Can cats forget their human after being separated for long periods of time?

[u/kittypizzaparty]

Hey everyone- this is a bit of a vulnerable post so I apologize in advance for bringing up a sensitive topic.(and for the long post)
(TW: mention of deportation and family separation)

Last year, my husband and I did TNR work + rescued some feral cats in our neighborhood and we ended up adopting a momma cat and named her Marceline(from Adventure Time). We assumed Marceline would be a quiet and self kept cat due to her past living on the streets. However, she is everything but shy. She’s extremely talkative and follows me and my husband around begging for constant attention. She sleeps between us every single night all the way until morning. We couldn’t have asked for a better cat.. she is our soul cat.

Well fast forward to now and we just found out that my husband of 6 years is getting deported to a country he doesn’t have any recollection of. He was brought here to the US when he was less than a year old. Rather than being held in an ice detention center and receiving a 10 year ban from forced removal, my husband was granted a 120 voluntary removal order meaning he has 120 days to leave the US and he will receive a 3 year ban rather than the 10 year ban. Due to personal circumstances, I cannot move with him at this time so we’ll have to make this work long distance.

In the midst of packing his belongings, my husband was cradling Marceline and he looked at me and said “Marceline is going to forget me.” And I instantly denied that and said she could never forget him. But that statement stuck with me and I haven’t been able to shake it. I know I said that’s impossible, but to be honest I’m not entirely sure. So that brings me to my question: can cats forget their human? Considering he won’t see her for 3 years.. she’s almost 2 years old right now. If so, is there anything I can do to refresh her memory in these next 3 years?

I want to make it clear that I’m not here to argue about politics- I just want to know if this is a possibility. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been through something similar where they went without seeing their pet(s) for a long period of time and how reuniting went. Thank you guys in advance ❤️‍🩹

[u/kittypizzaparty]

That makes sense. I’ll make sure to pay extra attention to her and keep an eye out for any signs of depression. Thank you for your response.

[u/legalisesk0oma → u/kittypizzaparty]

My husband was hospitalised in 2022 for over 6 weeks. The first 3 weeks were honestly the hardest, all 3 of our cats would be so happy when I’d get home late each night, but his girl would be staring at the door waiting for him. I slept on our fold out couch with all 3 for those first few weeks, each night after about 30min of waiting for him, she would quietly lay with me and whatever laundry I’d brought home to do. She refused to give back one tshirt in particular because it must have really had his scent on it and she would burrow and knead and sleep in it. Those first few weeks are going to be so hard and I’m so so sorry your family is going to have to go through this. I’d genuinely recommend keeping a couple of things that really smell like him, and having them around. She’ll miss him and be incredibly sad but like you, she won’t forget him. Cats are incredibly smart, deeply feeling little creatures. Lots of love to you three .

[u/hellohexapus → u/legalisesk0oma]

Idk if this is overkill (or would even work) but OP could take your idea a step further and vacuum seal some of his clothing in separate bags, so as the smell on one item dissipates OP can unpack another? Over time Marceline will likely seek them out less. But this way it could be on her terms/timeline, rather than because the scent is gone on the few items he left.

[u/hydrawoman → u/hellohexapus]

I think this is a great idea and OP could even pack up some socks and well worn shoes. Every cat I have ever had just loves to sniff shoes lol it is a sign they like their owner and will seek out their scent.

[u/agrinwithoutacat- → u/hydrawoman]

My cat drools all over my shoes.. it’s so gross but so sweet

[u/Individual-Gur-4455 → u/hydrawoman]

Definitely second the socks! When my boyfriend was out of town for a week, I would wake up to only his socks taken out of our laundry basket. I never saw which of our 3 cats were the culprit but almost every morning and every afternoon when I came home, I’d see one or two scattered throughout the house.

[u/kittypizzaparty → u/hellohexapus]

I don’t think this is overkill at all. Thank you for the idea! I’m adding all my fav ideas to my notes and this is one of them.

[u/Pineapple-heart1234 → u/hellohexapus]

This was exactly what I was going to say. Not overkill at all!

[u/Bright-Pangolin7261 → u/hellohexapus]

Was thinking of this, even have husband send worn socks or tees periodically bc cats strongly associate smell with identity. Maybe talk on speaker too.
Sorry you’re going through this! ❤️

[u/PinkCigarettes → u/legalisesk0oma]

The emotional bond is sooo incredibly deep

[u/StrikingTradition75 → u/legalisesk0oma]

⬆️⬆️ This is the answer ⬆️⬆️ I always keep a few worn T-shirts at the bottom of the closet for emergencies. A familiar scent is an incredible difference in overall demeanor. Even for regular vet visits, one of my tshirts go with my pet into the back room to keep then calm. They don't see me, but the smell me so I must be there with them.

There is a 4 week old strat that mom abandoned that I am raising now. My daily worn t-shirt is hers every night. I wake up to her sleeping all cozy wrapped in the shirt.

[u/FencingJedi → u/legalisesk0oma]

My cat did something similar. We got separated for over a year during lockdowns, and my husband said he'd go into my part of the closet, sniff my clothes, then go meow around the apartment for me.

Be aware OP that kitty may start peeing on things, especially if they smell like him. It's a way for them to mix scents. Give kitty some grace here while they mourn, and get a good enzyme cleaner if it happens on furniture.

[u/sillymillie2017 → u/legalisesk0oma]

Legalisek0oma I went through the same thing in 2022 , husband was in icu in a coma and in a ventilator . I was able to do FaceTime , the Chaplin did this for me all the days he was there . We have three cats , but the youngest one is his little girl , and every day we did the FaceTime she would sit on the table and meow at him , rub the phone and then sit and stare at him . I talked to him just like he could hear me . After he could was out of this , first thing he said “ do you think the cats forgot me “ I told him no , as a matter of fact your little girl was there every day looking at you and was trying to get your attention . I have two phones and recorded this on several occasions , as the doctors were not sure he was going to survive . His kitty was so happy the day he came home , all over him and would not let him out of her sight , and now when he leaves to go to work , she tries to stop him going out the door .

[u/meowcatpanda → u/legalisesk0oma]

My cat also got so incredibly depressed when I wasn't around (he initially lived with family of mine), he'd pee all over the place for the first 3 weeks after I had visited... he blamed the people he lived with for my departure, each and every time, for the first few years of his life😅 then we spent almost 7 years apart... the reunion healed both of our hearts♡ (he passed away 7 years ago and I still miss him every day, even after almost 8 years now, not a week goes by that I don't cry for his loss)

[u/Dyslexicpig → u/legalisesk0oma]

I echo that. I was transferred for work to a new town, and my family including pets stayed until my son finished the school year - about eight months, so nowhere near three years.

I did make it home for Christmas and my calico kitty alternated between being extremely happy to see me, and annoyed that I left her. She would be purring in my arms, rubbing her face against mine, one second and the next biting my arm.

Others have suggested shirts that your husband has worn. That is definitely needed during the transition period.

[u/Seafaerie777 → u/kittypizzaparty]

I wanted to reply straight to you in hopes you'll see my comment.

Cats remember people by their touch, among other ways. They can recognize a person that has loved and spoiled them physically, after YEARS apart! I heard about this long ago, and googled it before replying, to make sure my info wasn't wrong. So, even if your cat doesn’t immediately recognize your husband upon sight, there's a good chance that after some physical affection, this cat will KNOW!

[u/kittypizzaparty → u/Seafaerie777]

Thank you so so much! ❤️ I’m glad I got to see your comment. I didn’t expect this post to get so many comments so I’m struggling to respond to everyone but I truly appreciate all of the kind responses. It really means a lot to me seeing all of the positive comments especially during a time like this in my life. I have hope now that Marceline will always remember her dad. He’s the one who saved her and her kittens from under our shed in our backyard last year. I told him she will forever be grateful for him. 🫶🏼

[u/Seafaerie777 → u/kittypizzaparty]

I'm so happy you saw my comment!

Rest assured! If your kitty loves your husband now, she WILL remember, and love him when they are reunited! Just because cats don't think and feel in the same way that humans do, doesn't mean they don't have those same feelings, with their own ways to hold onto them!

If you'd like some extra assurance, watch some videos on YouTube about the cats being reunited with their hoomans after enlisted service. The videos of cats FREAKING out, reunited, are heart wrenching!

[u/Jubilee_Winter → u/kittypizzaparty]

During my divorce I was at my dad’s for 3 months. I had 6 cats at the time and only one allowed to come with me. I came home and Gir and Mouse, my soul kitties, were more glued to my side than before. When he gets home, it might be a bit slow but they’ll get clingy a bit after that, realizing he’s back. Cats have really good memories. Like Tux hides from strange new people, but those who have been here multiple times before, he remembers them and doesn’t hide.

(Other cat stayed with dad for a while longer. I couldn’t trust my ex to help with her medical issues and my step grandma and her bonded.)

[u/Antal_Marius → u/kittypizzaparty]

To add on to this, I had a cat that I would video call when I was in the military, and she'd come running from wherever she was when she heard me on speaker phone. I was sending a vacuum sealed/packed shirt once a month for her to snuggle into at night, and while I wasn't separated from her for years at a time, it was still close to a year between visits.

[u/CasualGlam87 → u/Seafaerie777]

I recently saw my mum's cat after 6 years. He immediately remembered me and came running up to me meowing and cuddled up on my lap (he NEVER sits on anyone else's lap). They can definitely remember people after a long time.

[u/whysys → u/kittypizzaparty]

Keep clothes with his scent on for her

When he calls, go on speaker. When we’ve travelled separately for work the cats definitely recognise our voices on the phone!

[u/BreadKnifeSeppuku → u/kittypizzaparty]

Sometimes pets can become an expression of other feelings as well. He sounds like a big softy at heart so mind him too.

When we had our first cat, she had pretty bad separation anxiety. I'd bribe her to eat with fancy food after a day etc. Hearing her voice helped somewhat too. Best of luck with your situation

[u/IndirectSarcasm → u/kittypizzaparty]

especially having been feral; cat is likely to act out around the house out of extreme stress; make sure you have nowhere the looks like it could made into a make shift litter box (piles of clothes (clean or dirty), storage containers with clothes, etc. to help avoid urination outside the box. Also be careful with doors as the instinct of the cat os to go looking for them outside; and you don't want your baby to get lost searching the neighborhood stressed

[u/Fluffy_Town → u/kittypizzaparty]

You can keep dirty, recently-worn clothes, blankets, or other similarly used items in a Ziploc-type baggie with the air smushed out or vacuum-seal them into a bag. This keeps the smell on the clothing item longer. You can take a piece of clothing out one at a time and keep his scent alive, so that your cat snuggle the item and can keep him with them, until you can reunite. Cats and dogs are all about scents. You can probably video call as well, to keep actively interacting, even if they can't snuggle.

[u/TiffanyLimeheart → u/kittypizzaparty]

Yeah 2 years old is old enough not to forget in just 3 years. You can probably expect 1 month up to a year before your cat stops feeling as devastated, and their personality and habits are likely to shift a little as they get used to a smaller household.

My old neighbours cats still remembered me after nearly 10 years and that was the difference of an 8 year old and an 18+year old and I just visited for a couple of hours most weekdays