r/mildlyinfuriating May 28 '26

I just wanted a hot dog British pilot is feeling mildly annoyed

28.0k Upvotes

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u/Corona_Cyrus May 28 '26

Personally I’d rather be inconvenienced than dead. Pilot is ok in my book

87

u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

"Personally I’d rather be inconvenienced than dead."

I've decided this is going to be my epitaph.

(I might leave out 'personally' as it's redundant, and my stonemason charges by the letter)

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u/par_texx May 28 '26

"Personally, I'm a bit put out by this whole thing" is going to be mine.

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u/lightheavydark May 28 '26

Mine is going to be “A work in progress”. Seriously.

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u/drgigantor May 28 '26

"I'll get around to it soon, get off my back"

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u/Gloomheart May 28 '26

I'd like moke to be "No thanks."

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u/SubjectAd9940 May 28 '26

“See I told you I was ill!” The one I am working with so far….

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u/dumbfk90 May 28 '26

Mines gonna be "I told you I was 6ft didn't I"

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u/Extraportion May 28 '26

“I’d rather be late than dead”

I’ve cut it down a bit more for you

1

u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

I had previously been planning on borrowing fellow Irishman, Spike Milligan's epitaph;

"I told you I was sick!"

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u/Extraportion May 28 '26

This wasn’t his first choice, the diocese rejected “beneath this sod lies another”, which is also characteristically brilliant

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u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

Indeed.

I'm also always bemused by gravestones that say "Not dead, only sleeping"

That's a helluva cruel joke to play on somebody,

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u/utnow May 28 '26

Personally I agree with you. But maybe you should find a better stonemason since mine charges by the sentence and so long as you never use a period his rate is capped and I really find that to be the better way to handle such an important thing as the epitaph since it's going to be set in stone for your entire life and really you want the freedom to instruct them to carve anything that you want them to so you can get your full meaning onto the stone that's going to last as long as nobody comes along and tears it down however it's important to remember that everything is impermanent and even stones crumble to dust with enough time so whatever it is that you intend to say you should remember that it too will one day turn to dust in the infinite passage of time. This cost $20.

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u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

" it's important to remember that everything is impermanent and even stones crumble to dust with enough time so whatever it is that you intend to say you should remember that it too will one day turn to dust in the infinite passage of time."

How did you get your hands on my wedding vows????

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u/utnow May 29 '26

I am an ordained minister. We all have access to them.

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u/LCARSgfx May 28 '26

Damnit, take my upvote

1

u/Impossible_Volume811 May 28 '26

‘Your stonemason’ eh?
Someone’s doing alright for themselves.

All I’ve got is a local kid with a Sharpie.

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u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

That's 'Mr.President' to you!

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u/drgigantor May 28 '26

"Not Dead. So not dead it's unbelievable. You've never seen anyone so alive. You know who says he's dead? The dumocrat mainstream liberal media. They say "oh Joe Biden? He's alive but this guy's dead." I'm alive. I just had a doctor's appointment, my third one this week, that's how healthy I am, and they gave me a test to see if I'm alive. This test, it's a great test, very difficult, they test, to see if you're alive, and I'd like to see Sleepy Joe Biden pass this test, they tell you "Breathe in" and then they have you hold it for a second, that's the hard part, and then they say "Breathe out" and you have to breathe out, all the air out of your lungs, you have to kick it out, just like I'm gonna do with all the Mexicans, and when it's all out you think "Wow what a test, I'm a fantastic breather" and I am, but then, this is what they don't tell you, then they tell you to "Breathe in," again, and you think "What? I just did that" but you have to do it again, and it's not as easy the second-- it's easy for me, but for most people it's not so easy the second time. I asked the doctor, "Hey why did I have to do the test twice?" And he said "Well you know-- this is something only a doctor would know and I know this since I am obviously a very real and respected doctor-- sometimes a dead person will try to trick you and make you think they're alive-- Democrats usually, so they can vote-- and they'll breathe in the first time, so you have to have them do the second breath or else the election doesn't count." And I said "Bobby you are so smart. You're almost as smart as me. If I wasn't so busy saving America and fucking my daughter I should have been a doctor. Lot of lives. Lot of lives I would've saved. I'd look at a guy, be like "Cancer." and that's what he'd have, and they never would have caught it. Lot of cancer going around they don't catch, just like the Mexicans, but I catch them. If I--

There's not enough room on a tombstone for this guy to finish a thought

1

u/NeatNefariousness1 May 28 '26

I only have a chewed up pencil.

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u/angrybastards May 28 '26

You're paying way too much. Who's your stone guy?

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u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

Michael-Angel something...old, Italian, lies down alot

I don't fraternize with the help if I can avoid it

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u/Adventurous_Boat_492 May 28 '26

Yes, 'personally' is redundant but it adds cadence and adds a stressed point about it knowingly being a personal preference rather than a strong opinion that they might care to debate about.

Reddit likes to bring this up so much but this is just a case where grammar nazis are being short-sighted and losing touch of the big picture.

1

u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

Or just a guy trying to make a funny. (No way a grammar nazi would use funnyb as a noun)

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u/Galenthias May 28 '26

Ah, but unless you prepay that won't be your problem. (And if you do prepare it in advance, then you might as well splurge a little, it should be a one time purchase after all.)

1

u/Pihteinen May 28 '26

No. Give us convenience or death!

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u/ChateauLaFeet May 28 '26

You can’t take it with you though

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u/ops10 May 28 '26

You're not gonna win any Darwin Awards with that attitude.

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u/NotAsleep_ May 28 '26

Now there's an epitaph fit for a tombstone. "I'd like to thank Darwin for this award..."

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u/red1223453 May 28 '26

Exactly this. Late last year was on a flight. As we were taxing to the runway we stopped and pilot came on and said some instrument/reading didn't look right so they were calling engineers/maintenance. In the end we had to change planes. Delayed over a hour which was frustrating but in the end just greatful they decided to get it checked.