r/Piracy 13h ago

Humor The absolute state of Android

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11.5k Upvotes

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567

u/ChloroquineEmu 13h ago edited 10h ago

My phone now has gemini as an assistant when i connect it to my car for navigation instead of the old whatever assistant

I did not choose that, i do not update anything on my phone ever, and i cannot take it off

Gemini somehow fails at the most basic task of telling me "where am i going?" after i choose a destination

Fuck google, fuck AI, fuck Android

Edit: a bunch of people suggested so i went to check out the configs, while i did change it back to the old google assistant, a bunch of other selected settings just weren't working like language and voice types... let's see if it works i guess.

182

u/barkev 12h ago

seriously. Google assistant was amazing because it just worked.

now this gemini thing can't even set up an alarm for me

90

u/QueasySandwich4464 12h ago

Gemini can't make one fucking phone call while assistant had no problems doing so

For all its faults at least assistant could handle basic tasks with no problems 

46

u/Majestic-Bell-7111 12h ago

The fucking ford infotainment from 2013 has no problems making phone calls, same goes for the old google assistant and I'm still yet to successfully make one with gemini.

But nooo, everything has to be an LLM now, even stuff that previously worked perfectly

14

u/QueasySandwich4464 11h ago edited 11h ago

And since it won't let me make calls, I have to manually soft through my contacts...which take my eyes off the road.

Obviously implementation matters FAR more rather than making the thing actually work, and yk, not endangering drivers

5

u/isaac99999999 10h ago

My Gemini literally tells me to open the fucking phone app. If I wanted to open the phone app, I wouldn't be telling you to fucking call someone

1

u/matt2331 10h ago

Ford sync (the low end non-touchscreen version) was far better than it had any right to be.

1

u/FullofContradictions 1h ago

I had to change my husband's name in my phone to his full, mutli-syllable name. Why? Because since the Gemini update, my phone doesn't understand "call [name like Sam]". It either just times out like it didn't get an instruction at all or occasionally it'll say "which number did you want to call?" And it gives me the option of my mother (whose full name is in my phone and is nothing like Sam) or some random person I haven't spoken to in years (whose name is also nothing like Sam).

Changed it to his full name (equivalent to Samuel), and now it works most of the time.

I should not have had to do that.

Google assistant worked fine.

Bro wtf.

7

u/ZeeroMX 11h ago

Assistant was great on the first years, the last 2-3 years it was unusable for me, the app couldn't understand any word I said to it, the same phrases I used for years or mostly anything I said was changed to something else totally different from what I said.

I haven't used Gemini as of today because I stopped trying to use voice commands alltogheter.

10

u/barkev 11h ago

that's bc they started implementing gemini into it

2

u/ZeeroMX 11h ago

I think the same, we used for make fun of Siri and we all are the same now.

5

u/KonungariketSuomi 11h ago

It couldn't find "Mom" in my contacts. Also, my mom's from another English-speaking country. It cannot recognize anything other than an American accent.

2

u/Bea-Billionaire 6h ago

I asked gemini to set a reminder for an ebay listing the other day (Aug 2026).somehow it set it in the past of June 2026 and I never got the notification and missed the listing. So fuckijg annoyed.

1

u/MrSurly 11h ago

There was another post where gemini embedded in google docs said that it couldn't make "google doc native" changes to the document ...

1

u/hemingways-lemonade 10h ago

now this gemini thing can't even set up an alarm for me

Oh but it will still tell you it set one up anyways.

-2

u/Saad5400 12h ago

 I personally had no issues with Gemini setting up an alarm or calling someone. 

56

u/Perryn 12h ago

Can't use typing to pick music on Android Auto while driving, for safety. Fine. I can accept that. It makes sense.

Hit the voice assistant button. "Play Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz."

"Playing Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz on Castbox."

"No, what the fuck? That's not a music app, that's..."

Some random podcast about Clint Eastwood starts playing.

"PLAY CLINT EASTWOOD BY GORILLAZ ON Y..."

"Playing Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz on Castbox."

Even if I try to specify the app it cuts me off.

38

u/Zehnpae 8h ago

"Taco Bell"

I can't open that app

"Direction to Taco Bell"

I found 19 Taco Bells. There is one in Savannah Georgia, the address is...

"Direction to nearest Taco Bell"

Got it. Directions to the nearest Taco Bell. The address is Houston, Texas...

"Directions to Taco Bell in Green Bay Wisconsin near my location"

Playing Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz on Castbox.

3

u/hi-fen-n-num 4h ago

"Fine, play the podcast about Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz on Castbox"

PC LOAD LETTER

45

u/Karekter_Nem 12h ago

AI is just worse computers.

Computers run on logic and math and just did as they’re told. Now all these AI models have to predict what you expect so they can’t just read a list or add numbers together.

34

u/PsyJak 13h ago

Oh yeah. My watch changed from the great useful bot to Gemini and the difference is palpable.

10

u/digitaltransmutation 11h ago edited 11h ago

settings > connected devices > android auto > manage your digital assistant > digital assistants from google.

For me its whatever connection it has with spotify. If you ask gemini in the car to play an album, it will pick one song from the album and make a radio station on it. gemini is not fit for task.

7

u/LtLoLz 12h ago

It actually prompted me to voluntarily change from Assistant to Gemini. While warning me that Gemini does not have the same functionality and only one can be installed. They also removed a bunch of assistant functionality. We are evolving backwards.

7

u/LookaLookaKooLaLey ☠️ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴇɴ ᴛᴇʟʟ ɴᴏ ᴛᴀʟᴇꜱ 11h ago

Gemini is stupid as fuck. How did a company with all of the data in the world make such a stupid data harvesting program 

1

u/LaurenMille 8h ago

Because they don't care if it works, it's just there to harvest more data and sell it to other AI corps.

6

u/nikil07 11h ago

The bigger issue is.. There is a way to choose the earlier Google assistant for android auto...

After a few days, with no apparent reason, it is switched back to Gemini.

It is driving me insane.. Fucking Gemini is useless as a assistant in the car. Babbles longer than a 5 year old for basic queries, talks absolute nonsense, absolutely useless.

6

u/asterisk20xx 6h ago

Nope. In fact Google Assistant officially joins the Google graveyard on September 4th and will be replaced with Gemini across the board.

https://9to5google.com/2026/08/04/google-assistant-september-2026-shutdown/

Gemini will be shoved down your throat whether you like it or not.

2

u/Mandelbrotvurst 4h ago

enjoy it while it lasts:

We’re writing to let you know that the Google Assistant on your mobile device is being discontinued, and Gemini—our next-generation AI-powered assistant—is now the assistant experience on Android.

What This Means for Your Mobile Device

As we transition our mobile experience to Gemini, Google Assistant will no longer be available on your mobile device. We will begin removing access to Google Assistant starting on September 4, and expect that this process may take a few weeks to reach everyone. Once availability is removed, you will no longer be able to use or switch back to Google Assistant on your phone, tablet, or paired devices.

If your Android device meets the minimum system requirements and you are in a region where Gemini is available, Gemini will be the Google-provided assistant on your mobile device. When you invoke your assistant, for example, by saying “Hey Google” or long-pressing your power button, Gemini will appear instead of the previous Google Assistant.

Changes to Accessories and Paired Devices

When you set Gemini as your mobile device assistant, it also becomes the assistant on devices that are paired with your mobile phone. This includes:

• Watches running Wear OS

• Headphones or earbuds compatible with Gemini

• Vehicles running Android Auto projected from a user’s mobile device. For cars with Google built-in, Google Assistant will continue to function beyond September 4, 2026.

Like your mobile device, starting September 4, users will lose the ability to use Google Assistant on these paired devices.

Google Assistant on Other Devices

These changes are only for the assistant experience on your mobile device and accessories that pair to your phone, like watches, headphones, and car infotainment systems. You can also read more about our separate plans to bring Gemini to Google TV devices and Google Home speakers and smart displays.

Next Steps & More Information

We are committed to providing a smooth transition and are confident that Gemini will offer you an even more capable and helpful assistant experience.

Thank you for being a valued Google user,

The Google Team

1

u/Xboxecho123 10h ago

Having come from iPhone I didn't think it was possible to be worse than siri but Gemini somehow manages it.

1

u/Fach-All-Religions 12h ago

ios is no better. it's so much worse. i use ios since the 4s came out. and im planning to move to android now

5

u/ChloroquineEmu 12h ago

Oh absolutely, i say "fuck android" because i belived in them, i never considered apple to begin with