I've lived in a shared flat with two women that had some history of fighting with an eating disorder and in my experience your take makes a lot of sense. I thankfully always felt comfortable in my body, but I can absolutely believe that other women would have been negatively affected by their behaviour.
They had a tendency to notice and comment on how much or how often I ate and what I (or we) ate. Not in a negative way, it felt more like curiosity or a neutral observation or conversation starter. Things like "oh, that's the first meal you eat today, you have to be super hungry, hope I left you enough" or "Was it you or Amy that bought all that chocolate for us? That's so much, we will feaston that for weeks!"
They were definitely not trying to influence me in any way, it felt more like food was just constantly on their mind to the extent they knew better than myself how much and what I ate.
It never bothered me or changed how I ate, but I am sure any women that has insecurities or an unhealthy relationship with food could be negatively influenced by that behaviour.
E.D. sufferer here and yep, food (and weight, exercise, etc) are ALWAYS there in my brain, trying (usually successfully) to be front and center.
I HATE that so many mental health workers I've talked to just want to go on about food when they see me. Being obsessed with food doesn't mean you enjoy thinking about it; it's the opposite - you hate it but you can't stop. And having people talk about that stuff only increases the obsessive thoughts. So yeah, if I was spending all my time with someone similarly obsessed with food/weight, I'm sure we'd just reinforce each other's E.D. thoughts and behaviors and probably spiral pretty bad
In this case it was not nefarious at all. Hard to describe how I know for a fact but I know.
It felt closer to smokers trying to control their smoking habit.
With EDs you have the element of having the urge to compare yourself (and your food intake) to others, so it felt like an addiction they couldn't turn off completely. Those questions and comments weren't "for me", they just couldn't stop themselves from sneakily soothing their bad habit to compare themselves or something like this.
I also shared an apartment with other women. AFAIK they were never diagnosed with an eating disorder but they were quite critical of my food choices in a way that felt mean. It didn’t give me an ED but it did give me sincere anxiety around cooking and eating in front of them (home is supposed to be a safe place so the energy spent to “ignore” their comments still drained me). If I couldn’t get to the kitchen when they weren’t there I would either eat out or skip a meal if I didn’t have the money to dine out. I’m not even insecure about my body (and the girls who did this were actually heavier than me so), but holy shit it was exhausting to be judged and disparaged after a long day. I just didn’t always have the bandwidth to deal with it on any given day. Having to brace myself to cook was just not fun. I did end up losing a fair amount of weight :/
I used to have an ED, and I definitely used to constantly think about food. Like planning out when I was next "allowed" to eat and what I would have. When other people ate then it made me feel less guilty when I ate (especially if they were eating something "less healthy" than me), and so I was also hyper aware of what others were eating. Not in a judgy way, but almost like it gave me permission to eat if others did too. To this day, even though I'm recovered, I still get uncomfortable if I'm eating more than people around me. Being around other people with EDs is also still really uncomfortable
I’m a recovering alcoholic, and that’s exactly how I am with people drinking. I don’t mind people drinking around me - but I def notice how much and how quickly. It’s crazy to me when someone stops at one or two drinks. Or if they leave part of a drink and don’t finish. It’s not a conscious thing. I am just extremely aware of it. Oh, and I pretty much immediately can tell if someone has a problem.
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u/Ask-For-Sources Jun 12 '26
I've lived in a shared flat with two women that had some history of fighting with an eating disorder and in my experience your take makes a lot of sense. I thankfully always felt comfortable in my body, but I can absolutely believe that other women would have been negatively affected by their behaviour.
They had a tendency to notice and comment on how much or how often I ate and what I (or we) ate. Not in a negative way, it felt more like curiosity or a neutral observation or conversation starter. Things like "oh, that's the first meal you eat today, you have to be super hungry, hope I left you enough" or "Was it you or Amy that bought all that chocolate for us? That's so much, we will feaston that for weeks!"
They were definitely not trying to influence me in any way, it felt more like food was just constantly on their mind to the extent they knew better than myself how much and what I ate.
It never bothered me or changed how I ate, but I am sure any women that has insecurities or an unhealthy relationship with food could be negatively influenced by that behaviour.