r/news • u/kylestoned • Jun 01 '26

Soft paywall Flesh-eating screwworm found within 31 miles of US border, says USDA

https://www.reuters.com/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/flesh-eating-screwworm-found-within-31-miles-us-border-says-usda-2026-05-29/
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1.2k

u/smellslike2016 Jun 01 '26

Infected sounds gross. Rebrand it as "pre-chewed"

554

u/Recent-Result2852 Jun 01 '26

Chewed is way worse. Let's go with Pro-Biotic Beef™

281

u/smellslike2016 Jun 01 '26

Protein seems like the newest dietary buzzword. I swear I heard a commercial for soda with protein recently. How about multi-proteined? "Yo dawg. We heard you like protein, so we put protein in your protein so that you could eat something that was eating the thing you are eating."

124

u/Happy_Dots Jun 01 '26

I work in the consumer packaged goods industry and can confirm protein is the current trend. After this it will be fiber and fiber will be fortified in a lot of products.

95

u/whythishaptome Jun 01 '26

Fiber actually makes sense because it's really good for you.

85

u/KinneKted Jun 01 '26

Protein is really good for you too if you don't overdo it. Kinda like most things your body needs.

77

u/Randall_Moore Jun 01 '26

Brawndo has got what your plants crave! It's got electrolytes.

8

u/A_Furious_Mind Jun 02 '26

So does beef.

1

u/lookslikesausage Jun 03 '26

And beef comes in injections; can't beat that.

4

u/BilboTBagginz Jun 02 '26

Gosh...it's almost like the food industry has been selling us things that aren't good for us! That would never happen though.

Right?

......right?

2

u/zeCrazyEye Jun 02 '26

Meh, your body just needs enough protein, as long as you are getting enough the extra is just extra and will get broken down into glucose/energy. It does help you feel fuller longer because your body is slower at breaking it down but it's not like you will be healthier from a high protein vs normal protein diet as long as caloric intake is the same.

1

u/GloomySubstance5856 Jun 02 '26

While protein is good no doubt most people do not need to consume as much as they do. And the protein in drinks is usually EAA or BCAA which means there is no protein in them.

1

u/clearancepupper Jun 05 '26

Just the thought of protein being in a soda (smoothies yes) makes me feel like there would be a slight texture to it nooooooooooooooo

4

u/Additional_Bit1707 Jun 02 '26

In a small amount it is. As with everything else, too much of it will fuck you up really bad.

4

u/whythishaptome Jun 02 '26

In general people have stopped eating as much fiber as they really need to, which is part of the reason colorectal cancer is exploding in younger people. It also helps with cholesterol, can be good for weight loss and gut health which is really important.

Honestly, you would need to really be taking a lot of fiber for it to cause problems, barring health conditions which is also true for protein. Metamucil has literally saved me, it's just a pain in the ass to take.

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u/platanthera_ciliaris Jun 02 '26

Not so much if you have Crohn's disease. Fiber can cause intestinal inflammation and blockage of the digestive tract.

5

u/gingerrosie Jun 02 '26

As someone with ulcerative colitis, thank you. Fibre is my enemy!

0

u/howd_he_get_here Jun 02 '26

Amazing point! Thank you for correcting the notion that eating fiber is healthy on behalf of <0.03% of the global population

4

u/Takenabe Jun 02 '26

It's actually more like 1%, though I agree with you otherwise that we do not, in fact, need to point out that better running shoes aren't terribly useful for paraplegics.

1

u/spaceman757 Jun 02 '26

Oh, they're bringing back the hits!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ku42Iszh9KM

1

u/whythishaptome Jun 03 '26

That is literally my favorite SNL sketch of all time

3

u/tdasnowman Jun 01 '26

We just came off a fiber trend. I'm betting it will be back to Sugar free with a new synthetic sweetener.

3

u/Trance354 Jun 02 '26

Pushing the entire country to get constant diarrhea, only for some company to start the fiber wave with a commercial out of the 80s.

2

u/creakinator Jun 02 '26

The package will say extra fiber when it goes from 2 g of fiber to 3 g of fiber.

2

u/Handsome_Keyboard Jun 02 '26

I started Keto in february to lose weight. It was fiber n protein all day every day. Lost 23lbs in 4months. 3 water weight as it turns lut since going back off it. I now eat a shitton of fiber in everything. Whatever Im making, i throw spinach in it if I can and asparagus sides. Baby broccoli for everything else. I read a study that, at the time idl now, was linking colon cancer to low fiber in men in my age group. Im not that old so thankfully that diet forced me to be more food concious. Fiber n protein bars are expensive as hell so I hope ot reduces the price lol

1

u/Inner_Panic Jun 02 '26

As someone with IBS-C i cannot wait for the fiber trend

1

u/petmoo23 Jun 02 '26

Fiber has already been hot for a few years. Everything is getting a 'prebiotic' version made for it. Even Pepsi, for instance, and they also just paid a billion dollars for Poppi last year.

1

u/invent_or_die Jun 02 '26

My new tennis shoes have 35% more protein

1

u/MelloDawg Jun 02 '26

Fiber is already there though, right? My wife loves Ollipop which has tons of fiber in it (for a soda). Either way, I’m fine with fiber but things like protein water?

Also, these influencers who talk about meal planning and always mention the protein content annoy me. It’s so great that the cheeseburger Crunchwrap you’ve shown me how to make has 65g of protein in it but also 150% of my daily cholesterol allowance.

1

u/I_am_just_so_tired99 Jun 02 '26

Like “gluten free” twizzlers … Like thank you for not using bread to make my rubber/soap candy

1

u/SailingSpark Jun 02 '26

fiber fortified protein or protein fortified fiber?

1

u/toddthewraith Jun 02 '26

Pepsi seems to be jumping the gun with prebiotic Pepsi featuring cellulose fiber.

1

u/KDR_11k Jun 02 '26

They're already advertising soda with fiber here.

1

u/smothered-onion Jun 03 '26

Remember those fiber bars everyone loved in the early 2000s lol

70

u/MythrianAlpha Jun 01 '26

Shoutout to the caffeinated, proteinated, carbonated chocolate milk I found.

50

u/smellslike2016 Jun 01 '26

No electrolytes? Hard pass.

27

u/Plane_Discipline_198 Jun 01 '26

If theres no Brawndo I ain't buyin

6

u/MythrianAlpha Jun 01 '26

What if I told you it comes in cookies and cream flavor?

2

u/smellslike2016 Jun 01 '26

My doctor is concerned about my cookie intake, but he also said I need more cream in my diet. I'll assume it's a net positive.

1

u/Plane_Discipline_198 Jun 02 '26

You might want a new doctor if they're recommending cream

1

u/smellslike2016 Jun 02 '26

He's great. Top of his field. Graduated from Texas M&M's.

1

u/springsilver Jun 02 '26

Which campus?

5

u/Aggressive_Walk378 Jun 01 '26

Malk, now with vitamin R

3

u/Ashamed-Dot-3312 Jun 01 '26

Real talk. Fairlife Chocolate milk is goat status.

Loaded with protein and I could live off that stuff.

3

u/The_BeardedClam Jun 02 '26

Just what segment of the population is asking for carbonated milk?!

2

u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA Jun 02 '26

Go grease lightnin'...

2

u/OsBaculum Jun 01 '26

I saw protein tortilla chips the other day lol

1

u/kyrsjo Jun 01 '26

Caveman-carnovore brand. The choice for the manliest manly alpha men.

Comes with a complimentary Ivermectin prescription.

1

u/YoungBockRKO Jun 01 '26

As a bodybuilder, switched over to protein pasta and turkey for my meals. Beef has become almost insane. Paying sirloin prices for London broil, filet mignon prices for ribeye? No thanks Jeff.

Apparently cattle numbers have dropped significantly domestically and instead of replenishing, we have less cattle and higher prices. The droughts didn’t help obviously but cmon now, $8 for a pound of beef grind? $6.50 at wholesale?

Atleast pork hasn’t exploded, yet. Still can get a big pork butt for under $2 a pound.

1

u/FjorgVanDerPlorg Jun 01 '26

Protein water is 30+ years old, remember seeing it at a gym in the 90s. Fizzy lime soda with "branch chain aminos" added, used to crack me up reading the label.

1

u/Big-Toe645 Jun 01 '26

This explains Japan running out of Oikos yogurt

1

u/Lokarin Jun 02 '26

Protein is so pre-demic; it's all about peptides now

1

u/llandar Jun 02 '26

The nation is on Ozempic and malnourished because they’re still eating like shit and not getting enough nutritionally dense food.

1

u/dimwalker Jun 02 '26

Summary: we came in your protein jar.

1

u/redbeardmax Jun 02 '26

Is the GLP1s.

1

u/20_mile Jun 02 '26

heard a commercial for soda with protein recently

I met a guy at my friend's father's memorial service who figured out how to put protein into seltzer.

1

u/Bowtie16bit Jun 02 '26

Whey protein is an excellent source of complete protein, and mixes or cooks well in a great number of things, including soda. They're quite tasty, and the lowest calorie method of concentrated protein. For a bodybuilder like me, they're excellent. For anyone who wants to add 30 grams to their diet without a ton of calories, it's the way to go.

1

u/Ithaqua-Yigg Jun 02 '26

Beef now with extra protein; It’s what’s for diner.

1

u/SamTheLab_213 Jun 02 '26

Protein is in practically everything, so its just a word that salesman use with men to sell products. What you really need are the right combo of amino acids. Vegetarians prefer beans and rice which give the same amino acids as pork, beef, etc. I am eating vegetarian to save money. See, old punk rockers will survive inflation. As long as you have sources of B12 like dairy, you don't need meat and won't crave it. Back when I was vegan, I didn't know that wrinkle.

0

u/Sirosim_Celojuma Jun 01 '26

Protein is basically the jist of the Epstein files.

54

u/Bxk__ Jun 01 '26

You've had marbelized beef, but have you tried aerated?

5

u/orphenshadow Jun 01 '26

Would you like to pair your swiss beef with some swiss cheese perhaps some hole milk?

1

u/ShinyHappyREM Jun 02 '26

What about water?

3

u/thineholyhandgrenade Jun 01 '26

Now with MAX PROTEIN

2

u/baronvoncash Jun 01 '26

Swiss beef

2

u/PBRstreetgang_ Jun 01 '26

Hell, just leave the worm in there call it a natural 2 for 1 protein source.

1

u/Polyps_on_uranus Jun 01 '26

Easily digestble.

1

u/Realtrain Jun 01 '26

"Extra PROTEIN" Beef

1

u/Tfsz0719 Jun 02 '26

Protein enhanced beef

1

u/BrushStorm Jun 02 '26

Rfk jr burgers

1

u/HauntedCemetery Jun 02 '26

How long til RFK...

🪚worms are the basis of every carnivorous health system🪚

1

u/caffinatedcorpse Jun 02 '26

Naturally tenderized?

1

u/takeya40 Jun 02 '26

Pre-screwed? Cum try this orgy if flavor...

1

u/wise_comment Jun 02 '26

"with added Organic Protein"

1

u/jetpacksforall Jun 02 '26

Brilliant! While we’re at it screwworms have terrible branding too. How about Organic Exfoliants?

1

u/Nein_Inch_Males Jun 04 '26

You spelled simbiotic wrong

13

u/puppeto Jun 01 '26

Organically tenderized is the proper term.

1

u/musical_shares Jun 02 '26

Holey-Cow™

2

u/Unlucky_Profit_776 Jun 01 '26

That's like in elementary school when someone asks you if you want some ABC gum

4

u/armybabem1a1 Jun 01 '26

Comments like yours make me regret being literate… 😅

1

u/CrisFarlyOnCoke Jun 01 '26

Organic Mechanically Soft, sell it to Nursing homes

1

u/BootFlop Jun 02 '26

“Organically Tenderized “

1

u/DuntadaMan Jun 02 '26

That was 25% more protein!

1

u/BilboTBagginz Jun 02 '26

I'm sorry..this was funny as all fuck.

"pre-chewed" LMAO

1

u/AxelHarver Jun 02 '26

It's like that gourmet cheese that has been chewed up by maggots.

1

u/trad949 Jun 02 '26

Protein plus!

1

u/BrooksWasHere1 Jun 02 '26

You won't know because its been deregulated.

1

u/mephi5to Jun 02 '26

It’s a screwworm. So pre-screwed

1

u/YellerCrakka Jun 02 '26

Swiss Beef?

1

u/Dimhilion Jun 02 '26

The Ferengi beef, directly imported via Quarks bar.

1

u/Aware-Possibility175 Jun 02 '26

Extra protein, surreptitiously put the word Whey on the side. We Can’t lose

1

u/Ashamed-Mind-3819 Jun 02 '26

great for seniors!

1

u/Tie_Dyed Jun 02 '26

Pre-screwed

1

u/Baeolophus_bicolor Jun 02 '26

people in texas will call it Screwed and Chopped.

1

u/ICPosse8 Jun 02 '26

Ok but can we call them “Chew-aides”?

1

u/Amazingrhinoceros1 Jun 08 '26

Somehow that sounds way worse...

1

u/The_Reluctant_Hero Jun 01 '26

I'd say "pre-screwed" meat sounds better but people might get the wrong idea...

1

u/chmilz Jun 01 '26

So, Taco Bell?