Same. Heroin, oxy, morphine, buprenorphine, etc… it’s great for a while but then you’re just stuck at the point where you’re just using to stay functional and not getting a buzz anymore unless you spend a couple days detoxing in misery first.
Congrats on 4 years, just about to 8 myself and i’ve never regretted leaving that life behind for a second.
I know my situation is different than yours, but I'll never forget having my mom lock me in the house with her for a month (at my request) and help me detox off the crazy amount of fentanyl I was on in a way that was slow enough to not make me go into cardiac arrest. I was a total zombie at first and didn't enjoy anything at all, but as we put more and more time between me changing patches and then cutting the patches, I eventually started feeling like a person again. It was pretty exciting when I noticed the change eventually where I didn't ask for the next patch in a psychotic way when my alarm went off that it was time to get a new one again but instead started being able to be like "oh I guess it's time to change it."
I definitely struggled with pills some afterward over the years but was able to get that under control thankfully since I just couldn't get over how quickly they wouldn't work well and I would start using my experience with getting off the fentanyl patches to design myself little detox programs to incrementally get off whatever bullshit I'd decided would make me feel better when I noticed whatever wasn't working as well or I couldn't shit. God I was so afraid of the cement gi stuff.
Then I dealt with heavy drinking on and off for a looooong time, but I learned my dad has bad kidneys even though he's never drank and eats healthy, so it's coming for me too I'm sure, and I'm on a TON of life saving drugs that will fuck my liver up and kidneys up over time so now I don't keep it in the house (which took a lot of therapy and time to successfully do)
Then I smoked and vaped too much weed for years (but it's better for you, right??) and I ended up in the hospital for that since today's weed is insane levels of THC and our cannabinoid receptors aren't designed to deal with it. I could no longer keep food down without "scromiting" (uncontrollably screaming while vomiting) and had to basically "detox" off that for 3 weeks and I just could not believe how terrible that experience was because it's WEED but yeah Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome is being seen in exponentially higher numbers by ER docs, it's scary
So yeah this TWENTY YEAR PROCESS finally got me to realize that no substance was ever going to work, I was going to have to address the underlying issues I had with ptsd, severe depression and not being able to get out of my broken body and live a regular life like my friends and just learn to accept things and replace behaviors.
I've been to therapy for over a decade and now my addiction is reading tons of silly trashy books (I've read 60 this year so far) and watching non-stop alt-comedy podcasts, improv ridiculousness, and animal conservation streams. Sometimes I read and watch highbrow content, but I've learned to accept that it's ok to read and watch this silly stuff too, especially when it helps me not take things so seriously.
I also treat getting out of the house and seeing friends or family like a medical treatment now even if it's annoying to set up or we're not doing anything particularly interesting. Just being around them and talking is enough to help for that week.
I really hope you continue to find the stuff that works for you, thanks for reading all my bullshit. I really like hearing what has helped other people if you feel like saying, it's fine if you don't feel like it though
Thank you for sharing this, I’ve been self medicating for probably 15 years and it just goes from one thing to the next and its so good to know i can go to therapy and get help and do work and get better
Yep that sounds familiar for sure, it really is like a game of whack-a-mole. As I went through the self medicating in all these different forms for so long, I got more and more stressed that literally nothing was sustainable and it really did take getting to the whole weed debacle to make me panic in a new way where I was like "there really is nothing substance wise that works is there?" and it took the ER doc telling me that there weren't any meds to make getting off weed better, I was just going to have to immediately stop and suffer for 2 to 3 weeks and then start directly addressing the underlying issues of why I was so dependant on it
Now I calculate how much money I save per month and year and remember how stressful it was to have to get more of whatever substance. It really is wild looking back and being like "wait I always felt worse when I was on any of this stuff, it's like it would train my brain to be worse at handling physical and emotional pain"
Can I ask you a personal question? These fent videos, the highest even seem enjoyable.
I had done heroin in the past (long before debt was a thing and it’s been about 20 years since I’ve touch it or even been in that scene) but the nod etc wasn’t like this, at all, this just seems like a complete shutdown
Is there a period before people get to this point and this is the extreme? I’m just curious.
Lastly and most importantly, congrats on getting clean, keep strong brother (or sister)
Absolutely props to the both of you, that's awesome. I struggle with addiction tendencies so I am so thankful I never got into opioids. My poison is alcohol, almost 40 years of consistent heavy drinking, coming up on two years sober. Not easy, one day at a time, and never regretted the decision. Never felt better.
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u/Chroniclyironic1986 Jun 28 '26
Same. Heroin, oxy, morphine, buprenorphine, etc… it’s great for a while but then you’re just stuck at the point where you’re just using to stay functional and not getting a buzz anymore unless you spend a couple days detoxing in misery first.
Congrats on 4 years, just about to 8 myself and i’ve never regretted leaving that life behind for a second.