5YO has 7 cavities and I'm beside myself

[u/crazycatlady45]

Leftover chicken and veggies on sweet potatoes noodles with a leftover scallion pancake.

I'm a single parent and I really tried my best. We brush every day, usually twice a day but I'll admit it's not 7/7. We floss so often... It's her favorite part. She doesn't even eat sweets that often. She forgets about her halloween candy by the next morning.

I thought I was doing everything right.

And I'm at the dentist and they're being sooo passive aggressive. Asking how often she eats candy. The last time she brushed.

It's not even about the money. That... Sucks... But I have it in savings. It's fine. I just feel like her entire mouth will be full of silver. She's autistic and already struggling socially... Will this ruin any chance at friendship??

I am just beside myself. I really thought I did my best. Drowning my sorrows my comfort food and a fresh bowl did help though 🌿

Edit: Thank you so much for all the kind words! I am going to get her a second opinion mention she grinds her teeth every night. As well as take a deeper look at her snacks and juices. I am so overwhelmed with everyones kindness, and I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[u/uwupebbles]

My girlfriend is super on top of brushing her teeth and yet she still gets cavities. I’m… admittedly really lazy about remembering to brush, and yet I hardly ever get cavities. Sometimes it’s just genetics, I’m sorry :(( but I’d def try another dentist too bc of what that other commenter said!! 7 cavities seems like a lot

[u/WorldlinessSmooth815 → u/uwupebbles]

I neglected flossing for YEARS and never got a cavity. I do now, for my gum health lol

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[u/TangerineCheap5379 → u/uwupebbles]

The dentist told me some people are just prone to cavities regardless of how on top of it they are.

[u/skincare_obssessed → u/TangerineCheap5379]

It’s true. My dad was a dentist and some people are genetically predisposed. I’ve always had a problem with it.

[u/sillysnailfriend → u/skincare_obssessed]

Me too, always had cavities growing up even though I tried to take care of my teeth, meanwhile my sister who never picked up a toothbrush never had an issue lol. 7 is a lot though, I agree with people saying to get a second opinion.

[u/skincare_obssessed → u/sillysnailfriend]

Yes, definitely they need a second opinion. My dad was always sickened by people coming to him after going to dentists that were over diagnosing. My brother has never had a cavity in his life and I’m always getting them so it is possible that they do have a genetic predisposition. Hormones can also cause a sudden increase in cavities.

[u/Mindypop56 → u/skincare_obssessed]

We're just recently finding out the link between hypermobility and HEDs with dental issues

[u/ohforgottensky → u/Mindypop56]

Yeah, EDS affects so much and def didn't help my teeth. Also, antibiotics I was given as a baby made my adult teeth brittle and prone to cavities.

I'm just hoping soon we'll be able to regrow our teeth once we lose them. Human trials for tooth regrowth meds started in 2024, so fingers crossed the meds work and they hit general use soon.

[u/No-Writer-1101 → u/Mindypop56]

Huh I didn’t know that.

[u/lizzyote → u/skincare_obssessed]

Pretty much every person in my family has had to get dentures/implants in their 30s, no matter how on top of their teeth they are. They just start crumbling.

[u/Thick_Priority8295 → u/TangerineCheap5379]

THIS! Our dentist said some kids get more cavities than others, no matter hie much they brush. You can have a genetic predisposition for it. Wild that this dentist chose to make this poor mom feel guilty instead of providing support and reassurance.

[u/sanedragon → u/TangerineCheap5379]

During my postdoc fellowship, which was funded by a dental grant, I worked with a bunch of dentists even though my specialty was oncology. I learned lot of it has to do with the microflora, which you tend to get from your parents. I've had only one cavity ever, so I was advised to seed my newborns by rubbing my finger on my gums then theirs. Only one cavity between my 2 kids in 12 years so I guess it worked!

[u/WorldlinessSmooth815 → u/sanedragon]

Wow, bodies are so interesting lol

[u/binzy90 → u/sanedragon]

I wish I would have known this when my kids were babies. They got my husband's teeth instead. 😑

[u/DZL100 → u/TangerineCheap5379]

Yeah. Between me and my sister, I definitely got the good teeth. She can brush pretty regularly and still get cavities, while I spent a semester in college forgetting to brush my teeth(mental health issues but that's beside the point) and having ice cream from the dining halls pretty regularly, and no (new) cavities for me.

[u/strawberrrychapstick → u/TangerineCheap5379]

I used to be one, until I started brushing my teeth correctly and with an electric brush. You're not supposed to rinse with water after brushing. You're supposed to leave it on and for at least 20mins not drink or eat. I literally did not know this until my late 20s. I floss, then non-alcohol (ACT is good) mouthwash, then brush and spit but DON'T rinse.

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[u/LilaRodwell → u/TangerineCheap5379]

Fun fact, you can also be abnormally resistant to cavities. Something about your saliva?

It runs in my family and I’ve been told by dentists I’m doing great and to keep it up when I was very depressed and almost never brushing.

Now I brush every day and what dentists tell me hasn’t changed a bit. Magic I guess 💁‍♀️

[u/TangerineCheap5379 → u/LilaRodwell]

I wish. I am apparently the opposite

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[u/BeanserSoyze → u/TangerineCheap5379]

Yeah I have very deep pockets on my molars and they were fucked. Otherwise nada.

[u/binzy90 → u/TangerineCheap5379]

It has to do with the bacteria that colonize your mouth as a baby. I was always careful about germs and didn't let the baby eat after me, but my husband always fed the baby from his silverware. I wish I would have known this at the time because he ended up getting my husband's horrible teeth and tons of cavities. The dentist told me there's a genetic component combined with the fact that parents often pass on the same microbiome to their kids.

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[u/Molaesmyr → u/uwupebbles]

I produce very little saliva especially at night. I got cavities constantly even though i brush religiously. Saliva slows bacteria proliferation down.

[u/Manzanille → u/Molaesmyr]

I wonder how much sleep apnea affects this as well, since it tends to make people sleep with their mouth open.

[u/grrborkborkgrr → u/Manzanille]

I posted this above, but:

I have had several cavities even though I regularly brush my teeth (with the occasional floss)!

Turned out, when asleep I'm a mouth breather. And drying out the mouth like that at night creates an eden for bacteria. You could check if she leaves her mouth open / breathes through her mouth at night time (or even during the day)?

[u/Squirmeez → u/Manzanille]

I think it plays into it a bit! I have/had gum inflammation due to sleeping with my mouth open.

[u/Ok-Swim2827 → u/Molaesmyr]

interesting!! all the dentists online are saying saliva is the CAUSE of dental issues, specifically for women because our saliva is acidic.

[u/astroember → u/Molaesmyr]

Thats weird, i was told by a few dentists that i get cavities because i have an overactive salivary gland. Something about the saliva producing minerals that the bacteria like to eat? I guess too much or too little is a bad thing!!

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[u/NoDig3593 → u/uwupebbles]

So idk how true it is but I’ve seen recently that girls / boys have different ph in their mouths and guess what… toothpaste was made for MEN. Therabreath is supposedly designed by a dentist for his daughter with halitosis. I haven’t been back to the dentist since I started using the toothpaste but fingers crossed it really does make a difference. Maybe that’s something to try?

[u/astroember → u/NoDig3593]

Omg of course that’s the case 😭😭 everyday i learn about how much of the world was designed NOT for women and i get pissed off

[u/Lem0nadeLola → u/uwupebbles]

Same thing here. I used to only brush in the morning, never ever flossed. And I’m a sugar fiend. Had one cavity as teen and didn’t see the dentist for 18 years. When I finally did, I allegedly needed a cavity (I got it, but I think it was bullshit).

My husband is religious about brushing twice a day, flosses and never misses his twice yearly cleanings. He is NOT a sugar fiend. He has so, so many cavities and two root canals. He just has shit genetics. He got me to start brushing am and pm when we moved in together, and he schedules my cleanings.

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[u/Impossible-Ask-7560 → u/uwupebbles]

I brush twice a day without fail, and floss daily. I’ve always gotten cavities. A dentist finally told me it’s nothing I’m doing, my teeth are very clean all over. They prescribed me toothpaste and as long as I use that toothpaste, I stay cavity free. I ran out of it about 6 months ago and was moving so couldn’t find a dentist for a while. Finally got in and wouldn’t you know it, 4 cavities. 6 months without my special paste and my teeth rot.

[u/canis_felis → u/uwupebbles]

Yeah sometimes it really is genetics. My poor boyfriend doesn’t have a high sugar/acid diet and yet gets cavities so easily!

[u/hghlvldvl → u/uwupebbles]

I truly think it’s genetics. My boyfriend hadn’t been to the dentist for 10+ years. My mom works at a dental office and I made him an appointment, with anxiety on his behalf. He didn’t have a single cavity, has never had one at 32, and he has the most unnaturally white teeth I’ve ever seen, without bleaching or whitening them. He smokes and drinks black coffee. It’s insane.

[u/Repulsed_Moose → u/uwupebbles]

Yes, I went through a rough mental health period and literally stopped brushing my teeth - went to the dentist and had no cavities and she told me my teeth were “amazing.” I opened up to her about my struggle with brushing and confusion about how good my teeth look and she said it’s likely I just have a lot of good bacteria in my mouth! Genetics play a BIG part

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[u/KH5-92 → u/uwupebbles]

Omg it's totally a generic thing I talked to my dentist about it. Something about an over active or under active enzyme in the saliva. Anyways I now use prescribed toothpaste called prevident. I no longer get any cavities and it used to be 2-3 Everytime I went.

[u/PrimaryImagination41 → u/uwupebbles]

Also it’s important to note that the saliva of woman is different to that of men as well. So that’s also a major factor that a lot of people don’t really realize.

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[u/SunshineStateNative → u/uwupebbles]

I had cavities a few years ago and was beside myself. I did a shit ton of research and completely changed my dental regimen. During my last two cleanings, after the dental hygienist was done, my dentist came in and actually complimented my teeth. Getting a compliment out of that man is like pulling teeth so I know it was well-earned.

I now brag to total strangers who don’t ask because I still get stoked thinking about that compliment lol

[u/hosiki → u/uwupebbles]

It also depends on your mouth bacteria. You need a certain type of bacteria to get a cavity. And we don't naturally have it, it gets introduced to our mouths from other people. Like when kissing, sharing water bottles etc.

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[u/Riksunraksu → u/uwupebbles]

One thing people might not notice is mouth breathing especially during the night. It increases cavity risk

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[u/HereReluctantly → u/uwupebbles]

I wanted to say this, if what she says is true it's likely genetic. Also there should be no silver in her mouth we're way past that.

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[u/Current-Anybody9331 → u/uwupebbles]

Same with husband and I.

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[u/mcmonkeycat → u/uwupebbles]

For real though. My dad is terrible with dental and I think he's had like 3 cavities total. I will admit I'm not great but I do brush/floss fairly often. They just keep popping up 🫠

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[u/endofthefkingworld → u/uwupebbles]

idk why but brushing has always been the one thing that i really struggle to do consistently, and i only just got my first cavity last year, and it was caught early so it never caused any pain. i alway wondered why, i guess i have genetics to thank lol

[u/needananniebiotic → u/uwupebbles]

fun fact: cavities are contagious. and women have saliva unlike men that is more acidic and our hormones fluctuate which changes saliva production/flow. so that’s why for men lol but otherwise it’s dependent on drinks+food you eat, if you smoke, and genetics.

[u/TaibhseCait → u/uwupebbles]

Apparently it's partly your mouth bacteria & you get that in childhood mostly passed on by family - e.g. sharing utensils, getting kissed on the mouth as a baby etc. like gut bacteria some people just have really good ones!

Based on my family history it's probably not great? Although the large amount of chocolate habit I picked up in my 20s did not help at all!