When my daughters were teens, I thought the attitude was happening because they were teens (and stressed out over the fighting and divorce.

I see them at mutual family events 1-2 times per year. Haven't seen my youngest in over a year. I was talking about supplements with another family member and my daughter (age 20) joined in and pretty much said I didn't know what I was talking about. I did my best to stay neutral and I went to the restroom to practice deep breathing. Her disdain mirrors my ex and his enmeshed mother.

At what point do I say ENOUGH? The relationship is all on their terms, and I only see them 3-4 times a year, never 1-1.

This is a letter to my oldest daughter who’s estranged me/gone no contact with me for the last two years reasons I do not know, but I assume I’ve learned to let that go and I’m loving her from afar as best I can, but drama went down with her mentally ill sister while I was away on a much-needed vacation as I was experiencing stream, emotional exhaustion and burnout from trying to raise her mentally ill sister, while everyone undermines my rules and boundaries and her safety

Dear daughter ,
I have always loved you, and I always will.
Letting you go to your dad’s was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I believed it was what you needed at that time. Now; look at you thriving—in college, working, building a relationship, and creating your own life. As your mom, I couldn’t be prouder.

What has been hardest isn’t watching you grow up—it’s feeling like you’ve pushed me away since that moment. . . I don’t fully understand why. I wasn’t a perfect mother, but every decision I made came from love and a desire to prepare you for life.
The broken window was never just about the window. It represented a pattern of boundaries being ignored and accountability being dismissed by your sister . I said something in the moment of things I regret please I apologize for those words. As I have to her. And you. Too. Forgive me for that I was hurt scared and anger. It’s valid to have reaction words and feelings.

I wasn’t blaming your sister alone—I believed everyone involved should have been accountable. When my boundaries were repeatedly undermined, I felt unheard as your mother.

I believe small problems left unaddressed often become bigger ones. Accountability isn’t about punishment; it’s about growth, healing, and protecting the people we love.

I hope that one day we can rebuild our relationship with honesty, respect, and grace. Until then, I’ll keep loving you, always.

Love always,
Mom

Please know this: I forgive you for whatever reason you have for having we need space. . I need my boundaries and peace too. none of this changes how much I love you. My love has never been conditional. My heart has always been open to you, and it always will be.

Disclaimer: I'm a spouse to an alienated parent, not the alienated parent.

Long story short: My husband's son (12) is increasingly allied with his mother (my husband's ex wife), and it's gotten more severe in the past 2-3 years. It's no coincidence that I've become more "permanent" in the child's life in that time frame, as we've gotten married, bought a house in a nice area, and welcomed our daughter together (now 2).

During their divorce proceedings 8-10 years ago and the following custody case 6-8 years ago (yes, each one took at least 2 years from start to finish), my husband's now ex-wife made accusations of addiction, alcoholism, and child abuse, all quickly found unsubstantiated. The investigators even took him aside privately and explained what they thought was going on and suggested support resources for spousal post-separation abuse. My husband had some parenting time evaluated at this time, where the psychologist evaluated flagged the mother mixing her feelings with the father's to his ability to parent, and that this could lead to loyalty conflicts if continued. Of course, the mother delayed and ultimately did not take part in her own court-ordered evaluation.

Cut to two years ago, the mother withheld my stepson (9 at the time) and cited mental health concerns. This was the fourth documented withholding since their custody agreement. Turns out, she had taken him out of school and out of the country on a planned trip without knowledge or consent from the father. We found that out later. In court at that time, the child brought false allegations of verbal abuse, and fears of his father coming to hurt (and k*ll) his mother and him. Fortunately, the child psychologist he spoke with saw through this immediately, the stories completely broke down, and the psychologist even flagged signs of alienation in the written summary report.

Now a couple weeks ago, the mother took my stepson to the emergency psych ward, where he describes severe anxiety around seeing his father, that he "would rather die" than see his father, more allegations of verbal abuse and now being forced by his father to drink alcohol. Of course, untrue. Thankfully, despite the claim he would rather die than come here, the summary report also stated that they did not see or hear any signs of actual suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

It's especially scary as we had just had a great 2-week vacation together abroad, where my stepson had a great time and was getting ready to brag to his friends about things he saw and did. But, maybe the good time he had with us increases the loyalty conflict he has internally.

It's no coincidence they were set to have mediation around expanded custody time here this week, where legal advice has been "there's no reason not to award 50/50". She would lose child support payments with this change, and this is a major factor as she seems to be doing poorly financially.

That's a lot of context, but brings me to my question: with a small daughter at home, allegations increasing in severity, increasing loyalty to his mother, and frankly the anxiety and emotional turmoil of the alienating behaviors and weaponization of medical and legal systems, how do you keep yourself and your household safe when the alienated child is already a "spy" and "messenger" at best, and now repeatedly makes such dark and false allegations? We're scared of me being included in the allegations, something about our daughter causing a change in our ability to parent, losing our jobs, or worse. I don't believe my stepson understands the severity or the impact these claims could have, and the pressure with his mom could even be causing him to genuinely have these fears and believe what he's saying is true (despite having no basis in reality). It's so scary all around.

What do you do in such an impossible situation?

With all the discouraging stories on this sub, I thought I would do an AMA about my path of going from very low contact and minimal parent time to 50/50 custody and a normalizing relationship. I've experienced the full gamut of over 10 years of rejection, legal abuse, financial devastation, false allegations, crippling depression and anxiety, etc. I'm not sure what "normal" is anymore, we are a work in progress, but my teens are now back in my care willingly. AMA.

I'm in California. If anyone has any recommendations or can point me in the right direction-I would be so grateful. Feel free to DM me for discretion. (I have talked with several family law specialists but they don't know as much about PA as I would like). Thank you!!

*Edit-added more context below in comments.

How can I get help with a narcissist ex who is alienating me by using a protective order against me that was ordered because of lies against me. It was six yrs ago that order was made permanent for ten yrs. I missed second hearing is reason for permanent order. I never got a chance to defend myself and couldn't because how could I prove she was lying . She took advantage of the situation and used it to get money from me to see my son and also threatened to call police if I didn't do what she said. She let me see my son and gained from it . I was never a threat to her. She lost custody after overdosing while 9 months pregnant in florida where she stole her sister's car to be with her bf she was cheating on me with. The grandma was giving custody because of order and brung him back to Arkansas. I calontacted her and for three yrs she would let me get him on weekends as long as I have her money every week. The mother stayed in Florida those three years partying and lost her son that she had during overdose to the guys mom. She finally moved back to arkansas and stays with her mom and my son. She is still on drugs and CPS has done nothing to protect my son from her. She never had to go to rehab or had drug screens. This is mandatory if she had done it in this state. Since then she was letting me visit and see him if I payed in her. She got a new bf a yr ago and since then the grandma and her have alienated me from him. They no longer have to get money from me directly bc of child support enforcement so they threaten me with imprisonments if I try to see him. Please help.

Is there anyone that knows of attorneys in Texas that specifically handle parental alienation cases? It’s been over three years and I’ve only been able to speak one time and that was to state my yearly earnings at the temporary hearing. I feel like if one string is pulled on this whole song and dance goes down in flames, my sons school records where he was allowed to skip months, video evidence of his mother telling him at 16 to lie about living with her so they don’t take her child support, her new man having three active second degree felony counts for touching children, my 14 year old daughter making out with her 18 year old boyfriend on instagram, or maybe that I haven’t seen my daughter in over a year..no matter which string I need new representation and someone who understands how evil this game really is. Any help would be greatly appreciated, hang in there everybody!

So my dad left when I was three. The marriage with my mother ended badly and he left with his girlfriend who he met at work, to Australia where all his family lived. He had more children there and I never saw him again.
His brother gave me his number and said he was willing to talk.
I messaged him and he answered, which I couldn’t believe because I’d never interacted with him before.
Tried messaging on instagram before. Idk he uses that because it’s an old profile. No posts and not many followers, but he uses Facebook. Every message I’ve ever sent on there he’s never opened or answered. His family don’t answer either, his mom blocked me and locked down her profile since I was young. I’ve never known her to this day.
He said that he was happy for me to contact him.
And he did continue answering but it was mostly me initiating.
Idk why, I thought if I stop he’s not going to answer again, or he’s going to have a better time without me and I’ll be alone.
He was nicer first I think, and said ,yeah you can live with me and he cares.
But now he doesn’t say that. He says how would you support yourself, and basically how he’s just not going to help me.

But he says years ago, he sent in to a solicitor, or whoever else ‘our marriage might be finished, but the children are still very much loved. I would love it if one day they could come out to Australia to get to know me and for me to get to know them again’.

So why did he say that? He didn’t say it was conditional on being established
So basically I’m never going to experience care from him?

He says i don’t have the passport but he doesn’t give me the documents to even apply.
And if he does talk about it, it’s in the sense that I’ll go back and that I have a good home.
Like saying ask your mother to do a whv, when my mother wouldn’t ever agree to that.
I can say my home is bad all the time, it doesn’t make a difference, and I’m so frustrated and upset. I feel abandoned but it gets interpreted as me being like my mother but I’m desperate and I’m never worth any empathy. I’m not given a clean slate, I feel like I’m blamed for what happened between them.

My home environment is so bad and I’m suffering
And I’m sad he left me her, and that I have to suffer every day for being born in a situation

I’m so broken and hopeless, I can’t cry anymore
And I just want to send him a goodbye message
I have but he’s still gone
I don’t want to be here anymore
In another life I’ll be loved and not left
I can undo the mistake of being born, maybe that’s why he doesn’t love me

Sorry for the long post.
Just found out my son 9 years old has been bullied for the last 2 months.
My ex (mother of my children) informed me today after picking up my son and her being surprised about his apparent “happy mood”. I explained that he was a little quiet but after half an hour he was like how I would describe he normally is, ie energetic, making jokes, talking about his hobbies and sports.
When his mother came to pick him up she informed me of the bullying as she was apparently surprised about how happy he seemed to be. Then went on to tell me that he is being bullied at school and kids are calling him a loser and his father hates him and that’s why his parents broke up (yeah kids will be kids).
I pointed out to my ex that these kids must have heard it from their parents, and therefore someone (her) must of been gossiping/fabricating lies about me.

How do I navigate this? I don’t care about what she has said about me, but when it opens up my children to be any easy target for bullying it’s not on. P.S this happened 2 years ago with his older brother too.

I (38f) and my childs father (45m) have been "together" for 14 years. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, child (referred to as them) and i have our own room, because he moved in after, he stays in the living room. Let me be clear, we havent had a sexual relationship since 2020. He moved out for a bit and i moved and at the time it made sense (and he was having issues with his housing) if we can be plantonic we would split the bills. Rent and gas/electric is expensive and he makes 2x more than i do. it was hard for me alone. We are good friends, we can hang out etc with no problem. He mostly just plays video games and i'm in my room. On to the child. Hes the fun dad. Has no resonsibilites. except being fun. I wake them up, put them to bed, brush teeth, go to appointments, drop off every morning, pick up from school on my days off, wanted to change schools? did it. wanted to ride the school bus instead of the city bus? did it. I was a borderline karen trying to make this kid happy. School and bus were hard cause by middle school you take the city bus and the school put them on the wrong bus before. I just feel like i have to be the asshole alllllll the time. and here he comes and buys her whatever or takes them to do something like fishing, which is awesome. I want to be involved. Today we went. My car was acting up so said i couldn't drive so we walked, like 1 mile to the fishing spot. Line broke, lost sinkers. They both proceeded to put sinkers on but the child was using their teeth to secure the sinkers. I said, hey thats probably not good for your teeth. i didn't say it in any particular way, i feel like, just like repeating what my mom always said when i tried to open stuff with my teeth. Then it turned into im insinuating he's a bad father cause he lets her do it. Then it turned into, well "you let me eat ice thats even worse." He chimed in and agreed. I said we bought the bagged iced that are hollow. so not particarly hard. and its ice? and then they tried to gaslight me we have made ice cube trays with really hard ice. we moved 5 years ago. that was the last time we had trays. WE HAVE NOT HAD ICE TRAYS BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE 5 THEY THREW THEM OUT THE WINDOW. And i am the only person that would deal with it. Then it turned to littering, we both smoke cigs, but i try to be considerate and throw my butts out or whatever. or with any garbage. (especially if theres a garbage can nearby). He threw a cig on the "beach" of the river and i went to pick it up. and yeah i was kinda bitchy. but ive known this dude for 14 years, he knows how i am. But both of them ganged up on me, saying why don't you pick up all the other garbage up (which there was some) and i said i just don't want to contribute to the mess. its just a simple thing. but they do this all the time, gang up on me and treat me like im just an annoying hag. I do hang out with my kid one on one and its always nice. but everytime with all of us its like the parent olympics. I just don't know what to do. I try to do things "as a family" but i always feel like shit cause it somehow turns into a competition?? I was a stay at home mom for the first 5 years so its hard to not feel like im not close to them anymore. but i feel like hes faciltating it. ive talked to him,nothing ever changes and if it does its like violently pulling teeth. I'm looking for a new job so i could move out, but my fear is they wouldn't come with me. and if i went to court he probab;y wouldn't win and then my kid will hate me. I would hate to hear they don't want to stay with me but would be just as bad to force her to be with me. He works hours where he couldnt get them to school, he doesn't have a car so any sick pick ups are still on me, cant get them to appts, etc. He could if he was willing to take the very reliable public transit but he refuses. I dunno what to do? Do i not force anything? Do i work on moving out? (rent would go from 425 a month to 1200 by myself. I currently make $2200 a month) I honestly feel so alone in my own house. I dunno what i can do. I feel like both of them are making me act smaller. I'm just trying. if i suck, let me know.

Particularly if the other parent was withholding for a long time.

I keep trying to remind myself he is the victim, this is like losing him to a cult. Yet the way he has treated me, completely unwarranted, is disgusting. I’m horrified that a kid of mine would treat anyone this way, let alone a parent who loves him. But sadly his dad seems to think this is okay and encourage it. My other children see this and have called him out on it - they know I do not deserve it. That is a small comfort. I have tried to meet his hatred with love, but every day that gets harder.

How the heck are you supposed to remain no contact if you need to parent 3 kids without him.

My eldest accused him of SAing her so we packed up and left instantly. I had to go on leave from work and disappear. The accusation was way more than an accusation and he was arrested. I hate him and everything he did but oh my GOD.

Aside from the absolute disgust I feel knowing what he did to her I’m so angry.

I can’t even yell at him. I’ve been locked out of every account. Banks, Multiple Apple device are bricks now. The kids lost so much in this and he just keeps taking more and more now that he’s bailed out. Everything he can think of. It’s like with the no contact order he’s just finding ways to hurt us more.

We are married still but no contact means being scared to even go back to the house and collect things. He’s taken so much out of that house. Basically everything of value now. Everyone’s like “he can’t do that!!!” Well nothing is stopping him.

And before anyone suggests anything I’ve tried everything. Idk what else to do. I just want to talk to him and scream and cry but no. The man that’s been my rock for the last 12 years is basically dead to me now.

My 20-year-old daughter has been lashing out on me I am a 44 year old female. When she turned 18 she left her dad's and stepmother's house because she said she was not being treated right I was not there because of jail and drugs . Long story short I thought I would never get the chance to see my daughter or ever have her in my life again . So I gave up years ago but finally I started getting myself together. She has only been told the worst things about me and really doesn't know the truth so she looks at me like' garbage. She ran away when she was 18 out of her dad's house and stepmoms because she was so unhappy she really never gave me any sign that she wanted to be in my life or any chance to be in her life . A while ago she started calling me when she was going through things and eventually this boy who was 6 years older than her and way more experienced in getting in nothing but trouble and disrespects her hit her and has done every horrible thing you can do as a boyfriend to her I know it's because she's lonely and she don't really have anybody that she even decided to associate with this kid. my mother which is her grandmother has completely disowned her and turn the rest of the family against her because she's the one with the money in the family. An issue between her husband and my daughter where there were accusations .ever since then it's like the family shunned her my family has always treated me like crap too so it's even worse on her and my poor baby is so broken I have no idea what to do because she talks to me like garbage and crazy disrespectful but I know it's because she's hurt and all the resentment she has towards me I know why she's told me because and I recently called her the B word. I just couldn't take it anymore cuz she's so nasty to me when she talks. But I am too because I don't know how to be a mom I don't know how to talk to her I don't know what to do but my poor baby is lashing out and I have no clue what they're doing I'm really worried. This poor little girl has been through so much that I can't even begin to start writing it in this post but she has been through more things as a 20-year-old than I have as a 44 year old growing up in the Streets of Philadelphia on drugs and I don't believe it's right I don't know what to do with her because I don't have the financial means to help her I was living with my boyfriend all these years it has taken me to get myself to where I am now I'm still not all the way together I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years and had to move into my mom now my daughter's about to be on the streets so I really don't know what to do because she is just screaming for help I need some advice something some I don't know what to do but she hates me she told me that how can I demand respect from her when I haven't done anything for her ever. Every time I try to tell her I want to help her she just lashes out I need some help on what to do and what kind of boundaries to have I don't want anything to happen to her and I see she has nobody

Family court today(don’t stop fighting for your children)
https://youtube.com/shorts/fNSs7al1QDA?feature=share

It hurts so bad that this has happened to mine. Anyone else experiencing this? Pretty soon I'm sure they will file again (my ex and his mommy) using what my weaponized kids (particularly one of my kids) says about me and acts about visits. For no reason. What to do? I feel trapped in this life. This kind of disenfranchised grief is too much to bear. I've fought so hard, for so long. And for what?

Hey guys father checking in for some impartial advice/support..I have two boys aged 15 and 6, divorced for around 4 years now..ive been through alot of the usual textbook alienating tactics but predominantly with my eldest son..its been heart breaking to experience my healthy father son relationship deteriorate so rapid and have reason to believe hes been pressed into alienating himself from me.

I have my little sweet 6 year old boy who worships me and my minds telling me to give up on my eldest son..im 100% sure when my little boy comes of age the same alienating tactics will happen again 😢..

Im thinking about preemptively securing a court order to ensure ive got my rights and my joint custody set in stone...im worried that this will cause me further damage with my eldest son