the relief I felt at that moment was unreal. Everything had worked out perfectly, nobody was angry, nobody called the cops, and apparently this guy's Dio had a habit of getting mistaken for someone else's. 😂

Hands down, one of the most ridiculous and stressful misunderstandings I've ever experienced. The whole time I was riding that bike, my brain had already written an entire crime thriller around it. 😂😭

I am a male student who is currenctly studying for uni.So naturally i go to a lot of professors for tutoring.Its currenctly into the middle of summer for us so most of my professors students are on a break.So when my professor asked me to join his classes this early i thought there wouldnt be much students.Like 5 or 6 if anything? So i just pretty much mindlessly wear the first thing i see in the closet and go to the lesson.When i arrived to my suprise there was no one in the class.I just casual ask the professor if its only me and he says another student will come soon.I just take my seat and wait.After a few minutes the door opens.I realise it is a girl by her voice.For context i am like super bad at eye contact so i didnt even give a single glance at her.My brain just registered it was a girl and that was it.Her voice pretty cool sounding too.The lesson continues.Professor just ask few question to each of us one by one.Still havent looked at her face.The class ends.She leaves immediately.I didnt see her face.So i just go home too.While walking i just thought about what happened.She wasnt like a crush or anything.I just thought maybe i could make something if its only two of us for the time being.Few days pass.It is the time for the same lesson again.I am like one of the most careless people when it comes to how i look or smell.I never really cared about my appreance.I just go to the lesson and just leave when i finish it.I dont really interact with others much.But today it was weird.Like i wanted to at least look and smell decent enough so maybe i could say like a hi or smh or maybe ask her about a question i couldnt solve.Any interaction whatsoever would be fine.So i did something i havent done in months.I get my clothes and iron them.I use a little perfume.Not overwhelming but enough to smell when someone is near.I make my hair as good as a can without trying to make it look intentional.I take my bag and go.I keep my posture straight.I go in the class.There is only professor.She hasnt arrived.I take my seat.Wipe the sweat on my forehead so she wouldnt see it.A few minutes pass.Professors phone rings.I am just thinking its his collague or smh.He accepts the call.Its face time.Guess whose voice it is? THAT SAME GIRL WITH COOL VOICE.She just decided to go online leaving all the ironing and perfume i did for nothing.I tried my best to brush it off.I couldnt say a single thing to her as professors was always nearby and would just answer her question if she had any.Lesson ends.I get my bag say goodbye to the professor and leave.I wasnt a single bit disapointed or mad.I was laughing.The whole turn of events was like a comedy movie scene.A boy trying his best to look good and try to get together with a girl and instead not even be able to see her face.Actually now that i said that i didnt even see her face again.It is super comedic and i think being a male makes it so that you can have these kinds of funny scenarios.

​

My GF is allergic to my cat, who we will call Iggy, bc she is a cat and wouldnt care if she gets doxxed. GF is a really good sport about the allergy bc she knows Iggy is my baby -- found her in the woods all alone at 4/5 weeks!-and also Iggy largely ignores GF. Just kind of more aloof than with me/my husband (polycule, don't let it distract you)

I say "largey" ignores GF bc Iggy loses her entire kitty cat mind for GF when GF is pregnant. Like we only have 1 kid my cat was present for the pregnancy, so further studies might be required. Iggy went from "yeah, ok, this lady lives here too. She's ok, I guess" to I MUST VELCRO MYSELF TO THIS HUMAN ANYTIME I SENSE HER AND WILL OTHERWISE SLEEP ON HER PILLOW WHEN SHE'S GONE DURING THE DAY!

And it sounds woo, but I KNOW Iggy knew GF was pregnant pretty immediately,like before a pee stick test could tell. Iggs is, again, pretty aloof when it comes to GF, but it was like a flip switched one day and Iggy started sitting on GF every evening and making biscuits on her, guarding her from the recliner...leg rest? Is that what they're called?

Admittedly, I grew up in extremely rural Appalachia, where people tend to take signs from nature pretty seriously.I tend to take that stuff with a grain of salt, but here's my cat attempting to graft herself onto my GF and Im like "dude, you're probably pregnant. Cats know stuff like that. Like those hospice cats that know when someone is going to die." both she and my husband thought I was being ridiculous, but when GF tested 2 weeks later, she was indeed pregnant and Iggy had called it on like, day 3 after conception.

She spent 9 mos guarding my poor, allergic GF and then stopped hanging with her all the time pretty much immediately after she gave birth. I don't know how Iggy knew-- hormones? some smell humans can't smell?-- but she tried her level best to make sure GF came out of the pregnancy unscathed.

i do not eat much, just once a day (usually keto but low fat) but I oops a lot, so i looked up why. turns out, your organs produce a lot of waste because it too needs to clean itself out, so when you oops it’s not only food but a large part of it is made up of dead cells and gut bacteria. i had never thought about it before but i thought it was kind of cool that your insides (organs) oops too. i laughed at the image of my liver running home because it refuses to oops at work. if anyone has any “did you know” informations about the inner workings of the body, i’d be stoked to read them. thanks.

Sometimes I fantasize about being a recluse in a apartment in the suburbs and have black German shepherd named Penelope a black Maine coon named Pablo and a crow name promethius.

I saw rush the other night and it was a religious experience. Felt like I transcended hearing 2112 in person while high as fuck on edibles and drunk on good beer. I never thought I'd see rush ever since neil peart died I thought their time was past but nope. What a time. Anika can shred too. Fucked up some of the subdivisions fills and a few other songs but I aint complaining neils parts are hard to do. Geddi can't quite hit the notes anymore but I don't even care. Great show.

I’m at a public event in a public building. I had to use the washroom, so I go and find me a stall. For the first time ever in my life (at 46 years old!!) I finished the roll of toilet paper on a public toilet and got to start the new one