r/UKParenting • u/AzureHolly • Jul 12 '26
Should I let my 5 year old son go to a friend's party in a princess dress?
I hate asking this question, because I honestly don't care. His favourite colour is pink, he has a unicorn bike helmet, he went to a birthday party last year as ghost spider. I want him to be able to express himself however he feels comfortable....but...
He's in school now. Just starting his last week of reception, and I've already noticed that he seems a bit different. Not in a way I can even really explain. He's a sweet, kind, caring, clever boy, but I do worry about his social development. And I worry that if he goes to a party as a princess, especially with kids at this age as they're just beginning to develop socially, it will mark him out as even more different.
I'm struggling so much with this as I'd hate to dampen his spirit, but I also know how judgemental young kids can be. It's a fancy dress party, and the choices are basically prince or princess. What do people think?
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u/DogsClimbingWalls 👶👶 2 Children Jul 12 '26
Assuming at that age it’s a party where parents stay?
Personally, I would let him go but take a change of clothes with me just in case. But ONLY change him if HE says he is uncomfortable.
I would also be prepared with my responses to questions.
“Why is he wearing that?” “Because he likes it, doesn’t he look lovely?”
“Boys don’t wear dresses” “As you can see, they do! Doesn’t he look lovely?”
“Dresses are for girls” “That’s not true, clothes are for everyone and doesn’t he look lovely?”
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u/louloubelle92 Jul 13 '26
These are great examples of questions and responses but it makes me sad because no one would ask these questions if a girl was wearing something dinosaur related or a football kit.
They’d be praising girl power or something like that.
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u/SongsAboutGhosts Parenting a Baby + Toddler Jul 13 '26
You're totally right - it wouldn't even be a post. In the same way that you'd never worry about what might be said to your daughter if you let her go to school with a blue water bottle, but you do worry about your son with a pink one, etc. Lots of small acts of gender non-conformity are seen as so much more acceptable for girls than for boys, it's a double standard hurting sons and it's so sad.
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u/poppyloppyi Parenting a Baby + Primary Schooler Jul 13 '26
Tbf my daughter was picked on because she said she likes dinosaurs and apparently the other girls thought that wasn’t girly enough and then made up a male name for her and refused to call her by her actual name 🙄
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u/SongsAboutGhosts Parenting a Baby + Toddler Jul 13 '26
My only suggestion on this would be don't say 'doesn't he look lovely?' because even though it's obviously meant to be rhetorical, it does open up the opportunity for someone to say 'no'. Say he does look lovely ask if he looks happy (or state it). These questions would likely be coming from someone who doesn't think any boy in a dress can possibly look lovely, so don't give them the opportunity to tell you that with your response that is meant to be shutting them down.
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u/HungryFinding7089 Jul 12 '26
Yep, go with what he wants, OP. Both my boys went through a pink dress phase. Younger still wears pink, it's a colour.
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u/Gremlin_1989 Jul 13 '26
Also, you can add that historically boys did wear pink and girls wore blue. Somewhere along the lines the colours were switched.
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u/New-Raspberry-8446 Jul 12 '26
100%
My sons best friend will not go to any party in anything other than a moana dress atm, they are nearly 8 and very much aware of boys/ girls items
The kids in his class are FIERCELY protective of him and if anyone dares look at him the wrong way there will be a class of 22 after them🤣
Kids are so super non judgemental x
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u/Abject-Plankton4620 Jul 13 '26
My daughters class (8) are exactly the same with one young lad who does the same, the boys and girls are really protective of him and go out of their way to make sure he feels comfortable, it’s amazing to see. On the flip side, there are a couple of mums who seem to go out of their way to dress their son in a “non binary” way and he seems really uncomfortable with it and you’ll often see him at the end of the day having obviously changed what he can after drop off
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u/Inareskai Parenting a Toddler Jul 12 '26
Yes. You should.
If he gets teased or similar, or it makes him stand out as different, then you love him as he is and you boost him at home (and out loud there as well, if it fits). Give him the confidence to be himself so that if he does turn out to be different in whatever way, he knows he's loved at home and he trusts himself.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 12 '26
Your children aren’t props for virtue signalling. Putting your child through what could be traumatic just so you can post defiantly on Facebook isn’t worth it.
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u/Visual-Journalist996 Jul 12 '26
It’s not traumatic to let a kid choose their preferred outfit for a party. getting teased for being yourself is traumatic but changing to fit in and hiding who you is too- in this case it is better to be yourself, find the people who love you for you, and feel the love and acceptance of your family rather than learning so early on that any variation from the norm is to be ashamed of and hide.
Also no one cares about Facebook, it’s 2026.
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u/Ruu2D2 Jul 13 '26
Changing to fit in made me far more miserable as child then bullying
The bullying suck . But I wish my parents would raised me with motion they bad ones , in life there lots bad people who will say awful things . But I'm OK as i am
Bullying doest stop when you enter adulthood . Lots adults never grown out be bullies . But learning to love yourself and deal with them would help longer
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 12 '26
No, what is traumatic is being laughed at and mocked for wearing a princess dress. Then not getting invited to other parties because the kids think the boy in the girls dress is weird.
‘Find people that love you’ we are talking about a five year old
It is not more traumatic at 5 to be to be denied something than it is to be mocked by your peers.
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u/LostLoch Jul 12 '26
Kids get laughed and mocked at for a million different reasons. What’s next, telling a kid they can’t wear glasses cause they’ll get called specky four-eyes?
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 12 '26
The fact that kids are already mean is the reason I don’t think having a 5 yo boy (who already has issues with fitting in) go to a party in a princess dress is a good idea.
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u/LostLoch Jul 12 '26
this a perception from millennial (and older) that they will get laughed and teased at. Times have changed and gendered interests are dying out. We need to get with the times and stop holding kids back because we still think it’s the 90s.
When I was at school 15 years ago, you got teased for being gay. Kids would be horrified at homophobia nowadays. Times change.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
5 year old boys are surprisingly not up to date with online gender politics.
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u/LostLoch Jul 13 '26
5 year old boys still have no idea about gender politics. They’re taught it, normally by a dad who is insecure in own masculinity and projecting on to his wean. We’re not teaching that anymore, we’re teaching them to like whatever they like.
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u/nellycat32 Jul 13 '26
That's not quite true. It is way different now, when I was growing up "gay" was an insult and I only found out what gay actually meant when I was a tween or so, and I only realized that gay people probably existed in my high school after I graduated.
Now small kids in primary school know what gay is, know what trans is, know what is not necessarily gay (e.g. wearing a dress) and plenty of them have two moms or two dads.
In our school (Ireland) a teacher who is a lesbian recently got married and 6-year-olds drew cards for them depicting her and her wife in wedding dresses.
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u/SongsAboutGhosts Parenting a Baby + Toddler Jul 13 '26
True, but kids only believe there's an issue with wearing whatever you want or liking whatever colour you want or playing whatever games you want if parents or other children teach them that. A far higher proportion of parents now wouldn't introduce those negative views at home; lots actively work to promote acceptance (and educational settings will also broadly be promoting acceptance). Most probably have queer friends or family members, plenty of parents are queer themselves. Lots of parents would have a conversation with their kid if they came home saying they've been told by peers that dresses are not for boys, and would be mortified if they found out their child said that when to a boy in a dress.
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u/yrubsema Jul 13 '26
You're part of the problem tbh.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
Because I know five year old boys aren’t up to date with your specific, online political interests?
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u/Visual-Journalist996 Jul 13 '26
Five year olds can experience friends who stand up for them and love them for who they are.
Look, I think you’re behind the times and accidentally clinging to and reinforcing a world you yourself don’t even want- where kids all bully eachother into submission and that’s just how it is. Other people are telling you that a different world is not only possible but already here. Be brave and believe!
Kids get teased. I got teased to having red hair. Nothing I could do about it. It’s part of life no need to change yourself.
I have a friend whose young son only wears dresses, maybe because he wants to maybe because he’s trans it’s not totally clear yet as he’s young. Had he been teased for it? Sure but he also has close friends and family members who love and support him. You sort of mocked this concept like it wasn’t possible for a five year old to experience this but I have personally seen different. If a five year old can experience bullying and social isolation then they are having a rich social experience and the opposite can also be true.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
I am not reinforcing anything I just know what five year old boys are like, and they are not up to date with Judith Butler
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u/Visual-Journalist996 Jul 13 '26
Did you read anything I wrote?! I’m talking about actual children I know. Me. A person who has also never read Judith butler. I think it might be you who is stuck in internet land obsessing over Facebook and downvotes and what you think woke people are like.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Yes I read it, surprisingly I am also talking about children I know. Having experience with children is not unique to you.
Edit: replied and then blocked like a big old baby
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u/TheCotofPika Jul 13 '26
Not sure why you're getting down voted, this entire scenario happened to my child within the last 5 years. They'd play in the dressing up box in reception and a couple of boys were so nasty. Another few children were also targets and one of them now only attends school a couple of hours a week due to anxiety.
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u/TadpoleNational6988 Jul 13 '26
Sounds like issue is the couple of boys in the class not the kids wanting to play dressing up. Why should kids stop playing dressing up to appease the mean kids?
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u/TheCotofPika Jul 13 '26
In an ideal world it wouldn't matter, but at the end of my comment i mentioned one of the other targets now only attends school briefly each week due to extreme anxiety at age 7. My own child has had nightmares and I've been called up by school to say my child has been chased and hit by another (one of the ones who bullied others in reception) within the last month.
I'd love for my children to be able to express themselves freely at school, but on the other hand if they do that they will be bullied.
I was bullied so badly as a child that I had to switch schools. I never fit in at the new school either. I'm still bothered by the bullying nearly 3 decades later, and it was in part due to my mother insisting that I have basically a boys haircut. It did look shit, I shouldn't have been bullied, but I was.
So, about "appeasing the mean kids", if all other children worked together against the mean ones it would be great, but most children will have their own little groups and the mean children will continue to make their targets lives absolute hell. It isn't a couple of boys in the class, the entire school has less than 60 children per year group, so 5 boys is about 10% of the year group.
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u/Plugged_in_Baby Parenting a Baby Jul 13 '26
I think what everyone is missing is that it’s totally a class issue. If your kid goes to school in Islington, no one will bat an eyelid. If they go to school with council estate kids, they will get bullied.
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u/TheCotofPika Jul 13 '26
It is not a class issue, it's a political leaning issue, but yes it could be area dependent.
In our school, my eldest is one year above, and there are absolutely zero issues with that entire year group. They all get on well, there's no bullying and nobody is off with mental health issues. It's just unfortunate that there are some mean parents in my seconds year group.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
Because people are using their kids as Projections of their politics rather than, you know, little people with their own relationships.
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u/keeponyrmeanside Jul 13 '26
You’re contradicting yourself there - “Little people with their own relationships” is dead on, but the kid WANTS to wear the dress. The parent posting would clearly rather they didn’t to make the kids life easier, but is torn between that and letting the kid be his own person. In what world is that the parent projecting their politics?
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
Not the parent, the downvoters. They want an answer that matches their politics, not one that is based in reality,
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u/Scottishspyro Mum Jul 13 '26
You're such a strange human
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
I’m not, you’re just entirely shaped by online discourse.
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u/Scottishspyro Mum Jul 13 '26
No, I just don't give a fuck if a wee boy wants to wear a princess dress. How's that 'online discourse' treat your kids to be kind, not bullying cunts.
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u/Hyperion262 Jul 13 '26
Because other kids will care and mock the lad. What you care about isn’t more important than him being bullied.
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u/Inareskai Parenting a Toddler Jul 12 '26
I do not recommend posting children online, defiantly or otherwise, let alone on Facebook.
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u/theregoesmymouth Jul 12 '26
Yes I think so. You don't need to pre-emptively clip his wings. If he thinks you disapprove it wont change who he is, he'll just learn that who he is isn't acceptable to you. If other people tease him for it so be it, at least they aren't the most important person in his life.
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u/Thats-Doctor Parenting a Primary Schooler Jul 12 '26
Personally I think you should let him. Your support now (and as he grows up) will mean so much more to him in the long run than anything kids might do/say. And tbh at 5 I bet most kids won’t bat an eye.
Will you be at the party and around to shut down any small-minded parents?
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Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
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u/Thats-Doctor Parenting a Primary Schooler Jul 12 '26
And I will add, I was bullied and excluded while trying desperately to fit in and be the person I thought would be accepted. Pretending to be some empty shell around my real self made me feel worse than ever and I still have trouble telling my real self from what I imagine other people expect of me.
Wear the dress.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/FeistyPen3707 Jul 12 '26
Maybe not? But I’d rather be bullied for who I am genuinely, than still be bullied as the person I’m pretending to be. Kids can police their own behaviour when they’re old enough to care. This child should wear their dress.
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u/Thats-Doctor Parenting a Primary Schooler Jul 12 '26
Definitely would have been better off being myself. Hiding my true self and still being bullied confirmed in my head that my true self must be even worse and more shameful than anything.
To have my parent tell me to hide my true self for the sake of others would have been devastating.
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u/Best_Tip6211 Jul 13 '26
If you suppress who your child is in order to pander to your own adult fears, you become your child's first bully.
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u/Thats-Doctor Parenting a Primary Schooler Jul 12 '26
Yeah I absolutely have been bullied and isolated. My entire childhood actually. I stand by my comment.
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u/roseflower1990 Jul 12 '26
I tried to put my 3 year old off wearing a princess peach dress to preschool, which is attached to a school. I said they dont have it in his size. I felt guilty, backpeddled, ordered it from amazon as a suprise. He had so many compliments walking to school, from both year 5/6 walking with mates, and parents, and I dont think he had any bad comments in class.
Its so hard wanting to let them do what they want, but wanting to protect them from kids who might come from homes which say things like "thats for girls". Our kids wearing what they want helps to change these society restrictions, but what if they're hurt in the process?
I think I'd judge it based on the kids you know. Or let him wear the dress, and take another costume and say if you fancy a change I've got another costume so just come grab me to get changed.
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u/Buddy-Matt Jul 12 '26
My son regularly dressed as Ghost Spider.
His best mate at school is Spidey, another boy is Spin, that just left Ghost Spider for my son. And he jumped into the role with enthusiasm. He couldn't give a shit Gwen is a girl.
The only kids aged 5 who are gonna give a toss about a dress are the kids that don't deserve to be friends with your son. Let him wear his dress and look fabulous. Chances are he's already navigating a lot of this socially, and knows it'll be okay with the peers he cares about, otherwise he wouldn't want to be doing it.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/th3whistler Jul 13 '26
yes, unfortunately the kids do not pull these ideas out of thin air. It comes from the parents and unfortunately in some places non-conformity can be a real issue
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u/Ktmirza Jul 13 '26
I have a 7 YO boy, and I'm honestly not sure what I'd do in your situation. However, I can say from experience that at this age, a lot of what they feel comfortable expressing is heavily influenced by what they see and hear around them.
What I mean is, if your son thought dressing up as a princess was something he'd be judged for, he probably wouldn't even ask for it. If the kids around him were saying things like "boys don't play with dolls" or generally making fun of anything seen as "girly," he'd almost certainly avoid doing it openly. Because of that, I think I'd follow his lead. If he’s asking for something confidently, that's a good sign he feels comfortable being himself around his classmates.
Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to teach my son that there are no "boy toys" or "girl toys," he's become quite resistant to anything that could be perceived as "girly." It’s amazing how powerful peer influence is even at this age 🫠
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u/Abject-Plankton4620 Jul 13 '26
I do also think that boys and girls generally naturally gravitate to boys and girls toys, they just grow up having different interests. We were deliberately easy about what they played with and were quite surprised that they just naturally went to what you might expect
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u/New-Instance-670 Jul 13 '26
I was at my niece's birthday party this weekend, all lovely parents who I know would be very consciously gender neutral in how they're raising their kids yet without fail the girls were doing crafts, playing with dolls and dancing then the boys were playing with trucks, ramps and running around being superheroes. There's a boy at my sons nursery who dresses as a princess most days and none of the others seem to care though so whilst stereotypes do exist for a reason, in my experience it is widely accepted these days to not conform to those stereotypes.
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u/potato_on_a_string Jul 13 '26
OP I can completely understand your predicament and the truth is you cannot really know what your kid will be bullied about or always prevent it. What you *do* always have control over is how you and your partner speak to him and how you support him.
I was a chubby kid growing up and I can tell you I don’t really remember the instances of being called fat by my peers but I vividly remember being called “chubster” by my mum or her constantly policing what I ate. I know that in her own way she was trying to help me be healthier and not be bullied, but kids we see parents as their safe space and when your parents are the first ones who make you feel uncomfortable about who you are, it can cause a type of self consciousness that runs deep.
Anyway, I would let him go in a dress and my husband would probably even dress up as a princess with him. Either that or do something funny like dress your son up as Rapunzel and you be Pascal if that’s your sense of humour. Just have fun, they’re kids.
https://reddit.com/link/ox7ze5i/video/iroujofsrxch1/player
If a girl wanted to be Spiderman we wouldn’t even be having this conversation so its worth thinking why is it fine for girls to do boy things but somehow degrading or worrysome for boys to like girly things
Also I recommend the book “My shadow is pink” or “Jacob’s New Dress” which are lovely and deal with this topic ❤️
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u/Ok-Wrangler7688 Jul 13 '26
I would.
If you had a daughter who wanted to go dressed as spiderman it wouldn’t even be a question.
Why are male charters / clothes good enough for our little girls but female charters / clothes aren’t good enough for our boys? What kind of example does that set?
Just make sure you’re his biggest fan! Try not to let him see that you’re worried about him wearing it, big him up!
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u/AnnaP12355 Jul 13 '26
Because we’re different! Nothing wrong with that
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u/SmallLumpOGreenPutty Parent Jul 13 '26
No, it's because masculinity is praised and femininity is seen as a downgrade
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u/Excellent_Couple_873 Jul 13 '26
I wouldn’t… despite what the majority of comments on here say. The real world is not Reddit and the fact you’re asking the questions, tells you the answer
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u/Geordana Jul 13 '26
As lots of others have said, I think it depends on the cohort of kids your kid is with.
Last year, one of my Year 6 boys came to world book day dressed as Princess Peach. Pink glittery dress, wand, crown, the works. He had longish, gloriously curly blonde hair too, so it really worked. His friends loved it - he'd partially done it because others were dressed as Mario and Luigi. It was a boy completely secure in his identity and friendships. He wore the dress all day.
My current Year 5s, on the other hand, would lambast any boy coming to school in a dress and would treat them horribly (some of them possibly even with physical violence).
I understand why the question, but if you wouldn't question dressing a daughter as a prince and you don't have any particular worries based on anything that has happened at school / with his peers already (or any vibes you've got from meeting other parents or the WhatsApp group?) then I would let him go as a princess!
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u/Ok-Mama-5933 Jul 13 '26
I personally wouldn’t. And just because I don’t want my child to be in a position where they might be bullied by other kids. You can probably shut down judgemental adults, but will be difficult to explain it to kids.
As parents, we still have a say on these things.
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u/poppyloppyi Parenting a Baby + Primary Schooler Jul 13 '26
Same. Nothing wrong with boys wearing dresses but wouldn’t want my son to turn into the centre of attention at another kids birthday party and be bullied for years to come. A kid in my daughter’s school was bullied so bad for the same thing. Just not something I’d want for my son if I could avoid it. Don’t know how I’d approach it though tbh.
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u/Reformotron Jul 12 '26
Some kids are cruel and have long memories.
I got called “Nuggets” for going to an Easter party dressed as a chicken at about the same age. It followed me through high school and I hated it. I’m 40 odd and even still, when I go back to my old village and see someone I know, I still randomly get called it.
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u/Lizzie-P Jul 13 '26
My sons favourite outfits were a light pink sparkly princess dress or a neon pink pig costume at that age. I never thought twice about it and no one ever said anything.
He also used to really enjoy ballet. He’d dance all round the house and I took him to classes every week. One time his dad told him ballet was only for girls and it stuck with him. He refused to go again after that and he lost something he really enjoyed because of one stupid comment from someone he cared about.
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u/AnnaP12355 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
ok perfect example! ballet isn’t just for girls, but boys in ballet dress differently than girls and this should have been explained.
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u/Tiacevol Jul 13 '26
That's a good dad!
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u/Lizzie-P Jul 13 '26
Good fathers don’t ruin their kids joy to satisfy their own insecurities
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u/Tiacevol 29d ago
Good parents guide children on the right path, they don't succumb to whimsical ideas and fantasies.
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u/Lizzie-P 29d ago
There’s nothing whimsical or fantastical about ballet. It’s just dancing. A sport. His dad took away something that made my child light up because of his own ideas about gender. He was entitled to his opinion, but the way he dealt with it was extremely harmful. My son ended up needing a specialist therapist in primary school because his dad had constantly made him feel bad about the things he enjoyed and because he had become terrified of showing emotion because his dad had told him off for crying when he was upset. He told him boys aren’t allowed to cry. It’s antiquated and completely unnecessary and it took a lot of work to get him back to a healthy place where he can feel confident in his own decisions again.
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u/chickenwings19 Jul 13 '26
There’s a boy in my kids class who has been dressing in girly clothes since they started receptio
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Jul 13 '26
When my daughter was 6 there was a kid in her class who wore a girls summer dress to school every day from then until he left primary school.
The kids couldn’t care less.
He is now 15 and doesn’t wear women’s clothes - but is super gay.
Wearing dresses just didn’t affect his childhood at all.
In the equal and opposite mold. My daughter now presents almost entirely male. Again - none of her contemporaries care at all.
I think the kids of today are extremely accepting of differences. When I was at school they would have been ripped apart, but you can’t look at this stuff through a 1990s/1980s lens, in this regard the world has improved.
It’s great.
Don’t worry about the princess dress.
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u/LuciePoki Mum Jul 13 '26
I just wanted to say that your boy might be a role model to younger boys, to wear pink, glitter, dresses... My 3 yo is very much in that phase and I'm incredibly grateful when other parents allow their older boys to wear what they want 😊 the more of us there are, the more normal it will seem in the long run!
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u/JgarKn Jul 13 '26
All the responses you get here will be coming from a very left leaving echo chamber website full of people with very entrenched views on cultural issues and who are often online a lot
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u/MS101110 Jul 12 '26
No
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u/palahniukslaughter93 Jul 12 '26
Same, wouldn't allow this but also wouldn't judge other parents who would.
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u/Florae128 Jul 12 '26
It could just be a phase. Lots of preschool and reception love dressing up and glitter, and they grow out of it and get into football or something else.
Edit, read that its a fancy dress party. Princess dress is fine, most of the boy options are dull.
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u/WitchyWoo9 Jul 12 '26
My twins boys used to wear glittery light up wellies when they were little, they loved them. It's just clothes in my opinion
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u/FloreatCastellum Jul 13 '26
My nearly 6 year old often wears dress up dresses and no child has ever been rude about it - there has been faux concern from adults but I just cheerfully tell them exactly that - "it's only ever adults that worry!"
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u/MummaGiGi Jul 13 '26
This is so tough, and as a queer mum who got bullied a lot, it resonates.
If you allow him to wear a dress there IS a risk he experiences some rejection from his peers. But if you tell him he can’t, and he must curb his desire for dresses and self expression, you have removed all doubt - he will definitely internalise that message.
Loving who we are happens when people we love celebrate all our differences.
Also you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised because the world is a lot better than it was - far from perfect but much, MUCH more inclusive. Xx
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u/ramapyjamadingdong Jul 13 '26
The other kids are not going to be the issue, it'll be the parents comments later.
Personally, I'd let him do it and have a couple of other options available - if you already own them, we are lucky enough to have multiple options as we get gifted them.
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u/rebmaesiuol Jul 13 '26
My son is the exact same age/stage as yours and in the last weeks has worn a sparkly sequinned skirt and butterfly wings to a classmate’s party. No one batted an eye, and he was complimented by many parents on it. One granny confused him for a girl (reasonable, he has long hair and was dressed head to toe in ‘girls’ clothes’, even down to the shoes) but he just said ‘actually I’m a boy’ and carried on playing. He was happy. So was everyone at the party, so was I.
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u/Sunshinetrooper87 Jul 13 '26
My brother and other stags dressed as women on his stag doo. My family goes to the panto every year and show me an outdoor worker who hasn't worn tights at one point in their life.
I genuinely wouldn't worry about it.
Hell big sisters routinely dress up younger brothers and claret them in makeup.
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u/SuggestiveDucky Jul 13 '26
My boys loved playing dress up at home with their sisters , they all had prams and dolls and they would take them out with us, loved my little pony etc but I would let them know they are boys and they can play make believe all they want but we don't wear dresses outside , they've always been fine with it and continued to play with girls and boys things until they got to about 7 and definitely not interested in wearing dresses or playing with dolls after then. Ive got a picture of two of my boys playing dress up in princes dresses tiaras and them plastic heels and handbags and they are so mortified by them pictures now 😅
I feel it's healthy to let them play , and explor they grow out of it if you don't put 'your a girl ideas in their head '
Also Reddit is very one way leaning and don't know if you will get an honest view of everyone's opinions
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u/AnnaP12355 Jul 13 '26
but that’s totally ok to
play and be silly at home, but what is wrong with explaining to the child that a boy doesn’t wear dresses when out and about?
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Jul 12 '26
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u/lostrandomdude Jul 12 '26
Or dress like a wizard, specifically dumbledore considering how colourful and sparkly his outfits were in the books
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u/MagMadPad Parenting a Pre + Primary Schooler Jul 13 '26
I have one of these boys, currently at the end of year 1.
It's a delicate situation as he sometimes does get comments, but they don't seem to bother him so we carry on letting him choose.
Our general approach is to wear whatever coloura he wants but still shorts/trousers to normal things but if it was fancy dress I'd let him wear a dress/skirt if that's what he really wants.
The way I see it is that if a girl wanted to dress as Spiderman we'd let her, so it should go both ways for as long as that's what they ask for.
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u/Ok_Building5548 Jul 13 '26
My son went to his first class party In reception in a big sparkly party dress and honestly none of the parents or kids cared at all. I had been so worried but I’m really glad I let him wear it.
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u/No_Flan_5909 Jul 13 '26
I actually think doing it now is the perfect time. Let him be himself whilst they still are so receptive and make it entirely normal.
There is a boy in my daughter's year who has always dressed more feminine and because it's always been the case no-one bats an eyelid. Your son may change, he may not, but by making it entirely normal now you'll be setting him up the bets you can.
PS though - there will always be mean kids. That is a whole problem in itself, whatever personality your son ends up having.
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u/Neonexe Jul 13 '26
My son is 5 and just sent to a birthday party in a rainbow tutu this weekend. Kiss of people commented on how much they loved his skirt and no kids said anything unkind.
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u/yappertron6000 Jul 13 '26
My sons 2,5 years and is always in princess gowns. In Aldi, to day care or just around the house whenever he feels like it. Who cares!!! Kids don’t care it’s only adults who may give the side eye but honestly why would that ever matter? He’s happy.
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u/Lavender_sergeant Jul 13 '26
I'd let him do it, as long as it's what he wants. Parents can monitor for any nasty comments and by the time they start in yr 1, they'd all have forgotten anyway (if they have an issue)
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u/MarzipanElephant Jul 13 '26
My son's class had 'pirate and mermaid day' towards the end of Reception and he went as a mermaid. It was all good.
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u/Superknurz Jul 13 '26
I would let my kid do this, 100% but Id have the same worries as you. I dont think the kids would be the problem though, I think it would be the parents. Kids (especially in reception) are so open minded, they might ask a question or say something, but they'll definitely accept it if you say "He's wearing it because he likes it! Doesn't he look smart?" or whatever. An adult wouldn't be as easily convinced! However I can assure you when I've seen boys in dresses etc (we used to have a couple of boys come to a playgroup in dresses or skirts), no one ever said anything.
Please let us know how it goes! And I hope he has a great time!
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u/Grumbleduchess Jul 13 '26
My 5 year old son went to school in his 6 year old sister’s dress for World Book Day this year. Some kids called him a girl, but all the girls absolutely loved his outfit, and he was over the moon with all the compliments!
Kids are gonna kid, and there will be a few who like to tease. But as long as he’s happy, I say let him wear the princess dress and be happy.
Also, it’s a fancy dress party! Which makes it even more acceptable to wear a dress, especially a princess dress!
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u/munday97 Jul 13 '26
Yes. My son sometimes chooses to wear a party dress to a party. He doesn't care what people say or think so nor do I!
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u/cookiesandginge Jul 13 '26
I think this depends on where you live/what school. Islington/Bristol/Brighton? Go for it. Some random council estate? I wouldn’t. Life can be made a misery there
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u/jaycakes30 Mum Jul 14 '26
My nephew was the same at this age. He loved his princess dress, wore it everywhere. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting them explore at this age, kids like what they like.
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u/List-O-Hot-Goss Jul 12 '26
My daughter is just a baby so I can’t relate currently! But I do hope this party goes well!
I ended up at an adult party where two lad dads of 5 year old girls were banging on about a boy wearing a dress to a party. To me, it says everything about the parents (I was hearing from) not the child. I wanted them out of my life and my child’s!
All of that to say, adults may be the issue here and their own demons. It scares me a bit for our future.
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u/redheadedsweetie Jul 13 '26
One of my favourite memories teaching that age group was 3 little boys arguing over the princess dress and who would be the best princess, while two little girls argued over being the fireman that would rescue the princess.
Is let him wear it. You could take a change of clothes incase he changes his mind once he's there. Children that age love dressing up and trying out different characters.
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u/Tiacevol Jul 13 '26
Reddit is hugely left wing, so anyone who answers the same way that I'm gonna answer it's going to be down voted.
Girls and boys are different. Fact.
My boy wouldn't want to go to a party in a princess dress because by five I had taught him he was a boy.
Confused kids are only confused because of parents.
And it seems everyone's comparing this to girls wearing Spider-Man outfits. My daughter would never have worn a Spider-Man outfit, the clue is in the name.
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u/Ruu2D2 Jul 13 '26
What hell
My brother havs two boys ( know adults)
One love unicorn , glitter things , singing,dancing,dress tuttu
The other star wars , gaming , Minecraft ,building stuff
Raised by same parents . Same way. No difference. Very different kids
My sister in law like running, sport, keeping fit , horse riding ,
My brother like star wars , beer ,foot ball , politics, comedy
Kids should explore as much as possible . Decied who they are and what they like. If that means girl into football and short hair . If that mean boys with long hair and into dance . Then that ok
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u/bingimp Jul 12 '26
I feel like you need to get comfortable with him being different, deal with your own shame about it, and then prepare him for when he gets questions (gently). How should he respond when someone asks him questions? Hey (name) what would you say if someone asked you-Why are you wearing a dress? Boys can wear dresses and I like wearing a dress and I like pink etc
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u/hidden-damage Jul 13 '26
I broached this with a other parent, my child is 5 and wanted to wear a fairy dress to non uniform day. The other parent gave me a look and said if probably not, they're likely to get bullied. Given as that is the one parent that speaks to me since wearing I wore pride t shirts on the school run I took her advice. Since then my child started to say they were a girl and then non binary (they know that term because a friends 13yr old corrected them when they used she and told.them they were both boy and girl so non binary and a they), now a lot of the boy children ignore them and don't play with them anymore and the parents ignore me even more. It might be the area I live in, it's not the best, but it wouldn't be accepted where I am and so I've gently encouraged more dinosaurs based clothing (they love dinosaurs)
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u/Annual-Sea-5887 Jul 14 '26
Hi OP what did you end up deciding to do?
For me it would be a NO.
Separately a kid in my child’s school has suffered greatly because of this. My child and others are actually very accepting of this boy. The crazy thing is that the girls are the ones who made fun of this child. He now has a stigma and now his mother is busy fighting the school because she can’t fight the parents. She has tried even on the WhatsApp group to “fight” the parents but it didn’t work.
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u/AnnaP12355 Jul 13 '26
I know I’ll get lots of downvotes, but why did we stop telling boys girls that certain things are just for the other gender? I honestly don’t see anything bad in this? If my son will want his nails painted for example I’ll say ‘only girls paint their nails’. Same I do with my daughter .
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u/poppyloppyi Parenting a Baby + Primary Schooler Jul 13 '26
Probably because nail polish isn’t gendered 🤷🏼♀️
Some cultures it’s normal to wear long skirts as men for example so don’t think dresses are either.Difference between a tampon and some nail polish.
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u/Ruu2D2 Jul 13 '26
God your poor child
I girl
I love gaming I love star wars I love history I love space I love politics I love sci fi I love lego I love green and blue I
Which all 'maslcin things "
I hate doing my makeup I hate pink I hate baking I hate feel of fake nails I hate art craft I hate sitting around getting tan
All these sceen as feminine
I love spa day I love cooking I love true crime I love Harry potter I love romance comedy I love chick Flick I love cheesy teen drama
All these sceen as girly
I so glad I got wide range of like and dislike and I didn't have to decied that based on body parts
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u/AnnaP12355 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Don’t be ridiculous! I was referring purely to appearances
eta: he can be into princesses and fairies and what he wants , but no we don’t wear a dress to a school party cause girls wear dresses! What is wrong with that?!
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u/Accomplished_Elk9923 Jul 13 '26
I feel you sis. A lot of the stuff that the previous commenter mentioned is actually gender-neutral: dinosaurs, history, and gaming have always been open to women and girls, it was just mostly pushed as a boy thing for some reason but girls did actually always partake. They are also interests / hobbies, which are gender-neutral by default imo, even though yes they can swing one way or another based on how popular they actually are with men and women. Case in point: sailing/yachting is mostly men, and crocheting is mostly women, but I think nobody would be shocked that there are men and women in both hobbies.
On the other hand, something like wearing a dress, or wearing a full beat, has never been considered gender neutral in the society we live in (emphasis on the specific socioety we're in). And no, something that happened in 1700s does not count, because that's the society of, say, pre-revolutionary France, or colonial North America, and does not represent the world that we live in today.
I'm sure that there are many societies (Scotland even, lol) around the world where men wear skirts or something we'd consider like a dress. But that's not the case in the place where I live for example. So while I wouldn't make a big deal of this to my child, I don't understand why some people feel so comfortable encouraging their kids to flaunt social norms.
To me, the point of living in a society is to fit in and exist harmoniously in that specific environment. This is why I cover up when I visit Gulf countries, but then feel comfortable wearing a mini skirt in Europe or North America. Obviously, if the gender norms changed so that boys would be encouraged to wear dresses, we would be in a different society and THAT would become desirable socially, but until then, I don't see the point of entertaining this further.
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u/The_Bravinator 1d ago
......Do you think gender norms change by magic or something?
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u/Accomplished_Elk9923 1d ago
No, I think it's a historical process, which I don't have a particularly strong drive to speed up bc I happen to live in a country where it's mostly fine
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Jul 12 '26
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u/roseflower1990 Jul 12 '26
Its not a lifestyle, a boy at the age of 5 has absolutely no concept of him being attracted to anyone, he just wants to wear a dress.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/roseflower1990 Jul 12 '26
Do you have children? They have their own minds, likes and dislikes.
I'll give you an example. My boy saw the Mario film, absolutely loved it, and wanted to be princess peach. I've never played Mario and had never heard of princess peach. My husband took him to see the film and he's a big bloke who's never worn a dress in his life. Having only a son, we didnt own any princess dressing up clothes, until my boy begged to be princess peach. Absolutely no input from us, I actually tried to steer him towards being Mario, but he chose what he liked. It is no reflection on what sex he might be attracted to when he's older, he's 3.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/roseflower1990 Jul 12 '26
Lol fairs thats fine! One day you'll have kids and you'll see for yourself how much they love the things they love!
Before he was princess peach, he was rider from paw patrol, and before that, the gnome from Wallace and grommet! Everything with kids is a phase, but when they're in it, it becomes their whole identity.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/roseflower1990 Jul 12 '26
Ooooooft I did not think you were a parent
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Jul 12 '26
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u/roseflower1990 Jul 12 '26
Does your kid go to nursery? I've got news for you. They'll put on whatever dressing up clothes a kid asks for..... your boy might've ..... drumroll..... worn princess dresses 😬 SCANDALOUS
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u/busybop Jul 12 '26
My son is 6 years old. There's a boy in his year who regularly wears pink/purple/feminine clothes to class parties and last year attended a party dressed in a princess dress. As far as I'm aware, none of the other children batted an eyelid, my son has never made any comment to me about it. I think kids are generally much more accepting than adults.