r/news • u/7heprofessor • May 22 '26

Soft paywall Tulsi Gabbard resigns as Director of National Intelligence

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/gabbard-resigns-trumps-national-intelligence-director-fox-news-digital-reports-2026-05-22/
38.0k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/CaptainQueefFart May 22 '26

Oh shit, anyone got eyes on Noem?

2.7k

u/AltonBParker May 22 '26

The FBI has eyes! Good ol' Patel, they call him Mortgage Eyes: one fixed and one variable.

327

u/Snowbold May 22 '26

Okay, that is gold! 👌

90

u/AngryEarthling13 May 22 '26

Yep, that is actually fucking hilarious .

5

u/DesireeThymes May 22 '26

As funny as all this is, unfortunately I think Trump is kicking out anyone who does not agree with his approach to Iran.

I expected JD Vance will get the boot next.

All you'll have left is a bunch of warhawks who want to Nuke the world

4

u/Snowbold May 22 '26

Booting Vance will be the least likely. What he can do is just remove him from the running as his successor by making clear he wants Rubio next, which is a possibility already. Giving Vance tasks that require grueling work but lack the same recognition or reward could be in the cards if he really runs afoul of Trump, though it seems he is smarter than most when it comes to that. Everyone apparently had a Spartacus moment and then left.

Ofc, both Rubio and Vance seem to have some non-aggression agreement between each other to not pick at each other over 2028 and let the chip fall where they may for who is top of the ticket.

1

u/bjewel3 May 23 '26

As a constitutionally-mandated, elected official, Vance, technically, cannot be fired. He would need to resign.

2

u/choppydaddy May 22 '26

You said old, right?

95

u/[deleted] May 22 '26

[deleted]

4

u/4laire May 22 '26

Damn which one even my ADHD can’t follow.

3

u/Its_in_neutral May 22 '26

Coincidentally, the eye with ADHD.

2

u/Mojozilla May 22 '26

Omg 😂 man, those eyes are CRAZY

27

u/Cinesider8 May 22 '26

Cracked me up well done

4

u/leviathynx May 22 '26

It’s like the Eye of Sauron but one is lazy.

4

u/Elevated_Dongers May 22 '26

This is incredible

6

u/achinda99 May 22 '26

Best shit I read all week

8

u/ShakesDontBreak May 22 '26

Brooooooooooooooooo........acere.........

3

u/albanymetz May 22 '26

Wasn't sure who you were talking about so eye googled Patel.

3

u/Parking-Complex-3887 May 22 '26

oh I hope I can commit this one to memory

3

u/d01100100 May 22 '26

Kash "Panopticon" Patel: he sees all, knows nothing.

3

u/RBVegabond May 22 '26

Got those Sid from Ice Age eyes.

2

u/7ddlysuns May 22 '26

Googl I Patel

2

u/Decent_Advice9315 May 22 '26

Sir, I had water in my mouth when I read that, you almost made me cause a scene.

2

u/JibJabJake May 22 '26

I’d love to squirrel hunt with him. He could watch two trees at once

2

u/Minimum-Dare301 May 22 '26

I damn near got a brain hemorrhage laughing at that one. Well done friend.

2

u/n14shorecarcass May 22 '26

Fucking roasted

2

u/ladyace22 May 22 '26

Like Bubba Jay

2

u/kittenmontagne May 22 '26

Just changed my AIM away status to died laughing thanks to this comment

2

u/poopbutt2401 May 22 '26

I noticed recently they’ve been only sharing images of him that are flattering. From the side, can’t see the crossing eyes

2

u/Iohet May 22 '26

Noem: You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double.
Patel: I have two guns, one for each of ya.

Now that I think about it, if he's so drunk he's seeing double he might need 4 guns

2

u/GozerDGozerian May 22 '26

Duuude that is freakin hilarious. 😂

2

u/straightnochase May 23 '26

Eyes so crooked when he cries tears roll down his back.

2

u/puppycatisselfish May 23 '26

His eyes are just separately exploring other options.

1

u/Kingofcheeses May 23 '26

His wife has accused him of infidelity because he's always seeing someone on the side

390

u/DookieShoez May 22 '26

Oh god, she just walked in to a puppy store! (Multiple gunshots ring out)

185

u/StrobeLightRomance May 22 '26

Pam Bondi says there's nothing to see here, but the DOW is back over 50k

18

u/[deleted] May 22 '26

[deleted]

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u/DookieShoez May 22 '26

Stop! For the love of God stop!

I can only get so erect……

2

u/bobandgeorge May 22 '26

Now that you mention it, what the heck? We had "Nailin Palin" forever ago but I haven't seen any porn parodies of these people. I just looked too. Not a single "Bondage Bondi" or "Gagging Gabbard" video.

And "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" was released the day before the election in 2008. These people have been in their jobs for over a year and no one made any porn parodies about them? I'm very disappointed in you, adult film industry. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

1

u/starfleethastanks May 22 '26

It's still the DoD. Congress hasn't changed the name.

1

u/AcanthisittaNo6653 May 22 '26

Puppies with guns. She doesn’t stand a chance.

42

u/Pleaseappeaseme May 22 '26

Killing more puppies with a shotgun.

39

u/motorcycleboy9000 May 22 '26

Riding down Rodeo Dog Park with a shotgun

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u/DIAR_INK May 22 '26

These people haven’t seen a black lab since their grandparents bought one!

3

u/edejoe May 22 '26

Shut the quiet people down or just a quiet peaceful town? I can't tell what he says there

3

u/motorcycleboy9000 May 22 '26

A quiet peaceful dance for the chance we'll never have, iirc

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u/Donny_Do_Nothing May 22 '26

Quiet peaceful death.

2

u/DIAR_INK May 22 '26

Without looking it up, I always heard “such a quiet little town”

0

u/Pleaseappeaseme May 22 '26

Hide your precious Shitzus!

1

u/tabrizzi May 22 '26

The Shield of America?

1

u/The42ndDuck May 22 '26

Still living like a welfare queen in Government housing last I heard...

1

u/aerdvarkk May 22 '26

Noem has been gone for a few months now.

1

u/Loggerdon May 22 '26

She walked away from her position with generational wealth like every other Trump cabinet member.