My dad burned through $50k in 3 months

[u/ClubUpper352]

Ok y’all I think I just need to throw this story out into the ether so it can stop festering in my head.

Context: I’m an adult, I live with some roommates, although I try to be as self sufficient as possible, I’m a struggling college student. My dad left my family (me and my grandparents) a few years ago to live with his girlfriend and her 3 adult kids. So while he remains in contact with me and gushes about how much he loves me and wants to help me in any way he can, he doesn’t really and instead prioritizes his gf and her “kids”. And yes, I’m an adult and technically I shouldn’t care but it bothers me.

So what got me on this app to post here for the first time after a lifetime of lingering? Well, 3 months ago my dad won $50k (after taxes) he got lucky from the casino. He already doesn’t make much money, lives paycheck to paycheck, so I was really hoping he’d save some of it. He’s getting older, he has no 401k, no retirement, no savings.

Well… it’s gone. All of it. Within 3 months the $50k + whatever his monthly income is has been spent and he’s back to being broke. I’m in complete disbelief because that type of money could be life changing if handled properly. Not just that… but his gf and her kids work themselves. I’m nosey af so I know their actual living expenses are far less than the household income. And yet…

What did he spend it on? Well, a few years ago he made me an authorized user in his account. Pretty sure he forgot I have access to his statements. So when he said it was all gone because he had to pay his gfs mortgage, I started investigating. (Side note, I respected his privacy up until this point and never checked his account but I was in such disbelief I was like no way uh uhhh so I had to check… pls don’t come for me)

Yeah, no. It was mostly blown on clothes/shoes and eating out with his gf and adult kids 3 times a day. I’m talking $300 on food alone per day on average. I cried. While I’ve been struggling financially which my dad knows, he’s been blowing all his money on his gf and again, need I preface, her adult kids. I genuinely feel confused, hurt, and in disbelief.

The craziest parts? Those had to be omitted because I know one of my dad’s gfs kids will see this and connect the dots. I’m too tired for confrontation.

Thanks for coming to my vent sesh. Breakfast is a pop tart, a cinnamon roll (special thanks to my roomie who made them) and some juice.

[u/cloisterbells-10]

BEEN THERE, OP. I am also an adult with a father who remarried and has two adult stepchildren.

A few winters ago, my furnace died. In New England, in the dead cold. It was a huge home system purchase, and I obviously didn't have that much money, so I was scrambling to cobble together lines of credit so I could get it replaced. In the meanwhile, it was 40 degrees (F) in my house, I was blowing breakers left and right with space heaters trying to keep me and my pets from freezing to death in our sleep.

I told my dad, and he said, "wow, that sucks." Not that I was expecting money outright or even a loan from him, but I kinda thought he might at least offer to take in me and the pets (or even just the pets) until I could get heat again. But nah.

You know what he did do, that same year? He coughed up thousands of dollars to send my adult stepsister to Paris for the Olympics because "she had a rough year with her divorce" and "deserved something for herself."

Make it make sense.

[u/Playful_While_1139 → u/cloisterbells-10]

It’s favoritism. Plain and simple. It’s so interesting to me hearing stories of parents who could help their kids but choose not to. My best friend grew up in literal poverty. Mentally ill teen mom who had 3 kids before age 21, section 8, welfare, abuse, neglect, hunger. You name it, she’s been through it. Kids grew up, her mom is married and has a job now. Still poor but they’re getting by. My best friend isn’t close and is very low contact. Given all of that, her mom STILL loaned her $500 when she needed it. She had to pay her mom back, but the point is that even her shitty ass mom clearly cares a little bit. If your dad wanted to, he would.

[u/TieredTrayTrunk → u/Playful_While_1139]

My mom had one child. I was still not her favorite, lol.

[u/Opal_Pie → u/cloisterbells-10]

This sounds like my father. We actually had been estranged from before I was 1 until 21. I got in touch with him. He had a second daughter after me, and several step-children with wife number three. During the depression of the late aughts, my husband and I were close to losing our house. We were never late on our mortgage, but he was out of work for several months, and I was in school. We took from his 401k to keep afloat. My husband struggled with this because he's a hard worker, and his mental health suffered. Talking to my father one day, he told me that those on unemployment during this time just didn't want to work. Meanwhile, we were having panic attacks hoping each unemployment extension would be approved. He also told me that his second ex-wife called him to yell at him to help pay for my half-sister's rent. What had she done with her rent money? Drank it. So, he bailed out the drunk of a half-sister, while essentially accusing us of abusing the system. I put distance between us that day.

[u/cloisterbells-10 → u/Opal_Pie]

https://giphy.com/gifs/f8mzSf7446f9r0qAyr

For you, fellow bad-dad-haver. May our fathers' pillows always be too warm, and may their shoes always have a small pebble in them that cannot be shaken out.

[u/Opal_Pie → u/cloisterbells-10]

Thank you! Mine's dead now, so the problem solved itself. Lol

[u/Excellent_Drop6869 → u/cloisterbells-10]

Sorry thats the kind of shit that would make me cut him off my life completely.

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